Chapter 5

The mind is its own place and in itself, can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.

When Sasuke got back from work Suigetsu urged him to his bedroom because he just had to watch some video. Apparently it was hilarious. And Sasuke absolutely had to watch it.

"Not another My Little Pony parody, please, Suigetsu…"

"But this one is so funny! You'll like it, I promise! You need to laugh. Doctor's orders. You've been looking depressed ever since that food poisoning thing you had."

Suigetsu had multi-colored pillows on his bed with a Fluttershy plushie worth several hundred dollars—and yes, Sasuke knew their names; the consequences of living with a brony. Anyway. Sasuke would think that Suigetsu was the sick man here, not him.

There was a pony on his mouse pad too.

The parody didn't make him laugh.

"Oh, come on!" Suigetsu was rather disappointed.

It was another one of those silly songs, or whatever. Sasuke was tired. He wanted to change out of his skinny jeans. And he had a little bag full of new studs for his piercings and he wanted to go try them on.

"I've got better things to do…"

"Okay, wait!" Suigetsu raised a hand excitedly, and then he selected another youtube video. "You have to watch this one."

Sasuke's cell buzzed and he grabbed it. "Sorry," he said, "got to take this."

Saved.

By Itachi.

"Hey, what's up?"

Sasuke went to his bedroom, shrugged off his jacket and kicked the door closed. Then he fell on his bed. The duvet was soft and pale gray. He closed his eyes for a moment.

He heard Itachi sigh in the phone. "I'm really worried about Naruto."

Sasuke felt his chest tighten.

"Is he okay?"

"I think so. He goes to school, and he goes to work, and he eats properly and everything. But he always looks so depressed. I've never seen him like this before. After… you know…"

Sasuke encouraged him. "Yeah?" He had already answered all of Itachi's questions as best as he could. This was three days later. But if Itachi had more questions, he would do his best to answer them again… Even though he didn't understand any of it himself.

"You said… You said the reaper said there might be side effects."

"Yeah."

"So maybe this is it. He's just so depressed all the time. And sometimes he looks so scared. And anxious. Even his colleague from the coffee shop called to ask me what was going on. If someone had died, or something. Well, his parents already died, but I don't think that's what's going on. We're both still having trouble dealing with their death, but Naruto's always been really strong before. Now he just—"

"I'll fix this," Sasuke said.

"You will?" Itachi sounded so relieved.

Sasuke let his hand fall in his hair. He had no idea how, but… This was his fault.

I came here to save you. But then…

Naruto's voice kept haunting him ever since that night.

"Yeah. It's gonna be okay. I'll figure it out."

"Just don't do anything too crazy, or dangerous, okay? Those powers you have—I never used them."

"I know."

"I don't even… I mean, I had it inside me, but it was like… You know how they say there's a part of our brain we never use? Well it was like that."

"I get it."

"Don't use it, if you don't have to…"

"I won't."

"Sasuke… thank you."

Why was he thanking him? Saturday night had been a disaster because of him.

Just hearing Itachi saying something like that… He could tell how much he loved Naruto, and how much he worried about him. Sasuke felt like a fist was closing in on his heart, crushing it slowly.

Don't use it, if you don't have to…

But to save Naruto… To help Naruto, Itachi would want him to do anything, of course.

Sasuke looked at one of the quotes on his wall, the one Suigetsu had read the other day. There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

What if you got it, but then realized it was never going to be yours anyway? Not really.

"Itachi… you know, I never meant to…"

But Itachi had already hung up. Of course he had. Sasuke was talking to himself. Great.

He threw his phone away.

"Deidara," he said out loud, staring at his dull white ceiling lamp.

Sasuke leaped to his feet and sauntered over to the window. He brushed aside his translucent gray curtains and leaned his head against the window frame.

"How do I reach that idiot, anyway?"

Talking to himself again.

He opened the window completely. The chilly night wind made him shiver.

"Deidara?"

He felt really silly. His apartment was on the third floor, but still, what if someone saw him—or rather heard him? Oh God. In fact, there was someone looking from the sidewalk.

Never mind me. I'm just some lunatic. Carry on with your life now.

As though hearing his thoughts, the person resumed walking their dog.

"Deidara you asshole reaper. I need your help you moron so get your ass over here this instant."

He had nothing to lose, so, might as well let off some steam.

Well.

It worked. Imagine that.

Deidara was now standing in the window frame. It appeared as though he had climbed up here, but Sasuke knew that wasn't the case. He had just, well, appeared, somehow. Sasuke moved to the side, making way for him.

"Hello, Sasuke."

"Hey watch the plant," Sasuke said as he watched Deidara slide his svelte body inside his room.

