Chapter 9

Hanna slept, and when she slept she dreampt. Horrible dreams of murder, ghosts coming back to haunt her and being terrorized by an unknown person. The constant fear of never knowing if the nightmare that had become her life was ever going to end. Dreams of her friends disappearing just like Allison. The dreams were so vivid and terrifying that it was no surprise that in reality she was thrashing and crying ,screaming for help.

It was the screams that woke Caleb. He watched in horror as Hanna's dreams kept her locked into a reality so dreadful that all she could do was shake and scream. Guilt ate at him as he realized that before leaving for Ravenswood he had never truly grasped exactly how splintered Hanna had become. Him leaving seemed to have shattered what little strength and courage she'd had until all that was left was the shell of a woman currently screaming as she dreampt.

Caleb began to shake Hanna trying to ger her to wake up, wanting her to escape the memories and return to the reality where she was safe and loved. "Hanna!" He yelled trying to startle her awake.

Her eyes snapped open and though she was concious she was still in the deep grips of her nightmares. "Aria, Spencer, Emily, theyre all gone Caleb. All gone." Hanna sobbed out as her eyes bagan to focus again.

"No Hanna. They're fine. They're home in Rosewood, but they are fine." caleb tried to reassure her.

"No! I left and they're still there fighting. They are still under attack by whoever this is." Hanna choked out sobs over taking her ablility to talk.

"Hanna they are strong girls and with Alison back they are even stronger they will be okay. You have to put it out of your mind though and focus on the road you have ahead of you. When you are starting to feel better then we can check in with everyone see how they are if they're safe. Right now Hanna my concern is to keep you safe, to help you get better." Caleb said.

"I'm a coward Caleb. I couldn't face everything back home so I ran. What kind of a friend does that?" Hanna asked self loathing in her voice.

"God Hanna! Do you even realize how much courage and strngth it took to leave. You could have stayed and just endured it all, let the terror consume you but you didn't. You got out and it took so much courage to do that. I'm so proud of how brave you have been." Caleb told her earnestly.

"I don't feel brave. I feel scared all the time. Like the world is dark and I'll never see the light again." Hanna admitted.

"I know it feels that way now but there are so many good things ahead for you Hanna. Eventually all this darkness and pain will pass and you will be standing in the sun again with me beside you holding your hand." Caleb said. Hanna smiled and sighed.

"I want that day to be here so much." She whispered.

"I have an idea." Caleb said as he pulled on his boxers and got out of bed. Hannas eyes followed him curiously as he went to the desk and opened a drawer. When he came back he was holding a calandar in his hands as well as a pen. "We are going to mark everyday on the calandar. At the end of everyday we are going to mark it to show that you made it through another day. We'll get you a journal as well and you can keep a record of how your day was. You can write in it every night before bed and after a few months we'll look back in it and you'll be able to see the progress you've made." Caleb said an excited smile lighting his features as he got more into how this would help her.

"I'm not sure about the journal, I've never been much good with words." Hanna grumbled.

"It's not about being good with words, it's about getting how you fell out there so it doesn't drown you. You and your friends have stayed silent so long that you don't know how to communicate with anyone else anymore. Start with the journal and the psychiatrist, after that talking to other people should be much easier." Caleb said.

"How do you know?" Hanna asked uncertainty in her tone.

"I don't know for sure but when I was in Ravenswood I kept a journal after a while of writing in it, it became much easier to talk to others." Caleb admitted.

"Okay I'll try." Hanna said quietly.

"Try to get some more sleep, you could really use it." Caleb said as he laid down with her and pulled her into his arms to lay against his chest.

"Don't let go okay? The nightmares don't come when you're holding me." Hanna admitted softly as she once again fell asleep.

"I won't let go I promise." Caleb whispered against her hair and he squeezed her gently.

2 Weeks Later...

The next two weeks passed quickly. Hanna started her medication the next morning after breakfast and though she was wary of them she did take them without complaint.

As the days passed Caleb noticed her sleeping more and zoning out throughout the day. He knew these were side effects of the new pills and that after her body adjusted to being on them those effects would start to go away, but he was worried that in the meantime Hanna's life was passing her by.

After the week was over though she was up more and engaging more, she still had to take a nap in the afternoon and she zoned out a few times throughout the day but she was more active. They went for a walk in the mornings and swam laps in the pool in the evenings. For Hanna those were the best time because she didn't have to think to much, all she had to do was enjoy the quiet.

Caleb's family was great to Hanna, they didn't ask too many questions, they allowed her the alone time she needed when she needed it and they didn't even mind her and Caleb being together all the time.

Claudia was the most understanding of them all. Hanna liked the fact that even though she was very uncomfortable with her and Caleb sharing the guest house together she didn't say anything against it. Claudia knew that right now Hanna needed Caleb close and that even if she tried to separate them Caleb wouldn't allow it anyway.

