A/N: Hey, sinners! Jay is here to bring you the most unoriginal fanfiction ever, now with extra OC!

Seriously though, welcome to… whatever this is. I'm a huge fan of Helluva Boss (Surprise) and had a strong desire to ignore my morals and make a romantic smut that eventually turns into a story.

I will follow the guidelines of this website, but you'll still need to buckle up. Next chapter will be up as soon as I get done proofreading.

Here's to hoping this goes somewhere and enjoy the show!

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Chapter 1: Come-on and Kick Me

The cold winter air left Blitz's skin as the door to the bar clasped shut. A few head glances already told him he was unwelcome, and he scorned himself for ever believing this was a good idea. He made his way through the crowd of sinners, hands in his coat as he looked around for an open seat. At last, a taller looking man appeared to fall over from the bar, with Blitz taking the seat without as much as a second thought. The hood covering his face could do little to conceal the striped horns protruding outwards from the torn holes, but it brought a moment of solace as the bartender approached.

"You lost or something?" The bartender asked, his gruff mustache forming into a frown. "I know you're not one of us."

"You staple a caterpillar's dick to your face or something?" Blitz retorted. The imp slid cash to the bartender; it was reluctantly taken. "Horse's Neck."

"I didn't hear a please."

"Yeah? You'd be better off finding an unsucked dick in a strip club."

The bartender gave an audible grunt before disappearing towards the others. Blitz looked around - None of the faces were hellborn. Sinners had a certain look to them. Their eyes were full of lost opportunity, even the more vile ones in Hell were often disappointed that they could never return to the place they called home. He rolled his eyes to nobody, and thought how ridiculous it was that they were even allowed to have opinions on matters that would never impact them. "Better off being left outside once a year." He muttered under his breath, and the bartender finally returned with his drink, who gave him a final passing glance.

The first relief of burning alcohol passed the imp's lips as he whispered a harsh "Fuck." The full weight of exhaustion finally overcame him, the final hours of walking through rings draped over his back like a blanket. He turned in his seat towards where most of the commotion in the bar was gathered. There was nothing to note aside from the typical form of entertainment though the strange, unknown guitar player who was always less famous than they let on. The clapping of the crowd grew louder, and Blitz's resting bitch face formed a deeper frown of annoyance.

"Fuckin great." He muttered. "Now I've got to share the same life with these gullible shits and their hair."

"You got a problem with hair?" The sinner next to Blitz snarled, their muzzle of alcoholic breaths in the imp's personal space. They were obviously far too intoxicated to be controlling their actions. "What, jealous that you can't have any?"

With a brief moment of hesitation, Blitz downed a quarter of his drink, making sure to audibly contact the glass with the table in a form of aggression. He turned to his admirer. "Okay, first of all, bitch, I don't need a mop on my head to show that my ass is tighter than my dick. Second, yeah, I'm a little jealous that these hair-having selfish freaks from the planet named after fuckin' dirt are getting better privileges than the imp's and hellhounds waiting for an opportunity to go after little shits like you."

Blitzs had leaned far into the persoal space of the sinner, who was shocked, as was most of the bar, who had since departed from the music. A painfully loud silence replaced the air.

"Well that's mighty selfish of you." The bartender chimed in. "Only been here a handful of minutes and already whining about how bad you all have it."

"Coming from the one who started the whole race war in the first place." Blitz retorted as he returned to his spot.

"Yeah, and I'm ending it." The bartender said. "I like to pick fun at your kind but at the end of the day, we're all fucked. Ain't no ladder big enough for us to get back up there. We all got it bad down here, your kind are the worst at realizing that."

"Pot calling the cock black, Caterpillar Dick."

"It's 'Pot calling the Kettle black,' you wandering eye, and I think it's about time you left."

The entire bar destroyed the personal conversation with an eruption of approval. Their cheering was quickly followed by enthusiastic guestering which pushed Blitz further towards the door. The familiar cold breeze returned the imp to reality and caused him to resist the shoving and pushing of his new adversaries. He lost the battle as the first sinner victim to his hostility placed a kick to his backside, easily sending Blitz out of the door with a final clasp. The unforgiving patrons had thrown him into the unforgiving weather, and he remained an unforgiving saint as the hellborn took to his feet. His arms were now wrapped together; He carried a new expression of concern, and the endless fog brought by the season of Krampus only furthered the claustrophobic feelings of isolation.

