Chapter 7: How Did They Start Resenting Each Other?
Once he finished reading it, Hōzuki stamped the document that been sent to him by Hakutaku via Momotaro.
"Here you go. Please pass this to Hakutaku-san." He said, handing it back to Momotaro with his seal of approval.
"Yes." Momotaro said politely, taking it. But instead of leaving, he stood there and stared at the oni for a moment. "…"
"?" Hōzuki said, wondering what he was staring at.
"Hōzuki-san, you and Hakutaku-san really do look alike." Momotaro remarked. "With long, thin eyes."
"Really?" Naomi said as she came to bring Hōzuki more scrolls. "Aside from the shape of their eyes, I think they're fairly different…"
"Well, they definitely have different personalities." Momotaro agreed. "Why, just this morning…" he said, starting a flashback.
"Oh! You're a lady attendant of the Goddess Amaterasu? That's amazing, that's a position all girls wish to be in. And you're cute too." Hakutaku praised the pretty customer who had just come in to pick up a prescription.
"Thank you very much." The girl said politely.
"Are you free after this? By the way, I'm very free tonight." Hakutaku said slyly with a smirk, putting an arm around her. Momotaro sweat-dropped as the poor girl flinched in surprise.
"No… Um, I have a boyfriend…" she said warily, quickly moving away.
"Ehh~ Is that so? What a shame. Tell me if you break up, all right?" Hakutaku said with a smile, sitting on the counter.
"We won't break up…" The girl insisted defensively as the shop door slid open.
"Oh, welcome~ Okō-chan!" Hakutaku said excitedly, immediately switching targets when he saw the sexy oni.
"… Just like this, you can see that people who flirt with girls as easily as they breathe really do exist." He finished with a sigh.
WHAM!!
Momotaro and Naomi flinched in shock when Hōzuki suddenly slammed his fist against the thick stone pillar beside his desk, taking out a good chunk of it. Beads of nervous sweat slid down the sides of their faces. The oni was emitting such an intense murderous aura, that they didn't dare break the silence first.
"… Excuse me, don't take that to heart." Hōzuki said calmly after taking a moment to suppress his homicidal rage, gingerly touching the hand that he had used to hit the pillar.
'… Ah, that must have hurt a lot…' the two humans thought, sweat-dropping, as they exhaled the breaths they'd been holding. They could see that Hōzuki's injured hand was red and swollen, and Naomi suspected he might have even broken it.
"… Um, I'll go get some ice for that…?" Naomi ventured cautiously, poised to leave. Momotaro shot her a look of betrayal for attempting to leave him on his own with the oni after what they had just seen.
"It's fine." Hōzuki said stoically. "It'll heal in a moment."
"I shall explain!" Enma announced as he suddenly appeared.
"Eh… Enma-sama… G-Good afternoon…" Momotaro greeted the Great King nervously, snapping to attention.
"Good afternoon, you don't have to be so formal with me." Enma told him with a smile. "Hōzuki-kun will get mad when someone says that he and Hakutaku-kun look alike."
'But I said they didn't right after… was it a delayed reaction?' Naomi wondered, sweat-dropping.
"Eh… Ah, I'm sorry…" Momotaro apologized awkwardly.
"No, I should apologize too." Hōzuki replied politely. Momotaro couldn't have possibly known.
"Even though he has such high tolerance no matter what he faces, this is the one insult that he cannot handle calmly. Ha ha ha! That's why even I would use this topic sometimes as a counterattac—" Enma said with a grin, when something suddenly flew past his head with incredible speed, stabbing the wall behind him.
'… He embedded his ballpoint pen in marble…' Enma thought nervously, paling and trembling slightly in fear. If it had been just a few centimeters over…
'Wow…' Naomi thought as a bead of nervous sweat slid down the side of her face. So much damage for a simple flick of the wrist… How scary… "Why is that…?" she asked warily. "I'm not saying you look like him or anything, but you're both good-looking guys… and you're not exactly innocent either… I mean, you harass me all the time." Naomi reminded him with a frown.
"Unlike that thing, I respect women. You're the only one I do that sort of thing to." Hōzuki stated coolly.
"Then please show me some as well. I don't need that kind of special treatment." She retorted bluntly, chagrined.
"Um… Did something happen between the two of you?" Momotaro asked the oni nervously, sweat-dropping. "I mean, between Hōzuki-san and Hakutaku-sama…."
"Oh, yes… I believe it was around a thousand years ago…" Enma said thoughtfully, launching in to a flashback.
