Chapter 9
Tommy read the note and tried to get it all together. He needed coffee first so he dressed and went down to the kitchen. With his coffee besides him he read Barbara´s letter again:
Dear Tommy,
I really hope you understand and you are not angry or disappointed that I left but I need some time for myself.
This last few days with you have been the happiest I can think off in a long time despite the circumstance of the shooting.
Last night was just overwhelming! I never thought that someone would love me that much and also that I would be able to give so much to someone. But I guess I also knew deep down that if I would it would only be with you.
You have to believe me that I don´t regret anything but now waking up beside you this morning and feeling so happy and cared for I also felt that it all went on quite fast and under extreme emotional circumstances.
As until now I only ever had to be true to myself I need some time to think now and I guess you could use some time for yourself too.
So please don´t be angry with me, we will see each other tomorrow at work and hopefully after.
Lots of love,
Barbara
PS: I hope you don´t mind that I left my stuff in the spare-room.
Also he was a bit disappointed he could also understand her. It was her complex, complicated, sometimes stubborn and wayward personality which needed time and space now. And didn´t he loved her exactly for that, for not being one of this boring well-educated and perfect woman of the society.
And she was right for her it had gone quite fast as he had been sure of his feelings for so long now he would give her the space she needed. Perhaps it had been too early to tell her he loved her but he had to last night it just slipped out as he had been so happy having her in his arms.
And he also knew that loving each other didn´t mean to lose your own personality but to except each other as they were.
And she didn´t run away completely he would see her tomorrow.
So now I would do some work for the Estate and also make the long overdue phone call to his mother. He would have to go to Howenstowe sometime soon to check the new Estate manager. Perhaps he could convince Barbara to go with him.
Thinking of Barbara now he got an idea in his head to surprise her later today…
After she got home Barbara did all the things she normally would have done on Saturday and tried to get as much in her normal routine as possible. She needed to know that she could go back to her old normal life if it didn´t work out. Okay it wasn´t the real circumstances and she knew it was a bit unreal but she couldn´t help it. She only hoped Tommy would understand.
At 2 pm she was ready with her washing and cleaning and as Tommy hadn´t phoned or came by could mean that he accepted her wish or that he was annoyed with her. She really hoped it was the first.
She started ironing thinking about last night. It had been wonderful and she had felt so loved and beautiful, nobody before had made her feel that way. But she also knew that it wouldn´t always be like that. They had to face work and also his social background. He was an Earl and had duties in social events and so on. If it wasn´t a problem for him how would it be for her? Would she be able to accept this part of him and if she did what about his mother? Would she approve of Barbara? She was sure that Lady Asherton liked her and had been very nice to her the few times they talked after Helen died and Barbara had been her only source of information about her son. But what would she say when Tommy told her he wanted to marry her.
Okay, this was a really far away thought but thinking about his honest declaration of loving her last night she knew it was possible.
She knew that he had been a bit disappointed that she hadn´t said she loved him too last night but it was something that didn´t come easy to her, she knew she loved him, loved him for so long now but saying it would make it irrevocable.
Arghhh and now she was thinking about him the whole time….but at least her ironing was done.
She made another cup of coffee and decided to watch the DVD Sam had brought around again. She couldn´t remember much of watching it on Thursday night with Tommy only remembered the comfort he had given her.
Now she watched closely feeling sad but also enjoying seeing Terry happy and healthy in it. And now she also watched the performance. It was not that bad so she didn´t had to be too embarrassed that Tommy had seen it. He had also heard her yesterday and it had looked like he liked it.
When she had finished the video she took her phone and called Sam.
"Walters!"
"Hi Sam, it´s Barbara."
"Oh, good to hear your voice, little one. How are you?"
"I´m fine, Sam. The wound isn´t that bad and I was well taken care of."
"I noticed that. Your DI is really very protective," Sam answered and thinking about it he thought he would try to get a bit more about the two of them out of her. "Looked for me as he was much more concerned about you being hurt than a boss normally would do, little one! Is there more that you are not telling me?" Bugger off with being subtle about it.
Barbara sighed knowing that there was no way of getting out of this now. Sam had always been able to read her like a book. And somehow it would be nice to talk with someone about it so she just blurred it all out. How Tommy had cared for her and about her lovely trip on Saturday. The night she only put up in one sentence not giving away too much. She also told him about her doubts of not being the right one or good enough for him and about feeling a bit uneasy about his social duties.
Sam listened to all this first and then said: "Okay, little one. Just answer me a few questions, okay? First: Do you love him?"
"Yes!" she answered without hesitation.
"Second: Does he love you?"
Here Barbara sighed again: "I´m sure he does. It felt so when he said it last night. He also used an endearment his grandfather used for his grandma and he himself had never used before to someone else…"
Barbara clearly remembered the moment when Tommy had taken her softly in his arms last night and had whispered in her ear: "I love you, Kara!" It had confused Barbara and she had asked: "Kara?"
Feeling her stiffened Tommy just held on to her and said: "You don´t have to worry I´m not thinking about another woman as you think. "Kara" is Cornish and means "my love". It was the endearment my grandfather used for my grandma and I haven´t used it for anyone before. I guess it never felt right before."
It had made her incredibly happy but that she wouldn´t tell Sam.
"Third: What are you worried about, if you both really love each you will work it all out."
"I know you´re right, Sam, but I couldn´t bring myself to say it to him. You know this words don´t come easy over my lips. I don´t know why it feels so impossible for me to do it!" Barbara sounded a bit frustrated.
"Okay, if you can´t say them you can perhaps sing them to him. Let him come next Thursday and we will find the perfect song for you to sing."
Thinking about it, Barbara immediately knew which song would be perfect to tell Tommy about her feelings for him. "That´s a wonderful idea, Sam. Will do so. Perhaps we can do a little test before the others arrive Thursday?"
"Sure, sounds like you already know what. Will be there a bit earlier then on Thursday."
"Thanks, Sam! I´m so happy to have you back."
"Me too, little one. Have a good night and sweet dreams."
"Good night, Sam."
After ending the call Barbara made her dinner and started to switch through the TV channels.
Just when she had decided to go to bed her mobile rang and she got a message:
"Good night, Kara, sweet dreams, hope the attached music will help with the dreams. Love you Tommy."
Now she knew that he wasn´t angry which made her very happy and now she also noticed the attached file and started to play it. Hearing it tears shot in her eyes as Tommy had recorded his piano playing of the Intermezzo for her. After hearing it for the third time she answered: "Thanks for that. You really want to make sure that my dreams are of you J. Love and hugs, Barbara."
Taking her mobile with her and listening to the music for some more times she got ready and went to bed taking the only thing with her she had taken from Tommy´s flat this morning: her Eeyore!
A/N: Thanks again for the reviews. As wished for here is the translation of the German song in the last chapter for those who are interested, it´s sounds a bit weird but it´s a really old song:
That you are my love
That you are my love, that you know already
Come to me by night, come to me by night
Tell me your name.
Come around midnight, come around 1am
Father is sleeping, mother is sleeping
I am sleeping alone
Knock at the chamber door, grab the door handle
Father will think, mother will think
that is the wind
As you can guess it will still go on from here but I got the wish of making the story not too short so there will be more...