CHAPTER FIVE

Authors Note:

Wow I haven't updated since 2015! So much has happened in my life since then. But I now have time to finish this story after recovery from the worst writers block ever!

!Trigger Warnings!

If you suffer with PTSD and are easily triggered with events of indecent assault/PTSD, please do not read this chapter or continue on with the story. Unfortunately, I have been through this myself, but I am a survivor. So is Desare.

Please R & R. It REALLY helps me! Love ChaRose xxx

It had been a long day for Hatori at the Sohma Hospital. For such a prestigious hospital, they had been slightly understaffed for the past few weeks, leaving Hatori to pick up more shifts in order to maintain the Oath he took as Doctor; keeping his patients health his first priority.

He sometimes couldn't help but think that this was Akito's doing; not financing the hospital enough to keep more employees rostered on and therefore with Hatori spending more time at the hospital, he would likely spend less time with the newcomer. Would Akito really be so vindictive like this? To be honest, sometimes even Hatori could never read Akito properly. Their God was too unpredictable. However, this was a mere thought that crossed Hatori's mind. He would never utter it into existence as he would always stay loyal to Akito.

But that also didn't mean he wouldn't keep his distance on certain matters. He was, after all, one of the most level-headed members of the Zodiac.

Pulling into his driveway, he saw Desare walk over with a casserole dish in her hands. His spirits immediately lifted, as though the gruelling day at the Hospital never happened. How long it had been to be welcomed home by a woman. It was one of the most comforting things a man could experience.

Despite being quite weary himself, he found renewed energy as Desare smiled brightly in the twilight as she welcomed him back to the Estate. "Good evening Doctor Sohma!" she gently giggled. She couldn't help but be amused at how handsome Hatori was in his Doctor's coat.

"I've barely seen you for the past few weeks. I figured you've been quite busy with your patients so I thought I'd make some dinner for you. I can only imagine how hard you work and I'm sure the last thing you want to do is come home and cook." She rambled her explanation, lifting the casserole up in evidence.

Hatori smiled warmly down at her. "Thank you, Desare." He said, taking the casserole from her outstretched hands. "Oh I can carry it in for you if you want to get your medical bag?" Desare offered before she let go of the dish. Hatori lifted an eyebrow, almost in a playful manner, as though he was questioning her how she knew him so well in only under a few months of barely getting to know one another. She laughed softly, "I've never seen you without it. I swear it never leaves your side!"

"Quite right too." He murmured as he dropped his hand away, taking up on her offer for her to carry the casserole dish in while he grabbed his medical bag from the car and any loose files he needed to look over. Being a Friday night, he usually spent his time catching up on paperwork over the weekend alongside devoting his spare time to the Sohma family and their medical requirements. So having dinner on a Friday night was quite rare.

"Why don't you have dinner with me?" Hatori asked those words before he could stop himself. What was he thinking? This is exactly what Akito was being paranoid of! Not to mention the fact that he, himself, had purposefully built up walls around him; protecting himself from outsiders, yet here he was…letting her waltz right in.

Desare's eyes lit up at the offer as Hatori held the door for her to step through his home with the Casserole dish. Her heart began to beat fast and she ducked her face from view as she passed him, a small blush appearing on her cheeks at the prospect of having a dinner date with him. "Oh I would love to…" she started to agree but quickly – and stupidly – declined, out of respect for him, of course. "But you've had a long day. I'm sure you'll want to eat and go to bed. After all, a Doctor does need his rest too, you know!"

Hatori chuckled, she quite easily reminded him of Tohru. Another outsider that quickly warmed up to him. "It's either dinner with paperwork, or dinner with fine company. And I'd choose the latter."

Desare giggled as she watched him place his Medical bag and hospital files on entry hallway table, easily accessible in emergencies, "Well, if it's no trouble to you, then I'd be honoured to stay."

"Desare, the honour would be all mine." Hatori murmured as he walked over and took the dish from her hands, his fingers gently brushed against hers, making her blush even more.

"It's um..It's American-styled Teriyaki Chicken." She said, trying to regain her composure as she stood awkwardly in his kitchen, unsure what she ought to be doing and also trying to stay out of his way as he organised everything. "Is there anything I can do to help?" she eventually asked.

