The pads of my fingertips type quickly against the keyboard of the Teller-Morrow office computer. I have seen more cars come in and out of this place today than I ever had before. Person after person has come into my office complaining of something that needed to be fixed, and they wanted it done today. It didn't really bother me that things were busy here; it distracted me from everything else going on. Lord knows I could use a break from the drama in my life right now.
Being deep in concentration, I barely noticed Gemma walking into the office. The clicking of her black heeled boots makes me glance at the clock. Had the day already blown by that fast? When I see that it is lunch time I give Gemma a curious look. Gemma doesn't generally come in until after lunch.
"Your turn today, sweetheart." Gemma sets her large, black leather bag down next to the desk with an exhausted sigh. Casually she pulls up a chair to the other side of the desk and starts looking over receipts for the day.
"My turn? My turn for what?" I lean back in my chair, my one eyebrow cocked. We haven't been doing anything lately that would cause for taking turns.
"I just need you to stop by and check on the pregnant junkie today," Gemma speaks like what she says is normal, she speaks as if Wendy and I are friends.
I scoff at the fact that she thinks I would go anywhere near Jax's house; not that it should be called that considering he hasn't gone home since Wendy was served the divorce papers.
Not taking her seriously, I roll over to the cabinets, opening the lowest one where I keep my personal belongings. "You can't hit a pregnant person, meaning it's probably best I stay here. My track record with her isn't too good."
Reaching for my phone, I see a missed call from Donna and a text from Jax. Donna calls me most days on her lunch break just to chat, and when I can we talk about whatever is going on with the kids that day, if not she send me their itineraries via text. However, Jax texting me is a new thing. Typically we only talk in person.
Jax: I left money on the counter for food. Would you mind helping my mom out today?
Jax has taken up residence on my couch almost every night for the last month. At first, I told myself I wouldn't let him stay more than a week. He needed to face his pregnant wife, whom he will likely be stuck with for the next eighteen years. But, a week passed, and I just couldn't kick him out. There weren't any cons to having him live with me. Jax paid for groceries when I needed them, he keeps the room clean, and I feel happier with him around. Not to mention, Jason has been keeping his distance from me with Jax being around more often.
I don't do things I don't want to do. So, tell me why I am considering checking up on that pregnant bitch for him? I am positive the raging mood swings, from her being a temporary incubator for a child, won't make her any nicer. I roll my eyes at myself knowing that Gemma probably asked Jax to convince me to help, because that would mean he wouldn't have to go over and face her himself. Since Jax has contributed to me postponing putting up with my present issue, Jason, then I guess I can let him have another day where he doesn't have to deal with Wendy.
"Let's make a deal, Gem. I will go if you come with me and pay for lunch." Going to see Wendy alone isn't going to happen. One of the guys would be forced to go with me if Gemma said no.
"I have gone every day for a month! It's time to take your turn."
"Why do I have to take a turn?"
"Because you are letting Jax shack up at your place. He would be forced to go home if he had no place to go."
"Gemma, if he didn't have me he would be staying at the club house. Go ahead, tell me I am wrong." The chair squeaks as I sit forward giving her a look, daring her to argue my point. Her lips part like she is going to speak, but in seconds they close again, not uttering a word. Gemma crosses her arms, knowing that I am right.
"Fine, get your ass in the car."
"Go ahead in, I am going to grab some of the stuff I bought for the baby. The nursery is really coming together." Gemma tells me, popping the trunk to her pearl, SUV Cadillac. Her smile spreads farther across her face as she starts gathering shopping bags in her arms. Gemma may not be thrilled that her grandchild would be sharing DNA with the blonde she-devil, but she is excited for the baby to be born. Family to her is a serious thing, especially when it comes to her boys. I can only imagine what she will be like with her grandchild.
Half of me wants to tell her I will wait, but what's the use? Either way, I will have to see Wendy, nothing will be changing that. It's just a matter of right now or a couple minutes later with Gemma by my side.
I trudge through the tall grass and make a mental note that Jax needs to get his butt out here cut it. He can disregard Wendy all he wants, but he can't let the house go to shit. Eventually, his baby boy will be living here, and there is no way in hell I am letting that tiny baby live in some dump. I will stop by every day if that will prevent the dirtying of this place.
I bite my words when I open the door to see trash everywhere: pizza boxes, soda cans, chip bags, and other junk food. Looks like the house is already a dump. It smells stale in here, meaning Wendy probably hasn't left the house in days. This place looks like a miniature version of a dirty frat house, minus condoms. The living room is a disaster, but Wendy isn't in there like I expected. I walk down the hallway towards the bedroom. Maybe she is taking a nap or just laying down.
I find myself frozen in place as the door swings open; I never thought I would come across what is happening before me. Wendy has a tight, thick rubber band tied around the top part of her arm, making the veins in her arm more visible. In her hand is a syringe filled with her choice of drug, heroine I am sure. When our eyes meet I am looking into an empty void, a hollowed out person.
A mixture of feelings swirl inside me, dizzying my thoughts. If I had waited on Gemma, giving Wendy those extra minutes to inject herself with that toxin, would Jax's baby boy survived?
