Chapter 150 - Palate Cleanser

Sasuke had handed Ino a small envelope, much like the ones that had held the deeds for Nadeshiko's and Hajime's houses. It wasn't in any sort of fine box or packaging, which was normal enough, but the papers inside were thin sheets full of writing and check boxes, all pre-signed by Sasuke.

"...what is this for?" Ino said, in looking them over. A wisp of a laugh was in her voice, one that was searching for a joke, if any, in all of this.

"It's me taking responsibility for things," Sasuke said. "I picked them up a few days ago; I don't know why I waited so long. The family is best off without me connected to them in any way."

"You mean… you want a divorce? Honestly?" The pages rustled slightly in her hands. "Sasuke, I…" She felt weak. "I thought things were getting… better for us."

"For… us, yes. But… the children, that's another story." The only comfort to her was that he seemed uncertain, maybe remorseful, as he told her this, rather than neutral and self-justified like he would be in the past. "There's just only so much I can do, Ino."

"Meaning?" Ino put the papers down. They were at the dinner table, and her gift to him - a set of hand-carved bone knitting needles - lay half-opened beside him.

"I'm beyond help. So this is the kindest thing I can do for them. They don't want me in their lives, anyways…"

"You don't know that," Ino said.

"No, I do," Sasuke replied. "I've… you know, tried to give back to them, to apologize, but not one of them has written back, or visited, or…"

"Maybe because you… haven't reached out for yourself? In person?" Ino said, her mouth twisted with half-sarcasm.

"I - I can't do that," Sasuke said. "I've tried, Ino, but I… there are just some things I can't do."

Maybe it was the unintended - or intended? - insult of the papers finally reaching Ino, or maybe it was the way his voice seemed so simpering and self-pitying, but Ino felt the heat of anger rising in her cheeks.

"How in the world have you tried?" she said. "It's been two years since they've even seen your face, Sasuke. Letters and - presents aren't enough, you know!"

"I know, I just-"

"You just what?"

Sasuke inhaled again, closed his eyes. "I don't want to hurt them," he said. The evenness of his voice seemed forced.

"Sasuke, I can't… see how you could hurt them," Ino said, honest wonder in her voice. "I mean, short of… raising your hand, or something, I can't think of-"

"Are they really, perfectly fine with the idea of… putting up with me again, after all I've done?" Sasuke said. "Nobody would feel uncomfortable, is that it?"

"Well…" Ino, in thinking, couldn't deny it. Imagining Sasuke in the house gave her images of silent, sulking dinners, and seething bitterness from her sons. "Well, the only thing that would make sure of that is if you actually came over!"

Sasuke grumbled, and looked at his shoulder. "That would only make things worse."

"Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself is what would make things worse!"

"No - no, me staying out of things? That's for the best. Trust me. I know."

"Sasuke…"

"I mean, just… think about what would happen if I went back. Okay?" His words quickened. "There I am, the worst father in the world! Here to… fail at everything again!" He rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his bangs. "Sure, if they hated me there, I could take it. I deserve it. But would it make things better? No, Probably not!"

Ino slumped forward, sending him a tired glance. "And how do you know that?" she said. "Sasuke, this is all 'what-if,' and I think-"

"It's not 'what-if.' It's I know." Sasuke had his hands pressed on the table, now. "What happened last time? I… I almost killed my own son - two of my sons!"

Ino caged the memory in her chest, and bit her lip for a moment. "Sasuke, that was - a completely different circumstance, you-"

"They'll remember, Ino. You don't forgive people like that! You shouldn't!" His voice was rising. "And - and what's Takeru going to say to me? He doesn't even think of me as his father, I'm sure! Which is totally my fault. I mean, hah, if I weren't so - so fucked up you'd have never had to, to do what you… had to do!" There was a crooked, painful smile on his face, and he was starting to gasp for air. "So, yeah, I think I have a pretty good idea of what would happen if I went home. So… just, just divorce me, and… and everything will be… better." He quieted down, somewhat, losing his breath. "For all of us. Okay?"

