Chapter 26

Two weeks had passed since my graduation and every Auto bot on base had come along with Abbey, Logan, Lennox and Epps. Thankfully I was able to get enough tickets for them all. I had graduated at the top of my class. I was having my stuff shipped from home to the base, now that my room was done. Sunny had painted a mural of all the Auto bots on one wall with me sitting on Optimus' shoulder, on another wall it was a forest scene with wolves, and on the ceiling the Northern lights. So at this moment I laid on the floor looking at the ceiling thinking about what he had suggested to me a few weeks ago.

Talking would be nice, it would actually be a relief to get some of it out. "Hey Sunny! Who did you have in mind for me to talk to?" I asked. He was painting my bathroom for me and I couldn't see it yet and I couldn't touch the walls in here yet, they were still wet, but absolutely beautiful.

"Smokescreen," he replied. Well that made sense; he was the psychologist for the Auto bots. "So are you going to talk to him?"

"Yeah, I think so. I do need to talk to someone about my past. I'm going to go find him," I said getting up and heading for the door. "See you later Sunny!" I called.

"See you Squishy!" Sunny called back. I headed out the door and headed for Smokescreen's office on the other side of the base, closer to the soldiers dorms. My room had been put with the Auto bots so that I could have their protection, since I was the Allspark and Megatron wanted to study me. For some reason that didn't scare me. I could not figure why I was not scared of what Megatron could do to me, but just looking at him was enough to make most piss their pants.

I quickly reached the other side of the base where Smokescreen's office, Wheeljack's office, and Ratchet's med bay were. I found the door that said 'Smokescreen' and the sign was at my eye level. I took a deep breath and knocked. Was I ready for this? Yes it would be nice to have someone to talk to, but was I ready? "Come in," Smokescreen said.

I pushed the door open as I heard a beep, indicating that it had been unlocked. Smokescreen was at his desk, looking over a data pad. He was a silver/white/gray color with blue accents and a red Auto bot symbol painted on his chest. "I was wondering if you could fit me into you schedule?" Part of me hoped yes and another part no.

"Of course, I can get you in twice a week; we can start in an hour. How much time do think you'll need?"

"I have no idea, there's a lot in my past and I can't bury it forever. And I don't trust human doctors so it was suggested to me that I come to you, someone to talk to would be nice," I said avoiding eye contact. Why I was nervous about this I had no idea, I had gone up against the world leaders on my own, I had fought Starscream on my own, even talked to him, I had fought Megatron on my own, so why was I scared of talking to someone?

"My afternoon is clear; we can take as long as you need. I'll finish this data pad and I'll be with you, while you wait you can set up your own data pad," he said placing one down on the Cybertronian sized sofa that had some kind of squishy foam cushion. It was really comfy. I laid down on my stomach in front of it and powered it on. I entered my name, age, height, weight, why I was there, and I even started filing things in about my past: the first time my father cut me, the first time he wrote a word on me, the first time he slept with me, the first time he killed the family pet, and when I first realized I was pregnant.

I just kept writing, even though that was all I was doing it felt good to get it out. Before I knew it Smokescreen had moved to a chair closer to the sofa. "Are you ready?" I looked at the time on the data pad, shocked.

"I guess so," I said saving what I had just put in. He took it from me and gave it a quick glance over. I got comfortable on the couch as he started to figure out where to start.

"Why don't we start with the first family pet that you remember as a kid?"

"The first I remember was a 6 year old Bernese Mountain dog. He was really sweet and gentle. There were some nights when I slept in his dog house with him. My parents would get drunk and I would get locked outside because I was outside cleaning the yard, picking up sticks, walking the dog and other things like that. I lived in New York and it gets cold there in the winter. To keep warm I slept with the dog. When I was eight I became strong enough to open a window from the outside and climb in, though most nights I chose to sleep with Ripley, the dog. With him if I had a nightmare, I could find comfort. When I was 10 he died, I don't know if it was old age or if he was killed. Every month after that I lost a pet, kitten or older cat, puppy or older dog. After about 5 times I stopped getting attached to them. It hurt less when I lost them."

