A/N Really on a roll today. Hope you enjoy!
For a while, life went back to normal. Colby was more affectionate and she devoted all her time to him. As hard as she tried though, Jon was never far from her thoughts. Colby had even suggested her coming back on the road with him as something that would help their relationship, but she refused. She knew she couldn't handle being that close to Jon; the temptation was just too strong.
A couple of months had passed and things had improved marginally, but not where she wanted them to be. She still couldn't shake really wanting to be with Jon. She missed talking to him every night and getting the chance to spend time with him. He hadn't even spoke to her since she left his hotel room that morning. He was back to drinking heavily and smoking like a freight train. He was staying out late, going to strip bars and taking home loose women. Dixie hated it when she heard how he was doing because she knew it was all her fault. Colby was worried about him, but Joe seemed to not care much. Colby told Dixie that he was afraid Jon and Joe had an argument, which was why they were so distant with each other when the cameras weren't rolling.
Soon it was time for Jon's birthday and Dixie decided she wanted to get him something. She was miserable not being able to talk to him and couldn't stand knowing he was still hurting. She knew they were in Sacramento, so she flew out to see them and take Jon his present. She knew she should stay away, but couldn't; not on his birthday.
She went to the show and watched the guys, and Jon had a singles match. Backstage, Dixie was waiting with Joe and Colby when Jon came back. Joe had been watching her, keeping his promise to not say anything to Colby as long as she was with him.
When Jon saw her, he froze. He wasn't sure he could act like nothing was wrong and hide his feelings from all of them. "Hey. What are you guys doing?"
Colby answered, "we are waiting on you, bro. It's your birthday and we want to take you out."
Jon wagged his finger at all three of them, "all of you?"
"Yeah, Dixie brought you a present and was going to have a few drinks with us before we head back to the hotel." She smiled at him "we'll wait while you take a shower."
Joe shot her a look and she glared back at him. Joe or no Joe, she was going to wish the man she loves a Happy Birthday. He was dreading having to put up a front for them and disguise his feelings. He had avoided talking to her because it upset him to think of her with Colby. It killed him having her right in front of him and not being able to hug or kiss her. He took a quick shower and got dressed. As he emerged from the locker room, he saw Colby with his arm around her. He had to make himself not roll his eyes and clenched his jaw.
They took the rental car down to the bar and Dixie took Jon's present out of the trunk. "Hey, why don't you open this before we go in?"
He smiled at her and took the bag from her. "I hope you like it, Jon."
"I am sure I will." He pulled out the tissue paper, then reached into the bag and pulled out a Bengals hoodie and knit hat.
"To keep you warm." He grinned and she smiled back at him.
"Thanks, Dix."
Colby laughed "well give her a hug, man. She flew out here to make sure you got it!"
Jon looked nervous and Joe stared them down, but Dixie didn't care. She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him tightly. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." She gazed up at him and honestly didn't realize how much she missed seeing those blue eyes and his smile.
"Okay y'all, let's go inside," Joe said, annoyed. They followed him inside, and Colby offered to buy the first round. When they got their drinks, he stood to make a toast. "To a great guy, partner and friend. Happy Birthday, man." Jon felt about two inches tall, but forced a smile.
After a few more drinks, Dixie told them she was going to step outside and have a smoke. "I need one too. I'm right behind you." Joe started after them and Colby stopped him. "They don't need a babysitter, dude. What's the matter with you, huh? You have been acting weird since Dixie got here. You have a problem with my girl?"
"Of course not. I don't know, man I just feel on edge tonight. No big thing."
Outside, Dixie was nervously lighting her cigarette. Being out there with him brought back memories for her that she didn't want to remember. She looked over at him and knew he was thinking about their first time too. "So, how have you been?"
"Cut the small talk, Dixie. Why are you really here?"
"I came to give you your birthday present."
"You could have given it to Colby to give to me. Why. Are. You. Here?"
"Okay, you know me too well. I had to see you. Here, this is your birthday card. I didn't want anyone else to see it. Read it when you get back to your room."
"You can't do this to me, Dix. Don't tell me you don't want to be with me and then show up for my birthday acting sweet to me."
"I am sorry. I am not trying to make this hard for you. I just, I needed to see you, to hear your voice, smell your cologne."
"Stop. Please."
"You're right. I'm sorry." She took the card and went to put it back in her purse.
"No, wait. I want my card."
"Okay. Here you go." She handed it to him then stomped her cigarette out on the sidewalk. "Regardless of what you think, I am not enjoying this arrangement any more than you are."
She turned to walk away and he stopped her. "Do you still love me?"
"Read the card." She walked back inside and ordered another drink; this time a stronger one. She was starting to get pretty drunk so she asked Colby if they could leave. She didn't want to get too drunk and say some things she shouldn't. He agreed and they said goodbye, heading back to the hotel.
