Chapter 60: Denial
"We have received reports of increasing Red Templar activity in Eastern Orlais."
Leliana looked down at the war table. Cullen, Josephine, and Cassandra were all in attendance, with the Inquisitor currently engaged in Crestwood, it was necessary for the war council to looking out for the Inquisition's interests. Right now, that meant dealing with what remained of the Templar Order, and their Venatori allies.
Not that that was proving to be an easy venture, so many Templars had submitted to the power of the red lyrium, and if the reports of her agents were to be believed, many Templars had gone further, allowing the red lyrium to turn them into monsters, stories of misshapen monsters wearing the remains of Templar colors were being reported from Halamshiral to the Frostbacks.
The spymaster sighed. They had all hoped that their victory in the Winter Palace would help stabilize Orlais, and it had for the most part. Empress Celene had moved quickly to secure her position, and with Briala aiding her, most of the Orlesian nobles had fallen back into line, most…but not all.
Not everyone in Orlais was prepared to lay down their arms; at least some of Gaspard's supporters had chosen to fight on, despite the loss of their leader. Many of these men, most of them chevaliers, had retreated into the Dales, taken refuge in the Emerald Graves and Empress De Lion. Some had even taken to calling themselves the Free Men of the Dales, claiming that they were now fighting for independence from the Empress and sycophants.
They were now raiding estates and destroying farms, hardly the activities of honorable knights of the realm. Now with the Red Templars moving in, these knights had found allies with which to harass the locals.
Leliana shook her head. It was amazing how easily Corypheus seemed to find allies, had these men and women forgotten Andraste? Had their faith been a mask that could be taken off when it became inconvenient? Orlais was supposed to be the center of the Andrastian religion, and all they were finding were opportunists, fools and dupes eager to serve the Elder One for the promise of power or gold.
"I suppose this should not come as a surprise," Josephine sighed, "After the attack on Haven the bulk of the Red Templar army had to go somewhere. The war in the Dales has made it the perfect location for Corypheus's forces to regroup. So many nobles were killed during the early days of the fighting between Gaspard and Celene, outposts established by both sides are now likely in the hands of the Venatori and their allies."
"Then we must strike hard at these heretics," Cassandra said bringing her fist down hard on the war table, the force making the markers there jump, "I will send a raven to Ana in Crestwood, we still have troops near the Orlesian heartlands, even if the Inquisitor brings only a token force with her, we should be able to catch the Red Templars and their new allies in a pincer, no mercy, no escape."
"I will send word to Marquise Briala," Josephine offered, "She has many contacts in the Dales, perhaps she can give us an idea of where the Red Templars are setting up their bases."
"Such knowledge would be useful, Josie," Leliana nodded, "But I fear it does not go far enough."
Cassandra gave the war table a grim look.
"I agree, Leliana," she said softly, "From what we have seen on the field, the Red Templars make up the bulk of Corypheus' army. We need to do something about that."
The spymaster gave her a wolfish smile.
"We cut off the snake's head?"
"It would be a start," the Seeker agreed, "We know who is leading the Red Templars in Corypheus' name, that Templar from Kirkwall, that Samson."
Cassandra's lip curled with distaste.
Leliana understood why. After Haven she had spoken to Cullen about the man, a chronic lyrium addict apparently. After the Blight he had been living in the gutters of Kirkwall, using every coin he had to purchase even the smallest flask of lyrium. It was said that Hawke had taken pity on him, even aided him in regaining his position in the Templars, some business involving a group of mage rebels and the champion's younger sister.
Leliana shook her head.
This was how Samson repaid the Champion's kindness. He stood up to be counted by the greatest evil that had threatened Thedas since the Archdemons of the Blights.
She looked at the Commander; he had not even reacted when Cassandra mentioned his old ally's name. Normally, Cullen was quite vocal at these meetings, willing to send his troops where ever they were needed, but today, he seemed…distracted.
Cullen had been surprisingly silent since this meeting had begun. He stood with his arms crossed, his right hand resting on his chin, his eyes never leaving the war table.
