A/N: Senior year is finally here for me. D: I'm graduating high school soon. UGH. I have a major case of senioritis though… sobsobsob. I'm done with this work. I just wanna sleep and never wake up. Fucking homework. Damn anatomy. Damn essays. Damn scholarships.
Okay, I'm done whining.
Chapter takes place after chapter 16 and roughly around chapters 17-18.
Warning- This page contains crude humor, swearing, mild suggestive content, and yaoi. Also, tons of twincest in on Teto's part. Beware of high toxic, steamy scenes upon entering the crazy imagination of Teto Kasane.
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Teto's Blog Rant
Forever Alone
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D:
Login: Teto Kasane
Password: etoanoetoetoTOETO
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Welcome, Teto Kasane!
11:11 PM
Once upon a time, a girl named Teto was born to the world. Like all normal girls, she was an innocent, beautiful, and pure-hearted individual left unblemished by the world's horrors.
…Then she discovered yaoi.
XD
Holy mother of all bread and butter with a sexy guy on top, covered in whip cream with cherries on his nipplessss… XD XD XD
I'M BACK BITCHES!
I own all your asses, dearest readers. Face it, without me, your life has no meaning. Oh, uh uh don't you roll your eyes at me. You might be mad that I've been gone for so long while you anxiously wait at the window, desperately awaiting my return like the wife waiting for her solider-hubby to come home… Haha, you might even swore you'd get over my sorry ass for leaving you so suddenly. I betcha you decided to try moving on with life…
Yet here you are again. ;) Face it, readers. No matter how much you deny me and mah sexiness, you'll always keep coming back for more.
MOAR.
Well. I'll have you know that I've been uber busy myself. So far, I've sold over one hundred copies of my SasuNaru novellas online! They're an instant hit! All the profit went to this spring's yaoi convention. Everyone knows who I am now. I am popular and sexy, unlike your precious, baby-faced Shota-darling Kagamine Len.
Ha!
… I'm starting to feel bad about flaming him. Maybe I should cut back on selling those nude pictures to his crazy fan club.
Especially Tei Sukone.
… But damn.
She pays me a ton of money for close ups while he's playing in PE… or when he's working out.
Or when he's sleeping in miss Ann's English class…
Or when he's flexing his muscles when he thinks no one's looking.
Or when he's forced into cross dressing to please the senior girls in economics.
Hmmm… money or morale?
I'm at an impasse here.
Hot damn, I could be doing sooo much more productive things. Ain't nobody got time to stalk Len! Not when I could be watching over Ted three meters away, behind a pole, secretly taking pictures of him!
Like, ugh. Len's fan girls, really?
"Oh my goood! Len-kyun's sooo sexy!"
"Kyaaa! His hair's down!"
"O-Oh my… he's sweating after running so much… OH! H-He's taking off his shirt~! QUICK, KASANE! GET YOUR CAMERA!"
And I'm like, 'HISSSSS. BUY YOUR OWN!'
I have a life, too. Go ask Rinny boo.
Like, seriously. What does Len have that I don't?! I get more phone calls from a certain lady~ than he can ever score in a lifetime!
…D: My mommy, that is.
Ooops, she's calling me again.
Plus. I have over thirty girlfriends on Instagram, and they're gaga over me; they want my sexy self allll to themselves. They keep giving me wild propositions to come 'play' with them if you know what I mean. Wink, wink, nudge. All in exchange for a peek at next month's issue for my newest SasuNaru comic.
:3
Mmmm. Yaoi.
But seriously. I'm tired of waking up every single morning surrounded by women and not knowing what the f**k happened last night. I bet you ladies out there are practically seething with jealousy at the thought of me laying with another woman in bed. Well, look no further! There's plenty of Teto to go around.
I have a crush on everybody, including you.
… For all you single ladies out there, just know there's alllwaaays someone who will LUUUUUB Y.O.U. And that's me, your ever faithful and sexy Kasane Teto. AKA: Teto-Jesus. Teto will never leave or forsake you for another. She will strip in your honor, get down on her knees and make love to you among the stars-
Whoops, sorry. The heat getting to you?
;D
Naw, I'm just playing. I. I have no friends… I'M FOREVER ALONE! SOBSOBSOBSOBSOOOOOB!
In real life, all I do is sit on my ass in my bedroom and watch reruns of Junjo Romantica. I swear to God, MisakixAkihiko smuttiness is going to be the death of me. Not to mention I haven't been able to look at Professor Gakupo in the eye for weeks ever since I saw that last Hiroki/Nowaki scene! O/_/O
h-hot teachers p-pants skin so much skin moaning
AUUUGH MY VIRGIN EARS.
But then my mom burst into my room with a meat hatchet ready, asking me what was wrong because she heard me screaming…!
…then she looked at my television.
…then Luka came in.
…then my Dad.
…and even Meiko.
…
…
…
…..
Then everyone save for my extremely pissed mother turned dragon ran out of my room, screaming like they saw Jesus.
I'll sum it up for you.
