A burning feeling stings my eyes when I open them. Damn it, I forgot to take my contacts out before I crashed yesterday. Last night was a shit show, to put it nicely. Whiskey had drowned all my problems, temporarily of course. I am sure Jason didn't randomly go back to Vegas last night. There is no doubt in my mind Wendy is still four months pregnant with Jax's kid. And my mother is definitely still ignoring all my attempts to contact her. At least in three months, Opie will be out of jail.
Rubbing my eyes, I slid out of my comfy bed. I notice my bedroom door is slightly open, my clothes from last night in a pile right next to it. The feeling of the shaggy carpet makes me crinkle my toes, trying to warm them up. Carefully I take my contacts out, cursing at the acrimonious pain that accompanies being an irresponsible human and sleeping in this flimsy things that allow me to see.
I am not sure how I managed to change into one of my coveted SAMCRO t-shirts and undies last night. Truth be told, I don't remember going to bed or coming home from the club.
This shirt is the comfiest shirt I own. I have grown accustomed to wearing it, and a couple other long shirts to bed, because JJ bursts into my room without knocking on a daily basis.
Honestly, I am a little surprised I didn't wake up in JJ's bed. When I get really drunk, or when he does, we crawl into bed with the other and cuddle. It's an unspoken thing that we both have done for as long as I have lived here. There are no binding feelings that come with it, and it doesn't come with complicated emotions. Emotions that neither of us need anymore of.
Without glasses or contacts, I am completely blind, everything is a blur of shapes. Walking down the small step that splits the tiny living room, that's connected to my bedroom, I hold on to the wall for support. It's strange that I didn't have to open the double doors. Sleeping with them open creeps me out for some odd reason. Slowly, I walk over to the coffee table by my couch. Leaning over the table, my hands sweep over the table to feel for my glasses that I am sure I left here yesterday morning.
"I wouldn't mind waking up to this every morning."
"HOLY SHIT!" I scream, tumbling backward into the couch, accidentally falling onto a hard body. It feels like my butt landed on someone's chest. Panicked, I go to jump off the person, but they wrap their arms around me.
"Calm down darlin', it's just me." Jax chuckles. The familiar smell of cigarettes and musk fill my nose. There is a pinch of alcohol mixed into his normal scent, but I don't mind it.
All the muscles in my body relax under his warm touch, and I laugh slightly under my breath.
"You ass! Did I let you sleep here last night?" I lean my head against the back of the couch, catching my breath.
His arms tighten, and he slides his body to sit up, taking me with him. His abdomen is pressing against my back. I know I should move, but I feel my comfiest in his arms.
"I needed a place to sleep," Jax mutters. His forehead presses on my shoulder blade, causing a hitch in my breath. This isn't okay, we can't do this.
Over and over I tell myself the only reason he slept here last night is, because he didn't want to go home to Wendy, his pregnant wife. The more I say it, the more I feel uneasiness. His pregnant wife.
I untangle his arms from around me and go back to feeling around for my glasses. Hands gliding over the wood, until I touch something. My hands find them within seconds, and I put on my black frames. Turning around, I see Jax's looking at me. His blue eyes are drinking my sight in.
A pinch of color burns my cheeks. Gosh, I hate how he can so easily make me melt under his gaze.
The sound of my bedroom door slamming against the wall causes me to jump a little, and I turn my head to see who is coming towards us. A shirtless JJ runs into my room, a gun in his right hand. "Casey! Are you okay?"
JJ's voice is loud, matching his bounding footsteps. His reaction time is a little delayed, and if Jax had been a murderer, I would be dead by now. But it's the thought that counts, right?
JJ's stature relaxes when he spots me, but then his eyebrow cocks when he see's Jax, shirtless and in his boxers, sitting on the couch. JJ crosses his arms over his chest, giving Jax an unhappy look. Tucking his gun into the back of the band of his jeans he provides us with both a suspicious look. I can see how this might look. It might look like last night slept together, which is not true. At least to my knowledge we didn't sleep together. Everything about last night is still hazy.
JJ's blue eyes stare at me, waiting for an explanation. Even though I can tell, he has already decided I am guilty of having sex with his brother last night.