I sighed and waited to see if wanted to say something, when he remained silent I continued, "The night following Ripley's death my father beat the crap out of me and carved unwanted into my stomach. Every night after that I received a beating and a few new scars. By the time I was 11 I had gained two more words on my back and stomach, useless and worthless. I eventually got use to the beating. The pain eventually went away. By the time I was 12 I had gained some more words, stupid bitch and whore. 6 months later my cat was killed in front of me because I went to her for comfort. I had named her Pippin."

By this point I was sobbing and struggling to catch my breath. "Did he do something else to you when you were 12?" I could hear the anger in his voice, though he was trying to hide it. I nodded. "What did he do?"

I only managed to get one word out, "rape!" I then completely fell apart. Smokescreen stayed in his chair for which I was grateful, I didn't think I could deal with being touched right now.

Smokescreen's POV

(first time writing this so take it easy on me)

I couldn't believe one so small could survive this. She still had four years to go through, and she wasn't even giving me every detail, not yet any way. How had she endured so much pain, I understand at that age she didn't know that there was another way, that this was not normal. NO wonder she was not afraid of what the Decepticons could do to her. She had had been though torture already and come out the other end.

And all of her pets, I had a feeling there was more than 2, but at six years old the memories before that were faint and probably buried deep. She had mentioned others briefly but had only given me the name of two. I would have to dig carefully, she needed to talk, but pushing was a bad idea. She had come to me on her own; I didn't need to push her. If all she needed was a safe place to vent and cry, then I could give her that. It was the least I could do. She had helped my brothers when they got into trouble in battle, and then defended them when the world leaders questioned them.

All of those pets too, not wonder she trusted so few and rarely got attached. She learned that attachment brought pain and at that young age it didn't seem worth it. I had seen her with Optimus and a few other Auto bots and she was very close to them. According to her sister closer to any living being than she had been in years. I would have to talk to Jackie and see if he could make her a cyberdog or cybercat. A pet that no one would ever take away from her. It may help.

Allison's POV

I'm not sure how long I laid there sobbing but I heard the bell for dinner. I slowly started to calm down. After several minutes I had my breath back and asked, "is it really that late?"

Smokescreen looked at a clock on the wall and said, "Yeah I guess it is. If you wish you can stay here for a while." I sat up and wiped at my eyes.

"I should probably go get something to eat. Thanks for the offer though Smokescreen." He nodded and I jumped down off of his couch. I was mildly curious to where I would be sleeping tonight. My furniture wouldn't be here until tomorrow afternoon. On occasion I slept in Optimus' room but that was just weird seeing how he had a spark mate that he shared his room with. I felt like a third wheel. I had been sleeping in the med bay as well. Ratchet was trying to figure out a drug that would help me sleep with no nightmares but allow the Primes to talk to me in my sleep.

As I headed for the cafeteria I guessed that's where I would be again tonight. On the way I ran into Sunny. "So how did it go Squishy?"

"All right I guess, I go back in a few days, but please keep it to yourself, I'm not sure I want anyone else to know."

"Of course Allison."

I started for a moment; did he just call me Allison? He had never called me that. It was either femme or Squishy. "Thanks Sunny and did you just call me Allison?"

"Yeah, that is your name is not?"

"Yes it is but you have never called me that." He just shrugged his shoulders and we continued towards the cafeteria. As we entered the gray and white room with 50 foot ceilings I saw some of the food on the soldiers' plates and changed my mind. "I am not eating any of this crap. I'm not sure what the hell it is," I said by passing the food line. The food was all unidentifiable mush.

"Where would you like to go to eat Allison?" Sunny asked as I sat down next to his real form at their table.

I thought for a few minutes, where did I want to go? "Olive Garden!" I said. A good meal would be nice.

"I'll take you as soon as I finish my Energon, go get your purse or whatever it is you femmes pack around."

"Thank you Sunny!" I said smiling and I jumped off the table that was about 25 feet off the ground and ran to the med bay. I had my bag hanging under Ratchet's desk. I punched in the code that Ratchet had given me so I could come and go as I pleased. I climbed up a desk leg and pulled my bag off its hook. I jumped back down and ran back to the cafeteria. As I entered I heard Sides talking to his twin.

