Chapter 32 - Ripped Seam

Kiine actually summoned for Yuki at the end of the second night, after a day filled with him seeing her only at meals, silently eating behind her. Seated next to that boy.

She'd been with Kou for almost the entire afternoon, overseen only by Shankusu, who was apparently enough of a presence to protect them both.

(In his defense, Shankusu was an enormous man made of knotted muscles and cracked knuckles. He carried a short sword with a broad, curved blade on him, the sort that bandits in the Land of Wind liked to use. Kiine marveled at it when she first saw it, and he let her hold it when she asked.)

Yuki kept himself occupied enough throughout the day, nursing his anger and transmuting it into worry, which felt so much more acceptable an emotion to have. Anger was best hoarded away and channeled into the blade, not wasted in hours of idleness.

It also felt less guilty to worry, in a sense.

Yuki entered Kiine's bedroom to find her laying on her stomach on top of her futon, her face on her forearms. She didn't turn to look at him when he entered, just kicking her legs in the air. He didn't say anything, at first, lingering in front of the door, sitting on his knees, his head slightly bowed. It was strange, then, that she almost looked surprised to see him when she finally addressed him. Her eyes widened, slightly. "Oh, Yuki. You're here!"

"You did ask for me, Master Kiine…" Yuki said, quietly. "What do you need of me, sir?"

Kiine shrugged. The motion was awkward and strange, from her position on her belly. "I dunno. I guess I wanted to talk, yeah?" she said. "I've been kinda… avoiding you since I got home."

Yuki didn't say anything, not wanting to hurt her feelings.

She rolled over and sat up on the futon. She was wearing in a looser dress, now, less restrictive than a kimono, and she sat cross-legged, her hands on her ankles. She was looking at Yuki, however, and her eyes were locked with his. "…I wanted to say I'm sorry, Yuki. 'cos it's not your fault, what happened in Konoha," she said.

He felt a strange seizing-up in his stomach. "You don't need to apologize for anything, sir. And it is my fault…" he said. "I don't deserve an apology."

"It is not your fault. I know what happened, Yuki, your brother told me the whole story."

The fact that he didn't know this hit Yuki hard. "When did you…?

"A couple days ago. I wanted to find out what had really happened."

"Oh…"

Why hadn't she just asked him herself…?

He answered his own question a few moments later, and it made his cheeks flush to realize that he'd probably just apologize without giving her much information—much as he wished he could remain cold and emotionless and perfect, doing everything she asked without mishap.

Then again, if he could do that, then they wouldn't be in their predicament in the first place.

(To some extent, Kiine knew this, too.)

"You don't deserve to be treated like this," she continued. "I mean, it's not like you sold me out on purpose, yeah..."

Oh, but it felt like it. It couldn't have felt like anything else, to Yuki. "I still sold you out, sir. I'm sorry…"

Kiine was quiet, for a while. She looked at her feet, her mouth twisting towards her nose. "I should at least apologize for being so mean to you lately, yeah?" she said.

"You haven't been mean to me at all, sir." It was a lack of meanness, more than anything. And Yuki had felt like he had deserved it, every bit.

(Why did he have to keep that hair? Couldn't he have hidden it better, at least?)

Kiine sighed—she was giving up. It was probably for the best, Yuki felt, because it was no use trying to apologize to him, and even he knew it.

"Never mind, then, I guess…" she said. She didn't say anything more, adjusting her position where she sat.

"Is there… anything else you wish of me, sir?" said Yuki, hoping for an affirmative.

It was a half-hearted reply. "We could just talk, yeah?" she said. "What did you do today?"

"Me? Oh, um." Yuki found himself somewhat taken aback. The question felt strange to him, mostly because he hadn't been asked it much; at least, not by Kiine. He supposed that it was because they were together so often that she had no reason to ask it in the first place, because of course she would know what he had been up to.

(A small voice in the back of his head told him that he wasn't important enough for Kiine to ask questions of, but it was a very small voice, and hard to hear.)

(He blamed the strange new distance instead.)

He blinked a few times before replying, "I practiced with my sword in the dojo, sir."

"Oh, that musta been fun," Kiine said, with the same tone of voice that someone might use to say, "I went to the dentist's today."

"It was a good use of my time, I suppose…" Yuki said. Not the most exciting way to spend an afternoon, but it was the truth. He found himself sitting in silence again and, swallowing his discomfort, he said, "I was told that you spent the afternoon with Hakaza Kou-san. I hope it was not terribly uncomfortable for you, sir."

Kiine's expression surprised him. "Uncomfortable? Why would you say that?" she said.

He tried not to think about the day before. "Well, given the circumstances, sir…" Yuki said. "I was just worried that you would not be treated well, is all, especially given that I was not there to accompany you…"

Kiine narrowed her eyes, her mouth. "They treated me just fine, Yuki, Shankusu-san and Kou-kun both. What are you talking about?"

