A/N I am back from my writer's block hiatus. Hope everyone hasn't forgotten my little story. Please enjoy! ~Dixie
They got through the match that night and Colby was able to keep his emotions in check until they were backstage again. Jon hurried and took a shower, wanting to make sure that Colby didn't have the chance to get Dixie alone. He rushed and got his things together and found her, leading her outside to their rental. Dixie was quiet, thinking about Colby. She closed her eyes and could see him lying on the floor bleeding and the hurt in his eyes when he looked at her. She felt a tear roll down her face and Jon saw it too. He reached over and took her hand, "are you okay, Dix?"
"Um, yeah, I am okay. Just an emotional day."
"I know. You want to talk about it? I mean, I know this is fucking hard on you. I know what you gave up when you chose to be with me."
"What?" She looked over at him with the lights from passing cars illuminating his face.
"I know you love Colby and I know it wasn't easy for you to leave him or for you to see him again. I shouldn't have insisted on you coming with me. I was just being fucking selfish. I know it is wrong but I wanted Colby to see us together. It killed me when I had to watch you with him, and it just ate away at me. I guess I wanted him to feel a little of what I felt. I am an asshole, I know, you don't have to say it."
She jerked her hand away, "What are you telling me? You enjoyed hurting him? You liked the pain in his face at seeing us together? Then to add injury to insult, you beat him half to death? You enjoy that too?"
"No! I didn't. I thought I would, but it just made me feel like shit. I am sorry. I shouldn't have even thought that way to begin with. Please…" he said offering his hand. "I don't want you to be pissed at me. I fucked up, I know. I just wanted to be honest with you. I want to always be upfront with things; maybe I shouldn't have told you."
Dixie sighed and curled her fingers around his. "No, I understand. I feel horrible for what my indecisiveness put both of you through. I hate that I have hurt him so much, and I hate that you felt like you had to prove something. Just please, Jon, don't do that anymore. I don't want this to be any harder for him than it already is. I chose you and want to be with you. That is cruel enough without you gloating and rubbing it in his face."
"You're right. I won't do that anymore. I have you and you love me and that is all I care about from now on."
Jon turned on the radio and they both tried to relax for the rest of the drive to Indianapolis. Colby didn't want to ride with Joe, so he asked to ride with CM Punk in his bus. Punk could see that there was something bothering him, so he finally asked. "What is up with you, man? This have anything to do with that scrap you and Jon got into backstage?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, so you're pissed at him. You pissed at Joe too?"
"Yep."
"Okay, you are hitching a ride with me, so I think I deserve more than one word answers here, Lopez."
"Sorry man. I just don't really want to get into it. Let's just say, right now, you are my best friend. At least I know I can trust you." Punk saw that Colby was doing all he could to keep control of himself, so he knew it had to be bad. He decided he wouldn't push him further and invited him to play video games.
When they made it to Indianapolis, Jon stopped at a McDonald's he saw was still open before driving to a hotel. Joe had made them reservations already, months ahead of time, so Jon called to make sure they could get a different room. He checked them in, and carried their bags up to their room. Dixie went in and changed clothes, then made a bee-line for the mini-bar. She took out a small bottle of Jack Daniels and poured some into her Coke. She glanced over at Jon and shook the bottle at him. He nodded and she poured the rest into his cup. She sat down at the table and opened their food up, waiting for him to join her.
He sat down and started eating, deciding to try and make conversation with her. "So, JD is not usually your drink of choice, babe."
"Yeah, I know but it would be good to settle my nerves."
"I know what you mean. This hasn't gone as planned, but I am glad you are with me. I do miss you a lot when I don't get to see you. It feels weird to say that, because I don't think I ever have, or have ever missed someone. But then again, I have never been in love before."
She smiled softly at him, "I miss you too. I missed your pretty blue eyes and your boyish smile. I missed the sound of your voice and your laugh. But most of all…" she said, standing up and walking over to him. She cupped his face in her hand "I missed how you make me feel. You make me feel beautiful and wanted, and loved." She straddled his lap and sat down on his thighs. "I feel it when you look at me, not just with desire and hunger, but adoration and devotion. I sometimes would catch you gazing at me with a look a pure longing in your eyes. I guess it was hard to believe it was love at first. It came on so gradually, until it was like a shot in the chest when I realized I was falling for you, and that you felt the same."
