Brothers shouldn't keep secrets, Rod.
Rabastan put his arms around his brother and pulled him back down to lie on the bed, but he didn't say anything more about what he knew was making Rodolphus cry. He didn't want to make him angry – this was, after all, the most intimacy he could expect from his brother while they were both awake. Lying in bed together was almost as good as…
"Rodolphus?" Rabastan whispered, nuzzling against his brother gently. "I… I have something to tell you…"
"What is it, Rab?" There was a note of concern in Rodolphus's voice, and Rabastan wondered whether he thought that Maria had put her hands on him as well. Not that having Andromeda put her hands on him was much better…
Maybe he shouldn't tell his brother. He didn't want to upset him right after what Maria had done – wouldn't talking about sex remind him of the crime that he had just committed?
But he needed to tell him. He needed his help.
"A- Andromeda and I…" Rabastan's throat choked and he swallowed hard. "Andromeda and I… made love."
Rodolphus's eyes widened, and Rabastan watched a barrage of emotions flick across them. Surprise first, then confusion, then a flicker of… resentment, perhaps?
Jealousy, oh please, let it be jealousy.
"You and Andromeda…?"
"It was her idea," Rabastan said quickly. "She thought that it would be good for us to- to practice it before we're married. She's- she's not even a virgin, so it doesn't matter, does it? And you and Bellatrix are doing it all the time," he added, "so don't try to tell me it's wrong to do it before marriage."
"I wasn't going to tell you that." Rodolphus's face had finally settled into a smile. "I just- congratulations, Rab, really. How was it? It's a good thing that Andromeda has some practice already – girls' first times aren't usually very good… at least, that's what I've heard… so she could enjoy it–"
"She didn't enjoy it, Rod."
He broke off, and an expression of vague confusion appeared on his face.
"She- she didn't?"
"No. She didn't." Rabastan made sure to keep his tone flat, not to let himself express any of the frustration he felt with himself for not being able to please her. "Neither of us did. It was awful. She cried."
"Oh…" Rodolphus looked away. "Well… it was only your first time–"
"It's not going to get better!" Rabastan said, perhaps a little more angrily than he had meant to. "She- she fancies girls, Rod. I'm not going to be able to please her- not ever!"
Rodolphus fell silent. Rabastan could tell that he was struggling to find something to say.
"Look," he murmured at last, speaking with what Rabastan was sure his brother thought was a soothing, comforting tone. "I'll talk to Bellatrix–"
"Talk to Bellatrix about how bad I am in bed?" Rabastan jerked away from his brother, eyes widening. "You can't! Do you- do you have any idea how humiliating–"
"I'm trying to help, Rab! I thought she'd be able to help, seeing as she can – or, at least, she used to be able to satisfy Andromeda… I thought maybe she could give you some advice…"
"But that–" Rabastan stammered, "that would be like her asking me for advice on fucking you!"
All sympathy drained instantly from Rodolphus's face. His eyes narrowed into slits and he shook his head quickly, firmly, lips tightening into a firm line. He shook his head. "No. It's nothing like that. Bellatrix and Andromeda have- done it. You and I haven't. You wouldn't be able to give Bellatrix any advice."
I wish.
"I- I know," Rabastan stammered. "I just mean- it would be- I wouldn't know what to say- even if you and I had–"
"Don't, Rabastan!" Rodolphus pushed him away, edging to the far side of the bed and glaring at him with eyes that were beginning to cloud over with tears. "Don't even say 'if you and I had'. We haven't. It's sick! It's sick to even think about that!"
"It is not sick!" Rabastan shouted, and then his stomach churned when he realized what he had said. "Not sick," he added, hands shaking and palms sweaty, but he could see comprehension in his brother's eyes and he knew that he was thinking he does fancy me, and he couldn't let him think that. "Not sick compared to you and Mother."
Rodolphus looked ready to faint. He grabbed the bedpost, scrambling to his feet to get away from Rabastan and swaying a bit in place. "You- what did you just say?"
"I said, it's not sick compared to what you and Mother are doing." Rabastan could hear blood rushing in his ears and the thought this is stupid, what are you thinking, what are you thinking? pounded in his mind, but he couldn't take it back now. "At least, even if I did want you – which I don't! Even if I did want you, I wouldn't be trying to conceive children with you the way Mother is!"
"How- how did you know–" Rodolphus stammered. Rabastan had never seen his brother look this shaken, not when he was lying next to him, not when he had told him about Bellatrix and Andromeda, never. "Does Father know?"
"I overheard," Rabastan told him, and he was overcome by a sudden sense of power. He had never before thought that he would be able to make his brother act like this, feel like this, feel like he was under his control. "I heard you two going at it in the parlour–"
"Does Father know?" Rodolphus repeated, his voice rising. He grabbed Rabastan by his shoulders and shook him. "Does he? Did you tell him, you little–"
"I didn't tell him anything!" he snapped, pushing his brother's hands away. Stars danced in front of his eyes and he felt his chest tightening, making it difficult to draw breath. "But you know how furious he would be if he heard–"
"Shut up- shut the fuck up!" Rodolphus let go of him and stumbled back, sinking against the wall. He slid to the ground, his head in his hands. "I know! I know how furious he would be – did you think that I didn't? If you really overheard, you would know that I didn't want to do it!"
Rabastan swallowed. "I- I did –"
"Do you think I don't know how sick it is?" he demanded. "She wants to have my baby, for fuck's sake- because she thinks that it'll be stronger than you! Even though I'm her son!"
"And she's right about that, isn't she?" Rabastan muttered resentfully.
"No. No, she isn't! She's wrong- you're stronger than she thinks, Rab! You aren't going to die- I promise that you're not," Rodolphus added when Rabastan opened his mouth to protest. "But how- how am I supposed to say no to her? She's my mother."
"All the more reason you should say no."
"You don't understand," Rodolphus told him scornfully. "I can't say no to her. If there was any way for me to, don't you think I would have? But I- I have a responsibility to her…"
"Not a responsibility to go to bed with her!"
"A responsibility to do as she wishes!" Rodolphus pulled himself to his feet, glaring at Rabastan. "But it's not any of your business – she doesn't want you. None of this has anything to do with you, so you should just- just keep your nose out of it."
"You're my brother!"
"I know!" Rodolphus balled his hands into fists. "I know I am! But that doesn't make this your concern. I don't need your sympathy and I don't need your help – just keep your mouth shut about it from now on, all right?"
"Fine," Rabastan hissed. His voice was choking up with tears – having his brother angry at him was terrifying – but he tried to sound strong, brave and defiant. That was all that he could do.
"If Father finds out, I'll blame you." Rodolphus spoke in a deadly serious voice. "And I'll make you pay – believe me, I will. I don't care if you're my brother, you'll pay if he finds out."
"Fine." He dashed tears from his eyes, sniffing.
Rodolphus sighed deeply, falling silent for a moment, and when he spoke again, his voice had softened.
"I'm sorry, Rab," he whispered. "I didn't mean to upset you."
You did.
"It's all right."
"No, it's not." He approached his brother again, resting a hand on his shoulder. "I'm- I was just upset, you know?"
And rightly so.
"I'm… I'm going to go see Bellatrix," he said, dropping his hand from Rabastan's cheek and stepping away. "Do you want me to talk to her about you and Andromeda?"
Rabastan managed a little half-hearted shrug – why not? – but all he was thinking was why are you going to talk to her when I'm right here?