His heart was still hammering in his chest. He was absolutely livid about what R'ka had said about Jasmine, and his pups. How dare she threaten Mili?! He had already gone over that whole business, and there was no more discussion to be had about it. Mili was not going to be harmed, and no matter how many pups Jasmine birthed with the same issue, they would also not be harmed. At first, despite being disappointed in the way it had come about, Kujhade had looked forward to mating and possibly impregnating R'ka. He would not tolerate any of this pups to be slaughtered without good reason, so he wasn't too concerned with that. Now, he wasn't so happy at the prospect of pups with her. She had not meant to become an addition to the clan or a second mate, but she meant to replace his mate altogether! He chuffed to himself in irritation. He never told her that! He never even insinuated that he would leave Jasmine at any time, and the fact that R'ka had assumed that it was a foregone conclusion that he would angered him. Not to mention getting rid of her more than likely meant killing her in some type of death match, and he was not going to allow that! A harmless mating challenge was one thing, and even that had threatened to go too far. Not only had she threatened his pup, she had outright threatened Jasmine in his face. Mar'cte's words of warning rang in his head. Just before leaving the area, he told him that R'ka wouldn't have minded hurting Jasmine. He said something else too hadn't he? Mar'cte warned that she wanted something from this, and it was most certainly not an albino pup. That further extended to not really wanting him either.
Kujhade shook his head, and clicked furiously to himself. He was headed towards his home, but he didn't need to show up there in his current state of mind. He was too angry, and for the first time in his adult life, he was very confused. He turned towards the landing bay to his clan ship. There he could busy himself, and clear his mind without leaving for a hunt. He could do for killing something with his bare hands, but his intuition told him that leaving at this time wouldn't be a smart thing to do. R'ka had threatened his family, and he should be there, but in his heart he didn't think R'ka would be so stupid as to try something right now. He brushed his way past a few light crowds, absorbed in his own thoughts.
Confusion. It was a foreign feeling and he didn't like it one bit. Everything was always so clear cut. Hunting was clear. He went in, he was careful, he never underestimated his prey, and he survived each time. His duties as arbitrator were clear. He had to uphold the strict codes of honor, and monitor to make sure the not-so-strict ones didn't get out of hand. His duties as a sire were clear as well. He was to teach his younglings the ways of the hunt and of honor. To make sure that he did everything in his power to ensure their survival. Last of all, being a life-mate was clear. Or at least it had been before R'ka sauntered back into his life. This was where the confusion was coming from. What exactly was his duty as a life mate? He'd taken the oaths, but through a decision that he did not understand, Jasmine had allowed him to forego the oath of exclusively giving his seed to her alone. As she sat there trying to explain it, he was filled with a wild mix of emotions and thoughts. What was she trying to do? Did she not value his seed? Was she not satisfied with him for some reason, and therefore sought to give him away? Push him away was more like it. She'd pushed him right into the arms of a female who had not earned the consideration. So, if that was the case, why did he take up on the offer? It was very simple. He wanted to. From the moment she walked up alongside him, he knew he wanted to. He'd nearly forgotten about her, the only yautja female who still would even theoretically consider mating him. He'd all but written her off over the years, and especially over the last two. Jasmine had taken her place in a big way, in all the ways that mattered. R'ka was the last female he thought he'd ever see on Yaut Prime, but once she showed up, all the old feelings, the old desires came rushing back. He could handle that. He had a life mate now, one who always had sex when he wanted, who had children for him, who had abandoned all hope of returning to her home planet, but rarely burdened him with any sorrow over the fact.