Oh, no, he already had her calling him Kou-kun. "I just have my… worries about that Hakaza Kou-san," Yuki said, softly. He didn't want to get her angry, he didn't want to go dragging up things that she didn't want brought up.

"What sorts of worries?"

He remembered the things she had said, when she was crying to him, alone, the things she had said to his face in the mirror. "I just have my doubts about his character, Master Kiine. Given his background and everything… You said so yourself," he said. "Families like yours and his don't produce the nicest people."

Her expression was unreadable. "So you're saying that I'm not nice, Yuki? Yeah?"

"No! No, Master Kiine, you're very nice." Yuki's head lowered, slightly, in shame. She'd asked that question before, he knew. "It's just… others I'm not so sure of…"

She sighed, and moved towards him, and when she stopped her knees were touching his knees. Yuki could hardly breathe. "Kou-kun's actually kinda nice, Yuki. You don't have to worry about him, I think."

"Nice?"

"Yeah. He's nice. Kind of a wimp, yeah, but he's fun to talk to."

What in the world had they talked about? Yuki wanted to know. But, instead, all he said was, "Oh, I see."

"Yeah, he's a lot different than I expected," Kiine continued. She leaned back, propping herself up with her arms, smiling slightly. "He's kinda cute, actually! The things he likes to do, I mean," she added, quickly. She cleared her throat. "Not his… Um. He likes baking."

"Baking, huh…" Yuki said, unable to muster even a slight amount of sincerity. Kiine didn't seem to notice.

"Yeah, he said he was gonna try an' make me something while he was here, and I told him that would be great, yeah?" she continued. "I wanna see if he's as good as he says he is. Though, hah, he kept saying he wasn't that good, meaning he's either absolutely awful, or really good. One or the other, yeah."

"I'm sure it'll be very interesting, sir," Yuki said.

"Yeah, I'm sure. And, just between you an' me?" she said, leaning forward now, glancing from side to side. Yuki could already guess what she was going to ask. "I honestly think that we gotta take this guy out somewhere. And soon. Serious shut-in, yeah." A beautiful smile that suited her began to grow on her face as she leaned in closer, her nose only inches from his. Yes, she had asked what he had expected. "You think you could help sneak us out maybe later tonight or tomorrow?"

Yuki clenched his fists. His fingers felt cold. "I… don't think that would be a good idea, sir…" he said, his head lowering further and further with each word.

"Why not?" Kiine said.

Oh, there were a million reasons, swimming and milling about in his mind like angry fish. He reached and managed to find an acceptable one. "You've only been home for so long, sir. If you were to sneak out again and you got caught, your father would be furious, I think…" he said.

"Oh, come on. We won't get caught, yeah," she said. There was such confidence in her voice.

Yuki didn't say anything. He pursed his lips.

"…c'mon, Yuki, honestly," she continued. "We won't get caught. Especially not if you're with me. And Kou really needs to get out, I mean-"

"Why do you want to bring him?" The words shot out of Yuki like pressurized water, and he almost clapped his hands over his mouth, after the fact. He stared at Kiine, instead, with brown, distressed eyes. His breaths came quickly, strangely.

"…well, I dunno, I just think it'd be a nice thing to do," Kiine said. She shrugged, but only slightly.

"But… you shouldn't sneak out, sir…!" he said. His voice squeaked. "I don't want you to get in trouble again!"

"We're not gonna get in trouble, Yuki. Stop being such a worrywart, okay?" she said, laughter bubbling up in her voice. "You're coming with, remember? It'll be just like old times."

(But the old times had been just him and her, however reluctantly he had chosen to come along. But Kou was, Kou was…)

(…unwelcome.)

The angry fish-thoughts stirred, violently. "I just don't think it's a very good idea at all, sir," he said. His voice was thin as it tried to press through his throat. "There's too much risk, it's not the right time, and with him there…!"

Kiine started really laughing, there. "Why are you still so worried about Kou-kun? He's absolutely harmless," she said. "Really, I think you two would get along, yeah? I'll ask Shankusu to let you replace him tomorrow afternoon. We're gonna eat lunch out in the garden, again, it was really nice when we did it today."

What was he doing to her? "Somehow I doubt this, sir…" he managed.

"Oh c'mon, Yuki, you'll never know until you talk to him yourself, yeah," Kiine said. She put a hand on his shoulder. He couldn't bring himself to move away at all. "He's a pretty good guy."

Yuki didn't say anything, just feeling her warm little hand on him.

"So when we go out tonight, or whatever, I was thinking of lending Kou some of your clothes, because it'd be kinda suspicious and freakin' impractical with his current wardrobe," Kiine said, when she took her hand off of Yuki's shoulder, and leaned back on her arms again. "I have no idea if they'll fit him, though, since you're small, but he's kinda shorter and pudgier than you, I think. Man, that kid is a sharp dresser, though, did you see what he was wearing at breakfast? Wow."

