Author's Note

I'm so sorry, not even words to describe how much of horrible update wait its been. A year! An atrocity! Here it is, and i have an entire outline for the rest of the story, so it will be up sooner then a year I promise! School got canceled today due to ice, so I'm taking amuch deserved break from junior year craziness (im taking 4 college classes at my highschool, as well as precalc [which sucks, don't take precalc] so im pretty swamped).

I know a lot of you have probably given up on this story because of a lack of update, but I promise to be on more because it makes me happy to right and I could honestly use some happiness right now.

I am also updating my one-shot series today too, so check that out if you haven't already!

I love you all, thanks for sticking around!

Jess

"Jess, would you feed the chickens please?"

I sigh, and roll off my bed, quilt draped around my shoulders like a shawl. "Coming Mom!" I shout, tugging on my work boots and trading my quilt for a sweatshirt. I'm happy to help out on our farm (especially since I can't do as much being away at boarding school) and I love our chickens, but all I want is one minute to myself for some quiet to think. Too much has been going on around me and my friends to not put some thought into it.

I traipse down the stairs, counting them like I used to do when I was a kid. One-two-three-four-five-six one after the other, speeding up as I near the landing. I'm almost at the bottom when -BAM- my twin brothers run smack into me, laughing.

"Twerps! Watch where you're going!" I shout, not even knowing where this rage toward them is coming from. They just stare at me, gauging my mood and wondering if they should make a joke of it or leave it be. I spin around and head for the kitchen before they can decide.

"Was that you I heard yelling?" asked my mother, an eyebrow raised quizzically. She was standing at the sink, washing the last few dishes from our lunch of chili and cornbread.

"Dylan and Ryan were just being annoying" I say, pulling my hair into a long ponytail. "It's not my fault they don't seem to have eyes in the front of their head, and can't look where they are going."

My mother frowned. "Are you alright Jess? You've been on edge lately, yelling at your brothers, crying at the smallest issue- Is everything okay with school?"

I look up at her, and see the concern brimming in her eyes. I want to desperately to tell her, to get some of this burden off my chest but… I can't. I can't betray my best friend, not even if she's betrayed all that we believed in- or that I thought we believed in at least.

"No Mom, everything's fine. Don't worry about me. School is just a little stressful, my Honors English is taking up so much time, but I'll get it done." I try to give what I think is a convincing smile.

My mom pulls me into a hug, "You work so hard and always know the right thing to do. I'm so proud of you." She smiles at me, pushing the stray hairs out of my hair. I gulp, and smile back, quickly turning so she can't read my expression. If only she knew.

I head to the barn, grabbing a sack of feed as I pass. Absentmindedly, I throw some corn in the chicken coup, sprinkling it around so the chickens don't run each other in the ground trying to get to it. I throw in two more handfuls then lean back against the pine beam of out barn, sliding down to sit in the soft hay. I close my eyes, and feel tears prickle at the, incessantly. No I tell myself sternly you must not cry. You have book club tonight, and if you show up with puffy, red eyes, all the mothers are going to know something is up.

I think about how the past couple of days have panned out- all the texts I ignored from Emma, the calls from Darcy that I conveniently "didn't hear" because I didn't want to explain to him that his sister had gone off to the loony bin. Even messages from Cassidy and Megan, who sent questioning texts through Emma, hoping for a response. I didn't want to ignore my friends, I just couldn't think of anything that I wanted to say to them.

How could Megan and Cassidy support this? It's crazy, they shouldn't in anyway make it okay for Emma to THINK about such a major decision until she is married or in college- anything is better than high school. I mean, we are 16 for crying out loud?

And what's up with Megan asking if Emma loves him. How does that change anything? I love my animals, but that doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with them for Pete's sake!

I feel my blood start to boil and my skin gets hot and prickly. I want to hit something, to throw things on the ground and stomp my feet like a little kid. And the worst part is I couldn't stop it. These feelings were just bubbling up inside me, and I couldn't contain them anymore then dinosaurs could come back from the dead.

Inside, I knew I should to try to understand where Emma was coming from, and try to move past this. We had been friends for too long to mess it up now. I take 3 deep breathes, letting them out slowing like I'm a balloon with a tiny leak.

Let go of the anger before book club I tell myself firmly. If you go into this with a hot head, you will end up burning both yourself and Emma.

My mom poked her head out of the kitchen door "Sweetie, can you come inside and change for book club? We have to swing by the market to pick up some lemonade before we head over to Cassidy's"

"Sure Mom. Be right there"

I take two more deep breathes and stand up, stretching my arms above my head before letting them fall to my sides. I stare longingly at the pine boarding running along the roof, keeping me safe from my problems with the outside world. How I wish I could stay here, warm and cozy and safe, without drama to tear me down.

As I pull my old shorts and a blue short-sleeve shirt, I feel a lump in the front pocket of the pants. I pull it out and find it's a piece of paper folded over and over again till it was a little bit bigger than a thumb nail. I unfold it, kicking my feet into my sandals as I do so. It's a note from Emma from seventh grade, written on a piece Walden Middle School notepad paper.

Beauty,

Opening night: March 10. Jess takes the stage and instantly becomes a Hollywood worthy actress with her rendition as Belle. You're gunna rock this performance like Elvis shook up the world in the 50's with his rock and roll dancing. Don't forget me when you're famous (because I'll be writing your screen plays! Haha :)

XOXO Emma

I smile as I look down at the note, a time filled with love and laughter and not a single mention of boyfriends. I feel the anger bubbling inside me again, but I try to calm in. I am not a volcano, I can't afford to blow up. You can do this I tell myself Release all the anger and just talk to her as a friend. As a best friend. Because she IS your best friend.

Unfortunately for me, that's a lot easier said than done.