WHAZ UP ladies, gents and other! I'm too green a writer to make a good three year training trip, so I'm gonna skip the three years. I'm sorry, I'm probably letting a lot of peoples' hopes down, but I couldn't do that. I don't have the confidence in my self, or the experience, to make a good three year training trip. I'd just make it cracky and make this story worse than it already is. Spoiler alert:Naruto's gonna reach Konoha earlier than everyone expects, and tests the rookies. He's also become a Jonin on the trip by doin' missions that Tsunade sent them on.
'Paraphrasing and or character perception'
"Normal speech"
"Demonic speech or Inner Sakura"
Thoughts and or emphasis
Jutsu
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The Konoha 11, and Temari as she'd been ordered by Suna's council to be a Konoha-nin for whenever Naruto got back, had been training nonstop for the three years Naruto was away with Jiraiya-sama. At the moment they were at Ichiraku Ramen, reminiscing about the good old days, and old questions, "Where could he have gotten all that power? It makes no sense..."
Shikamaru's words were heard clearly by the others and the Ichiraku chefs, "What do you mean, Shikamaru? He was always that strong, we all knew this, it was obvious." Ino said this casually, these words hadn't been heard by anyone of them, so they were shocked to say the least. "What do you mean, Ino-pig? Naruto-baka was a weakling from the start, he couldn't even get Sasuke-kun back!" Before anyone else could retort, they felt a wave of killer intent that vanished as soon as it had come into existence, making them wonder if they were imagining things.
(Cue: Rise Against-Satellite)That's when they were all grabbed by seemingly random, cloaked figures, "What the Hell?!" "Die!" Kiba, who had stopped wearing his heavy jacket, was fighting an opponent who had a leopard next to him, as he assumed this person was a guy from his voice depth. But he couldn't pick up a scent from either of them. "Who are you..." The hood and cloaked figure chuckled, "Your death..." Kiba and Akamaru were then rushed, a punch to the stomach and a headbutt to canine ribs.
"Whoever you are, you picked a troublesome time to start a fight!" The figure before Shikamaru was cloaked and clearly muscular, but her voice was unrecognizable, "Shut up, Garbage!" Her shadow then rose from the ground and began to attack the Nara heir, surprising him to no end.
Ino was almost cut in half by a long, purple-with-silver-highlights ponytail from her hooded opponent, "The fuck?! You're using you hair against me?!" "...yes..." The whispered answer was barely audible, getting Ino to lean forward before dodging another swing from the feminine voiced assailant.
Choji leaped over a sword of what appeared to be the large, cloaked man's arm, "What the heck's with your arm?!" The man didn't answer, he only made the blade stretch towards the semi-armored Choji, who ducked and almost lost his stomach from the elongation. The sword turned into a clawed arm covered in scales that left clawmarks on his chestplate's kanji for 'food'.
Shino was beaten around and his bugs were dying of eating too much chakra from his short, cloaked opponent, "Who are you?" "I am the one teaching you naughty children a lesson..." The muscular man with what appeared to be very small wings on his back, leaped with a kick to Shino's hooded head.
Sakura was being slapped around, literally! "Who is this person, and why is it that I'm NOT DRIVING?!" I can't let you fight-"UNGH!" Her assailant was too fast to track and she was smacking her at every dash around her, making a small twister appear around her, "Why are you attacking me?! I don't even know you!" The sounds of girly giggles could be heard, making her growl before being slapped in her still small breasts, making her blush before being smacked again. "I'm the girl who's going to teach a bitch to kneel." Her chipper tone was innocent and that made Sakura's eyes widen, This girl's crazy! And I can't fight back because I can't see her, or even touch her with how fast she is...
Hinata could see her attacker with her Byakugan, but she couldn't seem to land a blow on him because several others came out of nowhere in a familiar fashion that she couldn't place. "w-w-w-w-Why are you doing this? We'v-v-v-ve done n-n-nothing to you..." The attacker burst out laughing, his voice coming from everywhere, "HAHAHA! Okay, I'll tell ya: Grass grows, birds fly, the sun shines, and brutta! I hurt people. Bonk!" She was hit by an aluminum baseball bat in the pelvic region, "I'm like a force a nature! Boink!" The bat hit her in her fairly developed chest, "If you were from, where I'm from, YOU'D BE FUCKIN' DEAD!" (Please tell me someone gets that reference)
Tenten's weapons were being dodged, deflected or were just flat out missing, "HOW AM I MISSING YOU?! I TRAINED FOR YEARS TO GET MY AIM TO THE POINT IT'S AT AND I CAN'T LAND A BLOW ON YOU!" The woman in a cloak and holding a parasol chuckled condescendingly, "You poor, poor baby! Does momma need to teach you manners?! Hehehehehehe..." Her words made Tenten see red, being an orphan had its negative effects on a person.
