Severus had remained standing in his living room hours after his unwanted guest had left him. He stood staring listlessly into the flames of the dying fire. Too encased in his own thoughts to bother with rekindling the flames. After all these years, he mused, after all these years it had to be her to seek him out. Seek out his perfect prison, his perfect, self-imposed, prison.
His eyes flicked to the shelves around him briefly as he remembered back all those years ago. Just how he had managed such a perfect escape from reality. His throat pulsed painfully at the memory of that night and he barely resisted the urge to rub the well-worn scar. He took a deep breath and straightened himself.
Five years ago, bleeding helplessly in the boathouse; he had felt the sweet bliss of darkness and light that swirled around him. He remembered so clearly her face, her eyes, beckoning him into the next life. Into a world filled with peace and solace for his crimes. A place where he would receive his final judgment. Though to his dismay, the final judgment never came.
He could still hear the crashing of the waves, the smell of the stale moist air and the feeling of insurmountable pain; throbbing through his entire being. He was a potions master, after all; he'd been prepared for his 'master's' strike. He'd been prepared for years. He knew that his days were numbered, and yet, like a fool, he'd prepared himself instead of accepting his fate.
A deep frown lined the weathered man's face. Thinner now than before, though not unhealthily so. His frame was lean and thin as it was meant to be, though color and darkness had lifted from his aged frame. He no longer stood with a deep shadow cast over his features. No, he stood, bathed in the firelight of freedom. His eyes turned towards the fire once more, watching the flames cling so desperately to life. Just like that night. Just like the many nights that followed that dreadful day.
His face twitched slightly and he could no longer restrict himself from touching the smooth discolored scar hidden under his collar. Why had he been spared? Why had his need to always be prepared actually pay off? Why had this place, this place not meant to bring peace and solitude to a man of his character been so willfully provided for him? His eyes turned slowly to the mantle. The ornate carvings suddenly catching his extreme interest as if they themselves held all the answers to the questions he'd been holding onto for years.
Why had she, of all those who could have come to his aid, why had it been she; who had done what she had done? He ran his finger lightly over one of the engravings. No one had ever even known about it. They simply knew that the final plan had been activated, that only those who would have access to the mastermind himself would ever learn about. He supposed that was how Minerva had found him this night. How after all these years, his solitude had been so brutally interrupted. But did she know? Did Minerva know who had actually saved him that night? That he, in fact, was saved from death not by his own two hands but by someone else's?
Severus felt his jaw tighten and exhaled heavily from his nose. For years, he'd told himself that it wasn't true, that he hadn't been saved, but was merely living some alternate reality, his own personally created hell on earth; a penance for his crimes. Severus shifted away from the mantle and sat heavily in his worn chair. His eyes shifting back to the fireplace. What did he truly owe them? Surely, the escape hadn't been meant for him in the first place. It was a safety for someone unwitting enough to find themselves in need of an escape. Severus sighed heavily through his nose and rest his chin on the back of his fingers worrying his upper lip with his finger. How could he have known?
Severus had no recollection of time as he stared into the dead fire. It wasn't until the first light of morning shone through the windows did he finally pull himself from his stupor. Slowly, he straightened himself and moved towards the kitchen, a small portrait hung suspiciously empty in the corner of the kitchen near the old and nearly empty china cabinet. He wondered to himself where his constant tormentor could have run off to. Casually, he turned the tap, the sound of rushing water nearly deafening to his ears. He winced inwardly before running his hand beneath the stream. With careful grace, he rubbed the cool water over his brow and closed his eyes taking another deep breath.
"Why did you choose her Albus?" He muttered to himself aloud. His voice rough from years of being unused; it sounded coarse to his own ears making his sneer grow larger. When no response greeted him, he slowly turned to fill the forgotten kettle. Dumping out the remains of his hospitality he refilled it with careful measure. He turned the tap off and set the kettle on the stove. The simple sounds of his morning routine felt magnified by his sleep-deprived brain and he couldn't help but grimace. He turned the nob and waited for the flame to light, the click-click-click of the igniter drilling like a jackhammer into his skull. He could feel his temper rising with each attempt; until finally, the flourish of flame calmed him.