"No, but please take a seat." He offered as he closed the oven door after placing the Casserole dish in there to heat up, and he walked over and pulled a chair out from the table, offering it for her to sit down. "American-styled? What makes it different to the traditional Japanese?"

"Thank you." Desare murmured as she sat down, allowing Hatori to tuck her chair in behind her. "Honestly, there's not much difference except the sauce is more….American-y?" she visibly cringed at her explanation of the difference. She is in the company of someone who is the epitome of a gentleman with such a high-standing profession, and all she can come up with in a description is that the sauce was 'American-y'. Too embarrassed to look up at the doctor, she mentally scolded herself, I'm such a freakin' dweeb!

"May I offer you something to drink? Wine, perhaps?" Hatori offered, as he began collecting the cutlery and plates needed for the table.

'Oh my god, I'm going to need something more stronger than wine!' she thought to herself.

Turning her attention to Hatori, she smiled, "Whichever you're having!"

Giving a small nod, he bent down to retrieve some red wine from his wine rack. Of course he had a wine rack. He was a man of dignity and class in both appearance and taste.

He poured two glasses of wine and gave one to Desare. He took a small sip before placing it down on the table and attending to the dinner that was already filling his house with such a homely smell. Completely different to the cold and sterile smell that would usually fill his house.

Desare, completely forgetting she had barely eaten at all that day, took a few quick mouthfuls of the fruity red liquid, welcoming the warm feeling it filled her with. "Mm! This is quite good! You have impeccable taste." She murmured, watching his every movement as he pulled the dish delicately from the oven and placed it gently on the bamboo placemat on the bench to avoid any burning to the surface.

"Thank you. I choose my wine quite diligently." He said nonchalantly as he began serving the American-styled Teriyaki Chicken onto individual plates.

"You strike me as the man who would enjoy wine tasting at wineries."

'Wine tasting at wineries?' really Desare!? What else would one do at Wineries besides purchase wine! I really am so worthless compared to him! She mentally scolded herself as she took another mouthful, patiently waiting for him to serve food and sit down with her.

"Perhaps. If I had the luxury of spare time." This was, in no means, a dig at her. It was just unfortunate that one of the downfalls of being a Doctor was lack of free time; especially when he was always on-call at both the hospital and amongst the Sohma Estate.

"I'm sure you have your moments…" Desare offered lightly.

Hatori smiled softly as he brought the two plates around to the table, setting them lightly down in front of her and where he would be sitting.

"I do. But more often than not, I prefer to catch up on paperwork."

"That, is something I can definitely relate to. Between studies and tutoring…!"

The both of them chuckled over this mutual understanding of such a tedious task that accompanied their profession.

"This smells wonderful, Desare. Thank you for preparing such a beautiful meal."

"Oh don't compliment me just yet. You're opinion might change once you've tasted it."

"I highly doubt that."

"I beg to differ." She challenged back playfully.

He chuckled once more before taking a bite of the delicious smelling meal, knowing he was under the doubtful watching eye of Desare.

"This really is such an exquisite meal, Desare." Hatori sincerely complimented her cooking, his green eyes resting on her own green ones, showing nothing but humbling sincerity. Whereas hers were full of doubt at his words, but that doubt slowly disappeared as she realised he truly meant every word he spoke.

"My compliments to the chef."

Doubtful green eyes twinkled with laughter followed by the sweet sound of laughter from Desare, "I'll be sure to pass the message along!" she joked with him before adding on a more serious note, "Thank you, though." Her shoulders visibly relaxed a little more knowing he enjoyed what she made, and she happily took a bite of her own meal.

"How was your day today?" Hatori asked, showing keen interest in how her day actually was. He knew she tutored Momiji for a few hours after school on a daily basis, but could only hazard a guess as to what the rest of her day consisted of.

Desare's eyes widened with many mixed emotions coursing through her. How on earth could this man elicit so many emotions from her!? Turning her into puddles!

