Chapter 143 - Cordyceps Extract

It was New Year's Eve at the Hyuuga compound, and Ninako wasn't coming out of her room.

Of course, this was nothing new. She hadn't rightly left her family's house for close to a month now, if not more, and usually stayed in her room whenever possible, avoiding anyone she didn't invite in.

(And she did have visitors from Outside. Sakari visited frequently with the intent of cheering her up and trying to make Ninako's situation easier to bear, talking about how cute the baby was going to be, and promising to act as a go-between for Ninako and Hajime, so they could still keep in touch.)

(Sakari talked, but Ninako only barely listened, and didn't respond at all.)

But this was a special night. New Years was important everywhere, in Konoha, but in the Hyuuga clan it was especially significant. Every member of the clan came together on those days, to feast and to have announcements made: betrothals, retirements, and so on.

(And expected children, if it was early enough.)

Nobody ever missed New Years. Nobody.

And still, Ninako wasn't coming out of her room.

Her mother, Hasami, rapped impatiently on the door-frame a half hour before the feast was set to begin. "Ninako, unless you're getting dressed in there, you should be out here!"

Ninako didn't say anything. And her mother could tell that she wasn't getting dressed.

"Is she okay?" Neji came down the hallway, adjusting his coat.

"She's being difficult," Hasami sighed. "I've been asking her to come out for, what, an hour now? She isn't even talking to me."

Neji tilted his head in concern, and knocked on the door-frame himself. "Ninako, is everything all right?"

"I'm fine, Dad, just leave me alone," Ninako's voice came, quietly, out.

Neji's forehead creased. "You don't sound fine. Are you feeling okay?"

"No."

"Do you feel sick?" he continued.

"No, Dad, I just don't want to go out."

"Ninako, stop being foolish," Hasami cut in. "The feast is in a half hour! We can't miss it."

"You don't have to," Ninako said. "Just go without me."

Hasami blinked, looking somewhat offended. "And give everyone a reason to gossip? You not being there would reflect badly on us, Ninako."

"I already reflect badly on you. And they aren't going to say anything you or I haven't heard already," Ninako said. "I just don't want to hear it any more."

"Ninako."

"Darling, let me handle this," Neji said, putting a hand on his wife's shoulder. "Ninako, I know that you're in a… difficult situation right now, but this is more than just you tonight. This is the family. And it's just one night. Can you manage one night?"

"I don't think the family wants me there, honestly," Ninako said.

"Ninako, just one night," Neji said.

"Dad, just… stop. I don't want to be there, and the family doesn't want me there either." A spark of her voice's old fire flared back for a moment, before dampening severely. "There's no room in the Hyuuga clan for the mother of an abomination, after all…"

Hasami made a disgusted sigh. "This is absolutely ridiculous…"

But Neji crouched slightly, pressing his hand against the screen door. "Ninako, I want you there, and you will always be a part of this family, no matter what happens."

"Please leave me alone," Ninako replied; her miserable tone made it quite clear that this was the last thing she wanted to hear, and Neji received it uncomfortably.

So Neji stood, and adjusted his coat again. "Hasami, let's leave her be."

"What?"

"Ninako doesn't have to come with us."

"What—no, of course she does!"

But Neji shook his head. "We can just say she's ill tonight. Everyone knows about her condition, so it's not too difficult to accept," he said. "Nobody will raise a fuss."

Hasami considered all this, and then sighed. "Fine. But if anything happens because of this-"

"Hasami, darling, let's finish getting ready." Neji gently held the edge of her stole with his fingers.

"…Ninako, you'd best take advantage of this and rest while we're gone," Hasami concluded. "We're still going to visit the temple tomorrow morning, and we're going together."

"That's fine," Ninako said quietly. "I can handle that."

"If you need us, Ninako, you know where we are," Neji said. He motioned with his hand to leave, and went with his wife to their bedroom to finish getting dressed.

Hasami didn't say anything until they were on their way to the clan meeting hall, the site of the feast: "The girl's an adult, for heaven's sake, why are we letting her act like a child about this?"

"Because she deserves to at least be treated like a human by her parents," Neji replied, and his wife fell silent.

Of course, at the feast, people noticed Ninako's absence, and talked.

And Ninako had been right: they weren't saying anything she hadn't heard before, whispered mentions of disgrace and monsters.

But one person noticed her absence, and instead of feeling spiteful or mean, felt worried.

"Neji," Hinata said, gently touching his hand as she passed his place at one of the dinner tables, "where is Ninako?"

"She's not feeling well tonight, so she decided not to come," Neji replied.

