Severus had made himself scarce for a long while, Hermione could hear him moving about in various parts of the house. She wanted desperately to call out to him, to apologize, to reach out to him, anything. She had tried to use their connection again but to no avail. He was sealed tighter than a Gringotts vault. She sighed softly, she had lightly grazed at the new memory but she was hesitant to open it. She had long suffered that choice for over five years now. She put a hand to her heart. Five years with nothing but the darkest day of her life for company had left her wary of her own mind. Despite the success between them now and her desire to know more, she was always brought back inside herself with the fear, the fear that perhaps the new information would lead her back inside forever. The creature had forced the memory on her in the beginning, but over time, she found herself opening the book herself just to feel, anything. She had felt her very essence weaken under the weight of pain and time.
She knew her soul wasn't solid anymore. No, she had felt the small hairline cracks that had formed with each passing day. Each reliving. Though something else had kept her from completely breaking. She had managed to turn the incredible pain of that day into an armor. She suspected that was what she was dealing with now. A man, who had taken all his pain, all his hardships, and wrapped it so tightly around himself that he wasn't even aware of the cracks in his being. That he was simply held together by those painful memories that he clung so tightly to. Did he even have any positive memories left?
She felt exceedingly selfish now. Asking something that seemed so simple to her, of a man who couldn't possibly have complied. Their connection was only so strong, would it even be possible...possible for her to put the man and herself back together again? Her jaw set as she decided, either she was, or she was going to die trying.
She stayed in her own mind disregarding his movements about the house and started to busy herself with her hair. She ran her fingers through the best she could, pulling out the tangles. She hadn't a hair tie on her and wondered slightly if it the one from before was somewhere near her. She flexed her toes a bit wondering if her legs would be able to support her feeble weight. She was already finding it easier to move her upper body around. She decided that it was best not to test the patience of the man who had taken care of her thus far and stayed put. She opted instead to work her mane into a tight French braid using a trick she wasn't sure where she'd learned, to tie off the end with a loop of her own hair. It wouldn't stay perfect for long, but at least it was out of her face for the time being.
A soft crack from outside the house brought her brows up. She carefully turned in the lounge as she heard Severus come back down stairs. Unseen to her, his arms carrying a bit of clothing that he had finally decided to wash. She heard him move to the kitchen and chewed her lip with curiosity as to who their new guest was. There was a bit of shuffling as he let someone in, their voices too low for her to hear clearly.
Draco had come, laden with his spoils of Professor McGonagall's task. He had with him a trunk now resized and filled to the brim with all sorts of his Godfather's personal effects. It had taken him the better part of the evening to even disable the wards and the better half of the early morning collecting what he was asked. He was exhausted and it showed on his face. He had chosen to take a half day at work, having been unable to perform on the little sleep he'd managed.
Severus had curiosity hidden in his scowl as the young man put the trunk on the floor. He would have pressed him for questions had he not seemed at his wit's end already. He was secretly proud that he had even managed his wards. Though he also felt greatly violated at the idea of someone entering his private chambers. He hadn't even thought about them since his flight from Hogwarts. He had assumed the castle had simply absorbed them in some way. He didn't even consider that he'd be able to recover any of the few things he held close to him. He kept their conversation low, to avoid prying ears as he assessed what had been brought to him.
Draco too exhausted to carry on conversation excused himself to rest in the sitting room. He had explained to his wife, their circumstance, she was understanding and supportive of her husband's need to reconcile and hadn't placed any burden on him to return home quickly. He really did love his wife. She truly was the best thing that had ever happened to him.
As Draco rounded the extra chair in the sitting room, he felt a pair of eyes on him. He turned slowly letting out a soft squeak at the two sightless eyes that followed his movements. The last he'd seen of the girl sitting before him she hadn't been aware. Now, however, it was very clear she had come into her self. He hadn't even thought to ask about her condition and as such, was completely unaware of her current memory status. He swallowed thickly as he carefully moved to sit observing her behavior as much as she was his. He carefully tore his eyes from hers as she simply sat studying him. She made no sound to indicate any distress by his presence. His eyes turned up, noticing the pensive along the mantle, a coldness washed through him as he turned his eyes back towards his former classmate. Had she seen? Had she seen his cowardice?
Hermione sniffed slightly at the air, who ever had joined them was new to her. They were wearing a slightly heavy smelling cologne, it wasn't bad per se, but she definitely didn't consider it a pleasant smell. It was too strong, too sharp around the edges. They had chosen to sit away from her, she could tell by the sound of the chair springs creaking under their weight. She pursed her lips as they simply sat, saying nothing. Not introducing themselves or anything. Rude. She leaned back against the lounge crossing her arms.
"I'm Hermione Granger, and you are?" Her voice was cordial but it was clear she was agitated by their lack of manners. She decided she might as well introduce herself, considering that the other person didn't seem too interested in her, she had guessed that maybe they didn't know who she was.
