Kadian stood there for what felt like hours. He desperately wanted to disbelieve what Shepard had just told him. But everything Garrus had told him about the early days of the SR-2, everything he had heard from Thane and how he knew Shepard covered all her bases and always had a backup plan made a grim kind of sense. It was just the kind of thing she would have done without hesitation.
She had ordered an Asari Justicar to make sure her body was not recoverable.
The same Justicar who had watched over Shepard as she had fought off the Reapers in her unending nightmares. The same Justicar who had murdered her own daughter for a genetic trait she had passed onto her. The same woman who had traveled to Earth and back in the days since leaving her last child alone on a dead word.
And the same Justicar that Kaidan was going to advise on saving her people and way of life. A nearly 1000 year old woman who would have been the executioner of the woman he loved without a pause.
Kaidan felt unimaginably cold. The image of Shepard thrashing in her sleep and the Asari watching over her as he himself had done the night before filled him with apprehension not comfort.
And Shepard had asked, no ordered, her to do it. That made it even worse.
"Shepard…" There was nothing he could say. Scold her for accepting her own death so easily? Make her promises they both knew he couldn't keep? Give her reasons to live a year too late?
He could see the hardened look in her face. The Commander who would not have her orders questioned. It was in the past and she had warned him he would not like it. She had warned him and been correct. He had not liked it but he had to accept it. She was the Commander even it cost her.
"It's done." She grits her teeth, turning away.
"Shepard… I don't know what to say." He tugs at her elbow, trying to turn her back toward him.
"There is nothing to say. I was legally dead, Anderson had his intel. If things went bad it was damage control. End of story." She was not looking at him, but her fists were balled up.
"How can you talk like that? Like there was no other option."
"Maybe there was one Kaidan, but I sure as hell didn't see it. I was working for the enemy, you were quick to point that out to me on Horizon. I had good, loyal people that I planned on getting home. I had repurposed Protheans to get rid of. Everything else was secondary. Including me."
"We can't afford to lose you Shepard. I can't lose you Shepard." He takes her hand and puts it to his chest. Finally she relaxes just the smallest bit and looks at him.
" Kaidan… You know the stakes are even higher now. Are you sure you want this? The chances of both of us getting out of this…." She was trying to push him away emotionally. Trying to protect him should the worst happen but he was not going to allow that. Not this time.
"Are higher than anyone else in the galaxy. I know you Shepard. I believe in you, even if you don't. Why else would I go along with your crazy plans?"
"Because they have you on a planet filled with young innocent Asari maidans?" She smiles in spite of herself.
"If I didn't know better Shep. I would say you are jealous."
Shepard rolls her eyes but leaves her hand on his chest. He chuckles and runs a finger along the side of her face, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear. A moment to steal away and keep forever, he thinks.
"I love you Kaidan. I suck at showing it most of the time but I do." She says finally, catching him off guard. It was the first time she had ever said it, not since Mars anyway.
"I know." He leans in and kisses her softly. "And I am going to spend every day of the rest of our long lives together showing you.
"You really are amazing." She hazards a glance at her omnitool alert which was lit up like a Christmas Tree and sighs.
"It's getting late. I already extended shore leave until tomorrow. You got plans?" She asked almost shyly. He was not about to let that go unnoticed.
"6 kids, a dog, and a vacation house on Rannoch." He replies as if his response was the most natural in the world.
"Kay I meant for toni….wait six?!" She looks at him an odd mix of surprise, indignation and maybe even a touch of happiness?
He can't help it. He laughs. If he could live in these moments he would. The look of surprise on Shepard's face is priceless, as if the idea of them having a normal life one day had never crossed her mind. Well to be fair for all they had talked about it maybe it honestly never had. Something to file away for later.
"Oh tonight? Aside from breaking my code of conduct in full view of Council? I really hadn't given it much thought." He bluffs.
She looks up at him, obviously suspicious but for once in her life deciding not to press the matter.
"Well I have to have a chat with Aria sooner or later. It's not like it being late means anything in a club. If you don't want to go with I totally understand. "Her voice betraying the sliver of hope that he might back out.
"Are you kidding? Last time I missed you in Purgatory Cortez had to give me the vid." He teased. Her eyes go wide.
"He didn't!"
"No. But hearing Vega beg for them was probably almost as good as seeing you dance with Jack."
"Fine fine" she sighs dejected. "But I need you to trust me. Aria's got motive for everything she does. And she needs to feel in control."
"And you two have a history so she will try to use me against you." He finishes for her. Shepard nods, her lips a tight line.
"Nothing she can say will change anything Shep. If you don't think I can help just say so."
She grits her teeth before deciding. "Come on. I could use a few drinks anyway."
The music was too loud. The club was to dark and the people here were too wasted for Kaidan's taste. Shep had called it right when she had said he was never a club person. The last time he remembered being in a real club….Had it really been Flux? The image of Shepard doing her now infamous "white girl" dance in full armor and dragging him onto the dance floor sprang to mind. A happier time he thought to himself. Her ridiculous antics even got Doran the Volus owner to hit the floor, and he probably danced better than the two of them combined.
