AN: Now for the shoutouts: Thanks to TamsinWinchester; there is a moment in this chapter for you. Thanks BeautifullyDamagedSimplyMe for the Cas empathy. Also, I thought that Cas was a little badass too Master's daughter. Taytay127 and Mummabro, thanks for all the constructive feels and such. It's all appreciated.

Cas had driven from Sam's house at a speed that he normally would not find comfortable. He felt though, that it would be better to speed than to be caught in the storm. He was nearly to the city when he felt the first sting of rain on his face. It pierced what warmth he had left. Since he was now alone with his thoughts, it was becoming increasingly difficult to put aside certain things. He was growing more angry with the situation with each passing mile. It was hard for him to see Dean and Sam's actions as acceptable. Dean had said that he was selfish when he chose to meet him at the bar. Cas had argued with him about this. In Cas' mind it was not selfish to meet. It was selfish to conduct this investigation while keeping him in the dark. It was selfish for Sam to be sneaking around, getting information, and putting everyone that knows him at risk. Am I just trying to give Dean a pass here? Am I just trying to shift the blame over to Sam? Cas knew that he couldn't keep plodding forward. He worried that he would have to put the brakes on his relationship with Dean at least until the case could be handed off fully to someone else. Handing off the case though, was something that also filled Cas with a type of guilt. Who deserves this amoral work?

That last thought propelled him into an even greater level of irritation. Then he turned back to thoughts of Dean. Things with Dean were just starting to go right. Life was just starting to feel good again. God, why? Why does this have to be so incredibly complicated. I just want some damn simplicity for once. Cas shifted his thoughts to the house on the hill. In his mind it was no longer empty. There was a long cushy looking couch with his favorite green blanket draped over the side. There was an oblong dining room table with breakfast plates and the remnants of the morning meal laid on it. It all had a homey feel to it. The curtains were pulled back, and he was making his way through the rooms. Warm sunshine was cascading through the windows as he made his way to the back office. He sat at his desk and looked out at Dean's shop. He was out in front of the roll-up door, leaning into the open hood of his car. His shirt was white and, like all of Dean's shirts, too tight. Cas imagined him just going about his business and would have continued directing his thoughts down this path had the winds not picked up.

He felt the blast slap him in the face coupled with the stinging rain. He nearly lost control of the bike and came to a skidding halt on the side of the road. I have to focus. He wiped his hands on his pants and shook his head a bit to reinstate his conscious thoughts to their proper place. His breathing was heavy. He felt his heart racing with the sudden adrenaline of the accident that almost was. He took a deep breath and pulled himself together. He eased back out onto the road and began making his way back home.

He arrived home, nearly 15 minutes later. His body felt drenched. He shed his clothes the moment that he got home and threw on sweats and a tee-shirt. When he finished dressing he noticed that his phone had a message. It was from Dean.

Did you make it home okay?

He noticed that there was another message waiting for him besides the one from Dean. This one was from M.

So, dinner tomorrow at my place. It is on like Donkey Kong. Yep, I really just said that.

He had to laugh a little. It felt good, especially after the ride home with his thoughts. He decided to reply to M first.

Sounds good. What time.

M replied back right away.

Let's say 6. Then we know that we won't work too late. See you tomorrow.

OK

Now that this was taken care of, Cas took care of Dean.

I am home. I only had one near mishap and it was small.

Dean replied right away.

What mishap? Are you ok?

I'm fine. I just lost control for a second and had to pull over. It was nothing.

The phone rang. It was Dean. Cas answered. "Hello, Dean. Really, it was nothing."

"I just needed to hear you say it was nothing. I couldn't tell if it was really nothing through texting."

"I'm fine."

"So, what happened?" Dean sounded like he was all business and Cas was regretting mentioning the incident. It really wasn't a big deal. He didn't know why he had let it rattle him so much.

"There was just a little gust of wind and rain, and I lost control a little. I pulled over though and got myself settled before continuing. It really was nothing. I don't even know why I mentioned it."

"I should have borrowed Bobby's trailer and hauled the bike home for you. You even tried to tell me that you weren't confident yet."

"God, Dean. Let it go. It is nothing." Cas didn't know why he let himself get irritated, but he was. This was literally the least important thing going on right now, and maybe that was his issue. He just couldn't deal with anymore. There was silence coming from Dean's end of the phone. Cas knew that he should say something, but what could he say?

"What's wrong, Cas?" Dean asked after the silence had stretched on too long.

"I'm just upset. I don't know what to do. You worrying about me doesn't help."

"You want me to stop worrying about you?" Dean sounded like he was confused.

"I spoke with Sam. I need to figure out what to do about our complicated relationship, my job, my friends, my future. I am, to say the least, entirely overwhelmed." Cas stopped, not wanting to dive into this conversation any further.

"I understand. I am sorry, Cas. I wish I knew what to tell you." Dean spoke the words softly. Cas felt bad.

"I am afraid that the situation that we are in is posing more of a problem than I allowed myself to acknowledge. We might have to deal with the complications coming from our relationship and our jobs sooner rather than later."

"What are you saying, Cas?"

"We don't need to talk about this right now. I can't deal with this right now." Cas let the silence linger after that statement. Then he continued, "I just need to know that I am not ruining everything. Right now, no matter what I do, I am going to ruin something."

"I hope that you know that I understand. If it is too much, you don't need to continue things with me. I don't want to ruin your life."

"God, why is it that you hear me, but you don't hear me? I am ruining things. I should be able to do the right thing, yet I can't even figure out what that is." Cas emphasized his words so that Dean would understand his dilemma.

"I wish that I could help. Where do we go from here?"

"I wish that I knew. I don't want to lose you, but I don't know how to keep my job and you at the same time. I need a little time to wrap my head around this, and I might need to have that time come with a little distance. Can we just not talk about it anymore tonight?"

"Fine. No matter what, I'll still want this. Just so you know. Whatever you decide, I'll understand, but it won't change how I feel." Dean said the last in a subdued manner.

"How do you feel?"

"That is a conversation for another day. I want you to figure out your end of things first. Tell me what you want, when you figure it out."

"I will. Bye, Dean." Cas felt like it was more than a momentary goodbye. He nearly choked on the words.

"Later." Dean's closing helped. It made him feel like the door was still open for him. He closed his eyes though and willed his emotions back. I will be fine. This will be fine. I will be fine. He lowered the phone from his ear, surveyed his empty-feeling home, and contemplated his next move.

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