She didn't notice that she was talking to herself, at this point. Yuki closed his eyes.

"Either way, it'll be nice to see everyone again. And, hey, I won't have to wear a hat this time!" she continued, pleasantly. "Cos my hair's all short, now. Plus I think it'll be easier to fight with, since there's nothing to grab any more…"

"I wonder why that is, sir." The sarcasm felt strange and dry on his tongue.

Kiine finally noticed. "Yuki, what's that supposed to mean?"

"Do you not remember why you had to leave in the first place, sir? Why you had to cut off your hair and go?" He didn't want to open his eyes. They felt hot and awful. "It's because of him, you did all of that to get away from him, and now you want to sneak out with him? I don't understand!"

Kiine stammered, slightly. "That was… before I knew him, Yuki, and I wasn't running away from him, exactly, it was…" And her voice dropped off there; he heard her go "Hm," and then "Well..." And then, she said, "I still don't wanna get married to him, Yuki, and… neither does he. We're both in the same boat, you know. He got forced into it just as much as I did."

Lies, lies, they had to be lies. Yuki could feel tears leaking out from between his eyelashes. "How can you be sure, sir…?"

"How can I be—he told me himself, okay?" Kiine said. There was a sudden defensiveness in her voice. "We spent hours last night just talking about how much our dads suck, Yuki. He's almost got it worse off than me! Did you know that his dad wants him to be the next Boss? He doesn't even want to be Boss. And you know how much I…" She paused. She inhaled, exhaled, angrily. "Man, talk about freakin' unfair, yeah!"

Oh, it was all so very unfair. And he knew, he knew so very, very well, about Kiine's dreams.

"Neither of us want this," she continued. "Maybe if we… work together, we can stop it. I mean he's a nice guy, Yuki. I actually kinda… like him."

The pause in her words grabbed at his throat and didn't let go.

"But not like him, like him. I don't wanna marry him," she said. "I mean, hell, Yuki. I'm not gonna just give up here to become the wife of a Boss. I won't accept it."

And all he could do was nod in assent. A tear began making its way down his cheek.

And she asked, "Hey, Yuki, are you okay?"

He felt her hand on his knee.

He nodded further, and wiped his eyes, his cheek, with the back of his hand. He kept them closed. He sniffed, subtly. "I'm perfectly fine, sir. Do you need me for anything else…?" His voice was high from the strain of keeping a sob from falling out of his mouth.

At once, he prayed for a command, and a dismissal.

"…naw, you can go, Yuki. I'll see you at dinner, yeah?" she said.

Yuki nodded. He rose. "O-of course, sir. Thank you…"

He opened his eyes just enough to see Kiine looking up at him with concern and worry and she couldn't see him like this. He was her best friend, but he was also her bodyguard, and he had to be strong.

(Not like the night when she had left, when she had held him and oh how he had wished, to his endless shame, for that moment never to end.)

(And even after everything he had done for her, after everything he had done, he had still ruined it for her.)

(He couldn't imagine that she still didn't hate him. This snap back to "normal" was too sudden, and Kou only worsened the matter for him.)

And he took his leave, waiting until he was far enough away to cover his mouth with his hand, to capture whatever tried to escape.

On one hand he was incredibly, enormously relieved that Kiine was still going to fight. That she hadn't been… completely seduced by that boy with those insincere yellow eyes. He didn't want the marriage either? Maybe… he was just saying that, to get her sympathy—but what good would that do him in the long run? If he really wanted the marriage then surely he wouldn't say anything like that.

And who wouldn't want to be Boss? It baffled Yuki.

(And what did she think was so great about him, anyways? He was nice? He was a good baker? That was all?)

He barricaded himself in his room and held his knees as he thought.

(He didn't feel the air growing colder. Even in the dead of winter, he never really felt the cold.)

(Kiine, in the room beside him, did.)

He didn't trust Hakaza Kou. He didn't trust a thing about him.

He was left undisturbed until dinner, when he removed the traces of his worry from the walls and went to sit behind Kiine, as usual. She offered to have him join her and Kou after the meal for some conversation, and she had winked at him, too; but Yuki had to refuse. She said she understood. "Later, then. Tomorrow?"

"If you want to, sir," Yuki had replied. He glanced at Kou, once, whose face was glossed over with a vague sort of worry; but he did not give the boy another look.

Yuki was left alone that evening. He stayed in the practice hall until the late hours of the night, tying back his hair, swinging his blade, hearing the hiss of the air cut by the metal, each swing more desperate, more angry, more real than the last.

Hakaza Kou was an invader. And Yuki knew he that could adapt to his presence, eventually—he was already relieved by what seemed like Kou's good intentions.

But because Yuki could not deny his gut feeling, he kept one possibility still alive in his mind.

Eradication.

(When they had settled down into private conversation together, later that night, Kou asked Kiine if Yuki didn't like him.)

(Kiine assured him that Yuki didn't not-like him, he was just… getting used to Kou being around.)