He had the hood on and this time he also carried a scythe. What the…

"A little early for Halloween."

"I'm an actual Reaper, you know, whether you believe me or not." Deidara was all offended. "And I was just doing quite… reaper related things, too. See? I was busy. But I came when you called. Because we're partners." He winked.

"We're not partners. Quite reaper related things? What the fuck does that mean?"

"Well, you know, this and that." He took off his hood and rested his scythe in the corner of Sasuke's room. It was all silver and black, and it almost reached the ceiling. It added a rather gloomy touch to the décor. Sasuke should get one. Deidara sat on the bed and smoothed the duvet on either side of his legs—Sasuke noticed he still wore those fingerless gloves and that black nail polish, which was kind of weird. Why nail polish? To look even more androgynous?

"Like, earlier, just before I came here, I decided to kill someone," Deidara said casually. "He was the worst. He had raped two girls last week, you know. And the cops weren't getting him. So I thought I'd kill him. That's why I'm all geared up." He smiled proudly. A strand of blond hair fell in his eye.

"You killed someone." Sasuke arched an eyebrow. He had his arms crossed against his chest, still leaning against the window frame. The sky was dark outside, and the street lights and clouds hid the stars completely.

"Yes! I'm really content with that decision. I don't do that too often, you know. Some reapers… not to start naming people but," he faked a cough, "Sasori, for instance. Let's just say they get quite over excited. It all gets to their heads and they think they've got all the rights. You should really appreciate me more, Sasuke. You could've gotten stuck with Sasori; I know you don't know him, but he's such an asshole, trust me on this. I'm not like that, you know. I let fate unfold as it does, which is pretty much haphazardly."

"Nice vocabulary."

"I try," he smiled. "But as I was saying, I don't intervene too often. But today… today I felt I had to. He was just… the worst."

"You've mentioned that, yes."

"And now he's in Hell. You know, his worst fear was to get burned. So unoriginal." Deidara gave a dismissive laugh.

Sasuke stared. "Didn't you say that was your worst fear, too?"

"So you do listen when I talk."

"Unfortunately."

He cleared his throat, and bit his lip. "Listen, I'm glad you called for me. We need to talk. Right. Nowadays, every good reaper has a partner, and so I need you—"

"No. You need to shut up about all your reaper crap. Just answer one question. Just one. How do I help Naruto?"

"What's wrong with Naruto?" He tilted his head. "I do hope he's all right. He's so lovely, that boy. Isn't he? I mean, you're good-looking too, of course, but you're more of a cynical, anti-social, kind of… And Naruto is more… you can tell there's something more to him than meets the eye, you know? He's got a good soul. A good heart. You know? And a really nice ass, too. Those jeans he wore Saturday—"

"Oh, wow," Sasuke arched an eyebrow, "a gay, British death god. Now I really feel like I'm in an anime."

Deidara spread his arms. "Hey, I'm open-minded."

"How do I help him?"

"What are the symptoms?"

"He's… not feeling well. Anxious, depressed… It's those side effects you talked about, no?"

"I shouldn't think so. He's probably just in his period."

"Do you actually think that's funny… How old are you, twelve?"

"No I'm serious! Well, not the girls menstruating thing, obviously…" Deidara gestured with his hand as he explained. "It's quite different. Were-creatures have those cycles, you know? Lunar cycles. It's easier—even obligatory, in some cases—for them to transform on the full moon and the day before and after. And they usually feel pretty great around that time. Then, two weeks later or so, they don't feel so great…"

"Were-creatures?"

"You mean he didn't tell you?" Deidara gasped dramatically.

"Tell me what?" Sasuke shivered, and turned around so he could close the window.

"He's a werefox."

His movements stopped. "A what?"

"A werefox." Deidara spoke very slowly. "W-E-R-E-F-O-X. Well," he added when Sasuke just stared, "they prefer the term fox spirit. Like, if you want to be on his good side, don't call him a werefox. They don't like the term. They don't get along well with werewolves. So just say fox spirit. But yeah. They're pretty rare."

"A werefox. And there are werewolves."

"Precisely."

"This is nonsense."

"You've been to Hell and back and you won't believe were-creatures exist?"

"So, what, you're going to tell me vampires exist, too?"

"No," Deidara shook his head, "no, they don't."

"Okay. Good. That's good. Um. Let's focus here. How do I help Naruto, whatever he is? How do we fix the… side effects?"

"You don't." Deidara shrugged. "They'll just fade eventually."

Sasuke remembered Itachi's urgent tone on the phone. And then how he had thanked him… Itachi trusted him to fix this.

"I need to make him feel better now. Any suggestions? Come on help me out here."