He had known, he had known all this time. His eyes narrowed as he watched the flame rise around the kettle, bending to the flourish of magic that surrounded his unbridled and growing emotion. He had known all this time, he had left her, helpless and alone, just as he had been. He'd given up the only chance he'd had at having redemption. True redemption.
The flames grew higher threatening the ends of his coat. He'd left her there. His jaw clenched tighter as he pushed down the overwhelming guilt that rose from the bottom of his stomach to the empty space of his cold heart. The kettle started to rattle upon its stand. The flames growing even more violent around it. Severus closed his eyes tightly as he felt a growl growing deep in the back of his throat. The control he'd maintained all these years, all these years of knowing and doing nothing, slowly coming to the surface.
His eyes shot open at once and in a moment, in that moment of self-revelation and fury; the kettle before him exploded into thousands of pieces and the window that rest before him exploded outward the glass so heated by the raw magic he'd released falling into pools of liquid into the back garden. The wood of the frame simply dissolving to nothing before it even had a chance to hit the ground.
It was in that moment of release, that Severus realized, it was time. It was time to take responsibility for his new life. That his freedom, wasn't free, and it was time to pay the piper. He took a steadying breath glancing down at his coat that now burned his skin with the water that had sprayed onto it from the explosion. He'd almost forgotten to feel it had it not suddenly and painfully reminded him of its presence as it soaked deeper into the wool.
He cursed inwardly and stepped back from the stove quickly turning off the burner that had since calmed itself. Moving quickly, he unbuttoned his coat and tossed it carelessly over the back of a chair. He gingerly touched the wet spot just over his stomach where the water had managed to soak through and hissed loudly. Ever resourceful, he moved to his oil cupboard and pulled down a bottle of vinegar. Never one to worry about the thoughts of company and their opinions on his cleanliness he pulled open his white button-up shirt. He could already see the outlines of red burned skin as he opened the bottle of vinegar. He looked sharply to the side before pulling a tea clothe from the stove handle.
Pouring a considerable amount of vinegar onto the towel he eagerly pressed it to the growing burn, sighing loudly as the cool liquid immediately distinguished the burning feeling. He took another calming breath as he glanced towards the window, the sounds of the outside easily filtered into his otherwise perfected silence. He sneered slightly at the sounds of cheerful birds waking to greet the day. With a huff, he turned from the kitchen counter, towel still firmly pressed against his stomach, and made his way upstairs. If he was going to survive his road to redemption. He had better be ready.
Severus had managed to completely hide away from the magical world. His house set on the outskirts of a quiet muggle village. It was small and closed. No outsiders every came to call and Severus quite liked it that way thank you very much. He had managed the wards on the unplottable house easily enough after the fall. Though he had been extremely weakened and without wand the wards yielded to him easily as if they were waiting for him.
The house was registered under an obscure name in the muggle world. Serveinian Winterbourne, a longer name couldn't have been found for sure. Severus snorted when he'd read the address on his post box. It was something that he found slightly amusing at the start, though nothing ever came to the post box. He had no bills to pay, as according to the Muggle records, the land was barren and no utilities had been run across the land. He supposed that the water in his taps came from an onsite well but he'd never bothered enough to seek out the truth of the matter. It suited him well enough, he could spend his days locked away in the invisible house unburdened by both worlds.
He could come and go and no one in the little village ever spared him a passing glance. It was void of any small children. A simple retirement village of sorts; it only carried the elderly and those past their 40s. He would wager a guess that he was the youngest of the village. When he did need to venture out, he made sure to glamour his features, lest some ministry person come wandering in.
As unlikely as it appeared, Severus took no chances. He would age himself at least 30 years every time. His sleek black hair turning a deep silver. His eyes a lighter shade almost brown instead of deep pools of black. It wasn't a look he was particularly fond off but it kept others from questioning his sudden appearance.
Severus turned away absently picking up his coat. Yes, his life was quiet and perfect. He glanced once more to an empty portrait frame, his eyes piercing its blackness, and yet, and yet, he would always be found. He sighed heavily through his nose glancing down at his foot as if he could actually see the shackle that had been placed there all those years ago.
