Chapter 8

Leaving Dr. Haywards office that day Hanna felt the weight of every decision she'd ever made in her life begin to lighten. Although knowing that the battle had just begun knowing that she had taken the first initial step to healing was a burden she could remove.

They left the office and headed next door to fill the prescription while Claudia had her own talk with the doctor. She was in there a while and when she came out she was solemn and quiet.

Hanna held Calebs hand tightly in the car, as Claudia explained what the doctor had told her on the way to Ashleys hotel, fear of what would come in the next few weeks making her shake slightly. If Caleb noticed though, and she knew he did, he didn't remark upon it he just squeezed her hand gently letting her know that she had his support and that he was there if she needed him.

She knew in the weeks and months to come she would indeed need him. Life was about to get complicated and harder then she ever would have imagined her life being a few years ago. Luckily for her she already had a huge support system behind her.

Earlier before leaving the guest house Caleb had told her that her mom wanted to see her after the Doctors but on the way there she got nervous.

"Caleb what am I supposed to say to mom? She's not going to understand what I'm going through. Mom always said I had to hold my head up high and show no fear. All I feel these days though is fear, how do I explain all this to my mom?" Hanna asked shakily.

"You have to be honest Hanna. You have to lay it all bare to your mom and be honest. I know telling her everything may seem scary but if you hope to salvage a relationship with her you need to be open with her." Caleb said encouragingly.

"Caleb's right dear. Honesty is better. Believe me your mom will understand if you explain things to her openly and fully." Claudia added from the front seat as they pulled up to the hotel Ashley Marin was staying in.

Hanna sat unmoving when they finally came to a stop too afraid to move. What if her mom didn't understand? What if she tried to make Hanna leave? What if she convinced Caleb to stay away from her? At that last thought Hanna lost it and another panic attack set in. She couldn't breathe, her body was shaking, and her vision started to blur as tears began to streak down her cheeks. She didn't even hear Caleb and Claudia speaking to her trying to calm her down. But she felt it when his arms closed aroud her and she was held tightly against his chest.

"Breathe Hanna, come on baby I need you to breathe just like me, slow and deep baby, slow and deep." Caleb kept repeating as he rubbed circles on her back.

"I can't do this Caleb. I just can't she's gonna hate me, shes gonna make me go back there, shes gonna take you away. I can't go back Caleb I'm finally free of that place I can't go back there." Hanna burst out rapidly.

"I wont let her Hanna. I wont let her make you go back. I wont let her take me from you, you're safe here Hanna, you're safe with me." Caleb promised. After a few quiet minutes Hanna spoke.

"Okay, Okay. I think I'm okay." Hanna mumbled. "Let's just get this over with and then we can deal with what happens after." Hanna said softly and unconvincingly.

"Very convincing Han." Caleb responded sarcastically.

As they left the car and headed into the hotel Caleb never let go of her hand he was a constant source of support, strength and comfort in a world that had gone dark and dreary for Hanna.

At the front desk they asked for Ashley Marins room and after a brief call were told she was in suite twelve twenty-three. The elevator ride seemed to last forever and Hannas nerves were completely shot but the time the elevator dinged and the doors opened but in that time Caleb never let go of her hand.

A brief knock on the door of twelve twenty-three and then the door opened and Ashley was there, mom was there and she was real, beautiful and obviously not happy.

"Come in." She said stonily. Hanna and Caleb entered and went to sit on the couch Ashley sitting across from them in one of the rooms arm chairs.

"Hi mom." Hanna said quietly.

"Hanna." She said just as stonily as she had when she answered the door. "So you had your doctors appointment?" She asked a soft note finally entering her voice.

"Yes." Hanna answered.

"Well?" She asked impatience in her tone.

"I have been prescribed an anti-depressant that also treats anxiety." Hanna told her quietly.

"What is going on Hanna? How are things so bad that you can't come home? That you need medication?" Ashley asked worry, anger and frustration coming through in her tone clearly.

"So much has happened over the years mom. Allison went missing, we all thought she was dead, then Mona tormented us, we were terrorized, segregated from family due to fear. People died mom in horrible ways and we had to see that, experience it, we were even blamed for it. Eventually instead of talking about what was happening to us we learned to keep quiet. Fear made us careful but it kept us from living our lives. Aria, Spencer, Emily and I have learned to lean on each other so much that we never thought of letting anyone else in. I never thought that things would get so bad or so dangerous that you would end up in jail and that I would have to deal with so much." Hanna tried to explain, though everything seemed to come out jumbled and repetitive.

"We got through all those things though Hanna." Ashley said in confusion.

"No mom I didn't. I buried it all, so deep that even I thought it was okay. Eventually though it started to bubble up, a little bit at first but then more often until I felt like I was drowning constantly. Caleb kept the fears away for a while but when he left it was like I didn't have the strength to be strong anymore and I started to let everything that I've been dealing with consume me. To the point that I could no longer function. So I left and I'm sorry I left without saying anything but I had to go while I still could, while I was strong enough to." Hanna confessed. Caleb squeezed her hand to let her know that he was there and she could lean on him if she needed to.

"We can get you help back home Hanna." Ashley said trying to sound positive but not truly understanding Hanna.

"Mom you're not listening to me. If I`m going to heal properly, if I`m going to become whole again I can`t do it in Rosewood. I need to stay here. I have another doctors appointment in two weeks, I`m going to get set up with a Psychiatrist here, and I am going to finish school, but I`m going to do it here." Hanna said firmly.

"Hanna you are only eighteen years old you have no job, no money and no idea what you are doing. This is ridiculous. I can't believe we are even having this conversation. You are still my child and technically you still live under my roof and therefore you will come home with me. We will set you up with a proper doctor as well as a psychiatrist and we will get a second opinion." Ashley said decisively taking out her phone to make a call.

