It was finally Wednesday and Kyle was so tightly wound up that every little thing freaked him out. Today was the day Cartman came home with him for dinner. 'Why the hell had he invited him again?' Oh yeah, besides the fact he had a huge crush on him, to prove a point to his mother. God when was that ever a good idea?
Stan noticed Kyle's edgy behavior and commented on it as quietly as he could, "Dude, chill out. What's with you today?"
Kyle gave him a look and then scribbled down on his paper, family dinner thing: Cartman. Stan must have "Oh-ed" too loudly because Mr. Garrison called them both out.
"Is there something you would like to share with the entire class Stanley and Kyle?" Mr. Garrison sounded bored and like he couldn't care less, but truthfully he would have no problem telling them to read aloud whatever was written down or better yet walking down there and snatching it from them.
"Nothing, sorry." Both boys said.
Mr. Garrison looked like he didn't believe them but continued teaching, if that's what you wanted to call his lecture on who had and had not had boob jobs.
After school Kyle found Cartman sneaking out around the buildings and shot him a WTF expression. Cartman shook his head and grabbed Kyle's arm. "I guess we're walking to my house then." Cartman kept looking over his shoulder and didn't release Kyle's arm the whole time they were walking. This gave Kyle a warm feeling inside.
"Sorry, just felt like we were being watched." Apparently that was all the explanation he was getting from Cartman. They stopped at a grocery store on the way to Kyle's where Cartman went inside with a duffel bag, telling Kyle to wait outside.
"No, I am not letting you rob this store. Can we just have one normal fucking day please?" Kyle was panicky, considering this was something Cartman had done a few times and probably would attempt again.
Cartman gave him a confused look, "Um, I'm changing clothes dipshit, not robbing the store. You Jews are so paranoid." He smirked telling Kyle to pretend to look at movies while he changed.
"Fatass." Kyle said irritated only slightly at the Jew comment. He decided to look at video games so as to not look suspicious just standing around.
Cartman walked out wearing his standard jacket, hat, and black slacks. "What was the point of changing if you're just going to wear that ugly jacket?"
"Che, what are you, the fashion police? Just chill." Cartman continued to lead the way to Kyle's house.
Kyle walked in first, "You go upstairs to my room. I'll tell my mom you're here so you don't freak her out too much."
Cartman complied without any snide remarks, surprisingly.
"Hey mom," Kyle called to her, "just wanted to let you know Cartman's here and we're ready whenever you are."
He wasn't sure if it was his imagination or not but his mother looked like she hadn't slept in days.
"Mom?" Kyle asked worriedly.
She nodded and turned to continue cooking.
Cartman insisted on staying in Kyle's room until the meal was ready and everyone else was at the table, so Kyle begrudgingly allowed it. "Stubborn bastard." Kyle huffed.
Though part of Ike's punishment was not being allowed meals in the family room, he was joining the family for dinner tonight at Kyle's request. Gerald arrived and took a seat immediately beside Sheila with Ike beside her leaving only two seats left.
"Dinner's ready!" Sheila called, looking slightly cheerier than usual Kyle noticed. You could never really tell with her what mood she would be in from one minute to the next.
All of the Broflovskis were sitting at the table. Kyle had just texted Cartman who insisted on him doing so once the meal was ready. 'Probably some bullshit grand entrance. How unnecessary' Kyle mused.
Cartman entered the room, causing Kyle's jaw to drop. Cartman's hair was slicked back neatly, he wore a dark green tie and a suit top with black slacks and what appeared to be freshly shined shoes. By the time Kyle realized he was staring, he closed his mouth and cleared his throat, hoping everyone else's attention had been on Cartman as well.
"Good evening all." Cartman said as he took the seat across from Kyle.
The group ate in mostly silence with Cartman mostly eating and Gerald attempting conversation weakly. Once Cartman was done with his food, though, he joined the conversation wholeheartedly much to Kyle's initial chagrin.
Surprisingly enough, Cartman and his dad carried on a decent enough conversation involving legal matters and affairs. Kyle was impressed but had to remind himself that his dad had studied law, but Cartman had probably gleaned most of his knowledge from his own encounters with the police.
Ike didn't say much just had a Cheshire cat grin on his face the whole meal. "So Cartman who are you taking to the school dance?"
Cartman choked on his drink, trying to play it off and failing miserably. Sheila shot him a disapproving look that was not lost on Gerald who sighed audibly. Kyle just wanted to disappear, not quite sure why Cartman was embarrassed by the question considering he could probably find a nice girl to go with.