In the past, there was a 'Japan-China Bonding Competition'… Well, it was something like the Olympics. Representing China's Milky White team was Hakutaku, who was dressed in an extravagant traditional Chinese costume. And representing Japan's Dark Red team was Hōzuki, who was wearing an elegant traditional Japanese costume in the style of the Heian era.
"Um, excuse me, but why aren't they called the Red and White teams instead…?" Momotaro asked. Normally the names wouldn't be so elaborate, right?
Both of them were judges.
"Oh, as judges?" Momotaro asked, surprised.
"Not athletes?" Naomi asked.
"Yup, normally we would prefer that, but they have already surpassed what we call 'normal'…" Enma explained.
'I see…' Naomi thought wryly, eyeing the pen stuck in the wall. It could be said that Hell was dangerous because Hōzuki was in it.
"Hakutaku-kun may appear frivolous, but in China he's known as the 'greatest of all youkai'." Said Enma.
"Ehh!? I didn't know that…" Momotaro exclaimed, amazed.
"Youkai? I thought he was supposed to be a lucky celestial beast…" Naomi said, sweat-dropping.
"Yes, it's because he's the celestial beast of good luck that he's living in Heaven." Enma replied.
"If that's considered 'the greatest', the world must be ending." Hōzuki quipped with a frown.
"Japan's human realm sees Nurarihyon as the greatest here, so I don't think we're in any position to criticize them…" Enma said, sweat-dropping.
'That's true…' Naomi thought. From what her mother had told her, the elder Japanese youkai was essentially just an old man who entered houses without permission, fooled around leisurely, and then left at his own convenience.
"Ah, but moving on…" Enma said, continuing the flashback.
Anyway, to ensure fairness, both countries sent a representative as a judge. Competition events included martial arts, and also battles of knowledge… to sorcery battles between the youkai.
"Oh, that sounds fun!" said Momotaro.
"I wish I could have seen that!" said Naomi.
Hakutaku-kun and Hōzuki-kun were set to act as the overall judges for all the competition events. Though they'd met a couple of times previously, it was the first time they worked together for an extended period of time.
"But, in truth, during that event… there was a 'Hōzuki fan vs. Hakutaku fan' fever among the girls, rather than the athletes." Enma confessed.
"That's rather understandable." Momotaro said, sweat-dropping.
"Right. What did you think would happen, making their costumes so extravagant?" Naomi said dubiously. Even without attractive judges, those elaborate and beautiful outfits just screamed for attention.
"Yeah… Come to think of it, that might really be the case…" Enma said, sweat-dropping. They had just wanted to exhibit Japan's textiles, and then China began to flaunt theirs too…
Oh, but back then both countries had sent out two renowned athletes… Everyone was enthralled by the intellectual battle between Zhuge Kong Ming (died 234 A.D.) from China vs. Shotoku Taishi (died 622 A.D.) from Japan.
"What was that? I want to see it too!" Momotaro exclaimed excitedly, flinching in shock.
'Who…?' Naomi wondered, feeling a bit awkward since she wasn't that familiar with all the background details of the history of Ancient China and Japan. She knew it was supposed to be Shotoku Taishi's picture printed on the ¥10,000 notes, but other than that…
Midway through, strategist Jiang Zi Ya, who had been sitting in the VIP section, joined the battled.
"I want to join in too! Geez, I can't contain my excitement!" the famous strategist said excitedly, climbing over the railing. Seeing that, Queen Himiko of the Yamatai kingdom also joined the fray.
"I want to join too~" the shaman queen called out as she made her way to the arena. In the end, it turned into a massive free-for-all.
"A bunch of famous historical people jumping into the area sure is chaotic~" Enma reminisced with a smile.
"No matter what, I really want to take a photo of that scene." Momotaro said anxiously.
"No, the best scene was in the middle of the spectator stands." Said Enma.
Yang Kwei-Fei and Ono no Komachi observing the battle seated side by side. Even the air around them was sparkling beautifully, and the atmosphere surrounding the two women was like a delicate garden bursting into bloom.
"What!? Awesome…" Momotaro exclaimed in amazement.
'Ah, there's a name I recognize…' Naomi thought. She had definitely heard of the famous Heian Era beauty Ono no Komachi before. She supposed the other woman must have an equally famous reputation for being beautiful, judging by how excited Momotaro looked.
"They're really gorgeous, aren't they!?" Momotaro asked eagerly, blushing and clenching his fists.
"Um… but these noble ladies of the past have the habit of hiding their faces behind their fans… firmly." Enma replied.
"Is this the proper way to use the Japanese fan you gave me?" Yang Kwei-Fei asked Ono no Komachi, holding the open fan so that completely covered her face up to her eyebrows.