All at once the room spun and Hanna felt her world tilt. Her mom wasn't listening to her, she wasn't understanding, she was going to drag Hanna home whether she liked it or not. "NO!" Hanna screamed putting her hands over her ears and rocking back and forth.

Caleb had been sitting silently up until Ashley started making plans for a doctor back home. He knew what was coming next, was prepared for it so when the attack came from Hanna he was prepared. He was on the floor in front of her in seconds her face in his hands speaking reassurances trying to calm the storm that was raging within her.

"She can't make me leave you Caleb, she can't can she?" Hanna was saying her eyes wild fear coating her words. "I wont make it if I go back I can't. There's too much pain there, too many memories, horrible memories, it's dangerous there." Hanna shrilled the panic in her taking control.

"Hanna!" Caleb snapped to get her attention. She looked up terror in her eyes pleading with him not to leave her in the desperate way she was clinging to his arms. Caleb had read about PTSD in soldiers who had come back from war but seeing Hanna go through it broke his heart. The woman who he always knew to be fierce and strong was now broken and fighting an inner battle he couldn't even begin to understand. "I'm not leaving Hanna and neither are you. We're going to stay right here together. I promise baby you and me we're gonna get through this." Caleb told her gently watching as her fingers unclenched from his arms and her eyes began to lose the scared wild look.

"You...You promise?" She stuttered out.

"I promise Hanna you and me forever, through anything." He reassured her. Then turning he stood to face a very stunned and confused Ashley.

"Mrs. Marin Hanna cannot go back there. Emotionally she is broken, mentally she is scarred and damaged and trying to force her to go back is going to do more harm then good. Her stress right now is very high and shes been having more frequent panic attacks since she got here mostly because she's afraid you'll make her go back. She's not ready. She needs time, space, peace and quiet to heal. My mom agrees that she should remain here and so does the doctor we spoke to. Mom had a talk with the doctor after we left while we filled the prescription next door. Dr. Hayward suggests that Hanna stay away from anything that may trigger an attack. She explained it to mom that Hanna is like a soldier returning from war, she's haunted, scared and damaged. She needs to feel safe only then can she begin to recover." Caleb explained.

"But I'm her mother. I'm supposed to help her through these things." Ashley said.

"Then move here Mrs. Marin. Leave Rosewood and move here to help your daughter." Caleb said simply but concisely.

"I can't...I don't...How can I just leave everything behind? My job, the house, friends, family?" Ashley said rubbing her temples as she paced the room.

"Does all that really matter next to what Hanna needs?" Caleb asked stunned she would even question moving to help Hanna.

"No it doesn't matter you're right. Oh Hanna I'm so sorry." Ashley said shame in her voice. Hanna didn't look up though she was silent, calm but silent. Drained from the ordeal of the attack.

"I think I need to get her home now." Caleb said realizing just how little strength Hanna actually had left.

"She can stay here." Ashley suggested.

"No she's coming with me. She needs me with her, she feels safer that way and as long as I make her feel safe I won't leave her." Caleb said finality in his tone.

"I'm headed home in the morning. I have to make arrangements with work get the house rented, I'll be back in a few weeks hopefully once everything is squared away back home though." Ashley explained looking at Hanna who was still silent on the couch.

"We'll keep in touch, let you know how things are going until you can get back here. I'll take care of her Mrs. Marin I promise." Caleb said solemnly.

"I'm sure you will Caleb." Ashley said a hint of resentment in her tone. Caleb ignored it and turned back to Hanna kneeling in front of her again.

"Hanna. We're gonna get going now. Mom's waiting and you look like you could really use some sleep." Caleb said softly pushing her hair back behind her ears.

"Okay." Hanna said softly speaking for the first time in almost twenty minutes.

Hanna allowed Caleb to pull her up gently but when he tried to move away so she could say goodbye to her mom she refused to let go of his hand again. Ashley noticed this and wondered if this clingyness was actually good for Hanna but kept her mouth shut.

"I'll see you soon Hanna. I'll call everyday." Ashley said.

"Okay mom." Hanna replied even quieter her energy spent.

They left the room quietly and made their way back downstairs and to the car. neither one said a word as they got in but no words were needed Claudia could see that the meeting hadn't gone smoothly and the way Caleb was holding Hanna against him a she drifted off on the way back home solidified the fact that Ashley had not made this easier on her daughter. Hopefully over the next little while she would come to understand that her daughter wasn't heself right now. That there was a brokenness to Hanna that Ashley couldn't fix just because she wanted to.

Caleb and Hanna entered the guesthouse silently as words weren't needed. Hanna let Caleb lead her into the bathroom, stood silently as he stripped both her and himself and didn't move as he turned on the shower and let the water run.

She allowed him to wash her without words spoken, returned the favour even though she had very little energy and when he lead her to the bed afterwards didn't protest when he heled her into bed. But when he tried to pull away to give her time to rest she mumbled a protest and drew him to her relishing in the way his body felt against her own.

"Hanna you need to sleep." He whispered.

"I need you more." She replied back kissing him urgently. Words were again abandoned as she spread herself beneath him and led him inside her body. The way he moved against her, how he felt inside her was an indescribable feeling, like coming home, safe, loved and cherished all rolled into one glorious act. His thrusts gained in intensity the passion and the heat between them rising up to engulf them both.

"Caleb!" Hanna shouted as her body siezed up and her back arched. Caleb, feeling her clench around him shuddered as his body surrendered to the pleasure her name tumbling from his lips in a gutteral cry.

Afterwards though words were still unspoken both fell asleep knowing exactly what the other was thinking. Words weren't needed as Caleb held her promising her with his arms that he would never leave again. And her answering embrace told him that she trusted him to keep that promise.