Lee was being dodged, every blow was ducked or was caught and used against him. The attacker was very short, and his cloak had bent 'horns' underneath, as his attack held a staff with a swirl at the top, "Who are you, to have this amazing experience in taijutsu and such powerful Flames of Youth?!" An old man's voice left the short fighter, "I am but a humble fighter, looking to repay a debt." Lee didn't get the chance to ask anymore questions, because he was now trying to dodge every attack the short man threw at him.
Neji was being dragged through the ground by a woman, that was clear, but the part he didn't understand was why she had broken chains on her wrists, "What are you doing in Konoha?!" "Repaying a debt." She spun and Neji fell into a pit, when he saw her while catching a glance of pink hair. Who could this be?
Temari was being electrified, as her fan was made of metal and her affinity's weakness was lightning, "A fair woman...I should spare you and save you for later, but I've a job to do. Sucks to be you!" The voice revealed itself to be a muscular, cloaked man when she noticed dandelion-blonde hair.
The attackers were making what was left of the Rookie 11 look like amateurs, which was no simple feat as they were all chunin. The woman fighting Shikamaru had him bound by his and her shadows, "Konoha shinobi are worthless and are dead weight for the rest of the world! When my crew and I finish you off, we're going to kill everyone you hold precious and then...your Hokage will DIE!" These words were heard by all of the Konoha 11, making their eyes widen. Shikamaru opened his eyes slowly, his shadow beginning to rise and flare...
Ino had been cut up by her attacker's hair, while her own hair was what being used to hang her by, "I hope you said goodbye to your boyfriend before he left, because when he comes back-hehehehe! There'll be nothing left of this wretched village..." Ino's eyes opened violently and she raised her head to look at the sky, where light escaped her mouth and eyes as vines made of yellow energy began to form a body...
"Fatassed Akimichi! You're as worthless as this entire village!" Choji was being held in the air by his head, which was being held by the man's arm that had transformed from scales to stone bricks. Choji opened his eyes to glare daggers through his attacker's stone-brick arm, when butterfly wings of chakra sprouted from his back...
Temari was on the ground, her attacker held his middle and index fingers together over her heart with electricity flowing through his fingers, "You're going to have died for nothing. You failed to seduce the last Uzumaki, you failed to save your brother, and now you'll die failing your new village...so pathetic!" She went through her hand seals with one hand, scratched her left thumb, drawing blood, and slammed her hand on the ground, "KUCHIYOSE NO JUTSU!" Out of the smoke cloud stepped a ferret the size of a Dalmatian, a green eyepatch over his left eye, a corset-like shirt on and a small scythe-sized sickle in his mouth...
Hinata was under a dog-pile of perfectly solid copies of her cloaked attacker, "How disappointing! A kunoichi of 'the strongest hidden village', a Hyuuga no less, beaten by a mere child! I came here, looking for a worthy opponent, and what do I get?! A weak, stupid, wast of space, little girl! No wonder the littler one's going to kill you when she comes of age..." That made Hinata's eyes tear up, I'll die here...never having told Naruto-kun how I feel! "NO!" Hinata's right hand glowed purple and a lion's head of chakra outlined it...
Kiba and Akamaru were on the ground, side by side, beaten and bruised. The enemy ninja placed his foot on top of Kiba's head while his feline friend put Akamaru's throat in its mouth, "The mighty and proud Inuzuka clan, belittled into nothing more than a puny little dog training club! Some clan you turned out to be...and to think my clan branched from you!" Kiba and Akamaru exchanged one last glance before Kiba called out in a desperate attempt to save his best friend, "JINJU KONBI HENGE: SOTORO!" Kiba and Akamaru were surrounded by a puff of smoke, when the smoke cleared, there stood a white, double-headed wolf...
Neji was being buried alive, tied up in ninja wire, and defenseless, "My debt is repaid. You should be thankful your life did someone a service, rest now, you deserve it." The hooded woman continued shoveling dirt into the hole she dug to bury the Hyuuga prodigy in. This is how I die...not with a stab, a bang or assassination. I die by being buried alive...Forgive me, Tou-san! I have no choice but to show my strength, instead of hide it like you told me... Neji kicked his legs, getting himself out of the pit as he rocketed towards his attacker by channeling his fire chakra to his feet as propulsion and setting his whole body alight with his fire affinity. His bindings broke and he took the Juuken stance, all the while on fire...
Tenten was surrounded by her own weapons, each one pointed at her vital organs, "So sad. A kunoichi, who dreamt of surpassing Tsunade of the Sannin, beaten with ease..." Tenten glared at her opponent and in a final act of proving her enemy wrong, channeled chakra to her fingertips and creating strings that connected with the weaponry around her...
