Sasuke stands in the archway of his bedroom and he is at a loss for words. Sakura stands feet away, holding the stack of parchment, and he replays her words in his head: "It's from Itachi."

His eyes flash with recognition and he is plunged instantly into his head. The pain that tears at his chest is familiar and despairing, and he's reminded of his fate: to remember what became of the clan.

Except it is more than that…

Itachi was the person he had loved the most, who Sasuke trusted and looked up to. His brother chose a path that killed everyone, from the innocent to the guilty, at Itachi's hand. His brother tortured him with the tsukuyomi, forcing a six-year-old Sasuke to see the deaths of their family, again, and again, and again, until he felt nothing but emptiness and despair, until he was broken.

Sasuke remembers that pain, and he experiences a numbed version of it now. It was sharper back then, and blinding; it was hot, like he was being torn limb from limb. Then one day, the pain became too hurtful, and made living unbearable. He became sick of the nightmares, which terrorised him in the day as well, and Sasuke's bloodline tried to protect him. In turn, he grew angry and hateful. The longer he was alone the more the anger grew, and it rewarded him with power; it was intoxicating.

Sasuke thinks of the dark power that his brother harnessed, and the dark power he, himself wields. He remembers that day on the roof, their battle, and the moment of Itachi's death. He remembers the anger, and wanting to destroy his brother; the thought juxtaposed his boyish longing for family and love; concepts that bred weakness, he thought back then.

Sasuke has horrible, life shattering memories of Itachi – a man who he searched for…

Sasuke's eyes narrow at the thought. His brother has always found Sasuke when he wanted to, this letter is proof, and Sasuke feels like a fool. He spent so long looking for Itachi, while his brother was on the fringes of his life, playing the hateful villain, and working for Konoha all along.

His lips thin as he places his glass of water down on the nearest surface.

He swallows, and his jaw clenches.

Sasuke understands duty, and protection of Nation, but he doesn't want to forgive the unneeded pain Itachi caused.

Itachi wanted Sasuke to kill him, he's aware of that now; his brother burdened him with that task at six years of age.

Life hasn't been fair.

He has people that care for him – bonds that he knows keep him strong – but he struggles to let people in, and to remember his way of the ninja. The pain from his past lingers in his present, and future; it affects his life always.

Sasuke finds himself wondering if he even wants to know what's in Itachi's letters. If he is lucky, it is medical notes and nothing more.

He doesn't like thinking of his brother. In fact, he's been trying to get away. The sharingan study wreaks havoc on his nights, and his sleep has been less and less. It doesn't help that he has been searching through the archives in his spare time, reading every piece of clan history in a masochistic bid to understand something - Sasuke isn't even sure what anymore. After his sentence, Sasuke left Konoha to find peace. He had hoped to heal the scars of his past. In the end, he couldn't let go of the pain, and he came home to Konoha anyway…where he plagues himself.

Sasuke should be hopeful at this news of more data, but as he looks at the browned parchment, penned by his brother, he feels a spark of fear; it is over clouded by the familiar nothing that comes with knowing his family is dead, and that he is an anomaly. No matter where he is, or what he is doing, Sasuke is the very last of his kind; he is both proud and disgusted.

Now, he is sightless to time and space. He's both aware and unaware of his surroundings. The pain in his heart doesn't hurt because he's used to it, and yet he is powerless to move. Sasuke is paralysed with questions of Itachi; he wants to understand his dead brother, and he dares to wonder if Sakura is holding answers to some long unanswered questions.

Sasuke thinks about his childhood, as well as the hope he placed in his brother; hope that was never filled. It made him vulnerable now, and he hated it.

His swirling eyes look upwards at Sakura, and although he sees the pink of her lips and her green orbs, he is blind to her expression. He processes without recognition, and a sudden ringing makes itself known inside his head. It grows in intensity and he winces at the pitch of the noise. The pain in his heart is noticeable now, and it manages to eclipse the ring in his ears; it's a hurt that is empty and familiar. Sasuke's gaze falls back to the papers in Sakura's outstretched hand, and the feeling increases. He frowns and strides forward, snatching the papers from Sakura's grasp. He holds it with two hands. He can see Sakura from the corner of his eye; her lips are moving but he can't hear her.

His fingers curl tighter around the brittle parchment as Sasuke sees the familiar handwriting. He stares at the curve of the symbols and is almost pulled backwards in time.

"Onii-san." He whispers, touching the perfectly drawn script.

Itachi always had the nicest handwriting; it looks just like their mother's.

A flash of his mother's long brown hair enters his mind, and he frowns at the fuzziness of her face…

Sasuke's heart grows heavier.

