AN: So I had a massive writing session this weekend and I really can't wait for you all to see chapter 50. I am actually proud. Now some shout-outs...I honestly didn't think there would be much said about the last chapter as it was kind of like a transitional thing. I'm glad you all still liked it. Taytay127, I totally get the Lil worries. When I picked her name it was because I liked the play on the word little more so than the connection to Lillith, but yeah. Thanks for the thoughts on them and I too like M. I also brought the video in because I felt like I was neglecting the friends (especially Anna oh well), but I always felt that they had manipulated things from the start. Thanks YoungHopeful for the encouragement and welcome to the party. Mummabro, hope you aren't too upset by the dropped case. I promise that this will not end the drama for anyone, only increase it. :) Oh, the irony. Lastly, Master's daughter I actually had a little glee moment when you got the Shakespeare. You too might be my new favorite person just for getting that.
Now, on with the show...
The house was small, but comfy. He had walked up to the front door and had been greeted by Lil. She offered to carry his wine into the kitchen where her mom was. She was already dressed in footy pjs. "So, are you going to bed really early, Lil?"
"No, I just got up from my nap." Lil set the wine up on the table and Cas noticed the kitchen did not seem to be holding the scent of any recent fires.
Perhaps dinner would be less than burnt. He walked over to the counter and threw out a greeting. "Hey, M. How's it going?"
"Great. I am almost done. If you want to grab the salad out of the fridge there, I wouldn't complain." She looked up from her cooking.
"So, whatcha makin'?" He made his way over to the stove and looked down into the pot.
"I really meant it when I said mac-n-cheese." And sure enough the pot contained mac-n-cheese. Cas laughed a little and walked over to the fridge to retrieve the salad. "I threw some chicken in the oven too. Didn't want you to think that I was completely low brow."
"I like mac-n-cheese." Cas took the salad over to the table.
"Everyone does, but you don't invite friends over for a mac-n-cheese dinner. It just isn't classy."
"Well, M, I guess I just thought that you were already classy enough without all of your fancy foods." They both laughed. Cas began rummaging around in the kitchen drawers looking for something to open the wine with. Lil was at the table with a mini-bucket of play doh.
"What are you looking for, Cas?" M asked.
"I just needed something to open up the wine."
"Here." She reached into a drawer and retrieved the corkscrew. "What kind of wine will we be drinking this evening?"
"I brought us a Cab, but it looks like I should have gone with a white given that we are having chicken and mac-n-cheese. Oh, well."
"I hardly think that anyone can judge a wine pairing when mac-n-cheese is involved." Then M turned to Lil, "Hey, girly, you aren't playing with that play doh at the kitchen table now are you? I just cleaned that."
"I didn't take it out of the bucket." She offered up with doe-eyed innocence. "I was just making fingerprints." She tipped the bucket of play doh to show Cas and M. It was pocked with tiny finger holes going deep into the little bucket. Cas joined her at the table. And because he was always a rule follower, he pulled a little of the play doh out and began forming a tiny creature at the table. He rolled the piece in his palm and then using his fingernail, began creating tiny details. He pressed and stretched out parts until he had what looked like a miniature penguin.
"Here." He set it in front of her. She picked it up and scrutinized it closely.
"I will call him Cas." She smiled back at Cas and added, "Cas the Penguin."
"How will I know if you are talking to me or the penguin?" Cas asked.
She looked at him like he was the silliest thing she had ever met, "He can't talk back, so I will just talk to you." She scooped out a little more play doh and handed it to him. "Make a kitty."
"Say please, goober." M directed.
"Please, goober." Lil laughed as she said it.
"Pardon my child. I forget that I have been raising her with a healthy dose of sarcasm and wit." Then she turned to Lil and added. "We save those jokes for when it is just us, goober." She walked over and pressed a kiss to her blonde mop of hair.
Lil pushed at Cas' hand and said, "Can you make a kitty?"
"Sure." Cas rolled the glob in his hand and noticed M was moving the foods over to the table now. He gave the cat a long tail that swooped around its body. "How's that?" He placed the creature in front of her.
"I will call that one Slinky Malinky Cat." She turned the two creatures toward each other and started making little animal noises for them. Cas got up and began helping M with the setting of the table.
"Take your play doh away from the table, Lil." M made a swishing gesture with her hand, and Lil took the two creatures to the living room. She bounded back into the room moments later.
They each took their seats and M started dishing up Lil's plate and then her own. "Should I pour you some wine, M?" Cas offered.
"You know it. Don't be shy with that pour either." She smiled over at him.
"Why do you call my mom M?" Lil asked.
"It's what I was told to call her." Cas replied.