Lee had opened his four gates again(I weakened 'im for this reason, he can't be able to open all eight until the Fourth Shinobi War), but even then there was nothing he could do to defeat his opponent, "The Konoha no Utsukushiki Aoi Yaju, hmm? I expected better from the student of Maito Gai, but alas, such hopes were undeserving of the Konoha no Kedakakai Aoi Moju!" Lee's eyes turned from teary for failing his sensei, to angry for someone insulting his teacher, "Open, TOMON!" Lee's body was surrounded by energy, his veins became visible and his eyes turned all white...
Shino was almost out of insects, his body had taken quite a beating from the drunken boxing man he had fought, "You've no skills, you're illogical way of fighting makes you an easy opponent to defeat, and now...you'll die!" Gathering what strength he had left, Shino took to fighting with no rhyme or reason in his strikes...
Sakura was, officially, beaten to a pulp. Her entire body was wracked with wounds, minor they may have been, there were too many to be taken lightly, "I took out Tsunade no Sannin's star pupil, that's just making this village's Hokage lose any more dignity from her already worthless title!" Sakura, was seeing her life flash before eyes or what she remembered of it anyway, and she felt no desire to keep fighting...
When the fast-paced girl stopped her running, Sakura saw that she was little older than an academy student. Her features were mostly hidden, but her hair was a sea blue and held up in two long pigtails. The child brought a kunai out of nowhere, and went to slit Sakura's throat, when her lunging hand was caught by the wrist, "I don't think you'll ever change...Haruno!" That voice...where have I heard it before? Sakura looked to the hand and saw, "...Inner?" Holding the little girl's wrist was a carbon copy of Sakura, but her attire was way different from the biker short/skirt and red top she wore.
The clothes were the same as she talked to Inner in Yuki no Kuni, but this time she was in technicolor. Her top was red and had the white ring on the back, while the skirt was white, "I'm going to make this clear, child!" The little blunette looked to Inner with innocent curiosity, "The Bitch is mine to kill!" The child was then thrown into a building.
The entire village felt the power of the Konoha no Juichinin, when the attackers's cloaks disappeared as dust, revealing people they would never think to hurt. Inner and Sakura looked in shock at the genin Hinata before them. Ino's vines of yellow chakra had made a ribcage around her and an enormous arm sprouted, holding who appeared to be a long-haired and younger version of her new role model, Mitarashi Anko. Kiba and Akamaru were about to shred their attackers, when the leopard turned into Kuromaru and Tsume. Shino went to break his opponent's neck, but he stopped as he saw that it was Torune.
Choji's opponent had blocked his blows with his stone brick arm when Choji saw it was his sensei, Asuma. Shikamaru's shadow had become a flame of sorts, when his opponent revealed herself to be his mother but with traits resembling Tayuya, "Hey...dad..." The girl said this as a whisper, Shikamaru being unable to hear her as she ruched him. Tenten had her weapons in the air by using her chakra strings, but her opponent showed herself to be a young Tsunade, "Could you kill your Hokage?!"
Hinata's assailant revealed itself to be a group of child and combined versions of her friends, boys and girls both, as the first one dispelled the others to reveal a blue-haired version of Kiba when they were children, "Sup, mother..." Hinata was unable to hear the last part, as the blue-headed Kiba copy attacked her with taijutsu. The girl fighting Neji revealed herself to be a pink dye-haired Tenten. (Uncue music. Cue: 21 Pilots-Stressed Out)
Temari was about to break her attacker's skull with her fan, when she saw he was Kankuro, "Hey, Ane-chan..."The attackers, familiar or not, started to sing as they fought, "Wish we could turn back time, to the good old days. When the mamas said: I'm not sick, I'm just stressed out! We used to play pretend, give each other different names. We would build a rocket ship and then we'd fly it far away! Used to dream of outer space, but now they laugh and yell in my face: Wake up, you gotta make money!"
The shinobi of Konoha were now fighting at a higher power, when the attackers beat them again and turned to dust. As they disintegrated, the enemy ninja yelled, "WAKE UP!" The Konoha no Juichinin were suddenly back in Ichiraku, where Ayame and Teuchi were staring at them with mildly surprised faces before they brightened as they looked behind the group.
"What the...Hell just happened?!" They heard a rough, masculine voice, "I gave you a lesson..." (Uncue music)They turned around to see a taller and maturer-looking, "N-N-NARUTO-KUN!" Ayame leaped over the counter and tackled her little brother figure, "WHY DIDN'T YOU VISIT?!" Naruto, although clearly more muscular than the female cook, was being strangled by her bearhug and breasts.
