AN: Thank you Mummabro and Master's daughter for the reviews on yesterday's chapter. I think that most probably felt that it was a little anti-climatic. I am struggling with the current chapters, so hopefully I can get back to a good writer's vibe. Regardless, thank you all for reading and supporting this.
Anna had texted Sam while they were out and had met up with them at the diner. Arrangements were made, and she returned to the apartment with them, prepared to stay the night. Cas and Dean were still on the couch, leaning into each other when everyone returned. Cas got up and met them at the door. Sam held out a to-go bag. "I thought that you and Dean might be hungry. It's a burger and a salad. Hope that's okay."
"Thanks, Sam." He took the bag to the table and set it down, He returned to Dean to help him get up from the couch. Lil came over and picked up the discarded crutches.
"Here," she quietly said as she handed them to Dean.
"Thanks, sweety." Dean smiled at her. His smile fell, though, when he saw her face contort into something less impassive. "What is it? Are you okay?" It was a stupid question, but it was meant to address the immediate issues playing out in her face and not the past days of horror.
"My mom called me sweety. She called everyone sweety." Lil was crying. Cas came over to her and pulled her into a hug. She let him and he felt her tiny sobs soaking into his shirt. He could see the days stretching out in front of them where there would be words spoken that would send her down a path of memories. He wanted to spare her all that suffering. It was not something that he thought that he could fix. So he held her and whispered soothing words to her, until she stopped crying.
Eventually, she broke away from him. Cas and Dean made their way to the table to eat. She joined them at the table for a bit, but then wandered over to the window and plunked herself down to stare out over the buildings. Sam and Jess decided to leave with a promise that they would call later. Anna went over to the window and sat on the floor next to Lil, staring out in the same direction. Cas felt like he was nearing the end of his energy levels. He finished off his food and cleaned up the table. Dean was still working his way through his burger.
"Anna, I think that I will take you up on your offer earlier and sleep. I think that I am finally exhausted." He walked over to them and stooped down to Lil. "Do you mind if I go try to sleep for a little bit in the other room?"
Lil looked up at him. "I don't have to sleep yet, do I?"
"No. You can stay up with Anna." He swept a hand along her cheek and pressed a kiss to her head. "Goodnight munchkin." Cas chose the term of endearment, because he thought that it would be safe. It didn't sound like something that M would have said. Lil smiled at him, but only a little.
"Goodnight," she replied back.
Dean followed Cas into the bedroom and shut the door behind them. He lobbed his duffle bag up onto the dresser a little clumsily, so Cas helped him rummage through it for sleepwear. Cas changed out of his clothes and Dean started to do the same. He was struggling to maintain his balance, so he sat down on the edge of the bed to remove his pants. Cas noticed his struggles and stooped to help him. "I feel pathetic. I can't even seem to do the basics." Dean muttered.
"Guess it is good that you have me here to help." Cas sent up a little smile while he pulled Dean's pants past his ankles. He moved his hand up Dean's leg to the wound. It was an ugly mess of purples and yellows fading out at the edges.
Dean caught his hand up and said, "Don't. You'll just upset yourself. I know how you get around my battle scars."
"I can't help it. You would feel the same." Cas took his hand back from Dean and snatched up the sweats on the bed. He began pulling them up onto Dean unceremoniously. Dean had to help a little once Cas got to his thighs. Dean tried to stand on just his good leg to pull the sweats the rest of the way up.
"Next time we should just skip the clothes. They hardly seem worth it." Dean hobbled over to the bed and tossed himself in.
"Maybe." Cas made his way to the other side of the bed and slipped in. He turned off the lights and scooted closer to Dean. His arm was already raised up to welcome Cas. Cas' thoughts were a medley. He could feel sleep overtaking him, but he wanted to stay awake just a little longer with Dean before he gave up. "Dean?"
"Hmm." Dean sounded like he was tired too.
"If I need to take Lil away from here, just run away and hide some place, would you go with us?" Cas had wanted to ask before when the thought had first entered his mind. He was too afraid of the answer though. Now with his sleep-addled brain in control, the question came out.
"I want to say yes." Dean murmured next to Cas.
"I'm asking for too much, huh?" Cas squeezed in closer to Dean, fighting for consciousness.
"You can never ask for too much. I just have to finish this. So, I don't think that I can just up and leave." Cas felt Dean turn a little running his other hand up to Cas' face.
"I haven't decided yet, but I don't feel safe here. I can't take any risks with Lil. I promised M that I would take care of her, that she would be my priority. If I don't feel safe, then I can't protect her well enough. You know what I mean?"