That day, he was hoping R'ka would make an exit but he knew better. She had insisted on meeting his mate, a move he should have anticipated, but when she challenged Jasmine, he felt uneasy about it all. As Mar'cte pointed out, he should have blocked such a challenge. It would have spared him his current anguish if nothing else, but it also would have proved to himself that he was over R'ka. Done with her. Instead, he let it play out against all his better instincts and intuitions. R'ka felt free to do as she wished, and she felt that way because he had never given her cause to think anything else. Since they were younger, R'ka had always been brash and bold where it concerned him. She was not always willing to mate him herself, but she also did not like the idea of other females in her vicinity trying to do the same. This always provided him with a sense of belonging, of being desired. When no one else did, R'ka was always willing to pay attention to him, and until this day, he believed that was a good thing. Yes, she was callous, calculating, but those traits made her a good hunter and a worthy clan leader. It was R'ka who taught him many of the subtleties of the hunt to make it more successful. Her small lessons had saved his life on hunts he would later partake in. Over the many cycles, she had proven to be his friend. He had to admit, that many times she played a game with him by using his feelings for her, but that had been alright hadn't it? Better that someone thought enough of him to even do that much, and in a way he felt he owed her some part of him. He owed her some attention, maybe even owed her sex. All in all, he had gotten his wish but now what was the cost of that? This was the first time that she'd had any real competition for his time and attentions, and she did what R'ka ; claimed him for herself. The only problem with that, was that he was no longer hers. Not only did he have a mate, he had a life mate and pups as well for her to contend with. The other problem? She was contending with it, and she was doing so in the only way that a female of his species would or could; kill all the competition after ensuring that the fight was worth it.
This was a big reason why it was important for Jasmine to step up to the challenge, and she did it masterfully. She was aggressive, she wasn't afraid, and most importantly she won. Had she left it at that, he would have had no choice but to continue to rebuff R'ka, and with his oath to keep him in check, this would have been simple. Now, it was anything but simple. Under any other circumstances, he would solve the issue by simply having both of them, but R'ka was not content to share. He shook his head again. No, he was still not being completely honest with himself. There was another part of it, one that seemed to chafe against his honor although strictly speaking he hadn't done anything to contravene it. This other part of him wanted Jasmine to lose the challenge. If she had lost, without being killed of course, then he could have R'ka under the dictates of the honor and challenge code. Jasmine would not have felt threatened in her position as his life mate, and he could have R'ka and be done with her after the mating season concluded.
He finally reached the clan ship and went inside. At once he felt calmer. This was his real home. This is where he belonged, where they all belonged. He went to his armory to check his supply stock and condition. He took inventory, made a small list of things that needed to be replaced, and then went to his trophy room. He looked around, then sat at the long table in the middle of the room. He grabbed a neglected skull that he hadn't got around to polishing and set to work. Soon he was absorbed, clicking contentedly to himself, but his mind was still racing and trying to navigate this minefield of new and conflicting emotion. He supposed he should start at the beginning. What was the beginning? After a moment of thought, Kujhade supposed the beginning would be the answer to the question; who was Jasmine to him? He paused. The answer had not come as quickly as he thought it would. Had it been as Mar'cte accused? Was Jasmine in essence some lou-dte kale, there only to bear the pups he could not otherwise have? That was the intention at the start of all this. He had procured her like a living trophy, and he intended to only deal with her in a way amicable enough to mate her without forcing her. That was where it all changed. If he wanted only pups, he should have forced her. After all, she would not have had a choice in the matter, but something inside him, even then, wanted more than that. He not only wanted the pups he was sure she could give, he wanted her. He wanted her. The question was now, did he still want her. In his mind and heart, there was a resounding YES! Sure, he was disappointed by her latest action, but couldn't that be forgiven? Furthermore, hadn't he had a hand in the situation and perhaps its outcome? He thought it highly likely that he did.
Through not taking any decisive action, he had encouraged this outcome. He did not take action to stop R'ka from making the challenge. He did not take action to stop Jasmine from attending the mating ritual. There was one last piece of inaction also, one that was critical to all of this. As much as he would have liked to blame Jasmine and even R'ka for this quandary, he could have simply told Jasmine no when she offered to release him from his oath. Instead, he told her how he wanted to mate R'ka and would do so instantly had he the chance. In retrospect, that might have been the time to come forward about his love for Jasmine. He'd told the truth, but he'd picked the wrong truth to tell. But, if things had gone another way, if Jasmine had not given permission, what then? Would he have gone against his life mating oath? No, of course not, but he would have tried to manipulate things more to his liking. He would have tried to force Jasmine to give him permission to mate another without telling her who. That was the deceitful part. That was the part that besmirched his honor. He thought of deceiving her, manipulating her like some sort of bad blood. If she had never gone to that mating ritual, then he could have gone by himself. He could have tested the waters to see if there were any other females interested in him. It was a perfectly natural inclination, so why did he not feel good about it? Probably because he would have been sneaking, hiding his real intent from his mate. This was not the behavior or an honored hunter, or an arbitrator such as himself.
