Hello my fellow readers. I'm finally back with a new chapter. Yay!? I'm happy to finally be able to post something. I haven't gotten to this in a while and I'm doing it now. Thank you all for your wonderful reviews. They mean a lot to me as a writer and I would like to thank JazzyMusic123 for reading my story. A lot of your work is plain fantastic. It meant a lot. Really. This chapter is about the second half of this day and I'm supposedly adding a new character because she will appear up a lot as well so you may as well get to know her. Also, there will be some Rosalina bashing as well. Even I hate her, so there will be some bashing. Anyway, I hope you all really enjoy this chapter. I worked hard on it, so I hope you all take it to your likeness. Anyway, I hope I get good reviews, follows, and favorites behind this. Enjoy!?
Chapter 3 – Sorrow(Part 2)
(Benny's P. O. V)
My classes seemed to go agonizingly slow. Each one seemed to slow down even more than the last. It was getting off my nerves and it made my insides crank in anger like the sound of a grandfather clock at noon. Not to mention, Ethan seemed to show up in each and every one, making my heart ache in wither in pain. It's like the universe picked this specific day to torment and mess with my malfunctioning mind. Each and every class Rosalina was beside Ethan, slowly torturing my broken soul every time she held him, kissed him, touched. It was becoming very hard to listen to our chemistry teacher, as my thoughts continued to cloud and fog my mind.
I couldn't find myself to concentrate as the many images of Rosalina whirled around in my sub-conscious, stirring up my emotions, making my heart feel like a piece of metal against sandpaper. Rubbing and scarring my punctured heart until nothing was left. I felt tears come to my eyes at the thought. I slowly began to hear a small, girlish like voice. I grimaced as I tried to make it out.
"You know, the funny thing about metal is, its always the one that comes out soft and polished. The sandpaper, that is, always just comes out worn out and ugly."
I recognized the soft voice. Anna. I turned around in my seat slightly to see the blonde with ice-blue eyes that kind of reminded me of a rushing water.
"How did you get in my head?"
"Oh, I have my ways." as I could instantly sense her smile.
"Get out of my head."
"Okay, but your thoughts are just so interesting. Oh, and you might want to pay attention." I frowned, sarcastically.
"You think?" as I heard her girlish presence leave my mind. I was instantly pushed out of my thoughts by the teachers' voice, Mr. Hamilton.
"Benjamin Weir, are you truly back to earth with us?" I blushed, slightly embarrassed as the many snickers filled the chemistry lab.
"Yes sir."
"Well then, you will be able to know which chemical compound in which ions are held together in a lattice structure, consisting of negative and positive portions, right?" as he instantly shot me a look.
"An ionic compound." I said, slightly above a mere whisper. He smiled.
"Very good, Mr. Weir." He went back to writing our assigned homework on the board. I let out a calming breath I didn't know I was holding, slowly trying to make my heart rate slow down, as the bell finally rung. I quickly began to gather my things into my bag, walking out of the lab, as I heard footsteps catch up to me. I glared at Anna.
"Anna, you could have gotten me in trouble." as I looked at her accusingly. She smirked.
"Oh, come on, it's not like you don't already know the stuff. You're the smartest guy I know." I rolled my eyes at her carelessness.
"Plus, it's not like you were paying attention. All your thoughts was about that she hag." She made a disgusted face, putting extra emphases on 'she hag'. I sighed as I looked down.
"I don't even know why you let her get to you. She's nothing, but a stuck up bitch who fucks anyone but Ethan." My eyes widened.
"Anna." She shrugged.
"What, I'm just saying. I mean if he was gonna get something with that many thorns, he was better off getting with a cactus. I mean, look at her." as she tripped a classmate while Ethan was rummaging through his locker, her smile clearly evident as she watched at the nerd dropped all his things on the floor. I frowned, feeling remorse for the clearly tortured student.
"Come on, that should be a crime." Instantly feeling my heart stop as her kissed her. I can see a glint of anger flash across Anna's features as she looked at me.
"Come on, let's go to lunch. Just watching them is making my stomach churn." I smiled slightly, walking off with her.
We eventually reached the cafeteria. When we walked in, we instantly saw the table we always sat at in the middle of the lunchroom. We ventured over to see the others were already there. Alex and Jesse were to busy making out to pay attention, and Rory basically was watching Dave take down four plates in front of him like he hadn't eaten in days, and Sarah instantly starting up a conversation with Anna about makeup while Erica just filed her nails.
"What's up, guys?" They all looked up at me and smiled, Sarah motioning for me to sit by her. I sat as I watched the others in silence. Erica frowned, clearly disgusted as she looked at Dave.
"Basically watching the idiot take down four plates all by himself. I mean, can you not be such a dog?" We watched as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and Rory looked at him like he had grown two heads.