He wrapped his arms around her waist and stared into her eyes. "I didn't mean to fall so hard for you either, Dixie. I really never have spent enough time around one woman to fall in love. I couldn't fucking believe it when you said you could fall for me. My heart jumped in my throat and I couldn't stop myself from telling you that I wanted you to love me. I am sorry that Colby got hurt by this shit, babe but I won't say I am sorry that I love you. You mean everything to me and I don't ever want to be without you again."
"I know. I feel the same way." She leaned in and softly kissed him, running her fingers through his messy auburn hair. She laid her head on his shoulder and pressed her lips to his neck. He held on to her tightly, just wanting to stay close to her. He knew how upset she had gotten earlier and he was relieved that she didn't go running back to Colby. He knew he was going to have to do better at controlling himself, not wanting to seem like more of an asshole than he already felt he was. He wanted to just focus on being happy, being in love and being loved back.
Dixie sat there for a while before she got up, telling Jon she was going to go get some ice and make them another drink. He nodded and let her go before she gently pecked his lips, getting off his lap. She grabbed the ice bucket and headed down the hall.
Colby didn't want to stay with Joe, but he decided he would since it was already booked. He just told Joe not to talk to him. He thought he needed some ice for his head and his face and grabbed their bucket and stepped into the hallway. He looked up and saw Dixie walking towards him. He caught her eyes and waited for her to come closer. He was so angry with her, but his heart ached when he looked at her. As mad as he was, he still loves her. He wanted to grab her and kiss her, make her come home. He wanted to throw her on the bed and make her forget all about Jon Good. She stared at him and felt nervous as she walked by. She tried to avert her gaze from him, not wanting to have a scene but he reached out and took her arm. "Hey."
She turned to face him and caught herself staring at his chest. She couldn't hide that she had always loved looking at him shirtless and he knew it. "Hey, Colby."
He saw the silver pail in her hand and smiled, "You going for ice too?"
She smiled back at him, "Yeah."
"I will walk with you then." She suddenly felt shy around him and didn't trust her voice. There were so many things she wanted to say, but had no idea how to say them. She thought to herself that it would have been better if he was just screaming and yelling at her, instead of being so cordial.
"So how is your head?"
"It's okay. Have a bump there, which is why I need the ice. Are you okay?"
"What? What do you mean?" she asked as she stuck the receptacle under the machine.
"Dixie look, I am sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to knock you down too. I didn't mean to hurt you."
She felt tears stinging her eyes. "Dixie?" She couldn't believe he was standing there apologizing when she was the one who hurt him. He softly brushed the tears from her cheeks. "Don't cry."
She backed away from him, "Don't, Colby. I don't deserve you being kind and sweet to me. I deserve to cry, I deserve to get hurt; I deserve a lot worse." She grabbed the bucket and lowered her head. "I am sorry. So sorry" she told him, her voice cracking. She spun and ran back down the hall, not feeling like she could stand there another moment. Colby was shocked at her words, not anticipating her reaction. Not after the way she had left him. He started to think maybe it wasn't a lost cause and maybe they could work things out.
Dixie banged on the door for Jon to let her in and when he opened it, he could see her crying and her hands shaking. He took the ice away from her and sat it down, then pulled her into his arms. "Why are you crying, babe? What the hell happened?"
She whimpered, "I saw Colby."
Anger flooded him and he held her shoulders. "What the fuck did he do to you? I will kick his ass if he laid a hand on you!"
"No, no Jon. He didn't do anything." She sat down on the bed and covered her face. "He was nice and caring, not what I expected." She didn't want to tell him that he reminded her of the old Colby, the one who cared more about her than himself.
Jon sat beside her and curled his arms around her. He kissed the side of her head, not really knowing what to say to that. It made him wonder what Colby was up to. She slipped from Jon's grip and got off the bed. "So, let's have that drink now, shall we?" she said, going to the mini-bar. Jon was worried about how she was reacting, not understanding why Colby being nice to her had upset her so much. She pulled a bottle of Absolut and orange juice. She took down two glasses and rinsed them in the sink before mixing her and Jon a screwdriver.