What if he hadn't? My jaw tightens, my teeth pushing against one another.
That baby boy inside of her wouldn't have stood a chance against the effects of heroine on it's tiny, undeveloped body. Flashes of red cloud my vision. How could she not think about her child?
Pain erupts from the palm of my hands, where my manicured nails are stabbing into me, drawing blood. Jax would never have felt that little boy grip his finger with his small hand.
Before Wendy can even react to me bursting in the bedroom, I grab the needle from her hand.
"It's not what it looks like." Is all Wendy musters up the courage to say. Her face is blank, almost like she doesn't care that what she was about to do could have killed that child. She only says the words to help lessen the blow from me, but her words do no such thing.
A cruel laugh is my response to her blatant selfishness. Choosing drugs over a life is a heinous act.
"Oh, so you weren't trying to go to cloud nine through injecting yourself with fucking poison, while you are pregnant?! That must have been all in my mind...Wait, no it's not because I am holding the needle right now!" I scream at her, every word harsher than the one before it.
"Don't act like you care, bitch." I am not jolted by her response. Wendy gets off the bed, holding her stomach. Her long gray t-shirt goes to her knees, and it has stains all over it. The greasy shine from her hair tells me she hasn't been taking care of herself. A sickeningly feel consumes me as I think about how her lack of self-preservation may be affecting the baby.
"You are right, I don't care about you Wendy, not in the slightest." I walk towards her, putting the needle in my leather jacket pocket. Inches from her face, my voice is like poison stinging her skin. "But, I do care about the child you are carrying. I always thought you were a bitch Wendy, but a quitter? Now, that is not something I took you for. You were going to let the drugs win? That 's sad."
Wendy stumbled backward, returning to sitting on the messy bed. "Tell me, Casey, do you think you are better than me? Do you think you are above breaking?"
Rain pours down onto my bloody, trembling body. I have excepted that death is the fate I am about to face.
When my body had tumbled across the concrete, after being thrown from the black van, I had put all my strength in attempting to stand up. However, the pain was too agonizing, and my body was weak. Finally, all my muscles gave out on me, and I collapsed once again on the ground.
My salty tears mix with the rainfall and I let go of my cut open stomach. There is no longer use in trying to salvage what is already done.
Memories of my happiest days playback in my mind. I remember the time Opie first introduced me to Donna. Jax and I put money on how it would take for them to get engaged. Opie had never been happier with a woman, I knew from the start she was the one for him.
There was one time Tara, and I got back at JJ for being an ass by rolling his old broken down motorcycle into the house and blocked his bedroom door with it. When I woke up to his cussing and a loud clatter in the morning I almost peed myself from laughter. Jax rolled over in the bed we slept in, wrapping his arm my waist. He told me to never stop being me.
The most bittersweet moment in my life is the moment Jax Teller said he was in love with me. All my life I wanted to hear those words, I just didn't know it until he said them. Everything was clearer in the world after that. The pain of leaving him behind was sharper, but the memories of us together felt more etched into my brain. They were more meaning to them knowing all those years he felt the same as I had. Jax Teller actually loved me. And my only regret in life will be leaving him behind. Every other action, word, and emotion that come from my breathing body were exactly what I had wanted.
One last time I put my hand over my open wound, blood still gushing. "I would have loved you till your last breath, and now I will never get the chance. "
As the world fades from me, I hear some shouting. But it's too late for me now.
Light flooded into my eyes when they fluttered open. An annoying beeping sound has woken me up. Shooting pain greets me when I try to sit up in bed. Without thinking I yell 'shit'.
It doesn't take long for me to realize I am in a hospital, after all, hospitals have a very distinct look and smell to them. The real question is: why am I here?
Seconds later everything hits me at once. The freezing rain, the blood coating my fingers from my open stomach wound, and the memories I thought would be my last. I had not died in the alleyway. How is that possible?
"Casey, thank god you are awake." A familiar voice greets me. I look towards the doorway to see Charlotte standing there. Her usual flawless face looks tired, her skins looks pale, and her eyes are bloodshot. She grabs the chair by the door, pulling it over by my bedside.
"Not that I am not happy about it, but how the hell am I alive right now?" I push the up arrow on a device next to me to sit up, not wanting to do it on my own again.
"You don't remember me finding you? When I put pressure on your wound to try and stop the bleeding, you shot up and grabbed my arm. You kept telling me I couldn't let him get away with this."
He won't get away with this.
"Ms. Winston, good to see you are awake." A doctor comes in the room, holding my chart.
Her dark brown eyes never leave the sheets of paper she is mulling over. Part of me wonders if this is her way of not showing me emotion. I always wondered how doctors were able to keep a straight face when they had to deliver bad news; how were they able to disconnect themselves from their feelings. Maybe this doctor feels like if she never looks at me, never makes a connection, then I am just another patient. And she doesn't have to worry about the part that I am not just another patient, that I am human too. "There are a couple of things we should talk about."
There is no reason for her to continue what she is going to say, I already know. Hot tears well in my eyes at this harsh reality. Charlotte grabs my hand, giving it a firm squeeze. You can't take this pain from me, Char. No, this pain I will carry with me for the rest of my life.