I imagine this is what teenage girls feel like when their dad or older brother walks on them while they are doing something they shouldn't. I never experienced that feeling, because my dad did not once catch me doing those kinds of things. All the scandalous stuff I have done happened outside of my own home. I was smart enough to realize my dad and brother owned enough guns to quickly take out anyone who looked at them wrong, and when it comes to their 'little girl' everyone they didn't know rubbed them the wrong way.
"You better not have slept with my baby girl last night. Or we are going to have issues." JJ says with a disapproving tone. "This is a problem free house, and if I get your delirious wife showing up at my front door, I will not be friendly."
JJ and Jax are as close as brothers can get, but he does not tolerate Wendy at all. He didn't like her even before we got into our little scuffles. From day one JJ told Jax he could find someone more suitable for himself. Drugs are not something JJ condones, and Wendy has a thing for heroine. When Wendy is around, he tends to just ignore her presence.
The disapproving looks Jax was getting from JJ is now being given to me. I put my hands up in defense, giving him an I-didn't-do-anything look. Juice, JJ, and I have a pact to tell each other if we bring someone home; even though we sort of agreed when I moved in to try our hardest to keep our one night stands out of the house.
Jax runs his fingers through his dirty blonde hair, letting out a deep breath. Something is bothering him. I can feel his distress.
"We didn't sleep together last night. I would have woken up naked next to him if we had sex last night and I woke up in this." I state bluntly pointing to my t-shirt. "Plus, my screaming was from trying to find my glasses, and instead, finding Jax's almost naked ass on my couch."
"Jax, you better get out of here before Wendy shows up on my front doorstep and tries to cause a scene." JJ goes to leave, but Jax says something that freezes him in place.
"Wendy and I are getting a divorce. She won't be showing up here." Jax looks at me right after saying those unexpected words. It's like he is assuming I am going to celebrate, to be cheerful of a victory, because Wendy just lost Jax.
JJ also gives me a look, and I find myself slowly lowering myself to sit on the edge of the coffee table.
Jackson Teller and Wendy are no longer a couple. Is this not what I have wanted all along? And if it is, why do I suddenly feel guilty?
Car horns blare as I blatantly disregard the cars coming towards me, walking across the street to where I have spotted Hobart. Stepping closer and closer to him I can feel my hatred for this guy running rampant inside of me, clawing at my walls of my emotions, trying to unleash itself.
"You have real balls showing up in Charming on the day my brother gets sentenced to five years in prison."
Kyle is pumping gas into his old black pickup. Abruptly he stops when he hears my voice. The look on his face is one of sheer horror when it registers in his mind who is talking to him.
I can tell he is a little shaken that someone from the club spotted him in the town he was told not to return to. What did he expect though? He is getting gas across the street from where the trial is being held.
"I just came back to grab things from my house, then I stopped to get gas before heading out."
His car makes an unlocking sound, and I feel myself reaching to the back of my waistband. "Must be nice to have that luxury. You can't just stop at home after they put you behind bars."
I finger the gun I have concealed by my shirt and leather jacket. Hobart watches my arm reach behind me, he isn't stupid. He knows exactly what I am doing.
It is the middle of the day in Charming. People are at work or school. No one would be paying attention if I let him have what he deserved right here. But I had other ideas.
"Get in the car, Hobart. You and I are going on a little drive."
We pulled up to the burned down remains of the warehouse that Opie and Hobart had saturated in gasoline, then lit a flame. The dust kicks up under my black boots as I command him to get out of the car.
Halfway here JJ and Chibs saw the two of us in one car. Seeing as how that looks suspicious, they decided to follow me. They may have tailed us here, but that isn't going to stop me from giving the guy the pain he deserves.
The two motorcycles pull up behind Kyle's beaten up pick up truck. Hobart looks at them with frightened eyes.
Anyone that has been part of the club knows I don't bluff. When I say I am going to do something, I do it. There is no innocent little girl in my body. I am well aware of how the club works, and I have two of the member's blood flowing in my veins. Crazy Casey is a name Hobart is familiar with, and he knows just as well as any Son that if you see me serious, you should not mess with me.
"Casey gurl, what are we doin here?" Chibs asks, putting his helmet on the seat of his bike.