Jon left a couple of hours later and once he was in his room, he decided to read her card. "Dear Jon, I know you probably don't want to hear from me or see me, but I have to see you. I miss every single thing about you and no matter what, I still love you. I know it doesn't make it hurt less, but you are always in my heart. I guess I am not the best at expressing myself so prettily and eloquent, so here is how I feel. 'Got a picture of you I carry in my heart, close my eyes to see it when the world gets dark. Got a memory of you I carry in my soul, I wrap it close around me when the nights get cold. If you asked me how I'm doing, I'd say just fine, but the truth is baby, if you could read my mind. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you. After all this time you're still with me it's true. Somehow you remain locked so deep inside. Baby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes by.' I know sometimes you wonder why you were born and why your mom wouldn't just have an abortion instead of having you if she didn't want you. Don't ever wonder why you are here. You are a wonderful man, and I feel blessed for every day that I had to spend with you. I will always love you and you never leave my thoughts. Happy Birthday baby. Love, Dixie."
He closed his eyes and felt his eyes welling up. He tried to mask the pain with women and booze, but he couldn't stop how he felt. His heart was broken and he knew it would never mend. He wanted so much to go down the hall and spill his guts to Colby and take back the woman he loves. He was afraid she would be angry with him instead so he didn't. He agreed to keep suffering in silence and hoping that one day she would change her mind.
A couple of weeks later, Dixie was planning for Christmas and the last time Colby was home, they had put up the tree. He was going to have a week off for them to spend together, and she didn't know but he had a surprise planned for her.
The day he was supposed to be home, she decided to try to spark things up and waited for him at the door in nothing but her panties and his Shield vest. He opened the door and put his bags down. He saw her standing there and started to laugh. "Dixie, what the hell are you doing? Why are you wearing my tactical vest?!"
She glared at him "well if I have to tell you after four years together, I really don't know what to say, Colby!" She ran up the stairs and slammed their bedroom door.
His face dropped when he realized she wasn't doing it to be funny. "Fuck! Dixie!" He ran up the stairs after her and grabbed the doorknob. He quickly realized she had locked him out. "Baby, I'm sorry. Open the door."
"Fuck you."
"Dixie Blu Matthews! You open this door! I am sorry, I just thought you were trying to be funny, baby. Don't be mad at me."
She changed clothes into the most unsexy and unrevealing clothes she had. She put on sweat pants and one of his shirts that hung off her. She pulled her hair up and washed the make-up off. "Come on!"
Finally she unlocked the door and tried to shove past him out of the room. "No no, now where do you think you're going? And why did you change?"
"I am going downstairs to cook dinner and I changed because I don't want to give you the wrong idea. Excuse me." He grabbed her again and wouldn't let her leave.
"Just a second. Look, baby I am sorry. I just thought you were making a joke. I am sorry."
"Okay. Can I go now?"
"No, you can go when you kiss me." He pulled her into his embrace and planted a kiss on her lips. He slid his hands down her ass and gripped her ample cheeks.
"Stop that, Colby. I am not in the mood anymore!"
"Really? You sure I can't get you in the mood?"
"Not right now. I am still mad."
"Hmmm, you are huh?"
"Yes, I am. So stop trying to being cute."
"I will, I will."
"Now let me go. I am going to go make dinner."
She was quite angry that he could be so clueless. She was also pretty upset with him after she watch the interview all the guys did with Onnit. She watched the video after he told her about it and it was weighing on her mind. She didn't like what he said about Jon spending the holidays in Vegas "getting wild" because she knew it was only because he would be alone. She thought it was very insensitive of him. All she could think about was how Jon would be all alone for yet another holiday. That night, he tried to make it up to her by them getting frisky on the dining room table. She enjoyed it, but her mind kept drifting to someone else.
A couple of days later, Dixie couldn't take it anymore and decided to confront Colby about what he said. They were sitting on the couch after lunch when she brought it up. "Colby, why did you say that about Jon right there where the world could hear it?"
He jerked his head around and looked at her "what are you talking about?"
"In that interview. Why would you say that?"
"What did I say, mama?"
"Um basically that Jon has no family and will be alone getting wild in Vegas because he has nowhere else to be."
"Whoa! I don't think I said all that. Why are you upset anyway? I invited him for Christmas and he said no."
"I know."
"Then why are you biting my head off?"
"I just think it was very inconsiderate for you to tell his business to the whole world."
"Baby, look, he laughed about it. He wasn't mad. So I guess I don't see why you are."
"I just am."
"It's his choice if he wants to be by himself on the holidays. I can't make him come over."
"It's not" she breathed out.
"It's not what?"
"It's not his choice." Dixie had reached her breaking point. She couldn't bear another minute of thinking about him all alone. She loves him and is tired of trying to salvage something that couldn't be saved. Things were slowly going back to the way they were and they were stuck in the same rut.
"What do you mean?"
"It's not his choice to be alone, Colby. It is mine."
"What in the hell are you talking about? How could it be yours?" Colby wanted to know.
"It is my fault he is alone."
"It's not your fault. Why would you say that?"
"Because it is the truth. And it time that you heard it."