"Commander?" she said.
He did not respond.
"Commander?" she repeated.
He remained silent.
Both Cassandra and Josephine took note of that.
"Cullen?" Cassandra asked forcefully.
The Commander startled.
"What…Um…yes…what were you saying, Cassandra?"
The Seeker glared at him.
"Leliana was trying to ask you about Samson," she said coolly, "You served with the man for a time, yes? Any ideas on how we might find him?"
The Commander blinked as he gathered his thoughts.
"Samson's glory days were behind him, even before he was expelled from the order," he said thoughtfully, "Still…he had a competent military mind. My guess would be he would try to establish a new power base for his forces, a place that he could work from, and establish key supply lines, food, weapons..."
"And lyrium," Leliana added.
"Yes," Cullen winced, "that to."
A slight frown came to Leliana's face. She knew that Cullen was still wrestling with the symptoms of lyrium withdrawal. Confusion was part of that, but she was not sure if that was entirely to blame. He seemed distracted, far more than usual.
She had an idea why that was, but chose to say nothing.
It was a matter better discussed in private.
Josephine shook her head.
"Perhaps we are looking at this all wrong," she said, "Perhaps we do not have to draw the Red Templars into the open to destroy them. We should focus on their supplies of Red Lyrium."
"We have tried that," Cassandra growled, "The foul substance had been appearing everywhere, and considering what Ana learned in Redcliffe Castle, that it can grow out of people who are kept in close proximity to it for too long…"
"Our agents have been destroying any veins of it that have been discovered," Leliana reminded her.
"And I have sent word to the dwarves," Josephine added, "King Bhelen assures me that he is doing everything in his power to curb the spread of this…this…nightmare."
Cassandra growled.
"It has to have come from somewhere, there has to be a source that our agents have not discovered yet."
The Seeker turned to Leliana.
"Samson's forces likely need vast quantities of processes red lyrium to function, not to mention create more of the monsters we have seen. We should put all our resources into finding their supply lines, once we know how they are moving the lyrium, we can trace it back to its source and destroy it.
Josephine nodded.
"It would…take time to rebuild, even if they can use the bodies of their victims to mine more."
"It would buy us time, of course," Leliana agreed, "I will send my best people, we will find where the red lyrium is coming from."
"Find that," Cullen said, "And we will likely get an idea where Samson is hiding as well, if he is anything like he used to be, he would want to stay close to the source, just to be sure he will be able to get his next draft."
Cassandra smiled predatorily.
"Perhaps we will be able to kill two birds with one stone," she said.
Cullen's eyes returned to the war table, his eyes drawn not to Orlais, but to Ferelden.
He sighed heavily.
"Yes," he agreed, "perhaps."
IOI
After the war council broke up, Cullen returned to his office. He had much to do, many reports to read and new orders to approve before sending them out to the outposts. He was busy. He was extremely busy, but…but…
He growled with frustration.
He could not focus on what needed to be done!
He…he was worried.
He was worried about her…about Ana.
It was frustrating beyond belief!
He started pacing back and forth. His hands clenched behind his back, they clenched and unclenched almost on reflex.
They had heard nothing about what was happening. He knew that the Inquisitor had requested reinforcements for the purpose of taking a fort near Crestwood, but little else. A raven would likely arrive in a day or two, but for now, he had no idea what was going on.
He shook his head, barely suppressing a whimper.
Was the lyrium withdrawal finally getting to him? Was he starting to go mad? He had thought himself through the worst of it, but…
Perhaps this was how it would end? Perhaps it was time for Cassandra to fulfill her promise to him, and remove him from command?
When he had joined the Inquisition, he knew what that meant. He knew what stopping taking lyrium would mean. Yet, he did it anyway; he wanted nothing more to do with his old life. He no longer wished the chantry's leash around his neck.
He found his eyes drifting back to the box in the corner, where he kept his philter, and a single draft of lyrium, just in case.
He almost whimpered.