She did not expect any conversation at the dinner table; for them to be eating in peace. This was how it used to be for her: she could only speak at the table when spoken to. And to keep her answers short so as to not annoy her father. And she had rudely assumed that Hatori was the type of person who would rather enjoy a good meal than to idly chat and make small talk throughout it. However, even if it was small talk, he did seem generally interested in what he had asked.

She also felt guilty knowing that he would have had a busy stressful day at the hospital, and instead of asking him about it in polite courtesy, he was more interested in her boring day! What a rude houseguest she was!

"Desare?" Hatori enquired, concerned eyes lifting from his meal to study her silence, worried he had said something to offend her.

"Oh I'm sorry! I was just thinking how best to describe my day that would be entertaining to you." She quickly explained, covering those moments where she was lost in thought.

"I need not be entertained in such a way."

"Oh. Well… I'm sure my day is nothing in comparison to yours…" she started but indulged him nonetheless, "I continued with my studies this morning and then did some marking of Momiji's work before he turned up for this afternoon's tutoring session. And now here I am! Told you it was a boring day."

Hatori glanced up at her as she quickly added, "I mean, up until you invited me over for dinner. This part of my day isn't boring. I don't want you to think that!"

Oh shut up Desare!

The male chuckled warmly. He found it somewhat adorable when she worked herself into a fluster.

"It sounds like you had a busy day."

"Oh I'm sure it was nothing compared to yours." She murmured forlornly. Knowing his profession was far more exciting and rewarding than hers. He saved lives after all! And what did she do? She was nothing more than a pencil pusher. No that she minded, of course. She found much joy in her work and loved what she did. But when she was in the presence of someone much more brilliant-minded than her…well, she could not help but feel a little overwhelmed.

And Hatori sensed this from the beginning. Hence the reason he wanted Desare to talk about her day, hopefully help her see the accomplishment she can make. It doesn't matter how big or small a task is, if it's been completed, than it should be seen as equal achievement as anything else.

"I barely managed to get an ounce of paperwork done. You, on the other hand, managed to study, complete paperwork and tutor an energetic teenager at the end of the day. And still found time to cook me a meal."

"But you save lives! That must be so exciting!" Desare cheerfully added, dismissing his genuine attempt to make her feel better about her lesser profession.

"It can be. Consequences and complications can follow. Sometimes the result isn't what I quite often expect either." Hatori's eyes suddenly went downcast as though you could visibly see him carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. Desare could only assume that he had his fair share of patients dying on his watch. She couldn't imagine how one would be able to deal with that. "Still. It's quite admirable what you do." She warmly said with a soft smile. "I'm sure the Sohma's are honoured to have you as their doctor. I know I am."

Hatori hummed a soft chuckle, "No. I'm the one who is honoured to have you as a patient. Being a teacher means keeping a level-head. I can't say I have many patients who hone that skill."

Desare blushed as Hatori easily found something to compliment her on. Dropping her gaze to her half-eaten plate, she took another mouthful as a comfortable hush fell in the adjacent kitchen/dining room.

It wasn't long before the two hand finished eating, "Thank you for the lovely meal Desare."

"You're quite welcome." Desare beamed shyly as she started collecting the cutlery and plates.

"No need to help. You're the guest." Hatori said as he took the dirty dishes from her hands.

Luckily there wasn't much to clean up as the two hadn't made a lot of mess.

Hatori took the half empty wine bottle and the two empty wine glasses and led the two back to the living room where they could sit comfortably on the couch and wind down from the day's activities.

Desare knew she shouldn't have more wine but it was rude of her to decline such an offer, and she was already in hitting the tipsy state that she wasn't thinking clearly. She had forgotten how hard wine can hit her. Being such a lightweight didn't help.

Pouring the wine, Hatori handed her now filled glass back and he sat back against the couch, taking a sip as he relaxed beneath the warmth that soon filled him. "What made you decide to be a tutor?" Hatori asked, turning his attention from his glass of wine to Desare.

Desare smiled warmly, "To help the younger generation, of course."

Naturally, there was an underlying reason behind it but she wasn't too keen on bringing that subject to light yet; nor was she drunk enough to be able to confide in him.

"It's an admirable profession." Hatori gently threw her own words back at her, earning him a snort of utter disbelief from her. "Hardly."