"A-AYAME! YOU'RE KILLING HIM!" Ayame, hearing her father's words, looked to the man smothered by her breasts, "OH MY GOD! SORRY! DON'T DIE NARUTO-KUN!" She began to shake Naruto, violently, making his already dead-looking form worse. When Naruto got the raving cheftress to stop straddling him, letting him stand up to reveal he was as tall as Kakashi with his hair down.
Naruto's vest wasn't a chunin's like the rest of them had, he wore a Jonin flak jacket that had the camouflage colors from his home-made flak jacket with areas of orange that made seem less noticeable somehow. His boots were steel-toe, had small spikes on them and were black. The pants Naruto wore were also camouflage, with the same kind of colors: brown, green, black and orange. His fingerless gloves looked normal enough. On both shoulders were perfect copies of the charm Naruto wore as a genin and chunin. Naruto then took an amalgamation of claw-like bedsprings, chainmail, cloth, and fishnet out of his pocket and put it on his hand.
Naruto wore his hitae-ate as a bandanna that surrounded his head, but didn't cover his shaggy and longer locks of blonde hair. His body was lean and muscular, like when he was a chunin, but he was now completely devoid of baby fat. He let them soak him in, before he said, "I'll leave if you really don't want to talk to me!" He then dispersed into nine foxes, "GOD DAMN IT, DUDE! IS THAT ANY WAY TO TREAT YOU FRIENDS AFTER THREE, FUCKING YEARS?!" They heard laughter, and saw Naruto standing on a roof with a superior air to him as he leaped away.
The group knew that he wasn't kidding, as everyone had found out in the retrieval mission. As the group gave chase, they all had one thought, Is he going to actually leave forever? When they reached the gate, they saw the foxes entering Naruto's long sleeves with Jiraiya talking to the guards. They would've called out to Naruto, had Konohamaru not screamed out, "ORIOKO NO JUTSU!" In their way stood an attractive, naked girl where Konohamaru once stood.
Jiraiya, Izumo, Kotetsu and any innocent bystanders had sudden and 'inexplicable' nosebleeds, "What do you think Naruto-nii-san?!" Konohamaru's femal voice was even more attractive, making the nosebleeding males imagine moans in that voice. Naruto chuckled as he opened his slitted, blue eyes, "Kono...I've outgrown using that jutsu for no reason. I'm not the same chunin I once was, I've matured. That jutsu was ranked S, because I got Hiruzen down with it once, so using it for no reason other than kicks is a bad idea...I've also improved it, so I'm not as impressed as I would've been three years ago! Now, Isaribi, did the genjutsu do what you wanted?"
(Deviantart Isaribi Gaiden by Zeth3047 is my basis here)Out of nowhere, a young woman landed in front of Naruto. Her hair was purple and reached her upper back while her eyes were black and pupilless. She wore a beautiful sea foam-green dress that opened on the sides, allowing her legs to be seen. The bottom of her dress had two triangles pointing away from each other, on her left cheek was an accumulation of scales arranged in the form of a fairy with a tail. Her bangs were held out of her face by bandage-wrappings that went around her head, although the left side of her face was covered by her bangs. There were elbow pads, black pauldrons on her shoulders, a knot of cloth was wrapped around her waist, her hitae-ate of Konoha was a choker with oceanic creatures sewn into the cloth, her hands were wrapped in bandage cloth like Lee's and her spiked sandals had heels. She had an hourglass figure, her arms were well toned, her legs seemed to go on forever, her eyes showed seriousness that her companions seemed to lack but were still playful, and her breasts (This is to show how much of a perve Kiba is. He's already checkin' out someone he just lays eyes on) were around the C-cup range.
"Hai, sensei...are these the peo-?" "SENSEI?!" All of the Konoha no Juichinin had shouted that, even stoic Shino and Neji rose their voices. Isaribi had her ears covered from how loud they'd shouted, Jiraiya was snickering, Kotetsu and Izumo were laughing their asses off at Naruto's glowering expression. Naruto, visibly pissed with his old friends, said in a dangerous tone, "So it's that hard to believe that I; a powerful shinobi with a Dojutsu, large reserves, huge learning opportunities and capabilities; is a sensei! Cover your ears, Isaribi..." Isaribi had been removing her hands from her ears when her sensei's voice told her to do otherwise in a malicious tone, "H-Hai sensei..." Her ears covered, Naruto let loose a lot of profanities and insults at his old friends while Jiraiya, Kotetsu and Izumo were trying to stop laughing at the Konoha Eleven's faces.