"What? Wolves have high metabolisms." Anna grimaced.
"How can you even eat that slop? Even if I was half dead I still wouldn't eat it." Dave shrugged.
"You know, it's not half bad." as held it up so everyone could smell it. Everyone grimaced.
"Ew, I may be tom-boyish but that's still disgusting." I chuckled as the others laughed as Anna began to argue with him about his eating habits.
Anna, well I just found was she was my third cousin on my mother's side. She was the only person I knew who had magic just like me. She was a White-lighter. Her mother sent her to live with us so she could train properly. She was ambitious and a bit crazy, but as soon as she came, we became quick friends. She was the only other one who knew about my crush on Ethan as well as me being gay other than Sarah. The funny thing about it was, she was gay too so I knew if I told her, she wouldn't say anything. She was a nice girl and I couldn't think of life without her.
Well, none of my friends actually. I found myself smiling through my never-ending pain, as they continued to argue. I'm not gonna lie, they were a small part of my life that was interesting. Loyal, trustworthy, and kind friends that you could die for, enough to make at least some of the days of my miserable existence worth living.
Knowing deep in my withered heart, even though they couldn't take away all of the pain, they could at least ease some of my overbearing sorrow that constantly plagued and corrupted my shattered soul, to make each of my days a bit more bearable than my last. I smiled slightly, but frowned instantly as the dreadful silence once again overcame the once joyful group.
"Oh, crab apples." We all grimaced at Anna's choice of words as I felt my emotions once again begin to stir in my chest at the beautiful monster also known as my heart's true desires, came our way.
My heart beginning to stop instantly at the sight of him, making it wither and ache ever so slowly. My heart quickly beating in my chest, breaking even more with each heartbreaking beat. The more closer he got, the more I felt my heart slowly beginning to wither away, the pieces slowly falling into the deep, dark abyss of my soul, refusing to ever want to come out, due to there not being anything to put it back together again. Tears beginning to swell in my eyes again, but I refused to let them fall as Ethan hold Rosalina closer.
My gut churning with hate as I looked at the brunette with hazel eyes. She was almost the same height as E. She has brown hair that was perfectly curled. She was thin, but had small curves that encased her body and soft, angelic features that somehow made every guy in WCH drop to his knees, especially with the light makeup that dressed her face. She wore a pink and black thin flannel shirt along with black skinny jeans, spaghetti strap heels. In everyone's eyes, she was gorgeous and a perfect object of beauty and her being a cheerleader didn't help.
I personally hated her though. She didn't love Ethan like I did. She never could. Ethan and I shared a bond that no one on this side of Heaven nor Earth could ever truly understand. I mean, I loved him so much, it hurt. Love was one of the things I couldn't fight, something I wasn't prepared for. I mean, I hated why I loved him. No words on this horrid planet could even begin to describe how much. It's just, I hated being in love with someone who would never return my affections, someone who would clearly never love me. I would basically follow him into the jaws of death on a pale horse of destiny. No matter how cliche it sounds, I would die for him.
How come he couldn't see that? I kept asking myself questions that no one on Earth could possibly answer, questions that still leaves the universe warped with undeniable mystery, questions, questions that my intellect couldn't even begin to answer. I desired and wanted him with a burning passion that intensified with each passing day, slowly consuming me in it's treacherous wings of death, killing me slowly from the inside out. I wish sometimes I could jump off the ledge of this miserable life and take away all my pain, a pain that Ethan created, a black hole that's slowly been consuming me in it's horrible darkness of despair and melancholy ever since I met him. My heart beats only for him, for his love, but it also bleeds for his existence, dripping blood for each passing day that he can't be mine.
Sometimes I wish I didn't love him, then maybe the pain wouldn't hurt so much. Hell, I wish I could forget, each kiss, each touch, but no matter how hard I tried, Ethan would come back, once again filling my heart with nothing but pain and misery, drowning me in unfathomable melancholy, drowning my heart in his lies. My heart sinking as the many thoughts of us rushed into my mind. I found myself unconsciously getting up to stand. Something in my heart wanting me to leave, not wanting to see the man that has caused me so much heartache. I just needed to get away, anywhere where he wasn't.
(Sarah's P. O. V)
I looked at Benny who had pain mixed with a deep hint of hurt shimmering in his eyes as he looked towards the couple. I couldn't help but be mad as I looked at Ethan. How could he not see they were perfect together? Why would he want to waste his time on this poor excuse of a girlfriend? Can't he see the pain he's causing Benny? I found myself instantly reminiscing every night he called me crying, all the tears he cried over him, instantly feeling the same exact feeling of when Ethan dumped me and threw me away like I was nothing to him. Knowing deep in my heart that I can't take away his pain. It hurt me so much that I couldn't. Benny didn't deserve this. He deserved happiness like everyone else, the same love I share with Erica. Unconditional, Sweet, and Pure love. I mean I still loved Ethan. No matter what, he was still a great friend, but I couldn't help but thinks he makes the dumbest choices. After all these years, how could you not know your bestfriend was in love with you? Sometimes I wonder just how blind he is.