He coughed one last time and looked meaningfully at Ike. "I'm too cool for dances. Just FYI, kid."
Ike's expression didn't change, "Well make sure you buy your special girl some flowers and chocolate, specifically sugar free chocolate. Not all girls can eat normal candy."
Cartman just raised an eyebrow at Ike, missing the reference completely. "Uh huh."
Kyle tried to keep his expression blank. 'What the literal fuck.' Ike nudged Kyle under the table gently. 'He was fucking serious'. Ike thought they were dating, 'damn it all to hell.'
Kyle shot him a dirty look that said you're dead meat. "So Eric, um, how are classes this time?" 'God his dad was so fucking awkward. At least he was trying though.'
"Very well, thanks for asking Mr. Broflovski."
"Please call me Gerald." Kyle's dad said while smiling.
"You know you can be quite a charming boy."
Kyle felt like he was dreaming. No way was his dad actually liking Cartman.
Ike nudged Kyle under the table one last time and then looked pointedly at Cartman, "Take good care of the lucky girl." He used air quotes around the word girl, then laughed and excused himself.
Sheila shook her head. "Sometimes I really worry about that boy."
Cartman decided to take the plunge. He really didn't like Sheila that much was obvious. He had done everything from make crude drawings of her to write songs about how much he hated her. Childish, yes, but effective, also yes. 'However, if he wanted a snowball's chance in hell with Kyle he would have to at least be nice to Sheila Broflovski.' The thought made him want to vomit in his mouth a tad bit, but he swallowed the bile down and proceeded anyway.
"Mrs. Broflovski, your food is quite excellent. How has your day been might I ask?"
Kyle turned his attention to the vegetable soup his mother had made, yep staying out of this one for sure.
"Why thank you. It's been fair I must say." She smiled faintly, "So has your mother found an actual job yet, one that doesn't require such lewd services?"
"Sheila, that's a very inappropriate question." Gerald corrected calmly.
Kyle shot a worried look in Cartman's direction. 'The only thing he genuinely hated more than being called fat was when people called his mom a slut. He's going to totally lose his shit.'
"Actually, she works two jobs, one at a bank and the other at a 24 hour doctor's office as a receptionist."
"Okay, I think that's enough dinner for one night." Kyle moved to push himself away from the table dramatically, hoping Cartman would take the hint.
Sheila stared long and hard at Cartman, looking for a dark look to pass over his face or waiting for him to say something rude or out of turn. He never did.
"If nothing else your acting has improved." Sheila said spitefully.
Cartman was about to cuss her out, but Kyle intervened. "Wow, unbelievable. Yeah this meal is over, let's go up to my room Cartman."
"Did I give him permission to go up there?" Sheila asked in a high pitched tone.
Cartman couldn't help thinking that the woman had serious issues. He had just witnessed three different mood swings of hers over dinner alone. He knew he was crazy, 'but damn how did Kyle put up with this on a daily basis?'
"No, but I just did. Come on." Kyle grabbed Cartman's elbow and began dragging him upstairs. "Thanks for dinner." Cartman awkwardly said. Gerald smiled then turned to his wife in undertones after the door was closed.
"Sheila, are you alright?" He looked with concern at his wife.
She nodded vigorously.
"Are you really alright? I know you don't like that boy, but that's Kyle's friend and you should be more civil. Implying his mother is a slut over dinner when he did nothing wrong, that's highly unlike you."
"I didn't get much sleep last night." Was her only reply.
Gerald's worried expression didn't wane. "I think you need to go back to that doctor, at least consider taking the medicine."
She looked weary. "That doctor is full of it. Multiple personality disorder? What a joke. I'm just tired, don't worry honey."
He sighed, "Alright, you go on to bed. I'll clean up the dishes, okay?"
Cartman was really pissed off as he tried to calm his breathing down. Kyle was pissed as well but didn't care to calm down. "I can't believe her, we were having a semi decent meal and then she decides to be a bitch!" He exploded.
Cartman was quite touched at Kyle's concern. He shook his head, "It's not that big of a deal, she doesn't have much of a reason to like me anyway I guess." He was still angry though.
"No! That doesn't make it okay, you did nothing wrong. She makes me sick sometimes!" Kyle slammed his fist against the wall not caring if she or the whole house heard.
"Calm down Kyle, your hair color is showing." He laughed slightly.
Kyle looked utterly confused and just burst into laughter himself.
"What was the deal with your brother at dinner by the way? Little dildo was even weirder than usual."
"How many times do I have to tell you don't call him that!? But I really have no idea. He is a bit of a weirdo honestly."