It came to him, that it was as Mar'cte had assumed. Ever since they arrived on Yaut Prime, Kujhade had become less and less communicative, figuring Jasmine would catch on by herself. He noticed over time that she was incredibly observant, and wished to comply with his cultural norms and rules of engagement. Without noticing it, he had become complacent in her ability to adapt without his step-by-step guidance. He had become complacent in a great many things when it came to Jasmine. He assumed that she would not ever leave him, in fact, she couldn't leave could she? Where was she going to go, and with whom? Kujhade was comfortable in her love for him because she expressed it at every opportunity. He was comfortable in her mothering, and her love for the pups. He just assumed that things would continue much as they had been without much change. He just assumed that Jasmine would always be who she was, act how she acted, said what she said, and that as long as he expressed his feelings in the way he assumed she could only understand (sex), that she would always be the same. He stopped tending to the skull, which had become impeccably polished under his skilled hands. He got up and went out to the ship's bridge. Turning on the online system, he retrieved footage he hadn't looked at since he recorded it. He didn't recall why he felt the need to document it, but now he was glad that he had.
On the large digital screen before him, Jasmine bloomed to life in all her virtual glory. She was wondering starry-eyed around his trophy room, admiring it. She stopped at the human skulls, and after contemplating them, she bowed reverently before taking his hand and leaving the area. He paused the feed. When was the last time he had done that; taken her by the hand and led her around someplace? His hand flexed instinctively. He flipped to another piece of footage. This was of their very first time having sex. He remembered it vividly. It was the first time she'd straddled him and that was a big reason why it was his favorite position with her. He recalled how apprehensive he was about scaring her off, but she had surprised him yet again. She made him feel like he had never felt before. Jasmine had accepted him, and the next morning she had even called him beautiful. He fast-forwarded to another section of the feed. This one was probably the most wonderful of all. It was of Jasmine pacing back and forth in labor. She sat in his captain's chair, rubbing her belly. The next piece was of her lying in the medical bay, breastfeeding the younglings and soothing them. She never shunned them, or treated them ill. She had been a much better bearer to them, than his had been to him. He couldn't imagine Jasmine ever abandoning them, or putting them in harm's way.
Kujhade watched the footage for a long time, slowing it down the hear the sound. Jasmine seemed to do something he somehow missed. Every night she would rock the younglings to sleep, and she would talk to them. She told them how much she loved them, and how much their sire loved them as well. The last image was of her gazing at Kujhade himself as she lay next to him in their bed. He cut the feed and stood in the contemplative silence of the empty ship. His mind turned to R'ka when they were young. Even before he was eligible to mate anyone, he'd wanted her. He made up in his mind that he would have her, and of all the pups she would bear, the majority of them would be his. One day, when they had gotten older and survived so many hunts, he would life-mate her. Back then, he'd pinned all his hopes of siring offspring on her, but it had all come crashing down around him. Logically, he understood the risk and the culture, but it hadn't hit him until that next mating season when he came back to the home planet to see his second youngling. Only there was no second pup. At the time, he thought nothing of the nonchalant way she'd dismissed the whole affair, but time had passed now. Now, when he thought back on her behavior it seemed familiar, but cold. She was acting as his bearer must have acted when his sire came asking about him. Kujhade never spent time with those thoughts because it served no purpose. The past could not be changed, but that didn't mean it needed to be repeated. He had been confident just a day ago that if R'ka were to become pregnant, that he could protect his pup's life if he needed to, but upon reflection, this was a foolish notion. He would no more be able to prevent it a second time, than he could the first.
It was then that Kujhade hung his head. He had broken no law, but he'd acted dishonorably in any case. There was no footage, but now he recalled his angry words to Bakuub when the elder refused to grant permission to perform the life-mating ceremony.