Chibs and I are close. He is like a second father to me. He lets me have fun, as long as the club is around, but never would allow me to do something that would be detrimental to my life.
JJ nor Chibs seems to understand what led me to basically kidnapping this bastard and bringing him to where he abandoned Opie. Maybe it is because they have acted like I was a ticking time bomb recently. They have been making it seem like one little thing would set me off, and I would leave the club behind. How do they not know me after all these years? The club is my family; leaving them behind is not an option.
"I thought he should see what he started in person since he ran off in the getaway car before seeing his work finished." I walk around, slapping my hand hard onto Hobart's shoulder. "It's been a couple months, but I am sure you remember being the reason Opie got arrested. Good times, huh?"
My laugh is drenched in sarcasm, and as it comes out, I pull my gun on Hobart with my other hand, holding it against his shoulder. He grimaces when the tip of my gun hits against his shoulder blade. His whole body tenses, but his mouth stays shut. One wrong word could tempt me to just pull the trigger.
"Casey! Don't do this, he is not worth it." JJ walks towards me, Chibs right behind him. My eyes never leave the ashes of a once standing place. It didn't stand a chance; hell the building never saw it coming. The aftermath is more damaging than the act itself.
JJ is within inches of me in seconds, trying to persuade me to set down my weapon. I ignore JJ's attempts to get me to hand over the gun, needing to get out the words that had pent up inside me since the incident happened.
"You know what I don't understand. How does a betrayal of a fellow brother only warrant excommunication? Seems a little too easy of a let off, if you ask me. Personally, I think you haven't felt the extent of your own actions."
"What's killin em going to do?" Chibs looks at me, his eyes begging for me to put the gun down.
Let's make one thing clear; I am not going to kill Kyle Hobart. Death is not something I take lightly. If I were going to take someone out, they would have to deserve it. Kyle Hobart is pathetic, but that doesn't mean he should die. I want to scar him, to leave a visible memory on his body. I want him to remember every day that he is a traitor, a coward, and nothing more.
"Killing him? Ha! No, I just want him to suffer."
I shove him forward. Quickly he turns to face me, his hands in the air.
"Normally I am not one to be parochial, but everyone does something out of character every once in a while. So, let me tell you how you caused me hell the last couple of months." I put up a finger as I list off everything that his actions caused. "My older brother is in jail, his wife hates me to the point where she won't let me see my her kids, my mother resents me, and the whole club acts like one wrong move, and I am going to turn on them. In one stupid action, you took my family away from me. You messed up everything! And you are just told to leave town? I think you deserve a little more."
I lock my eyes on him, squeezing the trigger of the gun in my hand. A loud bang rings out in the air as I shoot him in the shoulder. Hobart stumbles back with a scream, blood spurting out of him. JJ and Chibs have looks of relief on their faces.
I lower the gun, handing it over to Chibs when he approaches me. I walk closer to the now bleeding man. Hobart falls backward into the dirt, trying to walk away from me. My right high heeled, black boot presses against his abdomen.
"Does it hurt to have a piece of you missing?" The blood pools around where I shot him. "That scar will last a lifetime, and I hope it reminds you of how much of a coward you are. If you ever step foot in Charming again, I will kill you."
Without a second glance, I walk away from all three boys and grab the helmet from JJ's bike. "Let's go boys. I need a drink."
When we get to the clubhouse, JJ doesn't know what to say. This may be one of the first times he doesn't have some older, overprotective brother speech in line for me. However, Chibs looks like he has a whole lot of things he wants to get off his chest.
"Go inside and get Jackie, boy. Casey and I need to talk." Chibs looks at me as I stay leaned up against JJ's motorcycle. And JJ doesn't argue with him, walking to grab Jax. As if Jax is the answer to my problems.
"Chibs, he deserved it-"
"We ain't going to leave ya, Casey. This club is your family, like it or not. Don't lose your goddamn head over this Opie thing. It ain't worth it." Chibs lets out a deep sigh as he brushes his hands through his hair.
"I don't like change that I am not in control of. I can't lose anyone else." I fight back. I stand up, holding my ground.
