Being Alone
"You have a interesting family." Emma couldn't keep the laugh in. She was sitting on the right side of her bed with Elsa next to her. "That's the understatement of a lifetime."
"Before I met you I thought Kristoff had the most interesting upbringing. He was raised by love matching trolls after all." Elsa giggled softly.
"Trolls can be love matches?" Emma's eyes widen at that thought. "All the troll stories mom and dad tell are about huge; and ugly ones. Ones that they didn't mind using Fairy dust to turn into roaches and step on with their shoes." She thought back to her very first meeting with a troll back in the Enchanted forest two years previous. "The troll that I personally met had very bad breath."
"Well the trolls that adopted Kristoff when he was six were very nice." Elsa replied. "I met them when I hurt Anna." A lone tear fell down her left cheek. She felt warm hand in her cold one.
"You accidentally hurt your little sister. I know that if I had grown up with Neal by my side; then I would have accidentally hurt my little brother." Emma squeezed the blue eyed blonde's hand tighter. "I know that even through I'm thirty years older than my baby brother that some times I'm going to accidentally hurt him. That's what siblings do to one another."
Elsa turned her head to face Emma's concerned one. "You are a fully grown adult Princess Emma Swan." She noticed how uncomfortable Emma was with her title. "By the time Neal is old enough to be annoying to you - you'll be in your forties. Do you know any forty year olds whom would be annoyed by a small child?"
"Do you know any forty year olds whom have ten year old little brothers?" Emma shot back. "Seriously I'm going to the only forty year old in all realms with an ten year old full brother."
Emma breath shook. "How many fourteen year old kids can honesty say that they held their infant uncle?" She shook her head. "The dark curse didn't just destroy my childhood - but it destroyed my son's." Her borrow buried. "When I first opened my heart to my son; my sweet and innocent little boy once more. I treated him like a buddy; and side kick - not like my child. When my dad gathered Henry from Regina's mansion when I was stuck in Enchanted Forest; trying desperately to find the portal that would get me back to my son. When Henry first moved in full time with me; I still treated him like a buddy - not a son. With Pan's second curse - I had one year with Henry will all my memories had been changed to where I believed that I kept my son; and raised him."
Desperate pain haunted Emma's eyes. "I know now that the feelings that I have as a mom for my child is all fake. I didn't really raise my son. I choice to give up for adoption; without holding or looking at him." Tears rolled down her cheeks. "I feel so robbed and cheated. I know that Henry feels the same way."
Elsa pulled Emma against her chest. She cradled the other blonde's head against her heart. She didn't know what words to use to comfort this woman whom had come into her life. The woman that she accidentally froze into a tightly freezing box of ice. One that she didn't have the confidence to end on her own - not without Anna. But this woman's father encouraged; and taught how not to just survive but to live.
The woman's whom family had gladly taken her in; even though she almost killed their daughter. Elsa was very, very confused by the turn of events her life had taken ever since she came out of the locket. She wanted Anna. Anna would know the perfect thing to say; too feel. All Elsa could do was just push pass her greatest fear; and to hold Emma close to her. Without her gloves.
Emma clung to the thin body of the cooler than an normal human being could be. A woman whom wasn't ever so careful of herself could accidentally freeze someone. Like Henry. Her mom. Her dad. God forbid her infant baby brother. A woman whom she trusted with her life. She hadn't felt that way since first meeting Mary Margaret. Emma was afraid. She desperately wanted to return to her life in Boston - before Henry tracked her down.
But if she locked herself behind her walls once more - then she would lose the love that she found with her son; her parents; her baby brother. She wouldn't trade those feelings for anything in the world. She wasn't going to give up her family. She had searched far too many years for them; and she wouldn't lose them once more.
"I d-d-don't ha-have the r-r-ight words t-to co-mfor-fort y-y-you." Elsa whimpered out. "I j-just hard you c-c-close; ev-ev-even th-through I c-c-c-could f-fre-eze y-your h-heart." She couldn't gain control of her shakes.
"I trust you." Emma murmured against her heart. "I trust you."
"I trust you." Anna whispered in her chest as she snuggled even more closer to Elsa.