"….my choice is Jasmine, a human, a member of a species of prey that all of us hunt. I will mate with her and no one else, and I do not need your consent, nor that of the council to make that choice,"
What happened to that conviction? He remembered feeling betrayed by the females of his species, now he had allowed himself to be deluded into believing that somehow that had all changed. Aside from R'ka, there was no other yautja female asking about nor showing any interest in him. It was R'ka who mentioned the possibility of other females having interest based on his good standing with the Matriarch. That got him thinking, and that was also the underlying reason for wanting to explore the mating ritual alone. It hadn't occurred to him until just now, that Jasmine being a female, may have somehow intuited his plans. He thought back now on her explanation. At the time she was offering it, he was too taken aback and angered to really hear it. He heard only two things; I don't want you, and go mate R'ka. One he didn't want to hear, and the other one he didn't mind. However, sitting here alone he had time to reflect. Was that what she said? He thought maybe he ought to listen again since he had calmed down. Kujhade brought up the audio of her from that night. He listened. He went back and played it again, then a third time. She opened with how much she loved him. She told him that this was to make him happy somehow. So, she had felt his unspoken desire. He was shamefaced. Not only had he intended to in some way manipulate the situation to his perceived advantage, but Jasmine had figured it out somehow, and decided to grant him the thing she thought he wanted most. This thing, was R'ka. The most horrid part of all, was that he had been so laser focused, so single-minded about the whole affair, that he had not given a consideration to other implications. For instance, what would happen if he did impregnate R'ka? The pup would be welcome, but he wouldn't have been able to leave it in her care. He would have had to rely on Jasmine to rear it, and even among his kind that was a no-no unless under dire circumstances. It took too much time and energy to rear pups, and most females did not burden others with the task. Only clan sisters took up the responsibility when the original bearer for some reason could not. Jasmine and R'ka were not clan sisters, and now they never would be. Furthermore, R'ka had misled him in a way. She had manipulated the situation to her favor, and in his desire to finally be wanted, he did not see it for what it was. Jasmine had been caught in the middle, and he had let it happen. It was really as Mar'cte pointed out. The cost may just be too high. To make matters worse, he had left her for two whole rotations, and anything could be happening. Once again, he'd left in a precarious predicament. It was mating season on the home planet, and if he remained absent too long other males would believe Jasmine to be free pickings.
With this thought in mind, he straightened out his trophy room, took the ship back offline, and headed home. First, he would stop at the market. Perhaps he would get something for the pups, and if he could find it, maybe something Jasmine might like. When he emerged from the ship, he was pleased to find that only a few hours had passed. The sun was declining but not set. Kujhade headed towards his home, and hopefully he would find Jasmine there and in a good mood.
"Is he still out there?" Jasmine asked, as both her and Lijia were peeking out of the window.
"No, he's gone now," Lijia said, as she backed away from the large pane glass.
"Why would he pick me out of the crowd?" Jasmine asked Lijia.
"You're pretty much the only human here, unless someone has a servant. He seemed to think he knew you," Lijia said.
"Well, I don't know who he is. I'm glad he's gone. I wouldn't know what to really do if he had asked to, you know, have sex with me," Jasmine said, as she went over to break up her fighting boys.
"Stop it you two," she demanded. Yeyinde was going to pipe up about the fact that Mili had started the fight, but then swallowed his complaint at her look. As soon as she turned her back, Yeyinde hit Mili, and the fight started all over again. Jasmine and Lijia rolled their eyes, then promptly ignored the toddler scuffle.
"I am going to leave now sister. I will see you at the next training. After that, I will take you to one of our laboratories. You need to see a kiande amedha up close. It will be dead, but you need to see them up close," Lijia said, turning to leave.
"Okay, see you tomorrow," Jasmine said, seeing her out. She stood in the doorway watching Lijia leave. Jasmine looked around, subconsciously looking for Kujhade, but she didn't see him.
She went back in and got the twins together for their bath, which was a task since they were still fighting. Finally, she got them into the tub, happily playing with their Xenomorph toy which they never put down.
"Come on, time to take a nap you guys," she said placing them into their bed pit.
"Mama, where dada? Where dada?" Mili asked. Yeyinde piped up alongside, and their expectant upturned faces made her heart ache for them. She rubbed their heads, and laughed, trying to convey that it wasn't a big deal.
"Daddy is just working baby, but daddy loves you. He'll be back soon okay?" She said, lying through her teeth, but what else was she going to say? 'Oh daddy's out fucking some random ass broad, and mommy let him do it?!'
"Kay mama. Luh you mama, kiss!" Mili said, hopping up into her arms and placing his mouth on hers. Yeyinde joined in directly after, jostling with his brother for position on their mother's lap. She grabbed up both of them, and gave them a big hug.
"Mommy loves her babies forever," she told them as she smothered them in kisses all over their faces and heads.
"Mommy loves Mili, and mommy loves Yinde," she said kissing each once again. Satisfied, they climbed back down into their bed, clutching their toy, and lying down. She petted them a few minutes more, before getting up and taking her own shower.
