Severus Snape threw his quill onto the desk, sending ink splattering little black droplets all over the paper work and scrolls he had spent the last few hours on. He took a deep breath and rolled his shoulders in an attempt to relieve the ever-present tension. It did not work. The man who was far older than his years took another deep breath before, once more, picking up his quill. He was allowed only a few brief moments of quiet, thought, when the peaceful scratching of quill on paper was marred by the only slightly louder sound of someone picking his lock. It was taking far too long to be anything but the muggle way, which ruled out all of the Slytherins, quite a few of the Ravenclaws, and more than a few of the Hufflepuffs. It took a lot of courage to break into the Headmaster's office, which ruled out the rest of the Hufflepuffs and the majority of the Ravenclaws. Severus rolled his eyes as he quickly deduced exactly who it was trying to break his lock, but he figured he might as well see what they were after. He cast a spell, effectively making himself invisible, and went to the corner where the door to his lab was. From there he could see everything but was not likely to be tripped over. He had just gotten situated when his door was finally unlocked and in walked all three suspects – Luna Lovegood, Neville Longbottom, and Ginny Weasley. He almost laughed. Of course it would be all three. They were more like Potter and his friends than even they realized. He watched as they searched and whispered.
"What're we lookin' for anyways?" Neville whispered hoarsely.
"Anything that might help Harry, Ron, and Hermione or the Order," his redheaded counterpart replied in a normal tone. She continued with reason,
"And you don't have to whisper. He's out. Remember? We saw him leave right after dinner." She continued to shuffle through the papers on his desk while the Lovegood girl and Longbottom worked their way through one of his bookshelves.
"'Anything' doesn't exactly narrow it down much, does it?" Blondie airily whispered to Longbottom. Snape saw Weasley stiffen and shoot a quick glance to the other two, but she quickly shrugged it off and went back to his desk. It took only a matter of moments for her to see enough of the scripts to realize they would be of no use. Most were boring reports to the Ministry about the school, a few were to the school board saying the same thing, and the remaining were orders for the various needs of the school. Snape was almost surprised the Dark Lord did not require his own set of papers, but apparently he preferred listening to the Carrows drone on about how he was screwing up. She turned to the many drawers instead. Most of them opened easily and were either empty or full odds and ends. One stuck, but readily opened with a sure pull. The bottom left one was locked, though. Snape watched as the Weasley girl tugged on it a couple of times. Severus groaned inside. He kept his journal in that drawer. He knew it was not wise to keep a journal with the kind of life he led, but he found it therapeutic. That and part of him hoped it would one day be found and someone would know he was not quite the beast he was always made out to be.
"Alohomora," whispered she, causing the spy to admit –if only to himself- he was impressed. The lock gave a soft click, causing Longbottom to look up from the shelves.
"Ya find somethin'?" he asked hopefully. It was obvious to Severus that the longer they spent in his office, the less comfortable the young man became. Weasley glanced up.
"Don't know. Give me a second," she returned as she pulled the leather bound book from it's hiding place. She looked at the black cover distastefully. Severus had never noticed before, but it was rather reminiscent of another journal she had come across. He cringed. He was going to have to find a different binding after this.
Movement caught his eye, so he watched Longbottom and Lovegood move to a different shelf then went back to watching Weasley. The other two could not find anything of importance. Weasley, on the other hand, had scarcely flipped any pages before she started reading. Her face went from confusion to disbelief to denial to curiosity. She skipped another small number of pages and read some more. Affront was the first expression, this time, followed by amusement and agreeance. Mona Lisa's smile stole it's way onto her face, which drew the attention of Lovegood. Leafing past more pages, Weasley started in again, oblivious to the questioning look from her fair friend. This time curiosity adorned her face, along with amazement and shock. She almost dropped his life's writing as she tried to process. Again, her expression changed many times as she warred with herself. Severus knew her thought process had to be along the lines of, 'Couldn't be! He's evil! He always had been. Hasn't he? What if this is all for show? What if that had all been for show? To what ends? Why? Did Dumbledore know? Why didn't he say anything? Could it really be true?'
Crash!
Severus and Weasley jumped. Even some of the snoring on the wall changed patterns. Neville was standing next to a now broken jar of herbs with a very sheepish look on his face.
"Oops…"
"We'll fix it," Weasley said, with no desperation in her voice.
"I don't remember how," he told, worry replacing the sheepishness.
"Oh, it's really a simple spell, really," Lovegood said, looking for all the world as if nothing had happened and everything were normal and they were just talking of the morrow's classes. Weasley chuckled to herself. From where she sat, she cast the spell.