"Mmm… I think he likes you. So you should ask him on a date. And buy him flowers."

"He hates me."

"Of course he doesn't hate you." Deidara smiled sweetly as he smoothed his hair on one side. The pale strands clashed with the pure black of his outfit. "He's just in denial."

Sasuke shook his head clear. Ugh. Why should he care what Deidara thought, anyway?

"Just give me something here. Listen, if you tell me how to help him—and I'm not talking about your lame jokes about periods or flowers—and it works, I'll help you. Whatever it is you want me to do. I'll even go back to Hell with you. How's that? And I'll stay near you this time. I'm not that stupid. I don't want to freeze in a stupid lake. So there. Take it or leave it."

Deidara stood, looking thoughtful. He went to read one of the quotes on the wall, just over Sasuke's bed.

"I like this one," he said. "There is no hell and all the devils are here."

"Yeah, well, I guess I should take that one down."

"Nah you should leave it." Deidara turned around, smiling. "Ironically."

"I don't do things ironically. I'm not a hipster."

Sasuke sat on the windowsill and rested his elbows on his thighs. He sighed. Couldn't Deidara finally get serious?

Apparently, he heard his mental plea.

"All right," Deidara said, "Naruto doesn't have the side effects I spoke of. Nothing serious, anyway, from what you've told me. Some people are scarred afterwards, and they can't even function in their normal lives anymore. People aren't supposed to go to Hell before dying, anyway. But it happens sometimes, with supernatural creatures, I suppose. Naruto might be having nightmares, or he might be a bit anxious, but he's strong. He'll be all right. I still want to help you make him feel better right now, though, if that's what it takes for you to listen to me and help me out in the end. So I do have an idea for you."

Sasuke spread his arms. "I'm all ears."

Deidara went to lean against the computer desk. He looked at an open notebook next to the laptop, where Sasuke had scribbled some ideas.

"What are those?" He read, "April 1st, Los Angeles, Little Tokyo, 2 pm, her favorite restaurant—"

"Deidara. Stop it. Focus. You have an idea?"

"But what did you write all this for? I'm really curious now."

Angrily, Sasuke stomped over to his desk and closed the notebook. He opened a drawer, tossed it in there, and slammed it shut.

"Talk. Now."

They were standing really close. Deidara looked up at him—he was one or two inches shorter—and then lowered his eyelashes a bit.

"Hi there. You know, I usually like light eyes better, but yours are really—"

All right, that was it. He grabbed Deidara's shirt and shoved him into the wall, in between his desk and bed, and he pinned him there, one arm slammed into his neck so he couldn't breathe. "I'm going to kill you," he said.

Deidara reached up with his hand to push Sasuke's arm away. Sasuke loosened his hold just a little, so he could talk.

"You can't kill me I'm already dead."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "Well, I can try."

"You have to put yourself in a vulnerable position," Deidara said.

"What?"

"Naruto feels humiliated. He feels like he lost to you."

Sasuke loosened his hold some more. "What are you talking about?"

Pale blue eyes studied him for a moment. "Think, Sasuke. You were both in Hell. You faced your worst fears. You got out of yours by yourself—well, I helped you, but he doesn't know that, does he? He thinks you got out by yourself, anyway. And he needed your help to get down from that tree. He doesn't hate you. He's just embarrassed. Prideful. He might be a fox spirit—they're supposed to be very wise and cunning—but he's still just a seventeen year old guy. And you're what, eighteen? So surely you can understand. How would you feel if the situation was reversed?"

He thought about this for a moment. He let go of Deidara completely, and sighed, raking a hand through his hair.

"I have been in vulnerable situations, though. He seduced me at that club. He even acted all sweet in the cab; maybe he thinks I don't remember, but I do. And then he made it clear that had all been an act to get me to follow him home. Itachi doesn't even know about all that! He got away with it, that little bastard. Didn't he? That wasn't cool at all." Sasuke sighed again. "And I almost died that night. How more vulnerable can I be? I even passed out in his bathroom on Saturday. That was your fault, by the way. But he doesn't know how difficult it was for me to stay awake, to keep my eyes open. He has no idea. How that blood gets all over the place. How it becomes impossible for me not to… Not to switch to the other side. Whatever you call it. Probably thinks I just gave up and passed out like some weak little piece of shit."

Maybe that's what Itachi thinks, too…

Deidara raised his hands in surrender. "All right, all right. I see your point. No one's asking you to pass out, or be seduced, or die. I said I had an idea. You didn't let me finish. I think you should ask him to teach you how to swim."

"I know how to fucking swim."

"You're angry. Stop being angry."

Sasuke took a deep breath. He grabbed his computer chair and sat on it, resting his elbows on his knees.