Jasmine washed herself but couldn't help thinking about Kujhade. It had been two days since he walked out, smelling like R'ka and walking away with her. She was pissed, and hurt, but couldn't deny that she missed him sorely. The last two days had been difficult, and she wanted his input on her trainings. Inevitably, every time she thought about Kujhade, thoughts of R'ka came up unbidden. She thought about sleeping with him, and making love to him, and it was always soured by the thought that he was giving that to some other female. With a sigh, Jasmine finally turned off the water, grabbed a thick towel and came out of the bathing area. Her breath caught in her throat. Kujhade was standing in the doorway, and the babies were all over him. He stood there cuddling them, all three of them purring, and both the boys vying for his attention. Propped against the wall next to the door was some sort of large panel. As she watched, he handed the boys something to play with. It appeared to be some kind of toy weapons, and the boys clicked their approval and excitement. Jasmine watched, her heart melting at the sight of how attentive he was being towards them. He was a good dad, and it made her think briefly of her own father. She smiled a little. She had to admit, she really missed him even if she was still feeling the sting of her own stupid decision.
Jasmine leaned against the wall and just watched. Soon, he placed them back into the pit, and they were babbling excitedly to one another and playing with their toys. He stood straight up and looked across the room at his life mate. She was standing there wrapped in a towel. He tried to form words, and found that it was difficult yet again to say what he was thinking in his mind. Yes, she had given him permission to mate another female, but now that he was back in her presence, he couldn't understand how he had left off a full two rotations without having her near him. He was about to say something when her body language changed dramatically. Her heart rate sped up, and she became anxious.
"Kujhade, are you alright?" She said with concern. She came over to him looking at the fresh scars on his arms.
"Were you on a hunt? You got hurt, let me help you," Jasmine said, reaching for his arms. They weren't bleeding anymore, but they were raised welts. He usually allowed her to help tend any wounds, but this time he curiously moved his arms away.
"Not a hunt," he said and left it at that.
"Oh, well what happened…." It stopped her cold. His musk, mixed with R'ka. It wasn't as strong as it was before, but it was definitely there. All her concern went out the door, and anger took its place. Jasmine stepped back and folded her arms across her chest.
"Tell me one thing Kujhade. What is that bitch's name? Is her name R'ka, or Chanel No.5?" Jasmine asked angrily. Kujhade didn't know what a Chanel No.5 was, but he thought he should answer the question truthfully.
"Her name is R'ka," he said, not knowing where this question had come from.
"So, why in the fuck are you wearing that bitch's scent like a fucking perfume?! Didn't I tell you not to come in here smelling like you just crawled out of the depths of that bitch pussy?!" Jasmine screamed, getting angrier the more he stood there dumbfounded.
"I asked you one thing, ONE THING not to do, and you can't even do it! I told you don't come in here smelling like her two damn days ago and here you come waltzing in here wearing her! Rubbing it in my face Kujhade!" Jasmine yelled, as she poked him in the chest after each word. The fury in her voice made her children go silent. Stunned, Kujhade still had yet to say anything.
Indeed, Jasmine had mentioned it and he had dismissed her about it. It had been hours ago since mating R'ka, but why this small thing should upset her so further confused him. The fact that not too long ago he had been completely turned off by the way that Lijia used to be covered in Mar'cte's scent while she flirted with him, didn't occur to him. Not to mention, it derailed his entire intent for coming back. He didn't understand all the words she was using, but it was bringing up all the things that had been brewing for both of them since she'd made this ridiculous decision.
"You did this, and now you complain?! You are the one who sent me away, who sent me to some other female who lost a challenge to you!" He yelled back, angry that she was arguing rather than listening.
"Oh, like you didn't wanna fuck her, you said yourself you did!" She shot back.
"Yes, I did!"
"…."
"You left me behind Kujhade! You've been gone and you haven't even come to check on me, to check on the boys! I know I don't mean anything, that I'm not good enough for you because I'm just a human, but you didn't have to do it like that. You didn't have to make me feel so bad about it!" Jasmine was screaming in his face.
"You should feel bad about it. You should feel….. you should feel," he was frustrated again. He had many things to tell Jasmine, things he thought would reassure her of her position, but how to let her know? How to tell her that it was foolish of her to believe that his feelings for her had changed because of R'ka?