"-AND GO FUCK YOURSELVES WITH AN OLD HAG-FILLED BROTHEL! Huh huh huh..." Naruto's words left everyone gathered, minus the older ninja and Isaribi, stunned. He'd said a number of curse words they'd never known existed until Naruto gave them a tongue lashing. Naruto took a deep breathe and looked to his not-so-surprised student with gentle eyes as he removed her hands from her ears, "I needed to get that off my chest! Now, let's talk to Tsunade before Sakura realizes I'm here..."
Just after saying that, the voice of Inner called out of Sakura's throat, "LOOK OUT, NARUTO'S STUDENT!" When they heard this, Naruto looked and saw Sakura charging Isaribi. He acted instantly, he caught Sakura's fist in his outstretched hand and was pushed back a few feet while still holding Sakura's hand shakily, Tsunade...when I get in there...I'm going to kill you, Datteboyo!
Sakura's eyes widened momentarily as she tried to goad Naruto into 'admitting' that he wasn't a Jonin, "CHA! NARUTO-BAKA! QUIT MAKING THINGS UP AND TELL US WHO THIS OUTSIDER IS!" Naruto's face twisted into a grimace as he snarled out, "Touch my student...and I'll Kill You...Datteboyo!" Naruto's eyes met Sakura's, showing her that he'd entered his Dojutsu's second stage, "I may not be-ungh! The strongest Jonin in the world...but I'm-ergh... strong enough to end a certain, pink-haired bitch's misery!" Naruto's grunts and groans were the aftershock of Sakura's blow sending jolts up and down his tense-muscled body.
Temari, seeing that the target of her indefinite mission was present, took it upon herself to start flirting. "So..." She started, "what all have you done these past three years?" Her attempt at starting a conversation made Isaribi fail at trying to stifle her pitying laughter. Everyone else, not getting to know the real Naruto like Isaribi, looked to the fourteen year-old questioningly. Naruto would've answered, had a little girl's voice not piped up, "Daddy! What are all these people doing being loud?" The entire group instantly assumed Naruto was a father until Naruto turned, glared, and sweatdropped while saying, "Why is it that you two are everywhere I go?!"
Behind Naruto stood an average looking man with brown hair, black eyes and a little girl of about four years old at his side. The man was dressed in casual clothes and he seemed normal enough as he rubbed the back of his neck, saying, "I don't try, Naruto-san. Little Paninya, here, just loves going where you go!" Naruto's head dropped with a cloud over his head, "Why can't children ever take me seriously?" Konohamaru, as if on cue, said, "Let's play Ninja, Naruto-nii-san!"
"THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! AAHH!" Naruto's exasperated shout made Jiraiya and Isaribi bust their guts. The blonde jinchuuriki turned sensei looked to his student and his sensei irritably, "I know where you both sleep, you know what that means..." Isaribi suddenly shut up, Jiraiya soon followed after it sank in, "Hai!" Naruto, now feeling better, started walking towards the Hokage's office when his stomach growled and he took a swig from a hip flask.
The growling stopped as soon as Naruto took a swig, but before he could take another his student took the flask with a simple, "Nope, not today, Buster!" Her sensei, now deprived of his drink, started trying to get it back peacefully before he'd later resort to harsh training. "C'mon, Isaribi." His groaning wasn't unfamiliar to his travelling companions, "Give me back my hip flask! I haven't drank from it this week until now, please!" She didn't even look at his puppy-dog eyes, as she'd trained to resist them after he'd used them on her to the point it was ridiculous.
"Sensei, you're fighting off an addiction, and the last thing you need right now is temptation. You've been doing fine so far, but every time you smell foxnip or ramen, you take a 'swig' from your flask and we can't have you getting drunk on the Hokage. We need to set a good impression on her, you haven't talked to her in three years, so she's probably mellowed out a little!" Naruto growled out in a fox's voice, making several of the Konoha no Juichinin make clean out their ears in attempt to stop hearing things.
Everyone but Isaribi had thoughts along the lines of, That depends on your definition of 'mellowed out'.
Hokage's Office, noon
"Hey, Tsunade, please tell my student to give me back my flask or I'll blow your sake stash right up your fat ass!" Naruto's threat was met with Tsunade 'lightly' tossing a paperweight at his head, which he dodged. Seeing that she didn't believe him, he pulled on the glove's edges and generated a twister in his palm, "I'll do it and you can even as Ero-Sennin and Isaribi!" Tsunade looked to her old teammate and Naruto's student with a raised eyebrow, when they nodded with ghastly white faces.
Her own face paled at the concept of not having her sake to drink away her boredom and headaches, ironically. Tsunade then put on a sweet smile, "Naruto-kun's-student-san?" Isaribi, realizing that the Godaime Hokage was addressing her, she said a short, "Yes, Hokage-Tsunade-sama?" Tsunade's smile became less strained as she pointed at Isaribi while staring at Naruto, "Two things. First off: Why aren't you acting like you tau-?!" "I didn't." Naruto looked down and rubbed the back of his neck irritably, "She's always like that!"