Taking another deep breath through his nose, he pressed on out of the kitchen. He took the stairs to the right that lead to the comfortable 2 bedroom 1 bath upstairs. He had never bothered anything in the second bedroom; it had what it originally had when he'd first arrived. A small single four poster bed, a toy chest, of which he never looked into, a chest of drawers and a small rocking chair near the garden facing window. He mildly wondered over time, who exactly the house had belonged to.
He had never asked the portrait in the kitchen, he couldn't bring himself to worry about such small details. As detail oriented as he was, he felt that his need to know was extinguished with the knowledge that his time in the house itself was borrowed. He had never intended to stay as long as he had, nor had he never intended to become so comfortable in its confines. He would often ponder these questions at night staring listlessly into the fire. However, he never felt pressured to find the answers. So, as it was, he remained.
It was as he was reaching the top step that he felt a searing pain run through his frame. He hissed and thumped down heavily on the landing pressing a hand to his chest. The remains of the venom making a surprise encore. He snarled and breathed through his teeth as the pain ran its course through his core. He had never managed the right ingredients to completely rid himself of the wretched substance.
He held his hand to his furiously beating heart. At times he would rationalize the pain as his final punishment for being the coward that he believed himself to be. He grunted as the pain slowly started to ebb away. He pulled himself completely onto the landing and made straight for his own bedroom.
It was just as lightly furnished as the second but looked more lived in. He had a deep blue bedspread on the double bed as well as two cream-colored pillows: a book laden night table with reading lamp, a closet with a modest wardrobe and a chair near the bathroom door. It was simple, it was clean. Just as he liked it. Severus threw his heavy wool jacket onto the chair and rubbed a hand down his face as the last bit of pain frittered away.
He moved to his closet: 5 white button-up shirts, 2 black tank undershirts, 3 pairs of black wool pants and his cloak waited for him inside. He glanced over at his frock coat that would need to be dried before he could wear it again and decided; that if he was going to clean anyway, he should wear something appropriate. He pulled out one of his black tank undershirts and slipped it carefully over his head. The clothe clung tightly to his frame, making him appear even leaner than he preferred. He was not a weak man, just a smaller built man. A fact which he was easily able to hide with his many layers of shirts and jackets.
Severus turned away from the closet leaving his jacket to dry on the chair and moved towards the second bedroom. The light was filtering nicely through the sheer curtains bathing the room in a golden glow. He turned his eyes around the space noticing the heavy layers of dust. He glanced down at his hand his eyes lingering on the raised skin of his forearm. Faded, but ever present.
He flexed his fingers a little, watching with a mild smirk as his magic sparked from his fingertips. He took a slow steady breath and with a flick of his wrist, all the dust vanished away with the scourgify spell. He moved forward into the room mindful of any possible magical traps. His wandless magic had grown significantly since he'd lost his wand. But it was still at best, an emotional outburst release.
He had been fair before with voiceless magic and even more powerful wandless spells. But as it was, he wasn't in complete control of his magical prowess anymore. The venom inside saw to that on a regular basis, sometimes sapping all his magical energy for an entire week. He was mindful when casting, aware of the dangers, but also, he hated dusting.
He started on the bed, pulling the light blue musty smelling duvet from its place. He made a disgusted face as a few spiders skittered away from the disturbance. Definitely not fit for someone ill, he mused. He folded the duvet and tossed it aside to put in the wash later. He set to work pulling off the moth-eaten sheets making a list in his head on what to buy at the local store. As he worked he couldn't keep his mind from drifting back all those years ago.
"Take them..." Tears fell down the weathered man's face as he stared into the eyes of the boy he lived. His heart pounded in his ears as the world around him started to grow darker, those eyes—her eyes, staring back at him as he slipped away into the void. He had expected his death to be painful and without pomp and circumstance, but seeing those beautiful eyes, at his dying hour had helped push him just to the edge of the veil. As his world spun he felt he was falling but couldn't see where he was falling too.
The world around him was black, solid black and without end. All conscious thoughts had left him as he felt his body falling down the spiral. It wasn't until he felt a solid thump against his back did he dare to realize, he'd closed his eyes. Instantly, a bright white flooded his vision and he shielded himself from the intense warmth that started to surround him. This was it. He was dead. This was what lied beyond the veil.