"Damn it, Casey! Losing people happens and I won't let ya risk your life every time it occurs. I will NOT let this club bury ya." His words sink into my skin, making me understand what he is truly saying.
Chibs doesn't want to lose someone else he cares about either. During his lifetime he has lost his wife and his daughter, they left him a long time ago. Losing me to my own actions would hurt him more than it would me.
I walk toward Chibs, pulling him into a hug. Chibs and the club will never have to attend my funeral. I won't let that happen. I am quick on my feet and smart, no one will get to me.
If anyone can get away with setting me straight, it's Chibs. "I am sorry life has been shitty lately, but we are always here darlin'."
We pull away from each smiling. Chibs is right, the club isn't going anywhere. I put my arm around his waist, leaning my head on his shoulder.
I don't regret shooting Kyle Hobart and I never will. Nothing will make me believe he didn't deserve it. But, I don't need to ruin this moment Chibs, and I are having. Next time I do something like that I will make sure there aren't any witnesses.
"Now, let's go drink till one of us can't anymore." I laugh, giving him a light squeeze.
We walk into the club, and I hesitate in the doorway for a second. The guys are all beyond drunk, booze everywhere. There are even croweaters and sweetbutts here; both of these types of girls truly disgust me. JJ is sitting at the bar, one hand holding a beer and the other holding his head. Wasn't he supposed to find Jax?
Tiggs is on the couch surrounded by ladies, not a surprise there. Clay and Bobby are laughing about something. No sight of my dad. I guess my father didn't want to be present for this drunk fest. I glance over to the corner of the club where Jax is sitting in a chair, a croweater all over him. He doesn't seem to be enjoying her attention, but he isn't pushing her away either. All calmness Chibs had given me is gone.
I strut over to the bar, grabbing a basically full beer bottle out of JJ's hands and chug it while walking over to the skank who thinks she can touch my man. When the last sip of beer is gone, I throw the glass bottle in a trash can by Jax and the girl. The glass makes a loud shattering noise, scaring the girl and getting Jax's attention. My hand grabs a handful of her dirty, bleach blonde hair, and I pull her off his lap.
All eyes are now concentrated on me. JJ jumps off his stool and comes running. Bobby, Chibs, and Clay are a couple feet away at a table watching to see what I will do next.
"Do yourself a favor and make yourself scarce. I have had a long day, you don't want to piss me off more." The girl scoffs at me, looking like a wounded puppy.
Jax watches me do this, with wide eyes. Though he hasn't had the nerve to defend himself yet.
I release the girl's hair, as I push her away into the arms of Tiggs who seems to be entertained by the whole situation. JJ tries to walk closer to me, but I hold my hand up to stop him.
"Darlin' it's been a long day. Trust me I had no interest in that girl." Jax takes a sip of what looks like whiskey, but I can't be sure.
Does it matter? Did I really think I could be different to Jax? Could I really believe I wasn't going to be just another girl he sleeps with?
"Back apartment, now." That's all I say before walking out of the room everyone is in.
Seconds later I am sitting on the bed, and Jax walks in. He closes the door, taking a seat next to me. Maybe the relationship I thought we had wasn't enough. Nothing had been defined.
"Opie is going to prison for five years, Donna is keeping her kids from me, and my mother won't talk to me. I won't have you straying from me too." My voice is low and emotionless.
The seconds I was alone I made a decision. One that was going to change everything, but it had to be done. If there is one thing I have learned in life, it is that when I need to revamp my life, I have to do something crazy. And before Jax walked in I decided what that thing would be.
"Cas, it wasn't like that-"
"Jax, I am leaving. I think it's time I actually go to college; do things a typical college-aged girl would do. Being here isn't what I need anymore." Jax makes a face like I just slapped him as hard as I could. His lips part, but all he can do is stutter over his words.
I don't hesitate. Do now, think about it later.
I put my lips to his unshaven cheek, the hairs scratching my lips. My mind is made up; I need to get out of here and do something for me. Only I can make my life happy.
"I love you, Casey." Jax blurts out as I stand up to leave.
"I love you too Jax-"
"No, Casey, I am in love with you. I can't let you leave."
"It's too late Jax. I am leaving, and you aren't going to stop me."