"Benny, why are you going?" looking at Benny who was now standing.
"Just History, Ms. Higgins hates when we're late." as I looked at Benny, knowing I couldn't hide the concern in my eyes for even one second, then I nodded.
"Okay." as I smiled slightly at him, trying to hide my remorse for the brunette. Ethan kissed her cheek, going to get in the lunch line. She instantly coming to our table, instantly glaring at Benny before she flashed a smile at everyone else.
"Hi friends, what's up?"as I looked at the hateful looks they gave her. Dave glared at her.
"Your 'hi' isn't good here. Number one, we're not your friends. We don't like you. Number two, what the fuck do you want?" Dave said, instantly speaking for each face at the table. She frowned.
"Awe, that hurt. Can't a girl say 'hello' to her friends." Anna glared at her, her eyes turning a deep shade of blue, instantly sensing she was getting mad.
"No, and we're not your friends. Now get lost." She pouted, in an acting motion.
"I would, but I don't take orders from a low-life dogs, not to mention unfashionable bitches." I watched as Dave started growling and Anna looked ready to pounce. The others just plain looked pissed, watching as Benny began to walk away. I saw a small trace of Rosalina foot as she tripped him. I found myself instantly wanting to sink my teeth into her neck, sucking out each and every last bit of her poisonous blood as I rushed to his side, noticing how his food stuck to his clothes and was matted up in his hair as I helped him up. Blistering anger running through me as I looked at the evil witch. Laughter beginning to fill the lunchroom as tears began to build in his eyes, watching as Benny ran out of the lunchroom.
"Benny!" Sighing, as Ethan finally came and looked at us in confusion.
"Guys, what's the problem?" We all glared at him. I shook my head not wanting to answer his question, instantly running off to find him. I just hope he's okay.
(Benny's P. O. V)
Day eventually turned into a brutal night. The familiar feeling beginning to rush back, my blood pumping, rushing as I tried to fill the empty feeling inside of me once more, loneliness, depression, pain, and hurt. The emotions I knew all to well, slowly beginning to consume me once more. Not caring, if my phone continued to ring on my bed, knowing it was the others ringing my phone off the hook to see if I'm okay. I knew they were just worried, but now I just wanted to be left alone, alone in the deep depths of my internal soul, once again letting the sweet darkness ravage me, devouring me slowly, yet painfully. Blood continued to fill my head, rushing through my ears, the loud banging against my skull becoming rather comforting. I found myself welcoming the sweet and tender pain that always seemed to comfort me at night, overwhelming me in it's sweet intensity, caressing me in my most horrid nightmares.
Seems that no matter what, I could never escape the brute of the hell that continuously surrounded me day in and day out, capturing me and sealing me into indefinite darkness. The excruciating pain of my heart emptying all out of what once was in my body, onto the cold, hard tile floor, signaling my last ounces of hope breaking away as I began to feel the blood running down my arm. My many cuts creating a river of blood that agonizingly dripped down my fingertips, reminding me of my anger, my heartache, my misery, and my depression scattered across the tiles, staining them in my unbearable sorrow. Each cut on my arm symbolizing the love of the man that has caused me so much pain, a love that leaves me broken and shattered every night, wondering how I was even able to get up the next morning. As funny as it seems, this is my life, a life filled with unstoppable darkness and despondency.
I gently leaned my head against the tile, tears streaming steadily down my porcelain cheeks. A smile clearly evident on my lips, as the many cuts began to throb, letting my mind slip into a state of euphoria as the pain felt as sweet as nectar from a flower on a summer day. It was exhilarating yet, peaceful. My wounds slowly becoming deeper as I tried to forget what happened just hours prior, wanting to forget the blissful heartache, the embarrassment, life itself. Simply wanting to drown myself in the sheering pain that held me now, knowing it's the only thing to make me feel alive, make me feel whole at this one moment. My eyes slowly beginning to droop as all emotions left me, letting out an involuntary sob as I took a calming breath, sinking into the deep, dark parts of my tethered soul, wishing it all would go away, hoping just once I didn't have to wake up tomorrow.
Well, that was all. I hope it wasn't bad. I tried my best. Dang, I haven't gotten to this in quite some time. Hopefully I will post another in a day or two so I can get to For The Love Of My Pain. I can't really do that if I'm constantly thinking about this. It's a process, you know. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I really hope it was to your liking. Anyway, thank you all for reading. It's 10pm and I have to go to sleep. Love you all, Follow, Favorite, Review. Goodnight. Until next time – Genora