"What the fuck should I feel? Huh? You tell me oh great predator Kujhade, just what the FUCK I should be feeling, because I don't know! The little stupid human bitch doesn't even know how to feel, so big bad Kujhade's gotta tell her! Tell me what to feel," she said, putting her hands on her hips, and tapping her foot impatiently.
His green eyes bored into her own, and his tusks clicked slowly. She could see him thinking about his next words. The wheels were turning furiously in his mind, and the swirling emotions so familiar to her, threatened to transform into a cyclone and whisk them both away.
He desperately wished he had a better understanding of female human emotions. He did have a basic understanding that she was upset with him, and it centered around his mating of another female, but it was also something more than that. She used the term 'rubbing it in'. He supposed he had been doing that, but that also did not seem to be the most important part. Maybe he should tell her how it made him feel? There was only one real word that summed it all up, and he would speak it to her now.
"Rejected," he said. This was it. Now she would understand and come around a little. A long moment passed, and now it was his turn to wonder about what was going through her mind. A tear slid down Jasmine's cheek. She heard him loud and clear; rejected. She should feel rejected.
"I can't believe you just said that to me Kujhade," she said quietly. "After all we've been through, I can't believe it. I should feel rejected, after having two kids, and tagging along behind you, and fighting, and hunting, and," she took a deep shuddering breath.
"All those times you held me, and made love to me, and told me that you would never betray me, that we were a clan for life, that I was yours for life, now I'm rejected. One woman comes around and shows interest, after they turned their back on you, and now I'm rejected. I understand clearly. I was good enough when there was no other, but now since I guess she wants you, I'm the rejected one," she said stepping back and looking him in the eyes again.
No, she had it all wrong! He had to make her see it. He reached for her, to grab her by the shoulders. He came close, drawing her into him. Whenever he was at a loss for words, he could always have sex with her. It was in that act, where he could give her the reassurance she seemed to need, and it would also do the same for him. To have her open herself to him, would bring solace to his heart and peace to his mind, but she squirmed out of his embrace with a huff.
"That's not gonna work this time. Dick only works when you're respecting me and not rejecting me," she said flatly.
"Not you Jasmine," he tried again, but his words failed him for the millionth time.
"I know, not me. You know what Kujhade, all this inability to talk to me is also bullshit. Just like you expect me to just know shit since we been on this funky ass planet, I expect you to know shit too. You can do better than this, so when you can figure out how to talk to me, and how to show me that you want to be with me, if you wanna be with me cause you just told me I was rejected, then we can have a conversation. Until that time, I think you need to visit with the kids for a while because they miss you, and then I think you should go. Go be with R'ka since you love her so much and since you two can understand each other so fucking well," she said and turned away to get dressed. He purred a little and reached out to her, grabbing her by the elbow.
"Let me go I said," as she snatched her arm from his grip.
"I told you that shit not working with me today. You don't get to come in here and fuck me, and think everything supposed to go back the way it was. You gonna have to do better than that, or you can just leave me alone for good Kujhade. I could have done this baby mama shit on Earth, I don't need this kind of shit. I thought you loved me, but that was stupid wasn't it? I was stupid to believe that. I was stupid to believe that you, or any other man anywhere could ever actually love me, and not use me. I was stupid to think you loved me, you know why? Cause you never ever even said that shit to me. You had my stupid ass thinking it was wrong to even want you to say it, and you let it ride like that. You know what, I can't look at your face right now. You gotta go Kujhade, and take the babies with you cause I got this chiva coming up, and I can't deal with all this bullshit right now, I just can't do it," Jasmine said, her voice even and full of pain and heartache.
Kujhade just stood there, waiting. Waiting on her to cry so he could comfort her, waiting on her to fight so he could restrain her, but she did neither. This was new. She was just standing there looking at him with an expression he had never seen. This hadn't gone at all how he planned. He planned on telling her exactly how he felt about her, how he intended on making some changes to how he was approaching things, and now she was too angry to listen. He could have forced her to listen, or at least he could have held her in one spot, but what good would that do him now? Patience. He would have patience like he did when he hunted fierce prey. Everything went back to hunt when it was all said and done. Kujhade stepped back and went to grab the large wall sized panel he'd brought into the house. The twins had stopped playing amid the tension, and when Jasmine looked at them she felt terrible. She went to them and grabbed them up. They clung to her and started a timid sort of purring, as if they were not quite sure how she would react.