Elsa just brushed back her sister's hair from her face. "Oh beloved Anna." She whispered as she burrowed her face into her younger sister's neck. Just above the collar bone. "Never leave me."
"I would never leave you. But Elsa you leave me." Anna replied. "When you lock yourself in your room; and refuse to even talk to me through the door." She hiccuped.
"I didn't want to hurt you any longer. I didn't want to put you into danger again." Elsa whispered as she simply clung to her sister. Her savior. Her life line. "I still don't want."
"Don't lock yourself away again." Anna pulled away. "Promise me Elsa." She tearfully demanded.
Elsa looked deeply into Anna's soul; "I promise."
"Now you have to promise NEVER to leave me." Elsa brokenly whimpered. "I can't control my powers without you. Without you I'm just going to -"
Anna pulled her sister tightly against her. "You are going to be just fine Elsa. You need to just embrace your gift. Because your powers are a gift." She soothed her sister's shaking back. "You have such a loving heart that it won't let you use your powers for wrong."
Elsa buried her head in her sister's color bone.
"She knew that she wouldn't always be there for me." Elsa's eyes widen as the realizing hit her full force.
Emma shifted as she felt the body temperature of the woman she was leaning into go alarming down. Well alarming for any other normal human being. For the Ice Queen it just meant that she's growing that much stronger. "Um Elsa I really need you to calm down. Way down." She said in a calm sure voice.
Ice was very quickly covering the bed; and the wooden floors. Emma watched as ice zoomed quickly up the walls.
"Mom!" Henry's patient voice called from his bedroom.
"I got this one." Emma called back; hoping her parents downstairs knew that she had the situation under control.
She reached up and cupped Elsa's chin in the palm of her hand. She gently turned the other blonde's face to meet her own. "Elsa it's time to calm down. I know you are scared. It okay to be scared. But your powers don't have to come out whenever you are sad."
Elsa blinked. Twice. Her eyes took in the ice on the wall behind Emma. She closed her eyes and thought of Anna. Of Anna's warmth as she accepted her for whom she was.
Emma sighed in relief as the ice disappeared; and the heat returned to the room.
"I shouldn't be staying here." Elsa spoke. "It's not safe for someone whom is seriously made of ice to live with other people. Especially when one of those people is still an infant." She shook her head as she tried to pull away from Emma. But Emma gently just tightened her grip on her chin.
"You aren't meant to be alone; Elsa. Trust me when I tell you that I know what it is like being all alone. I spent my entire childhood alone. Yes I had foster parents; a lot to keep track of; but non of them opened their hearts to me. So I was all alone." Emma gently began to massage the skin underneath her palm.
"That's one of the main reasons why I gave Henry away. Granted I was just eighteen stuck in jail for another year and a half. That was no place to raise an infant. Even though I knew the state would have reduced my time to house arrest. But I wanted to be alone. Alone was all I knew. Alone was all I could count on. So I gave Henry up. I knew I would break if I laid eyes on my son. So I refused." A tear rolled down her cheeks. "When he showed up at my apartment in Boston I knew that my time being alone was over for ever. I was scared."
"I was scared that he would come to realize that I wasn't worth it." Emma whispered. "I was scared that he would come to see me as everyone else did. As a worthless human being. A human being whom didn't deserve love or compassion."
Elsa's hands rose and she cupped Emma's face in the palms of her hands. Gently stroking the smooth; but slightly cold skin underneath.
"It took him almost dying in my place for me to finally wake up to reality. To the truth that he loved me. That he would always love me. That he would fight with everything he has to show me." Emma choked out. "Once I accepted that; then I could lean down and kiss his forehead; and tell him that I loved him. That was the act of true love that woke him up."
Elsa thought to when she hugged Anna, and that had unfroze her sister from the ice statue that she herself turned her sister into.
"With accepting Henry into my heart I gained not only a son; but a mother and father. A baby brother. A werewolf for an god-mother." Emma smiled. "I also gained a new and wonderful friend." Her free hand rested on Elsa's hip.
Elsa half smiled.
"Keep yourself open to love. Being alone is lonely." Emma finished.