Rodolphus looked outright frightened, and all the pleasure – and yes, satisfaction at finally getting what he wanted and being with his brother – that Rabastan felt drained away. He slumped down beside Rodolphus and reached for his hands.
"I- it's all right," he said, but Rodolphus sat up, shaking his head wildly.
"No, Rab, it's not, and no matter what you say, it's not going to turn out all right – we're brothers!"
"Bellatrix and Andromeda did it," Rabastan pointed out swiftly. Was it petty to bring them up? Yes, it was, but it was the truth.
"Don't you dare!" Rodolphus cried. "Don't make this about them – they were just children – and we should know better! You should know better!"
"Why didn't you stop me, then?" Rabastan asked coldly. He sat up and moved away from Rodolphus. "You could have if you wanted."
"Don't…" Rodolphus ran his hands through his hair. "I don't know what came over me…"
"I know exactly what came over you." Rabastan wanted to scream and shout and shake some sense into his brother, but he couldn't even muster the energy to break out of a monotone. "I know that you have… thoughts… about me. You- you held me once while you…"
Rodolphus looked like he was going to be sick. He rose slowly and backed away from his brother, shaking his head.
"No. We can't do this. We aren't going to do this. Just because Bellatrix and Andromeda did it- and just because I sometimes thought about you- that doesn't matter… I'm married, Rab, I'm married! I need to be faithful!"
"Why?" Rabastan demanded, fresh anger rising in his throat. "She isn't!"
"Yes she is! She thinks about the Dark Lord sometimes, I know that, but that's not the same thing as being unfaithful!"
Rabastan's mouth twisted in disgust. He hadn't wanted to tell his brother about what had happened between him and Bellatrix – hadn't wanted to tell anyone, ever – but Rodolphus was leaving him with little choice.
"What, Rab?" Rodolphus asked, his voice tinged with suspicion. "Do you know something that I- do you- is she having an affair?"
"Not an affair, exactly," Rabastan muttered, not meeting Rodolphus's eyes. "But she… did things… with someone else."
"Who?" Rodolphus breathed, and when Rabastan dared to look up at him, he saw naked fury on his brother's face. "Tell me who she was with, Rab. I swear to God that I'll kill him."
"Please don't…" Rabastan meant to say please don't be angry, but how could he ask that of his brother? Rodolphus would be right to be angry. Rabastan was angry, after all.
"Don't what? Don't hurt him? You think I'll be- you think I'd have any sympathy for a man who- who took my wife?" Rodolphus demanded. "Who was it? Tell me now, Rabastan!"
"It was me, Rodolphus."
Rodolphus stumbled a little, like the statement had knocked him off balance. "You- but you…"
Rabastan stared down at his hands. His face was burning, and he felt worse by a thousand times about this than he had about kissing his brother. And it wasn't even his fault.
"But you don't even fancy her- don't even fancy women–"
"No, I don't."
"So why–"
"I didn't want to do it, Rod!" he interrupted. He didn't want to hear his brother asking why he'd made the choices he had – he'd asked that of himself enough times. He could have pushed her off, he thought, disgusted with himself.
"What happened?" Rodolphus asked bitterly, then added, "No- how did it happen?"
"She said- you told her that I couldn't satisfy Andromeda," Rabastan told him quietly, then glanced up and saw him looking horrified.
"And?" whispered Rodolphus.
"She said she was going to teach me," Rabastan said flatly. He dropped his head again and stared down at his lap, digging his fingers into the fabric of his trousers to control his anger. Rodolphus let out a quiet whimper, and then Rabastan felt the bed shift and his brother's hand laid on his shoulder.
"It's my fault, then," Rodolphus said quietly. "Oh, Rab… I'm- I should never have told her…"
"You thought that you were doing the right thing."
"But I should have known better." Rodolphus put his hand under Rabastan's chin and lifted his head gently so that he was looking him in the eye. "Rab, I… I understand. I'm not angry at you – if you didn't want it…"
Rabastan slumped into his brother's arms and clung to him, pressing his face into his shoulder and sniffing.
"Why didn't you tell me before?" Rodolphus whispered.
"I- thought that you would be angry…"
"After you saw what Mother did to me?" Rodolphus let out a small, mirthless laugh. "Hardly. I understand what it's like."
Rabastan didn't know what he could say to that, but he didn't need to say anything. Rodolphus held him close in his arms and rocked him slowly, stroking his hair, and it was almost like nothing in the past few hours had happened. Almost like Rabastan hadn't told Rodolphus what he had done with the Dark Lord. Almost like he hadn't told him that he fancied men. Almost like he hadn't kissed him. It was like they were just brothers and nothing more.
But that wasn't true anymore.
Rabastan had pretended for so long that he didn't feel anything more than familial affection for Rodolphus. When he couldn't do that anymore, he had pretended that it would pass and that it didn't matter, because Rodolphus would never feel the same way. But how was he to keep on with that, after Rodolphus had kissed him and touched him the way he had – even if Rodolphus had felt guilty afterwards? There was no more room for ambiguity; Rabastan had no way left to deny what was between them.
Then Bellatrix flung the door open and Rabastan jumped up, out of his brother's arms, and the moment was broken.
Bellatrix's eyes were red-rimmed and there were a few faint streaks of eye makeup down her cheeks, and she glared at Rabastan. "Go home."
"Leave us alone, Bellatrix," Rodolphus told her sharply, and Rabastan could hear disgust and derision in his brother's voice. "And don't you dare give him orders – don't you dare even talk to him, after what you–"
"Rod!" Rabastan cried, panic tightening his throat. No, don't tell her I told you, don't! He didn't want Bellatrix to know how it had effected him – didn't want her to know that she had hurt him enough that he went crying to his brother…
"After what I what, darling?" Bellatrix asked. Her voice was sugar sweet, but with an undercurrent of danger – just like so many things about Bellatrix. Pretty on the outside, dangerous within.
"You know," hissed Rodolphus. "After what you did to him."
Bellatrix closed her mouth abruptly and her eyes widened. "I- I didn't…" she whispered, but Rodolphus didn't stop to listen to her. He put his arm around Rabastan and all but dragged him out of the room, leaving her behind. Rabastan had to stumble to keep up while Rodolphus stormed away from his wife.
"I can't believe her," he muttered when the were out of sight and hearing range from her. "I can't believe that she would do this- no, I can believe it," he added, sounding disgusted. "Sick bitch…"
"I don't want to talk about it," Rabastan said quietly, but there was a part of him that couldn't help but be thoroughly pleased with how angrily Rodolphus had reacted. Anything that indicated strife between them pleased him, after all.
"You should go home…" Rodolphus turned away from him, clenching his hands into fists. "I think… I think that I'd like to be alone for a little while."
"All right," murmured Rabastan, and he was just about to turn to leave when Rodolphus grabbed him.
"Wait," he whispered, then pulled his little brother flat against him and pressed a hot, hard kiss against his mouth. Rabastan barely had time to register it before Rodolphus let go of him and stepped back, shaking his head.
"We aren't going to do this again, Rab," he said, and his voice shook slightly. "We aren't going to- to keep this up. All right?"
"All right," Rabastan told him, and he turned and started for the stairs without giving his brother a backward glance, but he thought, yes, we are.