"Yes, yes. Just like that." Komachi replied, doing the same.
"How did they watch the competition that way!?" Momotaro asked incredulously, while Naomi sweat-dropped. Could they even see anything like that?
"But the view of their backs was really gorgeous…" Enma said dreamily, blushing at the memory.
Yang Kwei-Fei had a gracefully long and slender neck, and Ono no Komachi had elegantly long and silky black hair.
"Oh red fruit, as you grow tinged with black~ My flesh also ripens~ like a hōzuki in autumn~" Ono no Komachi sang beautifully.
"Ono no Komachi even composed a poem for Hōzuki-san… Why do the nobles of that era love composing poems for such small matters?" Momotaro mused, sweat-dropping.
"Um, sir… I know these are all really exceptional situations, but could you please skip to the part that explains what happened between Hōzuki-sama and Hakutaku-san?" Naomi asked politely with a wry smile.
"Ah, I'm sorry…" Enma apologized a bit sheepishly, sweat-dropping. They really had started to get a bit off topic… he had almost forgotten why they started this conversation in the first place.
It was during the intermission…
As Enma entered the rest area, he happened to spot Hōzuki and Hakutaku sitting on one of the sofas that had been set out.
Hakutaku-kun, who couldn't stand the silence suggested…
"… Wanna bet?" Hakutaku asked Hōzuki as a bead of sweat slid down the side of his face.
"On what exactly?" asked Hōzuki.
"On the next lady who exits from there." Hakutaku answered, pointing to opening of the hallway leading to the restrooms. "Let's bet if her bust size is above or below 2 shaku and 8 sun (about 85cm).
"That's quite some frivolous thoughts… you…" said Hōzuki. "Oh well, fine." He agreed.
"I'll bet it's 'above'." Hakutaku said.
"Then I'm betting 'below'." Hōzuki said.
It was just meant to pass the time…
"Oh!" Hakutaku said excitedly when they saw the edge of a shadow person's shadow coming out.
"No, first, we should determine if that's a female." Hōzuki said calmly, waiting for the shadow's owner to show his or herself. Unfortunately, that proved easier said than done. The person who stepped into view was a shockingly androgynous Japanese Oni wearing a staff armband.
'Which!?' Hakutaku and Hōzuki exclaimed internally, furrowing their brows in confusion. With his/her plump figure, short curly hair, questionable facial features, and gender-neutral choice of clothing it was really hard to tell whether the person they were looking at was supposed to be male or female.
"Oba… no, should be ojii-san?" Hōzuki said.
"… W-Who knows…" Hakutaku said, sweating nervously in his shock. To think such a person existed… "But, anyway… that's considered an 'above', isn't it!? I win!"
"Wait a second, that young lady who just came out should be a 'below'?" said Hōzuki, pointing to a very graceful and slender girl wearing a Chinese dress. "If the previous person was a male, then it is my victory."
"No, I deny that assumption as long as there's a possibility of it having been a woman!" Hakutaku argued.
"The most important matter is to eliminate all ambiguous possibilities to make a clear and precise decision. It is vital to base the decision on someone obvious. You are a judge, aren't you?" Hōzuki said disdainfully.
"Hey, you have a really scathing way of saying things!" Hakutaku said angrily with a scowl. "Stop nagging so much… you Japanese." He said with a vein throbbing on his forehead.
"You're the quibbling one, you Chinese." Hōzuki retorted coldly, furrowing his brow.
"Hold on, hold on!" Enma said, deciding it might be time to intervene. "Don't fight during a bonding event!" he told them as he placed his hands on top of their heads, sweat-dropping. They were both trembling with rage. "Both of you two look so much alike to boot!" Enma said with a smile, causing them to flinch in shock. "Give me a smile! A smile!" With a vicious growl Hakutaku and Hōzuki whipped their heads around and fixed the Great King of Hell with dark and menacing glares as their hands shot out towards his chest.
"This was the injury I received." Enma said grimly, pulling open the top of his robes to show Momotaro and Naomi the scars from the stab wounds where their nails had pierced his chest.
'A question mark…?' Naomi thought as her eyes connected the dots, sweat-dropping. That must have really hurt.
'It's done so neatly…' Momotaro thought.
"They've always rubbed each other the wrong way… and the bet became the fuse that triggered the explosion…" Enma said solemnly, fixing his robes.
'What a pathetic detonator…' Momotaro and Naomi thought.