Blitzs cursed himself, cursed the weather, and cursed Lucifer himself as he took a spot in an alley near his least favorite bar on the top ring. A draft made him shudder and exhale a frigid breath, solemnly sliding down the wall into a huddle. Head sunken into his legs, Blitz closed his eyes and let out another sigh before looking around. Other sinners passed the sidewalk before disappearing from view. Most of them were concealed, the only identifying feature of most being the piercing eyes. Some were tall, others were short, and a few were in between. The man on the other side of the street was beginning to close up shop…

"Hey...you okay?"

Blitz looked up. A sinner was looking back at them. Their sharp white features and fully colored blue eyes almost made them look hellborn, however, and made the imp second guess himself as they both continued to stare at one another, Blitz in a combination of disgust and confusion, the stranger in a look of concern. A case was tossed over their shoulder.

"Uh, yeah. I'm fine." Blitz said. "I'm just freezing my fucking ass off."

"Oh, well, I'd offer my extra room but I'm staying in the bar behind you tonight before the weather gets too bad." The stranger said. "Leroy should at least let you stay warm."

"Love to, but Leroy seems to be descended from a used condom and half a broom stick."

The stranger snorted. It was quick, but it was enough to make Blitz feel a little warmer in the outside chill. He stood up, hands going into his pockets, and gave the stranger a halfhearted grin that was almost too fake.

"I guess you've met him already then, huh?" The stranger asked amusingly, shifting their stance to accommodate their carrying case. "He's so nice to newcomers, though!"

"Not hellborn." Blitz frowned. "Told me my kind didn't belong in there as soon as I walked in the fuckin door."

The stranger paused. They almost seemed afraid to respond, or concerned that the conversation would end due to Blitz's unceremonious demotion to being kicked out. Noticing the response, the imp continued.

"Kinda deserved it though." Blitz admitted. "Called his mustache a Caterpillar Dick. I should've known he wouldn't accept the truth."

The stranger laughed. "I always thought it was a little weird looking. Follows his upper lip and everything."

"Does the cowboy fuck even have an upper lip?"

"...Huh. You know, I never thought about that. Could have been blown off in the war or something."

"Yeah." Blitz chuckled halfheartedly, and the conversation soon died down for a moment once more. Now it was him who was worried about the conversation ending.

"I could probably talk to him." The stranger chimed up. "If you want me to, anyway. In the wrong or not, I can barely stand to stay out here for a minute, let alone all night."

Blitz considered turning down the offer. Where he came from was a long walk away, and this kind of hospitality was only found at weddings and child custody hearings. He softly nodded. "If it's not a big deal or anything. It's fine if I have to stay out here."

The stranger smiled, taking a step towards the back entrance. "I can talk to him better than most. Oh, the name is River, by the by. River Styx. Yeah, like the actual river."

The imp nodded. "Blitz. The O is silent."

"Nice to meet you, Blitz The O Is Silent."

"Yeah it is, isn't it?"

The stranger gave a final nose exhale of amusement before disappearing past the closing of the metal door. Blitz was alone again, and distant from his ego now that there was no one around to stroke it… Or stroke anything else. He shut his eyes and strained as the warmth of his body clashed with the harshness of the dry air against his eyes, causing a moment of discomfort. Before he had a chance to complain, the door was opening again, and Styx returned without the carrying case, and brought a smile with them.

"Good news." Styx said. "He still hates you, but I convinced him to let you stay. There's a catch, though."

Blitz blinked. "I don't do favors for free."

"Not that! He just wants you to tell some jokes since you're, according to him 'A heckler with a big enough mouth to run all of Hell.'"

"Oh I can tell jokes. It's kinda my thing… that and guns."

"Yeah? Maybe you can teach me about guns one day and I can teach you guitar."

Blitz sighed as he took his place up the steps and past Styx. "Oh, great. Another guitar player."

"Yeah, another guitar player." Styx smiled, and the door closed behind them.

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A/N: Hope you enjoyed the first chapter. I sure didn't. But hey! The second chapter is being published shortly after this one, so go read that! Or don't. Maybe get a coffee. Make me one while you're at it.

Either way, seriously thank you for reading the first chapter. Things are definitely gonna get more interesting. No author note for the next chapter so see you whenever!

Yours,

Jay