Andromeda looked almost as nervous as Rabastan felt. Her hands were visibly shaking as she reached out and placed them on his shoulders.
"I'm- going to kiss you," she said tentatively. "Is that all right?"
"Of course," Rabastan told her, and he closed his eyes when her lips pressed against his. He didn't want his first time to be like this, but what could he do? He couldn't very well tell her to stop, especially when they both knew that they would have to do it sooner or later, one way or another…
"Are you a virgin, Rab?" Andromeda whispered, pulling back from him. Her voice trembled as much as her hands and she looked quite horrified when he nodded.
"Is- is that- did you expect me not to be?" he asked, also tensing up. He didn't know how anyone could assume that he was anything but a virgin – why would anyone ever want to sleep with him, after all? Andromeda was only doing it because her family was all but forcing her to…
"I suppose," she said quietly. She reached out and touched his cheek almost tenderly. "You are… well, you're rather handsome, you know, Rab."
Rabastan smiled shyly in spite of himself. "You think so?"
"Yes, I do." Andromeda seemed a little more comfortable now, a little less awkwardly clinical. "You are. You're… you're not at all bad, for a boy."
A flush rose in Rabastan's cheeks. No one had ever said anything like that to him before, except perhaps Rodolphus, who he was sure only said them because he was his brother and did everything that he could to make him happy.
Except the one thing I want him to do…
Don't think about Rodolphus!
"Are you all right?" Andromeda asked. "If- if you don't want to do this…"
"I do!" Rabastan said, a little more loudly than he had meant to. He needed to do it eventually, he told himself – and maybe, if he slept with Andromeda, he would decide that she was better than Rodolphus could ever be…
"All right," Andromeda whispered. She still sounded nervous, but she let her hand rest on his chest and it was steadier than it had been before. "Just- just stop me if you want…"
Rabastan nodded, but he was thinking I won't, I won't stop you. No matter how bad it is.
Andromeda lowered her eyes and set about undoing his shirt with surprisingly practiced hands.
"Have you done this before?" Rabastan asked her quietly, and she nodded, without looking up. "I thought you fancied girls, though…"
"I do," Andromeda told him. "But I- I've tried it with a few boys, just to be sure, you know?" She glanced up at him quickly. "Just to be sure that I wasn't just… confused… you know what I mean, don't you?"
Exactly what I'm doing.
"I suppose," he said softly.
Andromeda had his shirt off by then, and she smoothed her hands over his thin, bony chest. Every rib was visible beneath his skin and Rabastan wished – wished with everything he had – that he was as handsome and strong as Rodolphus. He had no muscle on his chest, no shape, nothing that any girl could ever find attractive. But Andromeda caressed him gently, almost as if she did like it…
She took his hand in hers and laid it upon her breast. It felt soft and pleasantly warm, but Rabastan felt nothing but mild embarrassment on Andromeda's behalf when he squeezed it. He had half expected to feel a sudden rush of lust as soon as he laid his hand upon it – from the way that some boys talked, putting one's hands on a girl's breast was enough to bring some people to absolute ecstasy. But Rabastan felt no ecstasy at all, and judging by the slightly uncomfortable look on Andromeda's face, she didn't either.
"Why- why don't you… sit down on the bed," she said, after a moment. "And, er- take off your trousers…" Her face was slowly turning to a darker shade of crimson and there was a definite note of embarrassment in it. Rabastan ducked his head, working quickly at the buttons of his trousers. Buttons suddenly seemed far more difficult to undo than they should have…
He slid his trousers off – noting with mortification that his erection was completely gone – and laid them at the foot of his bed before looking back up at Andromeda, who had removed her shirt and skirt. Her legs were pressed tightly together and her arms across her chest, and she ducked her head so that her hair shielded her face from his view.
She looked nice enough, he supposed. Her body had a pleasantly rounded shape, perhaps a bit bulgy around her thighs and belly, but not grotesquely so by any means. But he felt no desire to touch her body, no desire to make it his. She was more like a woman in a romantic painting than a real person.
And he recognized the way that she was standing.
She was standing in the same hunched-up, over-modest way that he did when he was being examined by a healer, when he knew that the healer was looking at all the things that were wrong with him. He could all but hear Andromeda's thoughts – don't look at me, don't look at me, I'm so ugly.
"You're- pretty, Andromeda," he told her quietly, and she raised her head a little, managing the tiniest of smiles.
"I'm not," she said, and her voice was softer and more vulnerable then than it had ever been before. "But thank you…"
"You are." He knew that he didn't sound the least bit reassuring, and was confident that she was thinking if I were pretty, you wouldn't just be sitting there.
