It was hours before Kaidan could sleep. He had managed to convince Shepard she was no good to anyone least of all herself drained as she was. She finally confided in him what he had already known from Joker. Not only was she pushing herself too hard because of the importance of their mission but the nightmares and insomnia had gotten worse since the Alpha Relay. Not judging, only showing his concern he managed to get her to take something to help her sleep. The opposite of what she had been doing to herself with the stims but he didn't say anything about that. She was already on edge and he knew that chiding her would only lead to an explosion that he was not ready to handle.
Bitterly she had informed him that while the "software" had been (mostly) left alone there were several enhancements to the "hardware". Her metabolism and liver had been toyed with during Project Lazarus and she did not expect the drugs to stay in her system long. One of the results Chakwas had stumbled across during the many tests Shepard had undergone when she had first been revived.
Well that explains the two bottles of scotch and the stims at least.
As the drugs started to work Kaidan guided Shepard over to the bed. Trying to find clothes to change her into she muttered that this was just easier. Her words came out slow and sluggish as she pushed him away, preventing him from taking off her hoodie. Tucking her in like a child she mumbles in her half sleep. Among the whispers he hears one phrase distinctly. "Please Stay."
Removing his pants and climbing in next to her she is already back under. Wrapping his arms around her he hears a small cooing noise.
Well THAT'S new. But you never had to drug her to get her into bed before either. He had to remind himself.
Less than an hour had passed before the nightmares began in earnest. Even in his sleep he could feel Shepard's body tensing. Not fully aware yet he rouses himself to pin her arms down but her breathing was still slow and shallow, an effect of the drugs. He was positive that she would have issue breaking Kaidan like she had accidentally done to Joker but it was best to prevent it from ever being an issue.
She was shivering despite the heat of the room and their shared body heat. Shepard was not conscious of her movements, still in the throes of her own nightmares and drugs but Kaidan notices she is thrashing. Fighting her own private monsters all the while shivering and clawing at the back of her head.
Where the crack in the helmet was.
That morbid memento she had recovered that sat on her desk a few meters away. Watching them like a grinning skull,a testament to the life she had lost.
Space is cold and dark. So is Death. The Reapers are always cold and dark.
The official reports had said she had died in the explosion. Her body never recovered but it was easier to deal with the grief believing that she had not suffered. Had not slowly died alone in space. But looking down at her thrashing in pain even in her sleep he knew that had not been the case.
A/N Sorry about the delay! I am in the process of a MAJOR rewrite to the tune of 2500 words! Too many ideas and not enough time I got too ahead of myself. As always thanks for input and appreciation!