Draco felt a cool sweat forming on his brow as her voice reached his ears. His jaw twitched as he considered lying to her. Though, should she remember him, she'd instantly know it was him when he was to speak. He winced slightly as he decided his course, he was ready to face up to what he'd done. "Malfoy." His voice had a forced calm to it, "Draco Malfoy." He waited for the information to sink in, half expecting her to scream, or throw something at him. He was extremely grateful she didn't have a wand but he had no doubts that an over achiever such as herself would know some sort of wandless magic.
Her brows rose well into her hair line. Had she heard him clearly? Draco Malfoy? Her mind turned slowly, she had remembered him in the pensive, but there was something more to it. She had remembered him on that day. The day that had been her last. She had saved him from the fire, but had she actually saved his life? Clearly, he was sitting in the same room with her. The vision of Malfoy manor notwithstanding, she could understand his fear on that night. She couldn't bring herself to hold someone just as young as she, responsible for the actions of a clearly deranged woman. What could he have possibly done for her that night aside from getting them both surely killed? No, there was no anger towards him for that. She felt a small smile on her face as she allowed herself to feel proud about her aforementioned actions. She had saved him. He was there, alive, with her in that very moment. It felt exhilarating. It felt powerful.
"You're alive..." She breathed a smile slowly crawling to her face. A kaleidoscope of feelings ran over her face, she pushed a bit of her hair that had fallen loose from her make-shift braid. Draco's eyes immediately snapped to the scar on her arm. It was healing, slowly, but it was there, his face pinched despite her apparent pleasure of his presence. He jumped a bit as she let out a small bark of a rueful laugh. She was shaking her head now he could tell she was thinking about something. Something painful, her eyes started to look glassy and he held his breath.
Severus chose that very moment to make his reappearance. He had opened their connection if only out of pure curiosity. He had briefly looked into the trunk, he noticed most of it to be clothing. His wardrobe hadn't been colorful by any stretch of the imagination but he at least had more than a week's worth of clothing. He noticed that an album sat on the very top of his research notebooks. It was something he had kept hidden away in his private desk. The boy was very thorough. His hands grazed over the top, he didn't need to open it to know what was held inside. It was one of his few comforts in life. There weren't more than five pages of photos but what was held on them kept him sane on his darkest of nights. He noticed the seal to keep it closed hadn't been disturbed. He sat it aside, he hadn't the need of its comforts any longer. He was cataloging the other small things when he'd heard his Godson speak. He stopped in his examination to listen to them, he'd opened the connection between him and his charge to listen in surreptitiously. When her feelings turned downward he decided it was time to make himself known to the two of them.
His eyes moved between them as he stood like a still shadow. Part of him wanted to put the girl to rest, knowing her body was weakening from their previous exercises of the day, but he resisted the urge. She had already proven herself to him, and he was starting to gain confidence in her in turn. "Mr. Malfoy may I speak with you a moment?" His tone was crisp and devoid of any emotion. He noticed Hermione's head lift to his voice, she looked like she wanted to reach for him but decided better of it. Snape turned his eyes back to Draco waiting for him to acquiesce his request. The boy slowly tore his eyes away from Hermione before coming to his feet. He glanced back at her now curled with her arms around her shins, the smile having left her face as she fell into her thoughts. All two of the memories she had to filter through brought pain to her entire being as she reached into them. She wanted, no needed, to try and make sense of the immense feelings brewing inside her.
Draco looked at Severus' face, his own bending with confusion at the sheer intensity. He swallowed thickly following after him quickly. When they had entered the kitchen Snape had slid the door closed, waving his hand near the frame silencing their conversation from prying ears.
"She has no memory." He stated cleanly, "Today, was the first time she recalled a memory of her own." He didn't know why he was explaining this to him, but he felt that the young man deserved some sort of context for her actions.
"So...when she says she saved me?" Draco fidgeted slightly.
"She is referring to the night of the final battle, I assure you she has no delusions of grandeur in your regard." Though she had delusions on other matters, Draco wasn't one of them.
"I see..." His shoulders relaxed a bit and he ran a hand through his hair. "That would explain the smile then." He said with a wry smile of his own, "She almost seemed happy to see me. " He turned away chuckling slightly though the mirth hadn't reached his eyes, "Never thought I'd see the day where Hermione bleeding Granger would be happy to see me!" He laughed again shaking his head. He felt all the tension leave his body at the very idea that she couldn't hold his past crimes against him.
"Indeed." Severus drawled closing the trunk he'd brought with a snap making the boy jump. "I am going to hazard a guess that Minerva is planning something?" What other possible reason would the witch send his Godson to present him with such a personal gift? His eyes narrowed as the boy blanched and kept his eyes turned away from his own. He knew something, he didn't need to be a legilimens to see that, he came around the corner Draco was trying to escape around, pulling up his full height against him. The boy was still weak, even after all this time. He had had such hopes for him too. Though he wasn't as spineless as his father, the boy held no strength when it came to him.