"No… I must have had a momentary lapse of judgment." Hōzuki said, holding a hand against his horned forehead. "To go along with that kind of bet…" Then he straightened up. "But I will not accept defeat, that was my victory." Hōzuki stated confidently.
"Just let it go…" Enma said, sweat-dropping.
"If it bothers you that much, then why don't you just reconfirm the matter?" Naomi suggested with a slight frown. More importantly, why couldn't they just agree to disagree like adults? They should have just done rock-paper-scissors to settle it, or something...
"Ah, that's right… wasn't that person wearing a 'Japanese staff' badge?" Momotaro said, getting what she was trying to say. "With that we should be able to locate them if we put in some effort…"
"Oh! Oh right!" Enma gasped in realization. "The name list is still around, although it's a little disrespectful to that person… but we should really settle this, so the two of you can bury the hatchet."
'If they bury a hatchet anywhere, it'll probably be in the other's head…' Naomi thought wryly, sweat-dropping. She doubted resolving one bet was going to fix everything, especially for such two twisted individuals…
After a few hours, the four of them had finally managed to hunt down and find the elusive subject of the infamous bet.
"Me?" The plump oni said, sweat-dropping. "I'm a transgender. Though I've yet to go under the knife."
"…" There was a moment of silence while they all stared at him/her. Then, Hōzuki quickly whipped out his cell phone and dialed Hakutaku's phone number with lightening speed.
"If the body is male, the chest measurement should be treated as a guy's!!" Hōzuki shouted fiercely into the phone with a terrifyingly serious expression on his face.
"No! If the heart is a woman's, then I see her as a woman!!" Hakutaku argued through the phone.
"Um, I think I'll be going now." Momotaro said, deciding he'd had enough.
'Lucky…' Naomi thought as she and Enma nodded and bid him farewell, wishing she had an excuse to escape too.
"Very well! If you insist, go out with her!" Hōzuki retorted.
"It has nothing to do with me!" Hakutaku yelled.
'Ah, so annoying…!' Naomi thought, pinching the bridge of her nose as vein throbbed on her forehead. They were starting to give her a serious headache… not to mention how rude it was to be having this argument while still in front of the actual person.
"That's it! Hōzuki-sama!" she shouted in order to get his attention.
"Ah! Nao-chan, that's—" Enma gasped, worried for her safety. But Naomi had had enough.
"Which is more important?" she asked seriously. "That you're right, or that Hakutaku-san is wrong?"
"I don't have to be right, so long as we can all agree that Hakutaku-san is definitely wrong!" Hōzuki responded firmly, dead serious.
"Why, you…!!" Hakutaku yelled incredulously.
"Right! Then, using whatever authority I have as a woman, I declare this nice oni to be a 'Hideyoshi'!" she shouted sternly into the phone, pulling Hōzuki's arm down so she could talk into it. "A Hideyoshi is a gender unto its own, so he/she can't be used for your bet. So you now have two choice's Hakutaku-san: either default to using the second girl you saw, in which case it will be Hōzuki-sama's victory; or accept the Hideyoshi ruling and void the bet entirely! You have to the count of three. If you refuse to answer in time, then you'll lose by default! Three… two..."
"Argh! Void, dammit!!" Hakutaku shouted anxiously, nearly ripping his hair out on the other end of the phone in frustration.
"Pleasure doing business with you." Naomi deadpanned, snapping the phone shut just as Hakutaku started to unleash a string of curses upon her. "How was that, Hōzuki-sama?"
'… Or at least that's what I'd like to do…' Naomi thought, chagrined. But sadly that last paragraph was only a daydream inside her head, and had not actually happened in reality.
"Then date her, and prove it!!" Hōzuki yelled into the phone, still fighting.
"No way!" Hakutaku shouted back.
'But the truth is, I doubt it'd go that smoothly… I'd probably just end up stirring them up even more if I tried to intervene…' she decided, sweat-dropping. It would be so much safer not to get involved. She'd rather wrestle a hungry grizzly. "So… anyone else up for some okonomiyaki?" Naomi asked instead. "Maybe crack open a cold one while we're at it…" She could really use a beer right about now.
"Oh, that sounds good!" Enma said, glad to have an excuse to leave. Plus, for some reason, people always seemed too busy to have drink with him whenever he asked, so it was nice to be invited for a change.
"Well…" the plump Hideyoshi said tentatively, blushing, as she watched the handsome Hōzuki argue over her with the good-looking Hakutaku on the other end of the phone. "I'm trying to watch my figure, so…"
"Suit yourself." Naomi said with a shrug, quickly leaving with the Great King to get some dinner before Hōzuki noticed their attempt to escape.