Chapter 2
Thomas Lynley was pacing through his living-room annoyed with himself. He had left his sergeant alone after this case. He should have asked her out for a drink like they normally would have done after a closed case. He should have been there for her and trying to sheer her up. That´s what Barbara would have done for him; what she had permanently done for him over the last years.
Since they were partners she had been there for him, had been his sounding board and also the only real solid and constant part of his life. He knew he could rely on her more than on any one else. And there he was at home having left her alone when she needed him.
The problem was that he didn´t trust himself around her any more. If they had gone out he would have done something stupid. When he noticed some weeks ago that he was not just touching her like he had done for years now, but because he needed it needed being close to her he forced himself to stop it. He was too afraid to do something that would be embarrassing for her and himself in front of the colleagues and Tommy had also to admit to himself now he was most afraid of Barbara´s reaction if he would try something like kissing her. He was not sure of her reaction, it could be anything from swaying at him, shouting at him, just walking away or his preferred version, kissing him back.
He carved for a whiskey but as it hadn´t helped him in the past as he hoped he now went to the kitchen and put the kettle on. A tea would help him to figure out his feelings more clearly something he should have done weeks or already months ago.
When had his feelings for Barbara changed? Or hadn´t they changed and he had just ignored them the whole time. He remembered their first case. When he had first looked in this troubled green eyes he had been mesmerized, they reminded him of the sea in Cornwall during a storm. First it had been him who was the steady part in their relationship but that started to shift after Helen lost the baby. Then he started to rely on her more and more and her once troubled green eyes calmed like the sea and also calmed him whenever he looked into them.
There was no denying it for any longer: He was in love with Barbara had been for quite a while. He couldn´t say when it started but he was so absorbed in making his marriage work he ignored it. If he hadn´t perhaps Helen would still be alive and happily divorced from him…. He took a sip of his tea this direction he was heading now wouldn´t help anyone he had to face it that there was nothing he could do for Helen anymore but perhaps he could make at least Barbara and himself happy.
At least for his part he could say that he couldn´t face a life without her. Thinking of it he realized that they were like two parts which just belonged together and balanced each other out like the tides on the sea ruled by some higher force.
So he had to find out how she felt about him and see how it goes from there. Perhaps they both should go for the long overdue promotions and spend their private lives together instead of only working together. What was for sure was that he would do nothing which would drive her completely away from him as he couldn´t live without their friendship.
So he would try to go back to normal as much as possible tomorrow and then waiting for a chance to tell her about his feelings without scaring her away hopefully.
With that thought he went up to his bedroom and went to sleep with positive thoughts and without any insomnia or nightmares for the first time in months.
Barbara got ready for bed feeling relaxed and happy but now being alone her thoughts went back to Tommy Lynley, she couldn´t help it. She had avoided talking to Sam about him knowing Sam would have figured out her secret love for him immediately. It was fascinating how that hadn´t changed between them they still could read each other as they had as teenagers.
As it was really late she forced herself to go to bed and sleep and would see what the next day would bring.
A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing it. And sorry for the delay but I was on holiday in Cornwall for two and a half weeks and had only internet via my mobile J and I visited Howenstowe (or better Trerice House near Newquay where the outside filming was done)