Draco groaned as he rounded on him and turned his head completely away. "Yes, okay? I don't know what though." He huffed crossing his arms, though his dress greatly resembled Severus' own, he had still to learn the finesse of pulling off an intimidating presence. Currently, he just looked like an overly dressed spoiled child, who was purposely making his parents late for a dinner party with his tantrum.
"Don't lie to me." His voice lowered dangerously. There was a heavy tension of silence between them, "You took the out." It wasn't a question but an accusation. Draco nodded his head a bit, lowering his eyes. When would he ever stop making mistakes? When would he be able to just do what needed to be done? Why did he always have to choose what was easy?
Severus kept himself silent letting the young man stew in his lament. He waved his hand over the door releasing the silencing spell and pulled it open. He noticed Hermione was resting back against the lounge, had she fallen asleep during their short conversation? No, her breathing was too quick for a restful slumber. He took long strides as he left his Godson to fend for himself.
His eyes moved over her, he could see her tense slightly, "Miss Granger?" He called down to her carefully putting his hand on her shoulder. "Miss Granger?"
Draco rounded the door frame, swallowing thickly at the trepidation in Severus' voice.
Severus pursed his lips as he garnered no response. He felt Draco's eyes upon them but felt he had little choice. If she were reliving the memory, it would only be a matter of time before she would no doubt be in for an immense amount of pain. But what had triggered it? Why, now, did it suddenly come crashing to the surface? His hand moved to cup her face as the thought suddenly dawned on him. She had retrieved a new memory, because of another memory. Because the feeling inside someone else's memory triggered her own. The feeling and emotion of Draco's memory forced her own mind to release one of similar quality. Was it possible, that being in the presence of someone actually inside that very memory caused it to replay itself? But if that were true, why hadn't his repeated presence done the very same? Why had he been unable to release a memory of him? Surely, if the monster inside was feeding on her pain, as he suspected the case to be, surely he had given the girl more than her fair share of painful memories? He took a deep breath and thumbed open her eyes, he wasted no time placing himself right into the center of her mind. He was so close, he was sure of it.
Draco stood still for the longest time, when Snape hadn't accosted him from the room, he carefully stepped in closer. He noticed that he was very still, leaned on one knee his hands keeping Granger's eyes open. What was he doing?
Severus turned slowly, he wasn't where he expected himself to be. He felt like he was in some warped version of Malfoy manor, but instead of purple walls, there were shelves hidden in darkness. It was like a mixture of her inner mind and her memory melding together. "Miss Granger?" He called out softly trying to find her. The only response was a dreadful scream. He turned and pushed himself in the direction of the sound. She turned when she'd felt him enter, she was currently watching herself writhe under the cruciatus curse. She looked over her shoulder as he came through the darkness into view. He looked most perplexed at the sight before him. She smirked just a bit, "I wanted to see it." She said softly turning back to watch her past self contort at her feet.
Severus' eyes widened as a sudden reality washed over him. She hadn't been solely under the creatures repeated tortures. The creature wasn't the only reason she had been reliving her most painful day over and over for five years. No, it had been her. She, had brought forth the memory day after day.
"Why?" he breathed unable to hide his complete shock. The single word held so many more questions than he was able to produce at that time.
Hermione too, felt the complexity of the question and simply turned her head away deciding to answer the most simplistic first, "I could hear you." She said softly as Draco slowly appeared out of the darkness; he wasn't really there, just a faded image off of her consciousness, his face white, eyes wide with terror as he kept his eyes on her other self's prone body. She was looking for something, something she couldn't quite piece together yet, "But I decided that I didn't want to answer."
Severus' eyes narrowed, she didn't want to answer? She wasn't trapped into some illusion created by the creature, no she was simply standing in the void pulling pages from the two books she had access to. She had chosen to relive this pain, chosen to watch her own body contort in unnatural ways because she wanted to see something?
"Please leave." She said turning towards him again. She didn't want to see the pain her screams left on his face. The man had suffered too much for too long. When he didn't move, she released the memory, her body and screams swirling away into the darkness. She turned to him fully now her arms crossed.
"Why...?" His voice sounded softer now, without the chorus of screams to drown him out. It was an odd sort of balance really.
"Surely you, of all people, can understand." She replied testing her own theory against the black clothed shadow of a man.
His jaw ticked as he tried to sort out his own thoughts, "I do..." He replied finally, though his words were disconsolate. He didn't want to believe that the strong woman who had stood before him just hours before, could be filled with as much pain as himself. It didn't seem possible for her to stand there before him, looking as strong and powerful as she did. How had she managed all this time? He felt her push gently against him, it wasn't out of animosity but succor. He went then, at her request. He closed his own eyes and released her mind, letting her fall back inside her thoughts.