"I do. Don't make any choices just yet though. Let's just heal here for a bit. Rest. Lil doesn't need to be hauled away right now. Plus, I'm here. I can protect you here, and I am not going anywhere right now." Dean continued to stroke Cas' cheek for a bit, then his hand slipped away.
"I'll have to decide soon." Cas whispered out into the dark.
"I know. Just sleep now. We can talk about it in the morning." Cas let his mind go then, and he let Dean's words take him off into dreams.
He stood out on the front driveway of M's house. He looked up and down the street. It was quiet, too quiet for daylight hours. The clouds in the sky were rolling with a speed that was unnatural. It felt like a bad trip, or, at least, it felt the way that Cas had imagined a bad trip would feel. Cas took a tentative step back toward the house that was looming behind him.
There was movement. It was subtle. It was near the house. He turned fully to it. The movement disappeared beyond the side of the house. He strode toward it. The crack of electricity in the sky penetrated the moment. He rounded the corner. Something had moved around the next corner of the house to the back yard. He followed. The land behind the house opened up to a vast expanse of fields. In the distance were trees and a small lake glistening under the stars. When did it become night? He had seen the lake before, but couldn't remember where. Beyond it was a man. He was too far away to make out. He stood with his hands in his pockets staring across the water at Cas.
Cas made his way toward him. A storm was brewing. The electric crackle of it was building with each of his steps. He could not stop though. The answers were with that man. He had to reach him. He felt a body fall into step beside him. He turned to it and saw that it was Dean's father. "You don't want to talk to him." His gruff voice sounded unnatural.
"Why?" Cas continued walking, and John kept up.
"He won't tell you what you want to hear."
"Maybe he'll tell me what I need to hear." Cas slowed his steps though.
"He'll tell you what you already know. No more."
"How do you know?"
"This is all just a dream. He can't tell you anymore than that." John cocked his head to the side. The move reminded Cas of Dean.
"I hate you. You know that?" Cas scowled at him.
"Dean doesn't hate me. Maybe you should take a page from his book."
"He should hate you too."
"Hate doesn't fix a thing. I thought that you of all people would get that." He looked ahead and added, "We are almost to him. Not too late to stop."
"I love your son. I have to see this through." John stopped keeping pace then and Cas took the final steps alone.
The man was just in front of him now, with his head downcast. The rough black hoodie pulled low over his head. Cas took another step toward him. The man held up a hand then. "Close enough." The voice was rough and somewhat familiar.
"You have something to tell me?" Cas stayed put. He did not want to frighten off this specter.
"You are not safe."
"I know that. Why? I don't have the file. I don't have any reason to be viewed as a threat."
"You know things. You just don't realize what you know."
"Stop with the riddles."
"I can't. It is just the way that your mind is. You are a storm of ideas, Cas." The voice was changing. The sky was opening up. The rain was illuminated like falling sparks with each flash of lightning. Cas could imagine them burning and cooling with each splash on his skin.
"What is it that you think that I know?" Cas yelled past the noise of the storm that had ratcheted up to ridiculously high levels.
The man lifted his face and Dean looked out from behind the hoodie. The voice was Dean's now. "He said his employer. He never said Crowley." Lightning flashed and Dean was gone. In his place was A. He leveled his gun on Cas and pulled the trigger. Everything moved in slow motion. The bullet passed through the rain, and the breath in his lungs froze in place. The bullet entered his body, and he felt it propel him back through the air toward the lake.
He fell through space and then water. It silenced the world around him. It was not all darkness down there. The water was illuminated in green light. It was pulling him down in an embrace of sorts. He could feel the tendrils of water weeds curling up around him from the depths of the lake. The world was simplifying into a type of peace. The shimmer of the surface was diminishing. Then a face loomed over him. A woman in white. Her hair dark and flowing floated around her face. "Wake up Cas. You said that you would be there for her."
"Megan." He did not understand how he had formed the word under the water, but he did. And for that matter, so did she. Her hair floated back and she pressed her hands up to his face.
"You can't stay here." He knew that she meant more than the dream. That she meant that he had to take Lil away, just like he had been thinking before, when he had spoken with Dean. Her body disappeared and he felt himself pulled to the surface. There were hands on him. They lifted him from the water. John looked down at him and then turned to the others.
"No, he is not ready yet. Push him back down." And the hands plunged him back down into the water, holding him there. They raised him back up and pressed him back down. Up again, and then down again he went, and this time they did not pull him back up. He felt the sharp stab of pain in his chest from the bullet and the lack of oxygen. Just as it was becoming too much, he opened his eyes and was awake.
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