Tsunade's head drooped disappointedly at the fact that any chance of drilling respect into Naruto was lost, "Okay then: Can you please give your sensei his hip flask?!" The purplette blinked and put her hands up in the way when someone gets too close, trying to ward off the Godaime Hokage's batting eyelashes and sickly-sweet request, chuckling nervously.
Jiraiya, deciding to save his technically 'grand-student', intervened by stepping in front of Isaribi and taking up all of Tsunade's vision, "Tsuna-hime! I'm ashamed! Letting a mere Jonin, bully a Kage into doing what he wants...Tsk, tsk, tsk! You should be ashamed of yourself." Tsunade blushed at his commanding voice, she'd never tell him but she always found that attractive in a person, and that voice made her hot and bothered. Unknown to everyone else, three shinobi, a ninken and thousands of insects caught scent of Tsunade's arousal.
Naruto and Kiba chuckled in evil perversion, Shino pushed his glasses up his nose to hide his embarrassment, Akamaru whined in groin-related pain, and Isaribi blushed at the fact that she was smelling a female Kage's arousal. Tsunade waved off Jiraiya and his effect on her, returning to the 'crisis' at hand, "Please give the flask back to your sensei! Don't make me pull Kage card on you..."
Naruto smirked victoriously, until Isaribi drank all that was in the flask in one gulp, getting Naruto to yell out, "SONUVABITCH! THAT WAS COMBINATION CONCOCTION! YOU KNOW WHAT FOXNIP DOES TO THE HUMAN IMMUNE SYSTEM! EVEN YOURS! GOD DAMNIT, ISARIBI! Ho-okay...breath. Breathe...Hehehe, just-God damnit, Isaribi! Your loyalty's too good for me!" When the words 'combination concoction' reached Isaribi's ears, her eyes widened and Jiraiya facepalmed at his student and grand-student's interactions.
"...How much was left, Naruto?" Jiraiya's sigh made Naruto groan in exasperated irritation, "A fifth of the bottle! She's got at least two more hours before the foxnip in my drink gets to her kidney and kills it, and her...just-ERGH! Isaribi, if Tsunade wants to live and gets her ass in gear, I'm forbidding you from ever taking my flask to drink it yourself! Got it!" Isaribi nodded, though the rest of the group was very confused.
Anko flew through the window onto Tsunade's desk and stood up with a glare, "Alright! Where's my Gaki?!" Naruto's face hit the floor as he mumbled, "...it's only been three years...harsh words, such harsh words..." He got up and looked to Anko with tired eyes, "I'm right, fucking here, Anko-chan. But, right now's not the best of times! My student," He sent a soft glare at Isaribi, "Decided to play hero-over-addiction and drank from my flask...The very flask that had my concoction of foxnip and ramen, she's got only about two hours before I beat Tsunade into healing my student because I fucking know she'll try to use Isaribi against me later..."
Anko, now getting a good look at the 'stranger', lunged at him, "GAKI!" "OW! WHAT PART OF, 'THIS ISN'T A GOOD TIME', DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!" Anko got off of Naruto, calming down and looking at her surrogate little-son-brother's student, "You got yourself a fine student, Gaki! What's her best course, Bedroom Physics?!" Naruto facepalmed while almost everyone else was blushing or had nosebleeds, "I told you...she might Die! This isn't the time for your perverse jokes! Tsunade, you'd better get started healing Isaribi or I'm going to..." Naruto placed a claw from his glove to his hitae-ate, telling her all she needed to know, "OKAY! Let's go take a quick tour at the hospital's ER, shall we?!"
Naruto nodded with a harsh glare, "Good choice!" Isaribi then fell to her knees, "Damn it, looks like I underestimated the amount in the flask! We've gotta hurry." Naruto was gone in a gust of wind with Isaribi in his arms bridal style. Anko and Jiraiya rushed after him, while the others had faces that asked 'what just happened'.
Konoha hospital, 1:00 P.M.
(The Rookie 11 are trying to comprehend what happened in the office)
Naruto was at the ER's doors with Isaribi in his arms still, snarling at a doctor to let him through, "I'M TELLING YOU THAT I'VE A DYING PATIENT IN MY ARMS AND I NEED YOU TO MOVE!" The doctor was the same from Ino's hospital room years ago, "I told you, Demon, that I don't accept demon-lovers!" The doctor sent a glare towards Naruto dying student, making Naruto think something like, FUCK THE AUTHORITIES!
