Dislaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Author's Note: Well, that took a while, but here we are now in December!
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Thursday, December 1st 2022
Ravenclaw Common Room, Hogwarts, Scotland
Grace finds herself staring from the moment he enters the common room. He looks nervous. And he's trying to make himself appear smaller than he is like he doesn't want to draw attention. It doesn't work. At least it doesn't work where she is concerned and she isn't sure about everyone else, because somehow her world has narrowed down to him walking across the common room toward her. It takes him far longer than it used to. And Grace is both glad for it and not, because it gives her time to try and reign in the sudden rising panic (because what is she supposed to do?), but the longer he takes the harder it is not to get up and leave. It surprises her, this sudden urge to get out, because didn't she spend a month waiting right here just in case he did show up? Her nails dig into her palms as she tries to find an answer to the question of what she's supposed to do.
"Hey," he says quietly, when he finally, finally reaches her. "Can I err… sit?" She just nods and he takes a seat (so far away, since when does he sit that far away?). They sit in silence as he takes one of the pillows and stares at it for a while. "How are you?" he still isn't looking at her.
Staring at doors and trying not to cry. Moping and mad at myself because I never wanted to be that girl that wallows in self-pity over nothing. But we weren't nothing, were we? We were something and something could have been beautiful but now it's kind of broken.
"Alright," she says. "You?"
"About the same." Once again there is silence but it's so very different from the Thursday before the party, filled with so many things that should probably be said but won't, because she's scared. She's scared of what will happen if she says them out loud, scared of losing him again, because maybe it is just her after all. Why would he disappear after kissing her if he liked her? She resigns herself to letting go of their possibility of something beautiful once again. And just the fact that she does that twice a day should tell her that she really isn't ready to give up on it, but she's rather good at ignoring the things she doesn't want to think about. Friends is good, she tells herself. Friends is safe, friends will have to be enough.
"I'm sorry," his voice jolts her out of her thoughts. He has turned around to face her and she just stares at him for a few seconds.
"I… it's alright," she tries to smile at him, but she doesn't think it's convincing.
"It's not alright," he leans forward and she almost forgets to breathe because she didn't remember what it was like to be the focus of his attention and she's no longer used to it. "I…" he looks at her nervous and seemingly at a loss for words, dejected and still ever so slightly hopeful and she knows then that she is falling. Falling fast and falling hard, and really, she's probably been falling for a long time.
"It will be," she says softly. "Won't it?" She's probably looking just as nervous and dejected and ever so slightly hopeful as he is and a small, barely there smile appears on his face.
"I won't let it not be," he promises her quietly as he tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.