Ashley Marin on the other hand was another story. She freaked out when she learned that Hanna and Caleb were sharing the same bed away from the big house. She also couldn't seem to let go of the idea of Hanna coming home. She said she was trying to sell the house or find a renter but so far no one seemed interested, might have had something to do with the history of the occupants of the home, but she was still trying. She hadn't made arrangements to come back to Montecito though and that had Hanna frustrated and upset whenever it was brought up on their daily calls.

Caleb and Ashley had recently had a few arguments over Ashleys constant harassment of Hanna to come home, it even got so bad one day that Caleb slammed the phone down in Ashleys ear and refused to pick it up again that day, even Hanna wouldn't talk to her. Caleb thought that if they showed Ashley that they would not talk to her as long as she continued to pursue this course of trying to drag Hanna back home maybe then she would get the hint.

After two weeks though it was beginning to sink in that her letting that go was never going to happen. It was on that day that Hanna and Ashley quit talking altogether.

"Hanna I think two weeks is enough time for you to start in this road to healing you keep talking about, everything else can be worked out from here. It's time to come home. I can't come out there my boss wont give me the time off and there's too much to do here with the company. I need you to think like the grown up you say you are and realize that I can't just drop everything because you have decided to have a melt down." Ashley said one friday evening as they were talking on the phone.

"I'm not coming home mom. This is home now. I start at a new school on monday with Caleb, I have a job interview on tuesday and I'm taking a fashion course after school on wednesdays too. Caleb even has a job interview at a computer company for some techie stuff." Hanna told her mom giving it a last effort in trying to get her mom to understand.

"Hanna this is ridiculous! I'm calling your father, maybe he can talk some sense into you because i surely can't." Ashley said in frustration.

"Mom why can't you understand that I need to be here and not there?" Hanna asked a pleading edge to her tone.

"What I understand is that in an attempt to keep Caleb with you, you have decided to throw away your life here and run off to Montecito. It's immature Hanna. Do you really think that doing all this pretending to be so afraid and damaged is going to keep him around? Eventually he is going to get tired of being supportive of your playacting and he's going to walk away or send you away. Then what will you have? Nothing! Because I won't be here to help you pick up the pieces of a life you ran from." Ashley said angrily finally fed up.

"Mom!" Hanna gasped as she realized what her mother was saying. Because Ashley couldn't understand what Hanna was going through she woudn't listen to her. She was abandoning Hanna, leaving her just like her father had. Apparently being a parent for Ashley meant that her daughter had to be perfect. Well Hanna wasn't perfect and she wasn't going to pretend to be either.

"This is it Hanna either you come home now or you are on your own from now on." Ashley said still angry.

Hanna was silent for a moment before she spoke softly. "I'm sorry mom but I'm staying here."

Silence hung on the other end of the phone so Hanna hung up, she hung up so fast out of anger that she didn't hear Ashley trying to speak on the other end.

The phone rang again a few minutes later but Hanna ignored it. After the fifth time it didn't ring anymore.

When Caleb walked in an hour later Hanna was still sitting there staring at the phone. "Hanna? How'd it go with your mom?" He asked hoping it had gone better then the previous times.

"Not so good. She told me I'm on my own. She's not moving here and if I'm not coming home she's done." Hanna replied matter of factly.

"Are you serious? I should give her a call ask her what the hell she's thinking!" Caleb burst out angrily.

"Don't please." Hanna said quickly to stop him. "I need to do this by myself and if she can't see that or understand it then I don't need her right now. I need peace and quiet around me, love and support, I don't need someone trying to drag me down or making me feel like I'm being selfish and a drama queen just because I'm going through a rough time." Hanna explained.

"Oh Hanna. She'll come around some day and when she does she'll regret everything she said today." Caleb said with a sympathetic gaze.

"I know she will. I may not want to talk to her when that day comes though." Hanna responded a note of bitter sadness in her voice. "Can we talk about soemthing else please?" Hanna asked needing to get off the subject of her mom.

"Sure Han whatever you need. You have your first psychiatrist appointment tomorrow. It's what I was coming in here to tell you." Caleb said remembering his original purpose for coming in. "Mom just got off the phone with the doctors office and they want to see you tomorrow. They don't usually do appointments on Saturdays but I think they realized they needed to get you in right away for for the time being until the schedule opens up a bit more you'll be meeting with Dr. Lowell on Saturdays at two fifteen." Caleb explained.

"Oh okay. Tomorrow huh? I'm not sure if I'm excited or nervous to finally be starting this process." Hanna admitted with a smirk.

"Be excited Hanna this is the next step in the recovery process. I'm so proud of how far you've come already I know you'll be just fine tomorrow as well." Caleb said encouragingly.

"Thanks Caleb I needed to hear that." Hanna said.

"It's true and your welcome. Now come inside the big house it's dinner time and mom has thai food on the table." Caleb said watching as Hanna's eyes lit up. She did love her thai food after all.