He finished off his glass and looked over to Shepard who had four shot glasses flipped upside down in front of her. He slid his hand to the small of her back and she gives him a faint smile. Like the place or not he had followed her into worse and always would.
"Last chance to back out Alenko." She says barely heard over the din of the club.
"Not gonna happen. Let's go before I have to carry you back to the ship." He tilts his head back in the direction of the stairs. She moves past him and he could swear he heard her muttering "promises, promises." The warmth of her hands on his waist as she slides past him does not go unnoticed.
A human male stops them within eyeshot of Aria and Kaidan manages to bite his lip when he notices the man getting handsy with Shepard. She was more than capable of taking care of herself after all; the array of marks on Vega proved that. Finally he steps aside and lets her past. His own turn does not take nearly as long before he too is standing at the long red couch and the pirate queen.
"Look who's here." The Asari looking at Shepard with a cold distain. Neither greeting nor invitation.
"Looks like you have settled in nicely Aria."
"Spare me the pleasantries Shepard we both know you want something or else you wouldn't have contacted me. Word is you and your little biotic boy-toy got Tevos in a tizzy."
To her credit Shepard manages to look almost bored as she leans over and helps herself to a glass on the table besides her. She takes a sip and looks over the people in the bar before responding.
"Maybe I am just stopping in; see how you are for old times' sake?"
Aria scoffs derisively. "Old time sake for a human is a little different than for an Asari. Besides "old times' sake" was me helping you get your Archangel out mostly alive. And the doctor."
"And in exchange I took care of an Ardat-Yakshi and removed a Justicar who would have torn a bloody path through rival gangs in your streets. Well blood-ier. "Shepard is still looking at people in the crowd but Aria is now intent on her.
"Wonder where you learned that from. Certainly not from your Alliance." She says with a slick smile. To Shepard's credit she does not take the bait.
"Had a couple teachers along the way that I do things for once in a while. Speaking of which where is Lizzy?" Shepard apparently decides whoever she was looking for was not there and turns to the Pirate Queen.
"She's dead." Aria spits, "Patriarch too so don't bother pretending to look."
"What?!" Shepard seems genuinely surprised, losing her air of indifference. Kaidan looks at her and for a moment Shepard almost looks sad..? She turns toward Aria he head tilted to the left, an odd gesture.
"Aria… I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I lost a lot of my men. They were no different."
Shepard looks about to say something but decides against it. She takes another sip to let Aria make the next move. The Asari reaches into her pocket and removes a small electronic device with a button and a small read out screen.
"Tevos contacted me to ask about your plan. I told her it was a long shot but worth a go. "She looks up from the handheld to Shepard. " Of course it would be easier with a few squadrons of Commandos to help, Your Broker and daddy are coming through I take it?"
"You know how it goes. Every Matriarch has a few Commandos that could train Maidens should the need arise." Shepard has her eyes keyed in on two Asari dancers that until Kaidan had not noticed before. Now that he had it seemed they were paying a bit too much attention to their little corner for supposed drunken dancers .A look passes between Aria and Shepard and the Asari nods.
"Maybe. But I am not gonna commit to a dead cause. I lost enough of my people just getting here."
"You don't think we can do it?" Shepard asks amused.
"You don't even know what you are trying to do. Thessia fell because the Asari thought they were too good to get their hands dirty. Why do you think Tevos makes back room deals with me? So she can pretend to be above it all. You really think one Justicar on her last big hurrah and a human soldier can turn the tide on a dying race?" She gestures with the device at Kaidan but her eyes never leave Shepard.
"You know as well as I do what the Reapers and the Collectors did to the Terminus in less than two years. Cerberus is taking advantage of the chaos. Do you really think now is the time to bide our time or do you think it is time to act. We might even get to employ violence."
The two women appraised each other before the Pirate Queen gives a little smirk. Looking back at the device in her hand she turns back to Shepard.
"And you think a human biotic can hold his own." The doubt clear in the Asari's face.
"You will have to ask him yourself. " Shepard gestures to Kaidan and then the device.
Kaidan had seen similar devices before back at BaAt. They could test biotic potential in a subject and the tests were usually less than pleasant. He looks at Shepard before nodding. Without moving Aria presses a button on the readout. Kaidan feels like a shock and his amp feels like it is on fire.
Just like that it is over. He can feel his pulse in his teeth but buries it down. How much of this was for show and how much was the Pirate Queen's way of testing both the humans he didn't know. Uncomfortable as it was it sure beat a needle in the spine.
The device chirps and Aria looks surprised before shaking her head.
"Leave it to you PJ. You manage to track down one of the last L2's that haven't taken a dirt nap or an extended stay in a padded room."She hazards a quick glance at the two." We might be able to work something out." She finally concedes.
Shepard gives a slight nod, her face still unreadable. She takes a sip of her drink and scans the crowd again. Following her gaze he notes the two Asari from earlier have melded into the crowd and vanished. She puts her drink down and leans forward.
"I'm in. Set it up and I'll help. For Liselle."