AN: All notes will now appear at the end of the chapter unless they deal with warnings of some sort (unlikely that I will ever need that).
"Hopefully, he gets a few more hours in. Lord knows he needs it." Cas heard Dean's voice through the bedroom door. "Did you have trouble getting Lil to sleep?"
"I didn't really try. Eventually, she just kind of went down. She was pretty restless at first. She seems to be sleeping pretty soundly now. It will be hard for her." Anna was harder to hear, but Cas was able to catch what she had said.
"How long will Cas be able to keep from going back to work?"
"I think that we can talk Zach into a couple of weeks. Any more than that and it might get ugly. We can only spread around so much of Cas' work. How has he been doing from your end?"
"I'm worried about him." There was more but Cas couldn't quite hear it. He got up and pressed his ear to the door. Dean was still talking. "I think that there is stuff running through his head that he isn't sharing. I think that he is very scared. I don't know what to do to help."
"I wish I had advice. I've never been in this type of situation." She paused and then continued, "We were all so happy about the way things seemed to be looking up for Cas. He was starting to seem happy."
"I'm sure that he was plenty happy before. Had to be better than this." Cas felt irritated that no matter how many times he told Dean differently, Dean was still all too willing to rewrite Cas' history of happiness.
"No, Dean, you are wrong about that." Thank you Anna. "He was deeply unhappy. Rejection does that to you. He threw his heart at Charles and Charles didn't know what to do with it. He was a selfish bastard. Guess Cas just saw something else in him that the rest of us missed. He use to say that Charles had an artist's soul. I think that was just code for pretentious. I think that he made Cas feel like he was special or something. He use to take him on these fancy vacations and stuff. He wrote some horrible poems about Cas too. By the way, at the end of the day, we all like you way better."
"Well, thanks for the seal of approval." Dean stuttered out. "I don't deserve him."
"No one worth it ever really thinks that they deserve the love of a good person. Most of us just plod along taking whatever life hands us." She paused again. "I think, though, that Cas would disagree with you there. I think that he would tell you that you deserve to be his or some sappy thing like that."
"He would. That's why I don't deserve him. You know, he told me that he loved me."
"He did, huh?"
"Yeah, and you know what I said back?" Dean paused for a beat then went on, "Nothing. I couldn't say a damn thing. I hate words. It was like some kind of perfect moment and all I could do was just stare at him. He probably thinks that I don't feel anything for him. I just don't know how to act sometimes."
"I'm sure that he knows. He didn't exactly kick you out of his bed just now did he?" She stopped for a moment then said, "Well, then you must know that he gets you. Sometimes words are overrated. It's what you do that matters. Of course, he deserves to hear how you feel too. Perhaps you just need to muster up some courage and tell him."
"Maybe. I need to think about it. I need to make sure that I have something planned out in my head or else I will say something stupid."
"Meh, just dive into the deep end. Seriously. Best advice I can give you." Cas had heard enough at this point and decided to make some shuffling sounds before heading out to the other room.
"Hey, you two." He said sheepishly when he emerged from the bedroom.
"Hey yourself." Anna got up from the dining room table and made her way over to him. She gave him a gentle hug. "Get enough sleep?"
"Eh, somewhat. I think that I just needed to get up and remind myself that being awake at 2:00am is not all it's cracked up to be. Why are you two up at this ungodly hour?"
"I couldn't sleep," Dean said. "I scared Anna a bit when I was rummaging around in your kitchen." He turned to her and said, "Yeah, sorry about that again."
"No worries. I am going to head back to bed though. See you both in the morning. Well, later morning." She turned then and headed back to the guest room.
"You staying up?" Cas asked Dean.
"I don't know. I'm not tired anymore. What about you?"
"I can't sleep anymore. I should try though." He walked over to Dean and sat across from him at the table, clearly not planning to try right away.
"You want to talk?"
"I don't know what to say. I want a redo somewhere far away from all of this." Cas felt Dean's hands cover his own.
"You remember when we were at the bar that night and you were talking about needing a redo? You said that Charles wrote a poem about it or something. It was how you convinced me to come over and fix the bike." Dean smiled at him.
"Funny thing, I remember most of that night now, thanks to Gabe's little videos, but I don't remember much about that conversation. Crazy, huh?" Cas smiled back.
"Not so crazy. I think that you have selective memory loss for that night. You just don't want to remember how shamelessly you were flirting with me." Cas was pretty sure that Dean was trying to redirect his train of thought, just like Sam was known to do whenever the conversation became uncomfortable. He didn't mind though, so he followed Dean's lead.
"I was not the one that was shamelessly flirting. You were way worse with your pointed staring and hand touching. Plus, you totally bought me a drink, if I remember right." Cas let a little triumph sneak into his voice on the last sentence. Yeah, Dean Winchester. Now who was the flirt?
"Well, if memory serves, I bought everyone drinks."
"That just makes you a bit of a hussy. Doesn't change the fact that you bought me a drink and that you were completely into me. You have already admitted it so many times. No way to deny it now." Cas leaned back in his chair and let the moment fully consume his mind. No room for outside garbage, just space enough for this silly banter.
"I was, because you were practically throwing yourself at me. I think that I have the battle scars to prove it." Dean rubbed his chin a little for effect.
"Not my fault that you sucked at kissing that night. Good thing you were willing to be such an apt pupil." Cas got up and ran his hand through his hair as he stretched into a yawn.
Dean blushed a little at the memory and with a little help from Cas got up from the table too. "Not so sure that I have gotten it all figured out. I might need an advanced tutorial." Dean leaned into Cas a little his chin brushing along Cas' cheek.
"I don't think that you should be overexerting yourself with those injuries, Dean." Cas' tone changed a little as they both walked back to the bedroom.
"I wasn't planning to run a marathon. I think that I am up for whatever I can convince you is appropriate."
"You make it sound like I am the roadblock." Cas closed the door behind Dean as he hobbled into the room. "If I remember correctly, you are the injured party here."
"And you are the one that worries too much. Now, are you going to stand there all day arguing or are you going to help me get some of these clothes off. Oh, and by some, I mean all." Dean curled up his lips with that and sat back onto the bed. Cas came over to him and knelt in front of him, remembering the first time that they had kissed, when he had sat where Dean sat now. It was a good memory. He smiled back at Dean then and pushed all other thoughts aside to just be in this moment.
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AN: Thank you all so much for the lovely reviews. I have decided to start moving all of my AN to the bottom of the chapter. So thanks and thoughts can all be in one place. Thanks Master's daughter for enjoying the dream sequence and the thoughts on the last chapter too. I rather enjoyed writing the dreamscape. Thanks Mummabro for the encouragement. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I struggle with writing loss because I don't think that I understand it in the same way as normal people do. I have lost family and friends, and I find that it is often quietly horrible and very internal. Displaying that outwardly for Cas and Lil is difficult. Legsinger and YoungHopeful, thank you for your thoughts on the dream. I had hoped to have gotten it right. Taytay127, as always thanks for all the encouragement and thoughts. So appreciated.