After their drink, she went to take a shower and try to relax. The alcohol had calmed her down some but her nerves still felt like live wires. When she came out of the bathroom, Jon was already lying in bed. She pulled on her nightgown and dried her hair before crawling in next to him. He opened his arms, inviting her to snuggle with him. She laid her head on his chest and curled up close to him, draping her leg over his. He reached to turn the lamp off then kissed her goodnight. She closed her eyes and tried to drift off to sleep but all she could see were Colby's big brown eyes full of anguish staring back at her.
Colby had finally tried to go to sleep as well, but kept tossing and turning. He thought about the times he was on the road without her and how hard it was to sleep without her beside him, but now even harder knowing she was just down the hall and in someone else's bed. He finally sat up.
"Fuck!" He walked over to their mini-bar and pulled out a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black, quickly twisting the cap off and downing it. He shuddered at the burn in his throat and grabbed a bottle of water to chase it.
Joe sat up and watched what he was doing. "You know, scotch is meant to be enjoyed, not chugged like a beer, bro."
Colby shot him an annoyed look and took another bottle out. "You might want to take it easy on those."
"Funny, you don't fucking look like my mother."
Joe tried to ignore the hostility and asked him, "You want to talk about it?"
"Not with you. I thought I said to not speak to me?"
Joe sighed, "Look, I know you are pissed at me, and I get why, but I am your friend. I did what I did because I really just wanted to protect you."
"That's great, Joe. See how well it all worked out?" Colby replied sarcastically. "Hell of a friend you are."
"Col, I am your friend. I am here if you want to talk or vent or whatever. If you just want to be mad at me, okay but believe it or not, I do understand. I was once in your position, which is why I thought you would be better off not knowing. I honestly didn't foresee it turning out like this."
Colby took a deep breath, "Yeah, I get it. You thought it would be for the best that I didn't know I was being lied to by the two people I trusted most in this world. But guess what, it wasn't."
Joe was starting to get irritated, "I am sorry, Colby, but you are acting like I am responsible. I have done nothing but try to keep Dixie with you and make them both see where she belongs. Can we just remind ourselves that I am not the one that betrayed you? So stay pissed off at me if it makes you feel better."
Joe lay back down and rolled over, frustrated with trying to reason with his friend. Colby drank the other bottle and finished his water before getting back into the other bed. He was aggravated with Joe's indignation, acting like everything he did, he did everything out of loyalty to him. He closed his eyes and hugged his pillow tightly, trying again to fall into sleep and temporarily forget that his life had spun out of control.
The next few days were tense for the guys, but Colby and Jon both tried to get along while they were in the ring. Dixie tried to avoid Colby because every time she saw him, she felt worse. Out of the ring, none of the boys were on speaking terms with the others. As soon as they were behind the curtain, they went their separate ways. That Sunday evening, Jon dropped Dixie off at the airport so she could fly back to Davenport and he could drive to the next city. "As soon as we are done Tuesday night, I will fly out to Iowa and come see you. I am going to miss you, babe."
"I am going to miss you too. Be on your best behavior, Jonathan. Promise me."
"I promise you. I will be a saint." He leaned in and kissed her, "Love you."
"I love you too. Call me when you get to Detroit. Be safe, baby."
"I will be careful. See you later." He kissed her again and held her close, committing her smell to memory. She softy pressed her lips to his hand, almost changing her mind about going home, but she knew she had to go back to work and give her notice. He smiled at her before he turned to walk away.
When she got back home, she saw how their house looked. She saw that Colby had taken down the tree and stockings, but she didn't know what he had done with them. She looked at the coffee table and saw the ring box sitting there. Against her better judgment, she walked over and sat on the couch and picked up the velvet box. She opened it up and saw the Vera Wang two-carat, white gold diamond ring. She took it out of the box "Oh Colby." Her eyes welled up with tears with staring at the beautiful ring he had gotten her. Finally after all their years together, he wanted to show his commitment to her. She shakily took the promise ring that Jon had gotten her off and slipped Colby's ring on. She started to cry harder as she looked at it on her hand. "Colby, it is beautiful. Why did you wait so long?!" She held her hand close to her heart and let the tears flow.