"A person of your profession requires dedication, care and patience. It's a mixture that not a lot of people can manage. You do it so flawlessly."

Desare merely smiled at this. If she continued to fight him, he would only retort with compliments to the point where she would have no fight left in her.

She sighed loudly, not meaning to, but it was the wine making her act so miserably.

"Is something wrong?" Hatori asked, frowning in concern. Was he lacking in company or conversation? Had he said something wrong? It had been so long since he had 'hosted' dinner etc. with another woman. It wouldn't surprise him if he was out of touch.

"No, no. Of course not." Desare said, staring at the red liquid that she was swirling around in her glass, using it to distract herself. However, the wine had other ideas in allowing her mouth to run before she could stop it. "It's just…I know what it's like to not have any academic help or encouragement. I know what it's like to be told that you're worthless and you're failing at life. I just don't want children to go through that hardship…" Desare trailed off, frowning at her glass as her eyes clouded with pain that Hatori immediately recognised. After all, he had experienced the same pain – just under different circumstances.

The cheeriness that made Desare who she was, was gone. An unrecognisable Desare now sat in beside him.

Placing his wine glass on the coffee table in front of them, Hatori turned so that he could look at her directly, giving her his undivided attention. Forearms resting on his knees, hands clasped elegantly together, Hatori gently asked, "What happened Desare?"

Shaking her head, her blonde curls softly swaying from side to side from the movement, Hatori thought she would refuse to answer him (understandably so) but she brokenly answered, "Because I was a nobody. Nobody special. Just worthless. Unwanted. Unloved."

Hatori sat there silently, watching her – studying her, understanding her while she sighed as she drank the rest of her wine and laughed bitterly, "I loved my Daddy. But I don't know what I did wrong."

Hatori's eyes narrowed in concern at hearing just where this conversation was heading.
"I – when my Mom died, I tried to be there for him. I tried. I really did. But I don't think…"

Desare trailed off again as she started breathing heavily at recalling the events and looking back at how wrong it all was when she thought it was perfectly normal for any household to go through it. "It got worse. Nothing I was doing was good enough. I tried to be more like Mom because that's what he…" her voice hitched a little as she took a moment to regain herself, "what he wanted." She finished the sentence. "The only time he ever seemed happy was when…when..." her breath hitched and the dam in her eyes finally broke as tears came flooding down, she was already too lost in the moment of recalling such events, "Oh god. Why? What did I do wrong? Why couldn't he love me? Am I too ugly? Am I not loveable?"

Hatori had stayed quiet the entire time she was telling her story, whilst it was vague at some moments, he knew exactly what it was she hadn't said. Her father had taken advantage of her to make himself feel better. It was wrong. And it should never happen. Not to her, not to anyone.

He watched as tears fell down her cheeks, the moment when she broke was the moment he stepped in, placing a hand over her clenched ones, "No, Desare, you did absolutely nothing wrong. What he did was wrong. What happened to you should never have happened in the first place. And for that, I am truly sorry."

"Don't apologize. 'S'not your fault." Desare mumbled, thick with tears.

"It's not yours either." Hatori murmured firmly.

Desare squeezed his hand in comfort, and Hatori squeezed back in response.

"To go through something like that and become the strong woman you are today…is remarkable. You ought to be proud of how far you've come. I know I am. I admire you, Desare. Not only for your kindness and your patience, but for your strength too."

Hatori never took his eyes off of hers, even when she broke eye contact with him to drop her head, letting her blonde curls obscure her face from view and she wept quietly. The only evidence from her silently crying was the shake of her shoulders and the muffled sound of her holding back her sobs.

With one hand holding hers, Hatori placed his other hand gently on her back and caressed the fabric of her shirt softly in comfort. He couldn't hug her in her time of need because of the curse, so this was the only comfort he could offer. "You're okay, Desare. You're safe now." Hatori murmured slowly in a calming tone, "…It's alright…"

Eventually Desare calmed down, "I'm sorry." She said and then laughed softly, this time without bitterness, "You don't need to deal with my burdens on top of your own. God, I'm so selfish!" the last thought was usually said mentally, however, being drunk on wine made her speak her thoughts before she had a chance to stop herself.