"Are you actually being nice to her Sunny?"

"Don't call me that!"

"She does! Why can't I?"

"Because I call her Squishy, if I call her that she calls me Sunny and I agreed."

Sides' was silent for a moment. "Do you like her?" I froze in my tracks.

"Even if I did Sides' do you know how impossible a relationship between the two of us would be? She doesn't live even a tenth of the time we do." He was right; I wouldn't live anywhere near as long as him or the other Auto bots. If I wanted, would I even be able to carry an Auto bot's child? After everything I had been through as a child, did I want that kind of relationship? Could I even handle being intimate with someone? I shook my head to dispel the thoughts and came back into the cafeteria.

I climbed back up on the table and sat down while Sides and Sunny continued to argue. I held my finger to my lips to tell the other Auto bots to be quiet. When they nodded I put my thumb and middle finger in my mouth and let out a shrill whistle. Both twins jumped and fell backward out of their seat. I fell back on the table laughing, holding my stomach. "There better be a good reason for this Squishy!" Sunny nearly yelled at me.

"I'll tell you later," I said still laughing and Sides joined in. A few hours later I found myself in Sunny's interior as he took me to Olive Garden.

"So what the hell was that back in the cafeteria?"

"What? The Prank Kings don't like to be pranked?" I asked. "Besides after talking to Smokescreen I needed a good laugh." He just grumbled.

"Pay backs are hell," Sunny said and I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Keep that in mind Sunny because any prank you play on me I will get you back for," I replied smiling. A prank war would be fun; I wasn't sure what Optimus and Lennox would think about it. Prowl would throw us both in the brig. As we pulled into the restaurant Sunny found a parking space. Before I could get out Sunny was opening my door for me. I looked up at his holoform, "Thank you," I said taking the hand he offered me. He just grunted as he closed his door.

We both headed in and surprise, surprise there was a line a dozen people long. "This is where you want to eat?" Sunny asked.

"Yeah, trust me the wait is worth it," I said going up to the desk to get a buzzer so we could be called when it was our turn. I found a seat and sat down while Sunny pressed himself against the wall trying to avoid being touched. I looked up at the beach blonde, 6'2, deep blue eyed male. "Relax Sunny, the people that eat here pride themselves on how clean they are." He just grunted, keeping himself flat against the wall. After 20 minutes we were taken to a table in the back.

"What can I get you to drink?" our waiter asked.

"Cranberry tea and red wine," I said.

Our waiter looked to Sunny who looked a little confused about what to do. "Same," he said after a moment. Our waiter left and came back a few moments later with the wine and poured each of us a glass.

"Thank you," I said as he poured. He then left to go get our drinks of tea, salad and bread sticks.

"I didn't think that you would drink."

"Only red wine and only on occasion, red wine is good for you, just not in huge amounts." I took a sip. I only ever had one or two glasses at a setting. Though I guess tonight it wouldn't matter, I wouldn't be driving. Sunny took a sip of his, I knew their holoforms could eat and drink, just not a lot. Their bodies couldn't convert it to Energon.

"This is good." I smiled at him.

"So how's the painting going?" I asked.

"Good, you can't see it yet, it's not done and still wet."

"That's fine; I'm excited to see it when it's done." At that moment our tea and salad had arrived, along with the bread sticks.

"Would you like some parmesan on your salad?" our waiter asked.

"Yes please," I said. He put some on and set the table with plates and the salad. "Thank you," I said as he left.

"So is this your favorite place to eat?" Sunny asked.

"It is, but I don't come here often, it is expensive." I grabbed a nice and hot bread stick and tore a piece off, putting it in my mouth. I then dished out some salad. "Do you want any?" I asked Sunny.

"Sure, just a bit," he said and I placed a small scoop of salad on his plate. He also grabbed a bread stick. The rest of the evening was filled with small talk, about our pasts, school, pranks. We shared my plate of some kind of noodles with chicken alfredo sauce. After about three hours of slowly eating and enjoying our food we left.