It would be easy to let go, especially with Ana gone, he…he could…he…could…
Who would ever have to know, he could have just one draft. Then he would stop…stop until…until…
He cursed under his breath and stepped away.
You don't need it; he reminded himself, focus on Ana.
He took a deep breath.
Focus. On. Ana.
It helped, at least a little bit.
She haunted his thoughts, when he closed his eyes he saw her, those lovely blue eyes of hers, so full of warmth and compassion, so understanding.
He shivered.
It…it had been a long time since he had allowed himself to feel anything like this. He had been so angry after Kinloch Hold. His thoughts and feelings consumed by Lona, her final tortured scream, and what had been done to him after. He had not been able to protect her; he had just stood there as she fought for her life, for both their lives. She had died and he had done nothing, nothing but scream in impotent rage.
I couldn't save her! I failed her!
He found it hard to breathe, he went to his desk gripped the side of it so tight he feared the wood might splinter. He…he…
Ana.
He was afraid, he could not believe it, but it was true. He was afraid.
What if he failed Ana? What if she fell and he was not able to save her?
Ana.
Lona.
Two women who had cared for him, two women who he cared for deeply, and he feared that he would fail…that he would...
No! He could not fail again. If he did, he would not survive.
He did not doubt that.
His thoughts drifted back to the lake, back to Honnleath. Ana had followed him to his place of peace without fear. She trusted him to keep her safe. She felt safe in his presence.
She did not realize how good that had felt. In Kirkwall, mages had always looked upon him with fear or distrust, he did not blame them, but after a time, it felt like that was all that he could inspire in others.
He thought of their kisses, soft at first, exploring, and then the deep heat that burned through him. The want, the need, it had been almost all consuming.
He remembered his hands drifting down her body the feel of her strong arms around his neck, how her leggings had felt so smooth under his touch, so warm.
He shuddered. He remembered the sweet taste of her lips, of layering kisses down neck, the skin there so soft and inviting.
He wondered if the rest of her skin was that soft.
He coughed, he suddenly felt warm, far warmer than his office should have allowed, his trousers felt too tight and uncomfortable.
Stop it,his conscience chided; you are not some lovesick boy. You are a commander in the Inquisition!
Act like it!
He licked his lips, they suddenly felt very dry. His hand shook as he reached for a pitcher, hunting for a glass of water.
It had been so long since he had had these feelings; this…hunger was an unfamiliar sensation for him.
It had been a long time since he had wanted someone, needed someone. Lona had been the first, after that he had feared that part of him was dead. That Uldred and his freaks had killed it, and left him broken, half a man.
Now, it was back, and he had to deny it, not just for the Inquisition, but for himself as well.
Ana did not need him chasing after her like that. She was the Inquisitor, his commanding officer.
He needed to stay focused on that.
Once this was done, then…maybe then…maybe…
And if she falls, what will you do then? You will have denied yourself for nothing!
Then you will be broken.
Then you will be alone, forever!
You will be nothing; you would have failed two women, and destroyed your world in the process.
He sighed.
The world asked much of Ana, she did not need him dragging her back down.
Perhaps his wants were irrelevant. What did his world matter, when the rest of the world was as stake?
He knew the answer to that question too. He had always known that answer.
He was a soldier; he died so that others could live. Yet, he had not died, had he?
Meredith had died.
Orsino had died.
Uldred had died.
Lona…Lona had died, and yet he was still here.
He had failed. He was a failure.
Now he just pushed ahead, trying to outrun his past failures.
He…he would have to speak with A…with the Inquisitor when she returned.
He needed to make her understand.
He did not want to fail again. If he let go, if he failed again…
It would not just be his life; it would…would be…
He tried to will his heart closed, it was not easy, not with Ana there.
He did not want to go back, back into the darkness, but he feared what would happen if he didn't.
He was afraid.
He sat back at his desk and willed himself to do what needed to be done.
No distraction.
No failure.
He had to succeed.
He had work to do.
It was best to get down to it.