"Mommy is so sorry for yelling in front of you like that, and scaring you," she said kissing and petting them.
That was all it took. They purred strongly then, and waited to be kissed some more. She of course obliged, and then set them back down to play. Meanwhile, Kujhade was putting the panel up like a second wall. It was a rough material, akin to corkboard, and all he had to do was bang along all the sides and lower edge to install it. Once it was up, Yeyinde and Mili made a beeline and did something which shouldn't have surprised Jasmine. They took a running start, leaped, then stuck to the wall with their claws. They crawled on it to the top which was nearly a twelve foot ceiling, and then they crawled back down and jumped to the floor. They each looked at their parents and gave a very impressive roar, then jumped back on the wall to repeat the process. Jasmine watched the twins and she also watched Kujhade, who was giving her sidelong glances.
"I guess I should say thank you. They try to climb everything but I didn't wanna risk taking them into the woods," she said. She was royally pissed off, but she still had manners. He nodded.
"Teach them to climb, hone the skill. You should also climb it. It will help you in the hunt, a vital skill," he said. He wanted to believe that the tension was easing a little, but Jasmine cleared that misconception.
"I don't wanna hear all that damn talking out of you. You can explain that clear as a bell but you can't tell me how you feel about me, oh wait. I'm rejected. I got that word right didn't I?" she asked. He chuffed in clear irritation.
"Jasmine, you are not rejected. You rejected me. You sent me to another female. You rejected me," he finally was able to clarify.
"Are you kidding me right now? I rejected you? How?" She asked. She took a seat and waited for his reply.
"You won the challenge Jasmine. That was good enough. You fought to keep me. I simply do not understand why you would give me to another female, unless you were displeased with me in some way," he said. Finally, he was able to communicate some of what he was thinking. At least this time she did not raise her voice or become angrier in her response.
"You didn't hear what I said before Kujhade? I knew for a fact that you wanted a yautja female. It seemed like not too long after we got here, you started ignoring me a little. You were here, but whenever I asked questions you were annoyed. I asked you to train me for my chiva and you flatly refused that. Now, I love Dteinou, that's my girl, but I would have at least liked you to have input. I let that go because I knew you had other duties and stuff, but it just kept getting worse. Every time I tried to talk to you, you wanted to have sex. At first that was okay, but at the same time it was getting to me because I started to feel like it was a way to shut me up and not deal with me," she said. She had more, but first she needed to know that he'd processed what she said.
Kujhade heard it, but he had a different perspective of things. The sex was the reassurance in his eyes, but apparently it hadn't been working the way it should have. She was looking at him and expecting him to reply.
"I wanted R'ka, but also I want you Jasmine," he said simply.
"Is she pregnant?"
"I don't know"
"Do you want her to be pregnant?"
"Not anymore."
Jasmine was inwardly relieved.
"Was it easy to make your decision to give me to her?" He had to know that. The answer was vital for his own state of mind.
"It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I love you so much Kujhade. I don't think you can even really understand how much you mean to me. To do that, it was only because I love you. You had one chance to have a woman of your choice, and not a second place woman like me. I didn't think it was fair to stop you. I wish I could take it back, but I can't. It's blown up in my face in so many ways. I never expected to find out that I didn't mean as much to you as I thought I did," she said, finally getting up to gather some things for the boys.
He couldn't go touch her because she would think he was trying to mate, and she didn't want to do that. He still wanted to hold her at least. He moved towards her, touching her before she had a chance to move away. He grabbed her, turned her around, and looked into her eyes. She screwed her face up and tried to struggle out of his arms.
"I told you we're not fucking!" She said before a large hand covered her mouth. He wrapped his arm around her middle and held her there.
"Not fucking," he said in English. He pulled her in tightly. Jasmine was pinned. She didn't want to be held, and she certainly didn't want to constantly breathe in R'ka. However, since there was no way for her to move, she simply stood there with her arms at her sides, and her head against his chest. Maybe he was trying, but he'd have to still do more than this. It didn't change anything, at least not yet. She watched her children climbing high up on the wall. It was a nice gift, one that she would not have thought to get for them. Usually, this gesture would break her all the way down, but that was when she was secure and convinced of how he felt. There were question marks where there used to be exclamation points, and she couldn't melt into him like she might have wanted. Her body was begging her, but that was just physical attraction trying to work against her. Her feelings for him hadn't changed. She still loved him more than she had loved anyone in her life. The thought of being without him still frightened her down to her core, but she had to take a stand. It was now beyond the fact that he had screwed some other woman. She was prepared for that pain, and she could have dealt with it stunningly as long as she was assured that his love for her would not waiver.