She took a tentative step towards the bed, then crawled onto it and knelt beside him, and when she leaned forward to kiss him once more, she kept one arm pressed awkwardly over her breasts.
"Do you… know what to do?" she asked him quietly, letting her lips brush against his.
He nodded mechanically – yes, he knew what to do. Just barely. Just what Rodolphus had told him…
Andromeda pulled away from him and lay down on the bed, looking up at him with wide, nervous eyes. She let her arms fall away from her body and knotted her fingers in the sheets before she spread her legs open.
Rabastan looked at her and tried as hard as he could to find something about her that was attractive to him. Her breasts, free and bare, pleased him no more than any other part of her, and when he looked down between her legs, he actually felt a little twinge of repulsion.
"Rab? Are you all right?" Andromeda's voice was shaking again, and Rabastan nodded quickly.
"Fine. Fine."
She nodded and spread her legs a little wider. "A- all right, then… whenever you're ready…"
He nodded hastily, then reached down and took his cock in his hand, trying to stroke himself to hardness, painfully aware of Andromeda's position, and how she was probably waiting for him, wanting him to get himself erect quickly so that they could finish things…
Just hurry up!
He closed his eyes and let images of Rodolphus fill his mind. It didn't matter how wrong it was anymore – he would worry about that later. He just wanted things to be over fast.
Rabastan felt a twinge of pleasure when he imagined that it was Rodolphus who was spread out and ready upon the bed. He thought of his older brother spreading his legs, thought of himself leaning in to kiss him, and he could feel himself swelling and hardening.
Just keep thinking of Rodolphus. That's all you can do.
He opened his eyes, trying as hard as he could to maintain the image of Rodolphus, even when he looked at Andromeda and smiled weakly.
"Ready?" she asked quietly.
"Mmhmm…"
"G- good…" Andromeda reached down between her own legs and spread herself open for him with one hand. She reached the other hand out. "Here… let me…"
Rabastan shuffled towards her, swallowing hard. She took him by his shoulder and pulled him down so that he was leaning over her, then kissed him while her hand moved down and wrapped around his cock.
He shuddered a little, and hoped that she would take it for a shiver of pleasure instead of discomfort. She ran her hand over his length and he squeezed his eyes shut and conjured the image of Rodolphus again – if he hadn't he was sure that he would have gone soft in her hand.
He jolted automatically when he felt something warm and wet against the tip of his cock, and Andromeda made a quiet, soothing noise.
"It's all right," she whispered. "Just… let me…"
Rabastan nodded and gripped the sheets as tightly as he could. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried with all his might not to think about what Andromeda was doing. She had placed her other hand on the back of his leg, guiding him forward, and he could feel wet flesh pressing around his penis.
She moved both her hands to the small of his back and pulled him against her, and Rabastan felt himself slide all the way inside her. The tightness was almost pleasurable, but Andromeda's body felt slimy and wet. Rabastan couldn't help feeling like this was unnatural, like he was prodding about in her internal organs, in places that shouldn't be disturbed…
"Thrust into me, Rab," Andromeda whispered. She sounded a little breathless, though he thought that there was a note of pain in her voice – and it must have hurt…
He bucked against her and she sighed. "Good… faster…"
So Rabastan closed his eyes and rocked his hips against hers. The feeling of slickness and pressure around him did feel good, as long as he didn't think too much about Andromeda, and it took Rabastan only half a dozen wobbly strokes before a stab of intense pleasure went through him and his seed filled Andromeda. He pulled out quickly, thanking God that it was over, and looked down at her.
Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut and there were tears on her cheeks.
"Andromeda?"
"Was it good for you?" she asked bitterly. Her voice was choked with emotion and she kept her eyes shut as she drew her legs together, curling up into a ball on the bed. Rabastan felt a wave of horrible guilt. He didn't know what he had done so wrong…
"It was- all right," he said helplessly, reaching out to touch her arm, but she smacked his hand away.
"Fantastic," she told him coldly. "I'm glad it was all right for one of us."
"Andromeda, I–"
"Don't say anything." She sat up, grabbing at her clothes from where they had fallen on the ground and yanking them on with what he felt was unnecessary force. "I don't want to hear it. You can't help not being able to do anything for me – you can't help being a boy."
"I'm sorry," Rabastan whispered.
"Don't be," she told him, standing up. "Just- I'll talk to you later."
She didn't give him a second glance as she rushed out of the room, but Rabastan was sure that he heard her sobbing when she slammed the door behind her.