Guilt looms over me, my heart beat increasing. This feeling is not something I am used to, guilt doesn't happen to me. It's too closely tied in with regret, another emotion I don't need in my life.
But maybe, in this instance, I should feel regret; guilt should be eating my alive. I should have run when I realized Jason wasn't going to do anything. So, this will be my second regret, but after today I would never think about, never talk about, and just allow myself to heal on my own. No one else needs to know.
The doctor tells me the truth, the heart ripping reality. I can't contain the tears pouring out of me. Clutching the sheets under my fingertips, a small scream bursts from my lungs. Charlotte lays next to me, pulling my crumbling body into her arms.
Right then, when I realized how one man's actions had caused me to lose all strength inside me, I decided there was only one way this man would pay for his sins against me. Death.
"This isn't about breaking! This is about your baby. The one you were so happy to have, that you stalked me to show me the positive pregnancy test. What happened to the Wendy who couldn't wait to hold her baby in her arms for the first time? Where is she?"
Wendy won't look at me while I scream at her. She plays with the rings on her fingers, avoiding my look. Finally after a few seconds of silence, filled with angry tension, she looks up at me. Again, I find myself looking into empty eyes, she's lost in herself.
This was never about the baby. It was always about Jax, and she believed that if she were pregnant with his kid, he would stay. However, not even a child kept him by her side. Unlike Wendy, Jax didn't want to be married. He never did, not to her anyway.
I sit on the bed next to her, wondering how desperate someone has to be to have a baby just so the person they love will stay with them. And if they were that desperate, how crushed that person would be when the love of their life still left them all alone.
"You really love him..." the words tumble out of my mouth. Wendy grasps my hand in hers, not as a threat, but just out of comfort. Strange how she is seeking such a thing from a person she despises. My first reaction is to pull away, but she squeezes my hand, not allowing me to do so. We both turn our head to look at each other.
In another life, we could have been friends. We share similarities: neither of us gives up on what we want, we both do whatever it is we feel like doing, and we don't let anyone get in the way of our lives. I know how she feels right now, and for a second I pity her.
However, there is more resentment for her, than there is pity. I can't forgive her for coming close to harming Jax's child. Precautions needed to be taken to make sure that would never happen again, and I was going to take all of them.
"And he really loves you."
The words shock me, and I am rendered speechless. Wendy releases my hand, standing up just as Gemma walks into the room. She always has perfect timing.
"Nice to see you two aren't attempting to kill each other. Now help me set this stuff up in my grandson's room."
When I left Jax's place, I called Unser in for a favor. Gemma is taking Wendy to a doctors appointment tomorrow and when she does Unser is going to raid the house, getting rid of any drugs or alcohol. While Unser does that, I will be cleaning the place. That house is disgusting, and I know Jax won't be stepping foot in there to help out.
Next, I called Jax telling him to meet me at home, as soon as he could. The needle in my pocket weighs heavy on my thoughts. How is Jax going to react to this?
I take a swig of whiskey, needing my thoughts and emotions to be temporarily disabled. The anger I had felt today reminded me of another day in my life. A day that no one in Charming knows about.
The sounds of motorcycles cause me to down the rest of my drink. Pushing the past out of my mind I walk towards the driveway as four bikes pull up in the drive.
"Hey, babydoll! Got a surprise for you." JJ smiles, taking his helmet off his head and placing it on his bike.
I give him a weak smile, still clutching the empty glass to my chest. JJ is caught up in his own thoughts and doesn't notice I am not in the mood for any kind of surprise. Jax, JJ, Juice, and Half-Sack walk towards me.
Half-Sack has been working at the garage for a couple months trying to get in good graces with the club. He wants to become a prospect. He used to be in the army, he's a loyal guy. Honestly, he would make a great addition to the club.
Juice looks me over, catching on to my sour mood. "Why don't we tell her later."
"Later? That's nonsense." JJ puts his hands on Half-Sack shaking him playfully. "Half-Sack right here is our new prospect! And Juice got patched in!"
A real smile breaks across my face, jumping forward towards Juice, I attack him with a hug. "I knew from the moment I met you that you would become a Son."
"Thanks, Cas, that means a lot." He chuckles, hugging me back. Juice and I have gotten pretty close since living together.
I pull away, smiling towards Half-Sack. "I am sure we will be getting to know each other better now that you are becoming part of the club."
Half-Sack 's cheeks flush a light red color. Now I don't want to tell Jax about today. It will just ruin the good mood, but it has to be done.
"Let's go inside and grab some beers! Just give me a second. Jax and I need to talk."
Juice, JJ, and Half-Sack nod their heads and take off into the kitchen like some over-excited teenage boys. I know they are getting drunk tonight. Jax leans against the porch post, giving me one of his panty-dropping smiles. God, I hate to do this.
I reach into the pocket of my leather jacket, pulling out the syringe. I hold it up for a second, showing Jax. He steps towards me.
"What is that?" Jax asks the question, but he doesn't have to. The look on his face says he already knows the answer.
"I took it from Wendy."