Ino forgot to breathe, for a moment. Her throat felt dry.

But she breathed, evenly, and swallowed, before speaking. "Sasuke… calm down." She had her hands raised, gently, and her face pursed with worry.

And Sasuke's expression folded from nervous anger to cold shame, and he held his forehead in his hands. "I can't do it. See? This is why. I can't… control myself. I'll just… I'll lose my temper, just like that, and I'll screw myself over, and I'll just make things worse…"

"Sasuke, just breathe, calm down…" She smoothed her voice, and reached forward to put her hands on his arms. "You're just… freaking yourself out. It's not so bad, okay?"

Sasuke just shook his head, groaning.

"Did you even talk to someone about this? Divorcing me, for the kids' sake?"

"I… didn't really think I needed to. It made sense to me and I'd been thinking about it for a while…"

Ino sighed, trying to sound sympathetic. "Generally with things like this you at least consult your friends, if you don't want to talk to your family…"

This seemed to at once calm and upset him, because his shoulders relaxed, but he sighed almost like a whine. "Ugh, Itachi was right about me. I'm a coward."

(Ino had some understanding that Sasuke and Itachi spoke to each other with Murasaki's help, when she was available, but the conversation at the lake two years before was outside of her knowledge.)

"You're only being a... little bit of a coward," Ino said, deciding to be at least a little firm with him.

(And suddenly, Ino realized why in the world she felt so oddly calm about this, rather than outraged: the subject aside, everything from Sasuke's voice to his posture reminded her exactly of Inou after a bad break-up.)

(Which, at the age of seventeen, he'd had several of.)

(Trying not to smile overmuch, she felt much more at ease with how to handle the whole situation.)

"Sometimes we make bad decisions," she said, quietly. "I can tell you're stressed out, so maybe that's why you went about this without thinking too much?"

"That has something to do with it," Sasuke admitted. He still had his forehead in his hands.

"Have I… been pressuring you too much to come back?"

"Ino, I don't want to blame you…"

"It's okay if you do. I admit it!" her tone brightened. "But it's because I worry, Sasuke. I honestly think that… what we have right now, it's nice, it's wonderful, but our family needs you. Both of us. We can't keep on ignoring that anymore."

Sasuke took away one of his hands, and propped up his forehead with the one left.

"Why don't you try? You'll be… stuck like this just worrying unless you try," she said. She reached for the papers, slightly crumpled on the table. "This isn't a solution, divorcing me isn't a solution."

"I was going to give you… half of my money, more than that…"

"Sasuke. One, that's a horrible excuse, and, two… well, I already have more than enough money…"

Sasuke let his head hang away from his hands. "Yeah, I… I know. I'm just making excuses."

Ino sighed again, shaking her head. "So, before we resort to things like this?" She held up the papers. "Why don't we try? Make that my Christmas present. Not this."

There was a joyless smile on his face. "That's what you really want, huh."

"I want absolutely nothing else."

(And Sasuke, stewing in self-loathing, steeled himself with words from his brother, and a half-broken promise to a friend, a son.)

"...when do you want me to… try?"

A smile like light off a bubble broke upon Ino's face. "Why not New Year's? Everyone will be home, and nobody will be in the mood for a fight. It should be fine!"

"Next week…?"

"Yes. Next week," Ino said. "The less time we waste, Sasuke, the more good we can do."

"No use arguing with that," Sasuke said.

Ino got up out of her chair, and walked to Sasuke's chair, arms held out. "Come here, let me give you a hug."

And he squirmed and fussed against her body, but held onto her in return all the same, for a very long time.

(Ino, privately, resisted her urge to giggle or kick herself. This was her husband, not her hormonal teenaged son, yet here she was, ending her comfort and counsel with a hug.)

