Pike raked his hand over his face. "'There was a slight – oh, I love that word- slight change in operation procedures that essentially resulted in a positive outcome for all concerned.'" He looked up from the screen, clasping both hands in front of him and pointing upward. "Captain, that has got to be the most loaded statement I've ever read."

"Loaded, sir?"

"Yes, loaded. Frankly, with-"

"Admiral? Nothing happened. No harm, no foul….. Right?" Kirk's voice rose an octave as he cleared his throat to cover up the laugh he was trying to hold in. Spock looked over at him blankly, then returned his gaze to Pike, whose expression was similarly inscrutable.

"Nothing happened….nothing. So let me get this straight; your initial scans indicated that Nibiru's Armageddon was about to occur. Pompeii and Hiroshima all in one. In short, gentlemen, the end of their world. Yet nothing happened. Doesn't that seem a little odd to you?" Pike looked back and forth between the two as he said this.

Kirk swallowed hard and tugged at his collar. "Well, now that you put it that way…" He could hear Spock's breathing growing slightly ragged. Was it his imagination, or had the commander turned slightly pale?

"I'm glad you agree, Captain….Commander." Pike sat forward in his seat. "Perhaps it was instrument failure. Or human error."

"Sir?" Blink. "My crew is more than capable. They've proven their worth on numerous occasions. And the Enterprise? I can honestly say there's no way the ship's computers could be that far off."

"I would agree with everything the captain has said, Admiral." Spock added. He sounded shaky.

"Really? Then I suppose there's only one 'logical' explanation; you intervened. May I ask how, or is that above my pay grade?" The weariness in his voice was obvious.

"Yes sir- I mean, no sir- I mean….Spock, you tell him. I can't." Kirk bit his lip.

Spock swallowed and licked his lips. "Using a massive infusion of bismuth subsalicylate, I was able to neutralize the lava and cause a cessation of volcanic activity."

"Bismu- what?"

"It is commonly referred to by its commercial name; Pepto Bismol." Spock's mouth was twitching in time with his eyebrow, and the tips of his ears were flushing green.

Pike just stared at them, his mouth open. "What?! Pepto-Bis- Is that how it went down, Captain?"

"Pretty much….yeah." Kirk turned away to hide the laugh that threatened to bubble up inside.

"My deepest apologies, Admiral. I can see how my actions would be considered a violation of Starfleet regulations." Spock looked downright mortified.

"Your actions?" Pike looked over to Kirk. "I have a hard time believing they were yours alone."

"Indeed, sir, they were not. Cap-"

"Hey! I'll do my own confessing, thank you very much, Spock!...That is, if I needed to…."

"Captain, Admiral Pike can only be thinking one thing-"

"Oh, he can, can he?" Pike interrupted.

"-that for an operation of this scale to proceed successfully, I must have had the aid and support of the one person on board the ship who is responsible for overseeing and approving all missions of this nature. And that, sir, would be you."

"Would it, now?" Kirk spat.

"Furthermore, given your surprise at my methods but not my goal, there must have been a plan in place prior to my alterations that was tenuous at best, forbidden at worst, or else you would not have been nearly as vague in your report as you were."

"Thanks a lightyear, Mr. Honesty. Bravo. I salute you from the bottom of my heart." Kirk clapped his hands and bowed with a flourish. "He's going to read every last gory detail in your report, isn't he?"

"We would be in far more trouble if I had not, sir."

"Oh, yeah? How do you figure? One of those Neanderthals gonna build a starship any time soon, fly to Starfleet headquarters to tattle on me?"

"Captain-"

"No – you listen to me! If that was your world, or mine, wouldn't you want us to save your neck? Or would you just raise your eyebrow and tow the line all the way to the grave? We have the power to make a difference, and I will as long as I'm alive. You can write that on my tombstone." Kirk stalked out of the room.

Pike sighed. "You got any more of that Pepto-Bismol on you, Spock?"