"You know about my names, hun. I explained about mommy's work name before." She used the salad tongs to grab some salad for Lil's plate.
"But you aren't at work."
"If it makes you feel any better, I can call her something else. What should I call her?"
"I don't know. Kitty." She laughed then and Cas decided that he could make the name work.
"Could you pass the chicken, Kitty?" Cas smirked over at her.
"Sure, Penguin-boy." She passed the tray of chicken over and they laughed and ate. The three of them fell into a comfortable camaraderie as they sat around the table.
"So, I guess you won't have much more that brings you to the office now that the case is over, huh?" Cas wondered aloud.
"Oh, there is always something. In fact, I have a meeting with Lucky later in the week to discuss what will come next with us. I turned in the files today with only a little hiccup, but I think that I can get that fixed." She paused and took a sip from her wine glass before continuing, "I think that Lucky is going to put you on the merger paperwork. That is going to be immense." M took another sip from her wine glass.
"I hadn't heard about a merger. Why would he want us to handle that?"
"You do seem to be good with the financial side of things. Plus, you did a good job once. So, why not see if lightning strikes twice."
Cas felt conflicted. It was nice to be acknowledged for his efforts; however, it was also not the direction he was hoping to go. It was then that he felt the little foot under the table pop him in the shin. "Oops, sorry." Lil said with a smile.
He smiled back. "We're pretty boring, huh?"
"Yeah. I don't like when mom talks about work. It is not fun."
"What would you like to talk about?" Cas settled all of his attention on Lil.
"I got to ride my bike today." She was scooping forkfuls of mac-n-cheese into her mouth as she spoke.
"Really. Do you have training wheels?"
"Mom, just took them off. She said that I get to have a bigger bike at Christmas." Lil seemed excited by the prospect.
"I said that maybe we will get you a bigger bike. Let's see how good you are between now and December." M's words were tinged with affection. Their meal continued and eventually they cleared their plates away to the sink. They each made their way to the living room next. Lil plopped herself down in the middle of the living room floor with a box of markers and papers. Cas and M sat on the couch with their glasses of wine.
"So, I have been thinking of changing my focus at the firm. It is likely that I will be lightening my case load soon. Would it be unreasonable for me to hand off the Niveus work to one of my colleagues?" Cas was trying to sound casual, as though he was only considering this all in the abstract.
"Why would you want to do that, Cas?" M sounded disappointed.
"I have just been overwhelmed. I think that I need to find work that doesn't consume me so much."
"Is this about work or is it about your little relationship problems?"
Cas shuddered. "What do you mean?"
"You said that you and Dean were having problems. I guess, I just assumed that maybe you were having issues with him more than with work. You always seem so comfortable with your job." She turned to face him more, pulling one of her legs up underneath her.
"That hasn't helped matters, but it isn't the only reason. I guess that I just feel a little like the work that I was doing for Niveus was not the most honest work ever. Do you ever feel conflicted about working for them." Careful, Cas. This is getting too informative.
"Hmm, I don't know how to answer that." M looked down at Lil and said to her, "Sweety, could you go up and brush your teeth for bed? You can come back down, but I want you to be all ready for when the time comes." She threw Lil a wide smile and that seemed to work.
"Okay." Lil sprang up and practically bounced up the stairs.
M turned back to Cas then. "They have done a lot for me. Things you don't know. If it weren't for Lucky, I would likely be dead right now."
"Do you mean because of your ex and all of that business?" Cas asked.
"No, I would have just moved on and dealt with it on my own. That bastard wouldn't have killed me." She paused as if debating whether or not to share, then she continued, "I found out a couple of years ago that I am not so well. I won't bore you with the details, but Lucky got me into an early drug trial that seemed to have helped me. I literally owe my life to him and to the company." M stared at him steadily but did not continue.
"Are you okay now?"
"Better than dead. The drugs make things feel functional. Plus, I get to be a mother to Lil. That's the most important thing. We don't have anyone else, so I need to live." She was looking off to the stairs to be sure that Lil was not there.
"Really, no one else to help?" Cas wondered how someone could be so utterly alone.
"Really. My mom died when I was still in high school. Car accident. I never knew my dad. However, I do know that we were all from a long line of single child households so there were no loving aunts or uncles to cling to. So, yeah, I have Lil and she has me."
"Sounds like a good reason to be loyal to Niveus then." Cas offered.
"Loyalty is one thing, but I think that you asked if I ever felt conflicted." M paused again.
Cas saw a look that passed over her face and asked, "Do you?" She looked up at him then and he added, "Ever feel conflicted?"