"I mean, I might not be the best swimmer, but… Okay. I might… It might be true that I don't know how to swim properly, but that's only because I was never interested in learning. The foster parents I had before Suigetsu's parents were assholes, to tell you the truth, and they forced me to take some class, and I didn't want to. And then I almost drowned, because that blood… those visions… that stuff. Happened. It was one of the first times. It didn't happen for a while after that, and that's why I stayed away from water. I mean, it was only logical. Why am I telling you all this?"

"I don't know. You shouldn't tell me. You should tell Naruto." Deidara grabbed his phone, and handed it to him.

"I don't think he cares."

"Just try. Come on. It's worth a shot. What have you got to lose? Oh, come on," he said as Sasuke was still hesitating, "you know my idea's great. I've been around a lot longer than you, you know? I know about those things."

"What things?"

"Just… people. I'm good at figuring people out. I know Naruto's passionate about swimming. About teaching it, too… I know he won't say no to you."

"How do you even know? I mean, that he teaches swimming. Were you listening in on Saturday, even before I could see you?"

"Nah." He winked, and pointed toward the ceiling. "There's a lot you can observe from up there. And supernatural creatures are always the most interesting to watch."

"Don't you have better things to do than to watch people living their lives?"

"Not really, no. I'm dead."

"Right."

"Just call him. Now. Do it. Let me know how it goes. And remember we have a deal. If this works out, and he feels much better afterwards, you help me."

"A deal's a deal," Sasuke said simply, finally grabbing his phone.

"Call him. Tell him I said hi. And congratulations on having such a nice ass. Go. Call him."

"As soon as you leave. I can't stop you from spying on me, but at least go do it somewhere else and give me the illusion of privacy."

Deidara gave a military salute. Then Sasuke blinked, as he felt there was something pricking at his eyes, like smoke or something. Even though there was no smoke. And of course now Deidara was gone.

Being dead seemed pretty convenient; seemed faster to get around, anyway.

He called Naruto.

He only had Naruto's number in his contacts list because Itachi had given it to him as an emergency number on Sunday morning, after everything. Itachi had said that if he was ever in trouble, he should call him, and if there was no answer, he should call Naruto.

"Gay jerkbag. Great."

"Do you always answer the phone like that?"

"Only when it's you calling."

"Lucky me."

"You're lucky I even picked up the phone. I guess I had nothing better to do…" He did sound really depressed about that.

"I'd like to talk to you. In person."

"Why?"

"I wanted to ask you something."

"What? Can't you ask me over the phone? Or even by text, maybe? I don't really like talking on the phone. I like texting better. I'm hanging up."

"Wait! Damn it, Naruto. Wait. I, um, wanted to ask you if you could… teach me… how to swim."

"You don't know how to swim."

Was he mocking him?

"Oh right," Naruto added, "because you're afraid."

Yeah. He was mocking him.

"Well you're not really one to judge."

Oh, shit. He shouldn't have said that. But Naruto was so… so… ugh. Still. He shouldn't have said that. Now Naruto would definitely hang up. He would say no for sure.

Well, it wasn't all bad. At least that would mean Deidara had been wrong. He wouldn't particularly enjoy Deidara being right. So he supposed, all in all, it wasn't that—

"I'll do it," Naruto said. "I'll teach you. If you really want to. I was going to the pool anyway, to do some laps. In like half an hour. If you want to meet me there. It's at the sports center near corner of 34th and 2nd Avenue. It's closed right now but I've got the keys and everything. I'll wait for you, if you want."

Sasuke felt nervous all of a sudden. He couldn't find his voice. He had been so sure that Naruto would refuse. He hadn't realized he might actually have to do this.

"It doesn't have to be tonight, you know… I don't know if I can be there in half an hour. I mean, the bus would take, like—"

"So take a cab. You've got two jobs and you quit school. You can afford it."

"I didn't quit school. I'm just taking a break. I'm all done with high school, in case you were insinuating otherwise."

"Well congratulations, Sasuke. Did you want a medal to go with your high school diploma?"

"You really don't let up, do you?"

"Just be there in thirty minutes."

He didn't sound depressed at all. Naruto sounded amused right now, actually. He just sounded like his usual jerk self to Sasuke.

"I'll be there," he said simply, keeping his voice calm and emotionless. Because he knew that would piss him off way more than if he got angry.

"Fine."

Sasuke hung up. Then he stared at his phone. And then he grabbed his jacket.

...

Author's note: Thanks to my reviewers you guys rock. I love reading what you think. I know this chapter wasn't much, I can only tell you to stay tuned for more in the next one... I think you'll like it. Yes. Lol, all right, that's it for now, but if you tell me to update faster I will ^^