"It's because he's Canadian. Trust me on this one, Canadian and a Jew, setup to be a freak. He was doomed from birth." Cartman said seriously.
Kyle dismissed the comment for the most part, "It's really not, but thanks for cutting out the Jew jokes at dinner and trying to be nice to my mom. I was so worried about you fucking up I didn't even think she would be the problem, so um sorry."
Kyle looked uncomfortable. "There there, it's not a big deal. I might be a sociopath, but she's a big fat bitch. No fixing bitchiness." Cartman said in what was meant to be a soothing tone.
"You're crazy." Kyle said, almost fondly.
"And you love it." Cartman winked at him, catching him completely off guard.
"Why'd you dress up by the way? It wasn't formal or anything."
Cartman straightened his tie and pretended to fix his hair, "I have to make a good impression on the parents if I plan to hang around more right?"
Kyle nodded, trying to hide his euphoria. "Well, I think it worked." He was risking a bit with the next comment, "For what it's worth, you look nice." The floor was suddenly very interesting for the redhead.
Cartman sounded incredulous, "Seriously?" At first Kyle thought he was trying to pick on him but when he finally did look up he could tell Cartman was being honest. He really didn't know he looked good.
"Yes, seriously." Kyle leaned towards him slightly, nudging him playfully in the side. Cartman's face turned red. His words ran out together in a rush, "You can eat with me next, but you have to dress up okay?"
Kyle smiled as he rested his head on Cartman's shoulder lazily. "It's a date then." He said before he even thought about it, both boys blushed at the same time, too nervous to make eye contact with each other. "What I meant to say was, God that sounded so damn gay." Kyle rambled.
"Yeah, really faggy, but yeah I knew what you meant, sounds good."
Very, very slowly, Cartman reached for Kyle's hand, maybe he could show him without words that he was interested that way if he was rejected it wouldn't be too obvious. Maybe Kyle would finally get that he was interested in him.
Right as he was about to hold Kyle's hand, the door flung open, revealing an angry Sheila Broflovski. "Eric your mom is on the phone she said she's coming to get you in 15." She slammed the door back hard. Well that moment just got ruined, Cartman thought.
"How did you get your hair to look like that without hairspray?" Kyle asked as he ran his hands through Cartman's hair. "It's not hard or anything. Very soft."
Cartman remembered the dream from the night before and prayed he didn't get a hard-on. "I just use a bit of leave in conditioner, nothing special."
Kyle kept touching his hair for a bit longer. "I like it. I wish mine would do that."
Cartman turned towards Kyle and their cheeks bumped since Kyle had laid his head back on his shoulder. "Sorry-" Kyle began.
"It's fine." Cartman was trying to stay calm. 'Kyle's lips were so close but so fucking far away.'
A car horn honked from outside. "That must be my mom, my place next time, then?"
"Yeah," Kyle smiled as he hugged Cartman tightly and probably a little too long but since Cartman hugged back he decided this wasn't a bad thing. He smelled amazing.
Cartman left quickly without much more ado. "So, tell me again how you don't like Cartman." Ike said smirking playfully from the doorway.
Kyle jumpd then glanced around quickly, "Keep your voice down and get in here."
Ike laughed, "Oh God. You should have seen your face. He's already gone and mom is downstairs. Obviously I won't blow your cover. But are you dating for real?!"
Ike was so excited, but Kyle was going to have to burst his bubble, "I don't know what you're talking about. And those comments at dinner what the hell, Ike?"
Ike crossed his arms and laid back on Kyle's bed. "Kyle, please. I saw you two snuggling on the bed and then the looks he kept giving you during dinner, plus his self control when mom was well being mom."
"So, let me get this straight, you spied on us in my room and then stared at him during dinner. It sounds like you have a thing for Cartman yourself."
"Calm your tits Kyle, I don't have a thing for your man."
"He's not my man, Ike. Shut up."
"The color of your face says differently." Ike loved picking on his older brother.
Ike continued lightly knowing he was treading on thin ice, "All I'm saying is that he came for dinner, put on his best suit and behavior all to impress you I'm guessing. So if you like him too, I'm saying you should go for it. He's crazy about you."
Kyle fought to keep a lovestruck smile off of his face, "We're just friends."
Ike smiled, "Okay, but maybe my little comment about the dance will change that." He walked out.
Ugh, Kyle slapped his forehead. But then again, maybe so.
A/N: Hey guys, hope you enjoyed the update, looks like chapters will be getting longer. Hope you like the length!