She nodded a little. It was almost imperceptible. Then she said quietly, "Sometimes." She didn't elaborate at first. Cas saw something like worry fall on her and wondered where her thoughts were going.
"M?" He reached out and placed a hand on her arm. "What is it?"
"I can't share. Or maybe I shouldn't share." She looked back again at the stairs. "Sometimes I worry about what will happen if they ever get tired of my efforts, or if they decided that I am not doing a passable job. One doesn't just leave a job like mine, or maybe even yours. You see, we know things. We have read things, and the people that we love need us to keep on keeping on, if everything is going to continue being pleasant." Cas pulled his hand back from her now.
"What are you saying? Are you saying that I can't leave Niveus, that you can't leave Niveus?"
"I don't want to leave Niveus, but if I ever did, I doubt that it would be possible. If I were alone, no Lil, maybe I could imagine a life without Niveus, but that is not reality. Quitting would involve a meeting with A, and I am not sure that I have enough health to deal with that."
"But you have considered this option?"
"Yes."
"Hmm, do you think that it would be too difficult for me to make an escape?"
"Maybe. I am not sure. If you handed off the merger case to one of your colleagues, maybe, but I'm not sure how Lucky would feel."
"Did you tell him that I replaced Sam?"
"Yes, and he seemed to be okay with that since he already knew Gabe. He had issues with Sam, at first; he thought that he was too green. I don't see an easy out for you, though. He likes you." They could hear Lil coming down the stairs now, so they lapsed into silence.
"Are you going to sing to me?" Lil asked as she bounded over to the couch.
"Maybe after Cas goes home." M smiled over at Cas.
"What, are you shy about your singing voice?" Cas poked at her arm in a lighthearted manner.
"No, I don't believe in torturing my dinner guests." She laughed a little as she said it.
"Is your mom a bad singer?" Cas asked Lil.
"No, she is the best." Lil began pulling M over to the piano. "Do it." She commanded as she pushed M down with all of her four year old strength. M was complying otherwise she would not have moved.
M ran her hands over the keys and then stopped to ask, "What should I play, Lil?"
"'Sleep'. I like when you play that one." Lil sat next to her on the bench.
M laughed. "Just so you know, Cas, I am a bit of a My Chemical Romance fan. I maybe listened to their music on repeat during the entire time that I was pregnant with Lil, so if she turns out jaded, it will be because of that. As if that wasn't bad enough, I continued to subject her to their upbeat, happy music after she was born too."
"Upbeat, and happy, huh? That's one way of describing them. I do like them though. No, judgement here." Cas sent her a half smile and added, "So, I'll be hearing "Sleep" then?"
"Well, kinda. I play it on the piano and sing it a little more softly." She looked away from him then and Lil leaned into her. M ran her fingers over the keys and a slow melancholy sound tumbled from the instrument. She began singing a moment later. Her voice was soft yet lush in its depth. Cas felt it wash over him in a way that was warming. It did not sound like the original. The words were dragged along at a slower pace when she spoke them. Midway into the song there was a line, And through it all how could you cry for me? Cause I don't feel bad about it. So shut your eyes, kiss me goodbye, and sleep. Just sleep. She looked over at Cas as she sang the last part. He felt like she wanted him to know something. That perhaps she did not want him to feel bad for her. She had made her choices. He couldn't accept that though, and stared at her as her song died out, willing her to see some path toward hope. No one should have to be so trapped.
When the song ended they sat there for a few moments, the melody still lingering in their minds. "That was beautiful, M." Cas stood to go. "On that note, I should let you get the wee one off to bed."
"Yeah, she looks like she might be done with us." Lil did look a little sleepy, but she perked up at the thought that Cas was leaving and that she was being sent to bed.
"I'm awake!" She practically fell off of the bench in her effort to show just how awake she was.
Cas walked over to her and gave her a little hug. "You'll have to come over to my house next time. I'll attempt cooking. It should be fun." He looked up at M and saw that she was smiling. "Thanks for dinner and well, everything."
'She leaned over and planted a light kiss on his cheek. "Sometimes I feel like I have known you forever. Do you make everyone feel this comfortable?"
He shrugged, not sure how to answer. They walked to the door together. "So, I guess, I'll see you around then."
"You will." M assured him. "Unless you find a way to get rid of me." Cas knew that she really meant Niveus, but he went with her words anyway.
"I don't plan to get rid of you." He headed out the door and toward his car.
"Bye, Cas." Lil called out to him.
"Bye, Lil. See you later." He waved before they turned to go back into their home, leaving him alone in the night.
Review, Fav., Follow. The next chapter is the beginning of big things. Thanks for reading this far.