Hatori chuckled quietly, "You're not. And don't ever apologise."

"Hmm." Desare hummed in part agreement. She tilted her head back, her curls falling back to reveal pink cheeks and a nose from crying, her eyes shut and a small smile on her face. She was already growing weary from the intoxicated state she was in.

"You're so kind." She randomly said after a moments' silence.

"Hmm" Hatori hummed in the same manner she had, making her giggle.

"And you're funny."

Hatori merely smiled at that statement. Oh other people would tell her differently.

"And you're cute too!"

Raising an eyebrow, Hatori looked at her, studying her eyes through now half-open eyes that were looking back at him. Her eyes were well and truly glassed over. "Cute butt. Butt."

"I think you're drunk." Hatori gently responded. 'And you're going to have a hell of a headache tomorrow morning.' He thought to himself.

"Pshhh. Drunk skunk." Desare immaturely tried to say 'drunk sch-munk'

"A statement I couldn't agree with more." Hatori said, to which he earned a very immature tongue sticking out at him. Chuckling softly, he stood up off the couch to get her some water to help hydrate her body before she slept alcohol off. There was no way in hell she was going to get home on her own tonight without the risk of bumping into him with her stumbling about like a drunk woman and causing his curse to trigger. Nor could he carry her either, so the only logical thing to do was let her crash on his couch. He would prefer she slept on the guest bed, but without the assistance of someone else, he would not be able to carry her on his own.

By the time he came back, she was already curled up into a tight little ball, almost in the sense that she was subconsciously protecting her body. An action of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), Hatori was not at all surprised she would be suffering from such trauma. He left the glass of water on the coffee table and retrieved a couple of aspirin from his medical bag and placed it next to her glass for when she woke up in the morning.

Grabbing a throw rug, he draped it gently over her before walking to the linen closet and retrieving a thicker blanket and a pillow. He placed the pillow on the floor near her head so if she woke in the middle of the night for whatever reason, she had something more comfortable to sleep on, and he draped the thicker blanket over her for extra warmth.

He sighed softly as he glanced down gently at her.

'What are you doing Hatori?' He asked himself as he wearily rubbed his face. The fatigue from a busy day and evening now creeping up on him and stinging at the corners of his eyes. 'Don't get involved with her. Wasn't that the first rule you established with yourself?' He mentally scolded himself in question as he quietly walked out of the living room and switched the light off, plunging the room in darkness. 'And here you are. Practically doing the courtship dance that Seahorses do!'

Hatori went straight to bed that night. Normally he'd be up doing paperwork to unwind but exhaustion hit him like a ton of bricks. And finding himself with conflicted emotions didn't help the fatigue either.

Desare woke to a sunny room that announced her splitting headache. She groaned an unnatural sound as she pushed herself into a sitting position on the couch. Pushing her bushy uncombed blonde hair out of her face, she looked around the unfamiliar room as memories from last night came flooding in. She sighed and groaned again as she looked up to the ceiling for answers. "Oh I done goofed it. I done goofed it big time." She muttered annoyingly to herself before tearing her gaze from the ceiling and letting it land on the coffee table in front of her. Water and two aspirin tablets lie waiting for her. She smiled softly. Either it was Hatori being the Doctor he was, or the kind hearted person he was, to leave the hangover remedies out for her. Or perhaps it was the best of both worlds? Who knows.

She took a mouthful of water and gulped down the tablets, hoping that they would come into affect relatively soon.

So what now? Does she do the walk of shame back to her house? Does she seek Hatori out and thank him for his lovely hospitality and apologise for her terrible company? Is he even up yet?

The sound of coffee percolating caught her attention and she looked towards the kitchen with him standing by the kitchen sink, looking out the window. Of course he was up. 'Oh god! Oh god! Ohgodohgodohgodohgod! Desare's mind went into a frantic panic as to what the hell she's meant to do! Does she say good morning? Apologise? Thank him? She even looks like an utter mess! Her hair all bushy and sticking upwards and sideways, makeup smudged no doubt! Urgh. The stuff of nightmares.