Long moments passed. He held her and tried his best not to make any sexual moves. Jasmine had not embraced him when usually by this time she would have. He thought maybe this time she was angrier than she had ever been with him. Perhaps, he should present her with the gift he'd gotten for her. While still holding her to him, he reached into a small pocket on his side. He pulled away just enough to bring it in front of her.
"For you Jasmine," he said, and opened the small leather-bound box. Inside was a bracelet, which was large enough to be a necklace for her. It was created of three, rectangular shaped, shiny obsidian bone. Between the large flat rectangular pieces, were small green crystals beads. It was breathtaking to look at. In fact, it was one of the most beautiful pieces of jewelry she'd seen here, and quite honestly she didn't think they could make anything like this.
With a very delicate touch, he took the necklace and placed it over her head. Even he had to admit she looked stunning in it. It played nicely off the color of her skin, and contrasted with all the scars and bruising. Jasmine touched a slender finger to it, enjoying the smooth feel. Then slowly, she took it off and handed it back to him. When she looked into his eyes, hers were shiny with unshed tears, and his were round with some emotion that seemed close to fear.
"I don't think I should take this right now. If you give me a gift and I accept it, that means that I have forgiven you and all is well. That's not how I feel in my heart Kujhade. I feel like I need time to think about where this relationship is going, and to be completely honest, you need time to think as well. You said you wanted both me and R'ka. I can't do that. I thought I could, but that was before all the disrespect from both you and her, and that was also before I felt like I… like I was nothing more than a baby-maker. Like I was the last choice because nobody else wanted you," she said, holding back her tears. She refused to start weeping and sobbing like a pathetic little girl. He didn't deserve her tears like he didn't deserve her affection.
"Not second Jasmine; first. My mate, my life-mate," Kujhade said, his voice taking on a tremulous quality. He clicked in a nervous manner, as he gripped her a little tighter.
"We'll see about that Kujhade. For now, here are the boy's things. Take them with you, I need a couple of days to get my mind clear," she said. This was so damn hard. She wanted her husband, no, she needed her husband, but she needed something real. Whether the marriage succeeded or failed, it was better to know it now than live a lie. Jasmine was tired of living lies, and fooling herself. She was done with that, and she would never go back to it. She had always made her feelings known, so now it was Kujhade's turn to show how he felt. He either loved her, or he didn't, and there could be no in-between. He let her go, and before she could cry, she turned to her children.
"You wanna go with daddy?!" Jasmine asked them excitedly. They ran to her, jumped on her, kissed, and then jumped down to run to Kujhade.
"Dada! Hunt dada, hunt!" Mili said, then growled and brandished his toy wrist gauntlet.
"Yes, we will hunt my sons. Come," Kujhade said. His voice sounded confident, but Jasmine thought she could hear something else in it too. She saw them to the door, and watched as they walked away. The boys turned a waved once, then jumped and played as they walked along. Kujhade turned once, did not wave or speak, and then slowly turned back around. The door quietly slid down, and there was a finality to it that finally broke her resolve. She put her back to the door and slid down, sobs quietly racking her body.
After a few minutes, she got herself together and stopped crying. She straightened her face, put on a leather skirt, a halter, and put her hair in a ponytail. She put on some black ochre to cover her puffy eyes. She armed herself, and left her home. She knew she shouldn't be out alone, but she couldn't just sit there and cry all night, and she was too upset to study. She made her way to the food court area although she was too upset to eat. No one bothered to pay her any attention as she walked through, but that would all change when she reached the food area.
A/N: So, how will our favorite couple work this out? Did we empathize with Kujhade's point of view? He seems to have realized a valuable lesson; that a bad decision need not only involve when a law or custom is broken. He seems like he's gotten some insecurities off his chest, but is he a day late and a dollar short?
Alright, I've been paying attention to our couple, but now it's time to head back to Earth. Next chapter is all about Earth stuff. It's a monster chapter, so editing will be my new best friend. Have a great day/night, and thanks so much for tremendous support you've all given me! Love ya!