TW: mentions of rape
She doesn't leave the house, downright refuses to and though Robin doesn't push, he encourages. He whispers promises of long walks in the moonlight, holding hands and pressing kisses to every inch of skin that he can reach (is always doing just that when he asks it of her and she accepts them, will always accept his affections but) "I just can't" is always her reply.
He asks if he can take her out, show her off and give her a reason to dress up not only for him but for herself because, with what little he knows of her past love, he knows she had to keep it a secret, could tell none of it even if she'd wanted to shout it from the rooftops. She smiles at the idea, dusts a warm palm across the stubbled skin of his cheek and tells him that she's "so very lucky" to have him, to have his love…and then that smile grows sad as her eyes gloss and shine and she's back to the quiet sadness that won't quite let her breathe.
The boys ask her to join them in the park, for ice cream at the diner (Roland had made that particular request before either Henry or Robin could stop him) and she could see how tense they were around her, worried about upsetting her, about her spilling anymore tears because it had been almost a week now since that man had arrived in this town, in this time and it felt as though it had all but stopped since then. She felt stuck, she felt frozen and she didn't know how to set it moving forward again. She didn't know how to fix herself (or at least make attempts to) like she had before. In all honesty, she hadn't...there had been no true happiness in her life again until she'd adopted Henry.
Emma had visited on the second day, after her parents and with absolutely no clue that they'd even been here in the first place. Henry had sat with her again and had remained the entire time despite his current anger with his biological mother. He'd only left them both alone when Emma had stood to leave and Regina had asked for a little time with her. He'd agreed reluctantly and she'd had to scold him for the look he'd given the blonde before he'd left. That was something she was going to need to speak to him about.
"I didn't even think," Emma confessed quietly, looking down at the hands she had clasped in her lap, "and I know that doesn't excuse the fact that I still broke the rules and brought someone back with me, no matter who they were, I'm still very sorry Regina."
She looked over the younger woman for a long moment, taking in her statement turned plea and she found, that no matter how she wanted to, she couldn't pull any rage for this woman to the surface, not after all they'd been through. "I forgive you, Emma," she breathed and couldn't help the small smile that painted her lips when green eyes found hers, complete shock dancing within them, "and I know it doesn't feel like it now but Henry will soon, he just feels too much loyalty to me to do so at the moment."
The blonde nodded, her curls tickling at the red leather of her jacket as she sighed "I hope you're right."
"I also…" Regina began somewhat hesitantly, her brow furrowing as tears pricked at her eyes with thoughts of the subject at hand, "I understand that things have changed within your household, your family but I want you to know that, no matter what your mother tells you nor any other in this town, including…him" she spat, swallowing down bile before continuing, "that man is not good."
Emma nodded slowly, looking the brunette over, the woman so very different to the one she'd known all of this time, "will you tell me?" she asked tentatively, her head tilting to catch Regina's eyeline, "will you tell me what happened to you?"
The brunette was quiet for a long moment, her eyes on her hands as teardrops fell to wash across the backs of them and her face creased with her sorrow. "Women in our world were required to perform their marital duties," she explained softly, her voice thick with emotion, "there was no choice in the matter and no laws against it." Her head shook, her dark hair forming a curtain around her face as she continued, "I was taught that there was nothing wrong with a man taking what 'belonged' to him" she spat the words with venom, her mother's voice filling her head, "and then when I came here and learned of the ways of this world, I realised that there was something wrong with it, that I wasn't wrong for fighting against him, for marking him just as he did me whenever possible." Her nails were digging into the material covering her thighs as she inhaled deeply and was finally able to look up and catch the trail of tears falling down Emma's cheeks, "rape was not a known word in my land Emma," she explained sorrowfully, "but for almost every day of my life for the better part of two decades, that is what happened to me, that is what the good and kind King Leopold did to me."
Emma hadn't said much after Regina had finished speaking, had only apologised for what she had been through and assured her that her parents wouldn't be back around to bother her before taking her leave. She'd visited a couple of times after, still hopeful that Henry would speak to her but he wasn't ready yet and, unlike her Grandfather before her, Emma was respectful of his wishes.