Slowly, he pulled his arm away from his eyes and gazed into those beautiful eyes once again. "Lily..." He dared to speak, his voice echoed around them bouncing off unseen walls.
"Severus." Her voice came with a smile on her lips. Gradually, she pulled back giving him a wider view of their surroundings.
Grass...green grass and beautiful blue skies. Severus sat on his arse too shocked to move as he watched Lily's form move before him. She smiled so beautifully, more beautiful than he could have possibly remembered. She held out her hand to him, just smiling at his stupor. Her body didn't glow like one would have expected for a ghost, no, she was solid, she was real.
Slowly, Severus closed his mouth and raised his own hand, half expecting the two never to make contact but as he laid his larger over hers he gasped at the warmth that flooded through him. She pulled him to his feet and he bent his head to stare down at her. Gently, with a shaking resolve, he placed his palm against her smiling cheek. At that moment he half expected her to turn away or simply vanish. She simply smiled at him and leaned into his hand.
"You're here..." Severus whispered.
"I am." She whispered back almost as if she too didn't want to disturb what they were sharing.
"I'm...dead..." Severus said slowly trying to come to grips still with the feel of her smooth skin as he brushed his thumb over the bone of her cheek. She looked so young.
"Not yet." She said softly gently reaching up placing a hand on his injured neck.
Severus hissed as a searing pain tore through his form and he tightly closed his eyes meaning to pull away from her touch but found that he simply couldn't. Not after so long, of wanting, needing, her comfort. "It'll all be alright..." She said softly reaching up to turn his face back towards her whilst her other hand turned gold with ancient magic. As the pain started to flitter away Severus knew...he knew it was her that was saving him to a life he didn't want to live.
"Please...please don't make me go..." He begged into her hand, tears streaming down his face now as he was unable to control himself any longer. The hand that held Lily's face moved to hold her arms. "Please don't make me go..." He begged again as a soft sob wracked his frame.
"You must go." She said softly her voice starting to sound farther away.
"Please...don't..."
"It's not your time."
"Please..." All the things over all the years that he'd wanted to say—needed to say, to her left his tongue. He couldn't bring himself to admit even now how he had failed her so. His heart ached as he stared into those endless pools. So pure, so untainted, so much more than he could have ever been.
"Save her."
Severus' brows flicked with confusion. "Save who?" He begged as he felt Lily's form slowly shifting away. Her corporal form no longer holding the weight of his hands.
"You deserve so much more than this." Lily said with a soft smile and a sadness in her eyes, "She will bring it to you." She slowly started to pull away from his reaching hands. The pain of their separation clear on her face.
"Who!?" He called out as he collapsed to his knees before her. "I need you!" He cried out with a hand to his heart as he searched for the words he knew would never come. "I need you!" He begged, lifting his head to look once more but to found her simply gone. He let out such an agonizing cry as he clutched his hands to his heart.
His head pounded with the words he'd wished he'd said. The years, the hours, the endless nights dreaming of setting things right. He lifted his head to the now graying sky begging for anyone or anything to take him back to her. So he could do it right this time. Just once more chance...one more chance.
Severus was startled out of his reverie when a large black owl landed upon the perch of the now open window. He eyed the bird suspiciously but noted that there was no missive on his leg. He waved his hand a bit at it as if to shoo it away but the owl distinctly ignored him and let out a loud hoot.
Severus glared deeper and started toward the window when the bird jumped from the ledge and into the room. Severus stood there for a moment about to raise his hand when the bird before him transformed before him. Black feathers slowly turned to pale white skin and silver blond hair. A stoic but familiar face stood so quickly before him.
"Draco."
"Godfather." The moment of tension was broken when the boy broke into a large smile and lunged forward wrapping his strong arms around Severus' torso. Severus let out a loud grunt at the boy's impressive strength and sure will on crushing him before he started to squirm.
"Release me!" He grunted, his voice still rough as he struggled to breathe. Draco instantly did as he was told and took a step back taking in the man's relaxed attire for the first time. His eyes widening slightly in surprise to see his Godfather in something other than volumes of clothing.
"It is you right?" He said slowly reaching up to poke Snape's face a finger which was promptly swatted away.