"She's not feeling well…?" Hinata said.

"Mm."

"Is it the baby?" she added, whispering.

"It's exactly what you think it is," Neji replied, his eyes lowered. His wife, beside him, said nothing.

Hinata returned to her seat, and focused on her food for a while.

And after some thought, she flagged down a servant and whispered something into her ear, calmly finished her meal, and took the fresh plate delivered to her by the servant on a tray in both her hands, and excused herself from the hall. Everyone saw her leave, but few dared remark or wonder as to where she could possibly be going.

(After all, Hanabi had been sitting right beside her, and done nothing to stop her.)

Hinata went straight to Neji's house, not even bothering to cover her silk kimono with a coat or a stole. And once inside, she went to Ninako's room, and kneeled in front of the door with the tray.

"Ninako? It's me, Hinata. May I come in?"

"I'm not going to the feast," Ninako replied.

"I never asked you to. I brought food for you, actually. I figured you were hungry."

"…ah, sure, you can come in then…"

Carefully, Hinata slid open the door from the bottom, and walked in with the tray.

Ninako was sitting by the window with her knees drawn to her swollen belly, her hands clasped around her legs. She was still in her pajamas, and her expression was tight, almost strained.

Hinata set the tray between them, and sat down. "Your father told me you weren't feeling well. Is everything all right?" she said.

Ninako shook her head. "No, nothing's all right."

"Do you want to talk to me about it?"

"What's there to talk about that you don't already know?" Ninako said, lowering her head towards her knees. "Go back to the feast hall and talk to anyone, they'll tell you."

"But I haven't talked to you in a while," Hinata replied. "Really, how are you feeling, Ninako?"

Ninako sighed bitterly, her shoulders slumping. "I don't know, Aunt Hinata, I just… don't," she said. Her face finally loosened a little. "I don't even feel like a person any more, these days."

"Now why do you say that…?" Hinata said.

"Please don't humor me…" Ninako replied. "This whole… thing that's been going on inside of me. The way people talk about it, it's like I've got some sort of… disease or parasite that's… I don't know, contagious. So I have to be avoided until I'm cured."

Hinata leaned forward, putting a hand on the tatami before her. "Ninako," she said, like so many times before, "being pregnant isn't a disease."

"Yeah, but try convincing them." Ninako gestured with her hand before bowing her head lower. "I might as well be sick; it's easier that way…"

"Ninako, how is that easier?"

"Because you can't help it if you get sick. You get sympathy, I guess." She pressed her chin into her right shoulder, looking away. "Better that than being the mother of an abomination…"

Hinata pushed the tray aside, and crept up next to Ninako, putting a hand on her knee. "Ninako, your child isn't an abomination, or a parasite, or a disease, or anything else. It's a baby. That's all."

Ninako was still looking away, but she wiped at her eyes with her palm. "Then why doesn't it feel that way…?"

Hinata had to wait to gather her response. "Well, I have a theory…"

"Yeah, what is it…?" Ninako said, miserably.

"I think that they—everyone that's been saying these things to you—I think they're jealous of you, Ninako."

Ninako made a joyless laugh, and finally looked at her aunt. "How could anyone be jealous of me? Of… of this?" She held a hand above her belly, refusing to even touch it.

"Because I'd be hard-pressed to find anyone in this family with the bravery to do what you're doing, and that makes them feel… weak, in comparison," Hinata replied.

"Brave…?"

"Anyone else in your situation, I think, would have taken the easy way out. Pretended that nothing had happened, that their love had never existed, and moved on." Hinata shook her head. "But you, Ninako, you had the bravery to fight, and you and Hajime-san chose together to let your child live, in the face of everything. That, I think, is incredibly brave."

Ninako lowered her head again. "You're just saying that…"

"It's what I believe," Hinata said, gently. "And beyond that, I think anyone would feel blessed to have someone like Hajime-san in their lives, much less the father of their child."

Ninako didn't say anything, just tightening into herself, and whimpering a little.

"I miss him," she finally said.

Hinata moved her hand from Ninako's knee to her back, and began to slowly and gently rub between her shoulders. "I know you do, Ninako."

"I just wish he were here…" she continued. "So I wouldn't have to… go through this alone…"

"You aren't alone, Ninako. I'm here, and your parents are behind you too," Hinata said.

Ninako whimpered again.

"And Hajime-san is with you too. He may not be here right now, but he made a promise to you to raise your child with love, and that doesn't go away, no matter what happens, or where you are."

Ninako closed her eyes. "I know that, I know that…" she said. "It's just…" She inhaled sharply. "What if he can't?"