The sound of Desare shuffling about in the living room caught Hatori's attention and he turned his gaze from outside to over where Desare was. "Good morning Desare." He greeted her, walking over to her with an already prepared hot cup of coffee for her.

"Mmm'G'morn-ing." She muttered, still trying to wake herself up. A morning bird, she was not, as Hatori is only just finding out.

"Am I right to assume you're not an early riser?" Hatori playfully enquired.

"Am I right to assume you are?" she replied equally, a bit more peppier knowing there wasn't any awkwardness between the two. She had made a wonderful friendship with this gentleman, and she didn't want to ruin it in any way.

"Perhaps. How are you feeling?" he asked, studying her in a concerned manner.

"Awful. And not just from the wine." She replied, sighing, knowing she owed him a better explanation than just a mere breakdown last night.

"What do you mean?" Hatori asked, sitting on the couch beside her, angled so that he could study her properly. Apart from the usual signs of a hangover, she didn't seem too unwell.

"I was terrible company last night. I had no right to just dump an emotional baggage on you when you have your own burdens that are worse than mine to deal with."

Hatori shook his head slightly, "You weren't terrible company, Desare."

"And I owe you an explanation - "

"You don't need to explain yourself."

"No, I do. I was 5 years old when my Mom died. I can barely remember her, but what I do remember was her warmth and her gentleness. I miss her so much, Hatori. So much." Tears began to sting at the corner of Desare's eyes but she blinked them back, refusing to have another breakdown again. She smiled gently at nothing in particular as she recalled a few memories, "I know I'm the splitting image of my Mom." But her smile disappeared and her tone dropped from being laced with nostalgia to solemn, "I guess that's why my Dad always got me confused. He would always call me by my Mom's name and teach me how Mom used to make him happy… I guess he was so caught up in his grief that he eventually saw me as my Mom. It wasn't until a year ago that I realised I had enough sense to finally realise this was wrong and enough money to move my education and life overseas and start afresh. Hatori, he did things to me…many nights, for years… things that I don't think I could ever open up about."

Once again, Hatori quietly listened, not interrupting her, allowing her to tell her story.

"Have you told the authorities?"

Desare shook her head. "I can't…bring myself to…"

Hatori nodded, understanding. "My only professional advice is that I strongly suggest you talk to someone about this. If and when you feel you are ready to."

"I spoke to you last night, didn't I?" she smiled shyly, reaching for her coffee – having forgotten about it.

Hatori gave her a small smile, "…if you count slurred speech as 'talking' then yes you did." He lightly joked, earning a playful scoff from her. "But if you ever need someone to talk to, I am always here, regardless of the hour. Either as a friend or from a medical standpoint." Hatori offered.

She smiled warmly at him, her eyes twinkling with unshed tears from past pain mixed with renewed kindness that he was, unknowingly, installing back into her. "Thank you, Hatori. You're quite the gentleman."

It wasn't often that someone could make Hatori feel flustered, but he couldn't help but feel the heat coil in his stomach and rise to his cheeks.

The two sat in a comfortable silence, enjoying their morning coffee and reflecting quietly on the recent events that have taken place between them. Hatori, thinking about what Desare had been through and the secrets she carries and will probably always keep hidden deep within her, her PTSD that hasn't been brought up. Hatori could only hazard a guess she suffers with nightmares, anxiety and sleep disorders. However, it wasn't his place to bring the subject to light nor did he want to trigger any more negativity for her. She knew he was a Doctor and knew she could come to him if need be.
Desare, was still mentally fuming about her behaviour last night and how embarrassed she was. Hatori, being such a gentleman throughout it all, had been nothing but patient and understanding with her. She couldn't believe it. Most men would go running for the hills with the kind of psychological baggage she carried with her… but then again, Hatori had his own fair share of personal emotional scarring and then carrying everyone else's burdens too. Hers now added to that growing list.

As the two sat silently together, lost in their own thought, they also thought about their conflicting emotions towards each other. Both wanting to keep distance out of respect for one another but something just keeps pulling them together.

And after last night, Hatori now feels the need to protect her despite wanting to keep her at arms length.