"Perk to having six brothers. Repairo." They watched as the jar knit itself back together. Severus thought now would be as good a time as any to show himself, preferably before they 'accidently' broke everything in his office. He silently opened his lab door so if they were paying attention it would look like he had just come out of it, then he cast the counter spell on himself.
"You're gonna have to refill it though," she told him looking back down at Severus' journal. Longbottom looked at the ex-contents of the jar in disgust.
"Yes, please. Those are rather expensive," Severus drawled. He took another step towards the center of the room, looking for all the world as if he had just walked in. Longbottom got a ghost of the terrified look he had when he was younger, but it was tempered now with a bit of steal new to the still youthful face. Lovegood still had that same seemingly clueless expression she was known for as a child, but it too had changed in the last year. Even the one everyone expected to remain innocent now looked at him with distrust. He wanted to react to it, to somehow prove that he was trustworthy, but the part of him that once ached when anyone looked at him with such distrust and hatred had stopped feeling long ago. The Weasley girl was the surprise. Her face held no animosity or doubt, only a curiosity.
"Breaking and entering the Headmaster's office," he said with an exhausted sigh. "I do believe that qualifies you all for expulsion. Or worse. Unfortunately for you, I caught you and not the Carrows. As I'm sure you all would find expulsion an easy punishment, I believe I'll be giving you all detention. Mr. Longbottom, you will report to Professor Sprout for three hours every night for the remainder of the semester. Miss Lovegood, you will report to Professor Flitwick for three hours every night for the remainder of the semester. Miss Weasley, you will report to Professor McGonagall for those same three hours for the remainder of the semester. You are dismissed."
The first two left as quickly as they could, but the Weasley girl lagged even as her friends shot her concerned and curious looks. Severus took his seat and started in on some more of the never-ending paper work. He figured if he pretended she had left, maybe she would. She defied his expectations. Instead she watched him, to the point he was more aware of her than of what he was trying to read.
"This whole time?" she asked simply, as if it really were that simple. He sighed deeply.
"Yes." He knew he should be pretending he didn't know to what she was referring, but he had grown tired of the double life and just wanted someone to know –even if that person was a school girl.
"Why?" There was no disbelief or distrust in her question, just curiosity.
"Because I made a promise a very long time ago," he said barely over a whisper. She frowned, tilted her head, and stared a little longer.
"So?" He finally looked at her, incredulous. That one word told him she would know his secret and she would know it tonight.
"Stubborn girl," he muttered under his breath. From her now cocked eyebrow, she heard anyway. He took a deep breath and leaned over his desk, looking at the papers thereon. He would tell her, but he would not look at her. He didn't want to see her disgust.
"I fell in love with my best friend." Here he paused, wondering if he should add the next part. Figuring 'what the hell,' he continued.
"She was a lot like you. Red-headed. Fierce. Loyal. Gryffindor. She fell in love with someone else about the same time I fell in with some… less than noble people. I unknowingly gave The Dark Lord some information that led to her death. I then tried to save her by promising to spy for Dumbledore." He put his face in his hands. Maybe if he scrubbed hard enough his life would fix itself.
"I've been spying ever since. In a sad attempt at revenge." He could imagine the different expressions that flew across her face as he told his summery. There would be shock, pity, and disgust. He expected to hear the door open at any moment and for her to run off and tell everyone what a weak, pathetic fool he was. What he did not expect was for her to ask,
"Why do you let them hurt us?" If he was not totally mistaken there was a little betrayal in her voice.
"I have to." He knew it was a crap answer so he went on. "They have to stay so I can finish what was started. I can't stop them or limit them or The Dark Lord will know I am no longer his. All I can do is try to intercede without it looking like I'm interceding."
"Like sending Neville to Sprout, Luna to Flitwick and me to McGonagall." He dropped his hands to finally look at her and allowed a small smile. She really was clever.
"Exactly."
"Oh." She turned to the door, so he picked up his quill. He had started reading again before he realized she had not left. Instead, she had turned back around and was now standing behind his desk and next to his chair. She hesitantly reached out a hand only to pull back a bit, not sure if she was brave enough. Steeling herself, she gently brushed back the hair that had been curtaining his face and tucked it behind his ear. Then she bent down until her face was level with his. He wanted to turn, to demand to know what she was doing, but he not able.
"Thank you," she whispered when he did not move to stop her. The words were followed by a soft kiss to his cheek. She hesitated a moment longer, not really sure where to go from there, then turned and left. He sat stunned. He could not remember the last time he had been kissed, not in that innocent of a way. It made him wish for the things he could never have. He derailed that train of thought before it left the station. It was no use dwelling on things that could never be.