"How on earth did you find me?" He said as he took another step to bring more appropriate space between them.
"Oh thank Gods. I thought I'd surprised another Muggle." He let out a laugh and looked for all the world like the cat who caught the canary. "I've been searching for you for YEARS!" He said loudly making Severus wince.
"Well, you've found me." He said simply and turned away to pick up the bedding he'd tossed to the floor.
"That's it?" The boy screeched his arms flailing out to his sides. He definitely had his mother's temperament Severus mused. "I've been searching for five years! I finally found you and that's all you've got to say for yourself!?" He encroached more into Severus' personal space and the man paused in his task, letting the bed clothing fall back to the floor. He raised himself up to his full height, and though Draco had managed to turn into a rather remarkable looking man he was still a bit shorter than his Godfather. Severus took full advantage as his hair fell into his eyes just a bit making him look all the more intimidating as he loomed over the blond.
"Did it ever occur to you that maybe, I didn't want to be found?" Each word was spoken with such strength the boy before him couldn't help but recoil back helplessly.
"Th-the thought had occurred." He stuttered his voice having lost all power.
"Then why—perchance, would you continue on trying to find, a very dangerous man; who could more or less make, you disappear if he so chose." Severus took little satisfaction in frightening his Godson, in fact, he instantly felt remorse as the boy recoiled away from him.
"B-because..." Draco started slowly swallowing down his emotions, "Because, you're worth fighting for." He said his words slowly and carefully, the youthfulness of his face having had gone away as he looked into his Godfather's eyes. He watched a flicker behind those deep pools and instantly knew he had hit something inside.
Severus relaxed his frame just a bit, giving the boy room to breathe, "Now that you have this information, what do you intend to do with it?" He had to know, circumstances as they were, he couldn't risk exposure now. Not with company coming at weeks end.
"Nothing." Draco said with a small flick of his shoulders, "No one sent me to search for you, I did it for myself." He said honestly catching his godfather's eyes once more, "I won't speak a word if that's what you wish." He said softly, "If you promise that I can come see you myself." He said softly always a Slytherin he was. "I have so much I've wanted to share with you these past few years." He said with a soft smile coming to his face his eyes shining with unshed tears of happiness. "You're a grand godfather now." He said with a chuckle, "You'd never believe it would you?" He rambled on watching Severus move from the center of the room to sit in the old rocking chair that creaked in protest. Severus didn't speak just rubbed lightly at his bottom lip watching his Godson.
"She's beautiful. My baby girl." He said softly, "Oh and my wife, you'd never believe." He said turning in his speech starting to pace the dirty floor, "She's so beautiful. Mother simply couldn't believe that I could have found someone so kind and so, good." He emphasized good, his cool blue eyes shadowing with his own haunted memories. "She's a Ravenclaw that." He said with a chuckle, "Clever as a whip and with a sharp tongue." He said with a goofy smile on his face before clearing his head. "The world has changed Severus." He said slowly, "You're a hero." He said softly watching carefully as those words fell on the other's ears.
A dark cloud seemed to cover this godfather's face, but he didn't question the darkness, know he'd known it for many years, in his own eyes. "Hell! Potter even named his son after you!" Draco stopped in his ramblings as Severus raised a hand for his silence. He didn't want to hear more, no he couldn't bear the thought of knowing more information than what was necessary. He'd have 1/3 of the golden trio in his own house shortly. No, he didn't need to know how the chosen one had gotten on with his life.
"Mother's ill..." Draco said finally after a bit of cleansing silence, "She doesn't speak, hardly eats..." He said his face having had lost its shine. "I made this thing for her..." He said softly idly moving to sit on the dusty bed playing with a loose thread on his shirt. "It works well enough." He said softly chewing his bottom lip. "Father died." He said glancing up towards Severus, "A year ago." He said softly lowering his eyes again. "We knew he was ill..." He said softly, "But he was just so stubborn." He said with a sneer, "And proud." He said with a small snort of his.
Severus watched silently, a small tear left the blond and created a small discoloration on the old wood floor. "I had to find you..." He said softly sniffling a bit as he pushed back his tears, "You're all I have left." He said softly raising his head finally to look into the eyes of the man who had saved his life so many times before.