The Jonin jinchuuriki jumped and kicked the doctor in the chest, through the door and then ran through into the room. Jiraiya and Anko came through the busted door, stepping on the doctor in Anko's case, to stay with Isaribi and Naruto. When the Rookie 11 and Tsunade got there, Naruto was pacing at the foot of a paler-than-was-healthy-Isaribi, "TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH, DATTEBOYO! COULD YOU'VE, I DON'T KNOW, TAKEN LONGER WHEN THERE'S ONE OF YOUR OWN NINJA ARE NEARING DEATH! Isaribi's going through intestinal shock, and you're taking your sweet old time..."
Naruto's glare was like how a father acts when his daughter's in danger. Tsunade saw that Naruto was getting ready to kill if she didn't treat Isaribi and quick, "I'll get started." Naruto rolled his eyes, "Now you show concern, typical! Why am I even surprised?! I shouldn't be, after all, who cares what happens to a jinchuuriki or its students?!" Anko, seeing Naruto's hysterical ramblings might compromise what he was, slapped him across the face about fifteen times before stopping to ask, "Better?!"
Tsunade had rushed to work on her newest patient as Naruto was taken outside of the room, "It takes her half a fucking hour to get here to treat my student, but any other Jonin's student she'd rush here fo-Itaitaitaita!" Anko resumed her slapping, making sure everyone saw it to makes sure Naruto took everything into consideration instead of going apeshit on someone for nothing, "Calmed down yet?!" "Why would she care, I mean I-OW!" Foregoing the light slaps, Anko took to bitch slapping, hard.
After about the twentieth slap, he grabbed her hand by the wrist and shook his head before taking a few calming breathes, "Just...God Damn It, Isaribi! She knows better than to drink from my flask, why would she do that when she could very well die?!" Sakura, being a medic, decided to ask the question that had been bothering her since Naruto started freaking out, "...Naruto, why isn't she supposed to drink from your flask? I get that it's yours and all, but other than that, all of your speech has been making us go deaf..."
Naruto looked at her with a glare, before taking a few calming breathes, "Nnngh! Foxnip, is poisonous for the average human being. Now, by no means is Isaribi average in any way, but it's still toxic for her. Especially because of what she endured and what happened to her immune system...now her intestines are very delicate to even some of the easiest acidic foods, but she gets by. I, technically , adopted her and now she's not just my student...she's my daughter, even though she's only two years younger than me. She never had family, and since we have similar backgrounds, we formed a bond and I...took her in... Anyway, foxnip is very harsh on the digestive track and when it finishes dissolving, the enzymes screw with the human intestines. Foxnip enzymes are what make it irresistible for foxes, and aren't harmful for humans when separate frfrom each other. But altogether, this is my fault. I didn't warn her and now she's-ngh...I suck as a parental-sensei!"
The others listened to his confession whole-heartedly, wanting to understand the reason Naruto was so aggressive to Tsunade-sama about healing Isaribi. Jiraiya looked to his godson with old eyes, "Naruto, look at me..." Said jinchuuriki did as requested and looked into his sensei's eyes, "You're young and you're going to make mistakes, it happens. You're also new to being a father for someone, but don't beat yourself up about it. Tsunade-hime will do everything she can to save your daughter, I promise you that!"
Naruto looked to his sensei with eyes that wanted to cry do badly, but wouldn't out of pride and determination. Anko sat next to her seated little-son-brother figure and wrapped a n arm around his shoulders to help him feel reassured, "Gaki, do you remember the day we met?" Naruto looked to her and said, "The day you offered yourself to me sexually in exchange for a place to sleep? Yes, I remember! It's hard to forget the day a woman in her thirties offers a ten year-old to fuck her..."
Anko hit him upside the head, all the while blushing, "I meant how I could never figure out what to do with you, asshat!" Naruto looked nostalgic, "Ah! Like the time you told me to sleep in you bathtub with a-Ow!" Anko's blush spread to her fishnetted bosom, "Can you ever not bring up the times I was suggestive, we're having a moment!"
"Easy for you to say. You weren't forced to ea-mmph!" Anko covered his mouth and glared at him, "I dare you to finish that sentence..." Naruto had a smug look in his eyes, Score one for the fox, Anko-chan... The Konoha no Juichinin were piecing everything together, and when they did, they had massive nosebleeds and blushes as Anko looked downcast with a cloud over her head. She turned to the snickering Naruto, perversely-chuckling Jiraiya and out-right laughing Kiba with glares, "I hate you! I was trying to act mature and motherly, but you just had to screw it! Fuck It!"
Before she could leave her seat, Naruto grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. There was a flaw in this plan however, as they were seated in the middle of the room, with nothing supporting the backs of their seats. So when Naruto pulled her back, he pulled her into himself and knocked them over onto the floor where Anko ended up straddling Naruto.