Colby was starting to get worried. He was confused and didn't understand what she was talking about. "What truth, Dixie?"
"I love him. But he is in Vegas spending the holidays isolated and alone because I chose to stay with you."
Colby yelled "what the fuck?"
"You need to listen. When Joe found out, he said if I didn't stay with you, he would tell you everything. I didn't want it to destroy your friendship, or your careers and I didn't want to break your heart so I stayed. I broke Jon's heart instead. The rift between Jon and Joe is my fault. Him drinking and all his self-destructive behavior is my fault as well. Don't blame him because I initiated it. I am so very sorry Colby. I love you, but I can't keep living a lie like this. You deserve better and so does he."
"Are you telling me that you have been fucking Jon right under my nose and Joe knew and didn't tell me?" he screamed.
After Joe putting the screws to her, she decided she was taking him down with her. "I am sorry, Colby, but yes. We haven't been together in two months though, since Joe found out. I didn't do this to hurt you and I never meant for it to go this far. I never thought I would fall in love with him but I have. He is the one I want. I want a man who makes me feel wanted and loved, not like an old, comfortable shoe."
"I can't fucking believe this! How could you do this to me and stand there and tell me like it ain't shit? You never wanted to fall in love with him huh? But fucking him was just fine. That son-of-a-bitch and his fake concern for me. How could you love a worthless bastard like that and leave me for him?"
"Go ahead, let me have it. I know you are mad and you have every right to be. So if it makes you feel better, scream and yell, throw shit, cuss me all you want, but don't ever say that about Jon again."
"Oh, of course you are defending your lover. Go to hell."
Dixie dried her eyes "despite what you think, I do still love you and I never wanted this to happen. I have to follow my heart and it is with him. I'm sorry."
Colby reached in his pocket and took out a box from Zales. "I guess I can take that back now, can't I?" He tossed it at her then grabbed the vase and threw it across the room, making it shatter against the wall. She saw the ring box, shook her head and sighed. "Oh, Colby."
"Pretty fucking stupid of me I guess. I guess a lot of things were pretty stupid of me. How the hell did I never see it? My best friend and my girl. Pinche puta!" He was devastated but so angry as well.
Dixie started to cry again bolted up the stairs. She changed clothes and quickly packed a couple of bags. Colby grabbed his phone and called Jon but he didn't answer. "Figures. He is out wrecking someone else's happy home." He dialed Joe next. When he picked up, Dixie could hear him screaming into the phone, but wasn't making out what he said.
She called the airport and tried to get the next flight out of Iowa that she could get. She found one that would eventually get her to Las Vegas after a layover in Chicago. She didn't know what he would say, but she had to try. She couldn't keep on with the ways things were. He consumed her thoughts and her heart and body ached for him. She called a taxi and went downstairs to wait for it.
"Where the fuck are you going?" he said to her. He turned back to the phone "Just a second, Joe."
"I am leaving, Colby."
"Oh yeah, where are you heading? Gulfport to your mom's or Las Vegas?"
"It's really not your business anymore."
He grabbed her arm, "oh, it's like that? You are the one fucking around on me, but I am the one that needs to defend myself? That's great. Fine then. Good riddance. You both can kiss my ass. And tell your boyfriend I am going to fuck him up when I see him, job or no job."
"Let me go, you are hurting me."
He let her arm go and his eyes went wide. "I'm sorry."
The taxi pulled up and she threw her bags in the back seat. "So am I."
After a long stop in Chicago and fighting the holiday traffic, Dixie finally landed in Las Vegas. She hoped she had Jon's address saved in her phone. She found it and told the driver to take her to his condo. It was the middle of the night and she hoped he was home. She had tried to reach him but he was ignoring her calls. When they made it to his building, she nervously made her way up to his apartment. She stood outside his door and took a deep breath. She pounded on the door, hoping he would hear her.
He finally came to the door and she could hear him cursing as he unbolted the locks. "What the fuck do you…" He saw it was her and his eyes bugged out, "Dixie? What the hell are you doing here? And at 3 am on a Monday?"
"I left him."
"You did? So he knows everything?"
"Yes. You are the one I love, the one I want, the one I need. You are the one I want to see every morning for the rest of my life. Please take me back and I swear I will never leave your side again."
"So you left him and came all the way out here to show up at my doorstep and tell me how much you love me? You confessed everything to him without knowing if I would take you back, or you just expected I would?"
"I took a chance on love. I hope that you still love me too. If you don't and you want me to go, I will just…"
He grabbed her and silenced her with a kiss. He coiled his arms around her and she relaxed in his embrace. When he pulled away, he stared into her eyes "promise me you will never break my heart again."
"I promise. I am completely yours, Jonathan Michael Good, at last and from now on."
He kissed her again and curled his hand around her neck, wrapping his fingers in her hair. He finally was able to break away from her and grabbed her bags. He motioned for her and she joined him in his apartment. "Welcome to your new home, Dix."
"You want me to move in?"
"I won't take no for an answer, babe."