(And yet, it seemed the good and right thing to do.)

They ripped up the divorce papers, after that. Ino did most of the ripping, but Sasuke did some half-hearted tearing of his own after Ino handed him a few pieces. He smirked, weakly, after it was done.

"So… we can agree, this was a little stupid?" Ino said, once they were done.

"...yes. It was very stupid." Sasuke let his paper fall from his fingers. "Can we… forget I thought of it?"

"Of course," Ino said, and kissed him on the cheek as she went to throw the papers into Naruto's garbage.

Well, of course, they were at Naruto's house. He'd been out of town for most of the week before, visiting with friends in other countries for the pre-holiday season. That night, he was in Lightning, as he told Sasuke over the phone that morning.

What he also reported, and what Sasuke didn't care as much about and more or less forgot about after the call was over, was that he was a guest at Fuzan and BB's wedding.

Fuzan had found returning to ninja life difficult, after Yuki's injury to his arm. Despite physical therapy, his right arm never regained its full strength, and he usually kept his hand in his pocket after that, to keep it out of the way. For most people, it wouldn't be a terribly debilitating thing; after all, there were several ninjas with one arm incapacitated or missing - the Raikage, for example - who had long and illustrious careers. But Fuzan wasn't nearly as talented as those individuals.

So Fuzan decided that this was a case of "Easy come, easy go," since it hadn't even been a year since his chuunin promotion. He'd had his taste of the ninja life, but found that life as BB's companion - with all of the attached celebrities and mild fame - was much cooler, by far.

Their wedding, which Naruto attended, was just before Christmas, after two years of further cohabitation. Naruto practically invited himself to the wedding, which caused Fuzan no small amount of glee at his bachelor party.

(The two made short work of starting a family, after that. BB knew of the complications that would be in store for her, when the time came for her to take the eight-tails into her body, so the less they waited, the better.)

(The following November, they were blessed with triplets, all girls.)

("Fo' fuck's sake, when I said I wanted kids, I didn't want 'em all at once!" BB said, when a sonogram jutsu confirmed things.)

(Fuzan, meanwhile, fainted away in the hospital room, and they spent more time ensuring he was okay than anything related to BB's pregnancy.)

(All the same, their daughters were delivered safely, and it was decided that they were more than enough for the two of them to handle. BB had her tubes tied afterward, so no matter what, nobody would be put in danger on behalf of her sex life.)

(They were a happy family. BB had an exciting and satisfying career, Bee was an eager grandfather that spoiled them rotten, and Fuzan looked after the girls with love and heaps of cartoons and comics.)

(Of course, this was all in the future, and very much unrelated with Sasuke's current predicament.)

"Really, though, Sasuke?" Ino said, unable to help herself, as she returned. "Divorce papers for Christmas?"

"I thought you would be…" Sasuke winced slightly. "...relieved to get them."

"Sasuke…"

They went out to rent a movie after that, and watched it together on the couch. Sasuke held Ino's hand the entire time, never really settling comfortably in his seat, and Ino stayed with him for comfort.

There were no kisses or cuddles in the night, as there were the year before, though Ino assured him, "It'll be okay, just get some sleep, you'll be feeling better in the morning," before tucking in herself.

She awoke in the night to a pulling sensation at her back.

And turning over slightly, her head peering over her shoulder, she saw Sasuke in the dark there, huddled close to her, fast asleep. He was clinging to her shirt tightly, as if it was all that was keeping him on the bed.

Ino sighed at the sight of him. She'd never seen him look so vulnerable, or scared.

Or sweet.

Gently, she pulled his fingers away from her shirt, and turned over to face him, folding her arms in with his. She fell back asleep shortly afterward, warmth in her heart.

Of course, when Sasuke woke up later, he was a bit surprised to find Ino tangled up in him like that. But he said nothing of it, shifting himself away as unobtrusively as he could, and dozing off again as he watched his wife sleep.