Today was the first time she'd gotten herself properly dressed having spent most days in her pyjamas, the first time she'd stood before her mirror and actually looked at herself. She hadn't lost weight as such, it had only been seven days and both Robin and their boys (she felt presumptuous referring to Roland as something of her own but it was in the privacy of her own mind and it was one of her only light thoughts these days, one that had happiness fluttering within her stomach) had been ensuring she eat as much food as she was able - half a bowl of soup on her good days when her throat wasn't tight with the need to cry both for what the future was going to bring and her gratitude for their patience with her - but she looked gaunt, ghostly almost.
Her clothes didn't feel the same anymore. The very things she'd used to feel better than those she'd cursed, her armour of silk and satin that now had her feeling like she was playing pretend just as she had all those years ago, dressed in glittering jewels and fancy, embroidered fabrics with a crown on her head that had belonged to another.
She didn't feel like she knew who she was anymore for she no longer wanted to play pretend but she'd never been anything other than what another had wanted her to be, her Mother, her husband (the word still brought bile stinging at her throat), this town…she wasn't sure she knew who Regina was anymore…
But as she looked herself over once more in the mirror, shuffled tentatively closer to look only at her face, at the life slowly coming back into her eyes, she decided that, for once in her life, she wanted to find out.
No more Princess, no more Queen (evil or otherwise), no more Mayor…just Regina, just Regina and Robin and their boys.
"You look different," Roland tilted his head as he studied her, a little hand coming up to touch strands of hair that had fallen from her ponytail to frame her face. He was sat on her knee, legs either side of her thighs and eyes so inquisitive as they roamed over her face, her hair, her clothes and she supposed she did to him. Her face was completely free of makeup, no crimsons or black lines, her hair had been washed, dried and pulled back into a loose ponytail, the ends just brushing the very top of her back and she wore no pantsuits, no tight skirts nor dresses and no pyjamas.
Instead she had pulled out one of her old pairs of dark wash jeans, fitted still, but ones which had been comfy and pliable to allow her to drop to her knees and play games in imaginary worlds with her son when he was young, soft worn denim for when little arms wrapped around her leg and asked her to sing him to sleep at bedtime.
She still wore a blouse for it was a style she felt she liked, flowing material, sheer or matte, shining and silky. This one was a burgundy silk, the only button was to keep the collar somewhat together and stop from revealing too much. It was playful enough to catch Robin's eye (she could practically feel them burning into her and she liked the feeling of being wanted, of being desired even feeling as miserable as she had) but demure enough to wear in front of others, namely, their boys.
Her feet were clothed only in thin black ankle socks. There would be no heels today.
"Bad different?" she asked, internally cringing at the answer she thought to be coming because children had no filter, they were brutally honest and gave no apologies for it. It was something she'd always admired in Roland, had noticed when Henry had gone from complete truths to little white lies when he understood the preservation of people's feelings but then, why should he? Wasn't honesty the best policy after all?
He shook his head though, messy curls bouncing as he smiled, still playing with her hair, and told her "you look huggy."
She laughed at that, for the first time in a week she actually laughed because "what a description," and the surprise on Robin's face when he darkened the living room doorway (the tangible relief too that she still knew how to laugh) had her smile warming as she glanced over at him just briefly before looking back to the boy grinning on her lap, proud of himself for pulling the sound from her. She bounced her knees, hands grabbing at Roland's and pulling them down to her lap as he giggled and shook.
She was unprepared though, taken completely by surprise when he suddenly lunged forward at her, arms wrapping tightly around her neck and little knees knocking into her stomach as he buried his face in the join of her neck and shoulder and told her "I missed you R'gina."
Slowly, after she'd processed what he'd said, she moved her arms to wrap around him, her own face burying in his neck as tears stung at her eyes and she confessed both to him, the man standing in the doorway practically radiating love and, more importantly, to herself "I missed me too sweetheart." and when she matched Robin's beaming smile with one of her own, she brought prodding fingers down to Roland's sides, revelling in his laughter and telling him "but I missed you more!"