How is it that he can remember his mother's handwriting better than her smile? Yet Itachi is in his head always: his voice, his image, his actions.

Sasuke feels the constriction of his chest and it becomes hard to breathe. Sadness engulfs him that is far from new. Memories meld with emotions about isolation and lost loved ones, and Sasuke reads:

My dearest younger brother,

If you are reading this you have returned to Konoha and I am dead. I'll be specific when I say that I am dead already. I perished before your eyes, and I both congratulate and apologise to you for it. I hope to speak with you myself, before the war ends. I have been brought to life by the edo tensei and am fighting against the call of darkness. I fight with Konoha, and I always have. I beg you to believe me.

An apology can't change the things that I have done, brother, but please know that I have always thought of you.

If I am unable to meet you, I hope this account of my life finds you well.

I hope that you will read this and try not to fix the foolish mistakes of my past. Please forget me, and if you can't, please do not become me. Naruto is your friend, and I beg you to listen to him. Konoha is your home.

Please Sasuke, have a life, have friends, and have a family.

I'm proud of you regardless of the path you choose.

I'll love you always.

I'm sorry that there won't be a next time,

Your brother,

Itachi.

His thumb brushes over the curve of his brother's handwriting and a droplet lands above the words. It's fat and telling. Sasuke doesn't have the sense to wipe the tears from his face, and he stares at the smudging ink instead. Suddenly, his hurt and pain, his loss, begins to feel hot again. His gut burns with another emotion, an emotion that he is more equipped to handle: anger. It mounts rapidly until the heartbreaking sadness is veiled completely, and Sasuke fools himself into thinking that he can handle the situation. He tells himself that he doesn't want to read about his brother's life – that Itachi's praise doesn't mean anything. Sasuke doesn't want, or need, an explanation.

"Sasuke-kun." Sakura whispers his name.

He jerks and his dazed gaze focuses on Sakura. His thoughts are all over the place, and to have her watching him so sadly, and so close, is too much to bear.

He doesn't want pity from her; not when he has revealed so much of himself already. Sakura dissects him with a mere glance, and calls him to remember the problems he's avoiding; to have those green eyes upon him now is too hard and hurtful.

He wants to be left alone.

Sakura's eyes change, and she bites her lip. He imagines what she is thinking about him - how he has no one…'poor lonely Sasuke.'

"Sasuke-kun. Are you okay?" Sakura asks, reaching out to touch his arm. Sasuke flinches away, and turns his body. He is unable to look at her directly, and he grips Itachi's letter like it is keeping him grounded.

He doesn't want to imagine Sakura's hurt eyes as she says,

"Perhaps I should leave." It's clear that she wants him to tell her to stay, and he closes his eyes at the pain in her tone.

Sasuke chances a look at her face and he feels emptier than before. He realises that he's going to have to say it. She won't leave if he doesn't…

"Tell me." She orders him, and her eyes are sad and angry. She's boiling up, he can tell, and it's so much easier to handle.

"Get out." Sasuke says coldly. "Leave."

Sakura's jaw clenches and she replies, "If that's what you want."

Sasuke nods jerkily. He is unable to look her directly in the eye.

"It is." He says, and he almost flinches as he deals the final blow.

"I don't want you here." He murmurs, and the words come out softer than he had intended.
Still, it does the trick. Sakura nods silently, apologising for infringing on his space very politely, and she collects her things. She passes him, and he is unable to tell if she's looking at him, as he stares straight ahead.

"Sasuke." Sakura says his name from the doorway, and he turns.

He doesn't say anything, but he sees her tears.

"Fuck you." Her eyes narrow and her lips press together. Sakura shakes her head. "You know I love you, but sometimes I really fucking hate you."

He doesn't flinch at her sharp words, the steel in her green eyes, or at the dangerously calm click of his bedroom door.

Sasuke agrees with her; she's not the only one that hates him.

"Me too." He says into the empty room.

xxx

A/N Sorry I've been so shit lately guys. I'm trying to finish my prize fics for my allotted winners for the makoharu festival, as well as uni assessment. I also had people over from the U.S for two weeks, and it caused me to get behind with everything! My holidays start in 5 weeks. I should have time to update before then though, maybe in my study week before exams. It will depend on how stressful it gets. I'm aiming for two weeks. :)

I'll be on my game as soon as possible. Please forgive my bad time management. This is all I can offer right now. See you next time. :3

Thanks for reading!

Ps. Currently looking for a beta who can fix any punctuation and grammar slips, any typos, and general mistakes. Just looking to polish things up :)