"What if he can't…?" Hinata rested her hand on one of Ninako's shoulder blades.

"The… what if he can't love the baby…?" Ninako's voice was growing increasingly tight, higher-pitched. "I mean… I can't… sometimes I can't picture even him loving this… this thing inside me, so…!"

With those words, Hinata gently wrapped an arm around Ninako's back, and tucked her other hand beneath the girl's chin. "Now you listen here, Ninako," she said, iron beneath her soft voice, "that 'thing' inside you is a child, and it will be loved. No matter what it looks like, or what your heart might try to tell you. Hajime made a promise to you because he loves you, and he loves your child just as much, and that's not a promise you break easily."

Ninako began blinking far too much, sticky tears gathering in her eyelashes. "How can you be sure…?"

"I've watched you fall in love with that young man for years, Ninako," Hinata said, smiling a little. "A love like that lasts."

And Ninako, finally, smiled back a little, though uncertainly. "So he'll love it, even if I can't, huh…?"

"Ninako, there's no reason why you can't…"

(But a memory with wet, razor-sharp edges was creeping across Hinata's mind.)

Ninako was lowering her head again, wiping her eyes. "After it's… out of me, I'll never get to see it again, right?" she said. "So it's… easier not to get attached, it won't hurt as much when I have to… let go."

Hinata put a hand on Ninako's stomach, and she felt a flutter of movement respond to her touch. And Ninako cringed.

"Don't feel afraid to love this child," Hinata said. "Even after it's born, no matter where it is, or if you never see it again, you'll still be connected, and remembering it as your baby instead of this thing that was growing inside of you for nine months—that'll only hurt you less."

Ninako's face grew uncomfortable.

"I understand what you're trying to do, and I hear how you talk about it," Hinata continued. "But you can't let the words of everyone else get to you like this, and let them shape the way you think about your child. You're not sick. You're having a baby that is loved and wanted by someone. That's what you need to remember."

And Ninako, with a great lightness and hesitance of touch, put her hand on Hinata's hand, tears leaking silently out of her eyes. "I'll try," she said, quietly.

"I know you will," Hinata replied. And she breathed in, and smiled a little more brightly. "Let's have something to eat, now, it'll have you feeling much better."

"Yeah, I'm kinda hungry…" Ninako said.

But as Hinata pulled away from their half-embrace to get the tray, Ninako tightened into herself once more, moaning a little.

"Are you all right?" Hinata asked.

"Yeah, just… my back's been aching lately," Ninako replied.

Hinata took her hands off the tray, and returned to Ninako's shoulders. "Your back?"

"Yeah, and my hips a bit, too," Ninako said, exhaling. "It's been pretty bad today…"

Hinata gently patted her hand across the small of Ninako's back, sending out soothing and searching chakra. "Is it a constant pain?"

"Mm? Nah, it… it comes and goes," Ninako said.

She paused. "How often?"

"Huh? I dunno, it acts up every few minutes I guess…"

"Hold still for a moment, please." Hinata moved her hand to the side of Ninako's belly, and felt, and waited. Then: "Is the pain mostly in your lower back?"

"Yeah, I suppose…?" Ninako said.

Hinata pulled her hand away from Ninako's belly. "Ninako," she said, "I think you're in labor."

Ninako grimaced in confusion. "Labor…? You mean, like… the baby's coming?" Hinata nodded. "But my water hasn't broken or anything—that's what's supposed to happen, right? And it's not like my back hurting now is anything weird, I mean…"

"Ninako," Hinata said, "you're having contractions. I know what they feel like. I'm going to go get the midwife."

"What…? No, I mean, the baby can't be coming now…"

"It probably won't be here for several hours," Hinata said, "but I think tonight's the night."

Ninako's breathing began to increase. "No, no, it can't be tonight, it's going to get in the way of everything, and my parents are going to have to deal with all the talk and-"

"Ninako, calm down…" Hinata took her niece's hand, and gently squeezed. "The only people that need to know are the midwife and your parents. I'll make sure you're given your space. Nobody's going to bother you for this."

Ninako swallowed, and tried to listen. "But I… I don't think I'm ready, though…"

"I don't think anyone ever is," Hinata said, and let go of Ninako's hand to weave a series of warmly familiar hand-signs.

A moment later, a double of Hinata stood above them, wearing an identically worried expression to her original.

"I'll stay with you while my clone gets the midwife," Hinata said. "Don't worry, I'm going to stay with you the entire time. You're going to be okay."

Ninako moaned lightly in discomfort, maybe from emotional pain, maybe from a contraction, and Hinata pulled her closer so she could lean against her chest and rest.