There was an awkward silence, until Lee said a short and pointless, "Yosh!" And that made Naruto disappeared as a miniature inferno of colors, making Anko's knees hit the floor and getting her to groan, "All of my hate, Gaki! All of my hate..." Naruto just sat in the Lotus Position on the ceiling nonchalantly, "And all of my wrath, Anko-chan! Your flames of hatred are no match for my fury!" The rest of the Konoha ninja were thinking something, This amount of arguing, for however long it takes for Tsunade-sama to heal that girl...we're going to go insane!
Timeskip, hour and a half
Tsunade walked out of the room with very confused face, "She's stable...but she's...something else about her!" Naruto looked to her from his meditation on the ceiling, "Come with me, I don't want anyone's judgement on her!" Naruto landed on his feet as he grabbed Tsunade's shoulder, took her in the room and looked to Jiraiya and Anko to make sure the door was sound proofed.
Tsunade fixed Naruto with a glare, they may be family but they couldn't stand each other and their principles, "What the Hell, Jakkasu?!" Naruto glared at her for the demeaning nickname, "Isaribi was experimented on as a child, and the experiments basically shot her immune system. So any medical jutsu you use won't do that much good on her, she also hates hospitals and is probably resisting while thinking she's being experimented on again. Her 'enhancements' are what make her like Anko-chan and the other jinchuuriki, the people of her village had been losing children and she was the only one to come back!" Naruto's fists balled and he grit his teeth. Tsunade, of course, was skeptical.
"What could these experiments have done to this sweet, little girl?" Naruto's slitted, blue eyes bore into Tsunade's now less cynical face. Naruto moved Isaribi's bangs from the left side of her face, revealing the scales Tsunade hadn't noticed before now, "She's patches of scales strewn over her entire body, some larger than others...they ruined her for having a normal life and the culprit was one your old teammate's servants!" Isaribi was suddenly awake and was looking around frantically, seeing that she was in a hospital she started thrashing and screaming to escape her bed.
Naruto held her arm, getting her to look in his eyes, "Easy! You're fine, I'm not going to let you live that over again. Don't worry..." Naruto held her close in a sideways hug, before he asked 'politely', "Flask. Now!" Isaribi looked to her sensei confusedly before she looked sheepish and handed him the empty flask, "You're going to need to recuperate, so you're going to be unable to take part in missions..."
Isaribi looked to her sensei with hopeful eyes, "Soooo, does that mean that I'm off from training?!" Naruto looked up in thought before giving his student a serious noogie, "LIKE HELL YOU'RE OUT OF TRAINING! Chakra control, I don't care how you do it, but you're doing it..." This drastic change from fatherly to military law enforcement caught Tsunade and Anko by surprise while they left the room to see everyone outside the room look worried.
That's when Sakura punched Naruto in the mouth, where Naruto literally tried to eat her hand, getting horrified expressions from most of the Konoha shinobi. "Img rasbd cytds amf hamceds!" Sakura, although slightly aroused by the strange suction and heat on her hand, asked, "Huh?" Naruto then spit the hand from his mouth, "I'M BACK BITCHES AND BASTARDS! Oh, and also Ryu Fujin!" His words made Tsunade knock him out, "Sensei! I forgot to mention, I made what I assumed would be the children of your friends in my genjutsu..." Isaribi walked out of the room, fully healed and fully clothed instead of in her hospital gown and bed.
"What are you doing out of your bed and how are you walking around?!" Isaribi looked to the Godaime Hokage with wide eyes, "You mean to tell me you've never seen Naruto-sensei use Kage Bunshin no Jutsu? That's one of his trademark jutsu, besides that one he made called Tsurga..." Tsunade stared at the bunshin in awe, "How large are your chakra reserves?"
"...Not large..." Everyone aside from Naruto and the clone facefaulted as Naruto got up, "She's being both honest and modest right now. Her reserves are larger than any of the Konoha no Juichinin, besides me. She can make up to ten Kage Bunshin, while those who're trapped in Isaribi's genjutsu have reserves weaker than my genin student!" The victims of Isaribi's genjutsu were downcast with a unanimous cloud over their heads, feeling like they'd disappointed their own respective sensei.
"Anyway...this was one Hell of a homecoming! I need to refill my flask, that a certain genin decided to drink from..." Isaribi had the decency to look somewhat embarrassed, as she rubbed the back of her head nervously while Naruto went to refill his flask with a concoction of ramen and foxnip.
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That's a wrap ladies, gents and other! I'm sorry it took so fuckin' long, I had little to no inspiration and I didn't feel like writin' this chapter with how weird it is. No flamin', constructive criticism, R&R, SEE YA-GOOD NIGHT!