She eventually got a hold of herself and took the ring off, placing it back in its box. She grabbed her bags and went upstairs, needing to do laundry and clean their house before getting ready to go back to work the next day. She wasn't looking forward to it, but she knew she had to. She went into their bedroom and saw the mess that was in there. It looked like Colby had been trying to pack some of her stuff away and her suitcases were lying in the floor. She looked up in the closet and didn't see her naughty toy bag where she had hidden it, and guilt washed over her. She never wanted Colby to see those and it tore her up to think of how he felt when he saw it. She saw the picture of them that used to be on their nightstand, now shattered and lying in the floor. She picked it up and sat down on their bed. She stared at the photo, taken when he took her to Disney World, and her heart felt like it was shattered into a million pieces as well, just like the frame.
"Oh God, Colby what have I done?" Surrounded by so many memories, Dixie felt overpowered by her decision to leave him. She loves Jon, but she loves Colby too. Even though they had problems, she remembered how good things were, once upon a time. Could they ever be that good again? She thought about if Colby had proposed sooner, made his intentions clear, showed her that she was still the most important person in his life, would she ever have cheated on him. She also wondered would she ever have felt the same as what Jon made her feel. Would Colby ever have listened and gave her what she wanted, what she needed from him. She felt like her head was spinning, now unsure if she did the right thing.
She curled up in bed and hugged Colby's pillow, smelling his cologne. She closed her eyes and for the first time since she left him, she wanted him close to her. "Oh baby, I am so sorry" she cried into the pillow. She picked up her phone and dialed him, just wanting to hear his voice. She hoped he was at the arena and couldn't answer so she could just hear his voicemail. She figured even if he wasn't, he still wouldn't answer a call from her.
Colby was in the locker room with The Shield when he saw it was her calling, wondering what she wanted. He picked up and heard her crying in the background. "Dixie, what's wrong?" Jon overheard him and didn't know why she would be calling her ex.
She was surprised that he answered, "oh, nothing. I think I must have dialed you by accident. Sorry."
Colby didn't exactly believe her, but didn't want to get his hopes up that those tears he heard were for him. "Oh, it's okay."
"Bye Colby."
"Bye." He hung up and gripped his phone tightly, wanting to throw it against the wall. He saw Jon looking at him, "What?"
"What is wrong with Dixie?"
"Like I would tell you, even if I knew. Asshole."
"Hey, don't start shit with me, man. You remember the last time, and this time she isn't here to save you. You just make sure you stay the fuck away from my girlfriend."
"Your girlfriend? You mother fuc…."
Joe stepped in between them, "that's enough. Don't pull this shit here. Just don't even talk to each other."
Jon stormed off and called Dixie, needing to know if she was okay. He had a bad feeling about what was wrong with her. He knew she had made it home and figured that was rough on her. He heard the defeat in her voice when she answered. "Hey babe. How are you doing?"
"Hey, Jon. I am okay. Just overwhelmed."
"I'm sorry. I wish I could make it better for you somehow."
"I know, but you can't. Really, I am okay. Don't worry about me."
"Dix, why did you call Colby?"
'Shit' she thought. 'Colby must have been near Jon when he got the call.' "I didn't mean to, it was an accident. He is still on my speed dial."
"Oh, alright. I thought something might be wrong at the house or something."
"No, it's just a lot. It will be fine."
"Okay, babe. I just wanted to check on you. They are calling for us to go out. I will call you as soon as I am out of here."
"Okay."
"Dix, I do love you, you know that, don't you?"
"I know. I love you too. Bye."
He hated to hear the sadness in her voice. He wanted to be there with her, afraid that the memories would be too much for her. "Damn it" he mumbled, throwing his phone in his bag.
Dixie went and ran a hot bubble bath after hanging up with Jon. She slunk down in the water, wanting to wash away all the thoughts she was having. She knew it was going to be a rough two weeks being in that house again.