"KASANE TETO! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT WATCHING THAT KIND OF DISGUSTING STUFF?! HAVEN'T I RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THIS! THAT'S IT NO MORE ANIME OR WHATEVER FANSERVICE YOU DO YOU HEAR ME! YOU ARE SOOO GROUNDED!"
Waaahh! Oh my god, it took me forever to just get my laptop baaack! Don't you fellow yaoi fan girls hate it when your mom (or other guardian) comes in and berates you on how you must be collaborating with the Devil like you're some kind of cult bent on justifying homosexuality?
I'm like, 'mother please'.
No one understands me but me.
They just don't understand yaoi is a gift from God. We must put it to holy use.
Ugh, it's been too long! Lemme tell you right now! I am absolutely stuffed from eating all that food from the amusement park, AND BOY LET ME TELL YOU THAT WAS A GOOD DAY.
Why, you ask?
Well, I captured hot and steamy footage for twincest. Now, I won't say their names due to respect for their privacy, but I think I've found my OTP for life~! I mean, just watching them throughout the day. The sexual tension between the shota and loli blonde twins was so thick you could cut it with cheese wire!
Heh heh….heheheheheh.
I've spent all night replaying Ri-I MEAN Loli!Twin pole dancing and seducing Shota!Twin at the karaoke restaurant. And there's only three words to describe what I've seen.
Sexiest. Chemistry. Ever.
Heh heh. Sorry, Luka-pants. Your relationship just got booted out of the top rankings.
Anyway, I literally died from nose blood loss that night, and I mean it. I was so turned on by how she practically gave him a lap dance without even moving (is that possible?) her hips. Well, he sure wanted her bad.
Bwahaha. Wanna know something funny?
I'm the instigator of their whole new affair. LAWLZ. I decided the whole Leek!girlxShota!boy chemistry was all 'O_O colorsnotmatch normalish couple ish booring'. Not that I spied on them or anything while pretending I w-wasn't stalking Ted-kun…
…
I needed a distraction, okay!
Anyway, I even tried making a cute comic on them but was like, 'oh my god. They're like, totally normal and stuff. Where's the SUPAISUUUU of hot, sexy forbidden love?'
There was nothing to fill the void in my heart… and then I discovered Ri-I mean loli!girl. And shota!boy. And their complex 'deredere' love, so then realization hit me like a ton of bricks, and I was like, 'LE GASP. THIS THIS IS PERFECTION'. They are so MOE. I nearly died from the moeness, and the bro's major sister complex- ah, ah. Don't tell him though. He's obviously in denial.
He's obviously the seme THE SEME PEOPLE. Since when do shotas become SEME?
Since twincest happened, obviously.
LOOK HOW HE GETS ALL MAD WHEN MIKUO HATSUNE FLIRTS WITH HER!
"W-What's this feeling when I see her looking at other males than myself…" Le shota's frustrated, confused, and teary-eyed expression practically screams.
It's called jealousy, shota ponytail twin.
.OUS.Y
O_O
…. Haaaa. So I was just messing around with my friends on Skype the other day. We formed a worldwide yaoi art club on a cool art site, and I was just telling them about the twincestishhh madness going on with mah friends. You know, what went on when we all headed to that new amusement park. And they were like.
Friend 1: *GAAASP* Oh my god. I'm going to sound so weird for saying this, but… that. That sounds hot…
Friend 2: O-Oh no. I-I-I think I'm getting major hot vibes from them. They're making me all… excited. I want to write a smutty fic on them now.
ToetoTETO: RIGHT? Oh my god, you guys, are like the only people who understand me. I've been trying to explain these feelings of mine to others whenever I see them together but… *sniff* t-they just look at me like I belong in an 19th century asylum!
Friend 1: D: WHAT. They be cray-cray.
Friend 2: THIS SHALL NOT PASS!
And after I sent them copes of the hot, sexy footage… they were offline for about 4 hours, nose bleeding and whatnot, so we all came to one conclusion.
Friend 1: It's time… for a revolution.
Friend 2: Let's make smutty fan works of them and SPREAD IT ALL OVER THE INTERNET.
ToetoTETO: *sniff* Y-You guys are so awesome. YEAH! LET'S GET STARTED! XD XD XD
So we spent all the rest of school break making of blonde twincest smutty smut on tumblr. Then we got sidetracked and ended up commissioning for a bunch of our SasuNaru and ZeroKaname fan girls.
Variety is fun.
Of course, then I had to go to school and forgot all about the homework I was supposed to do over the break.
…sob. AUGH! Why am I so damn lazy? WHY do I keep procrastinating?
Aw, who needs school anyway. I'll just convince Rinny-boo to become a porn star, and I'll be her awesome, sexy manager who'll stamp the rejects trying to make a go at her. Maybe you wouldn't think so, but I do value quality in men.
Fuckingakitacalledmeasluttheotherday.
So, anyway. Like. This is pretty much what I think is going to happen once a few certain pairings ACTUALLY GET TOGETHER YOU KNOW. I. Am. The 40 year old Bachelor in my posse, and I'm pretty sure my awkwardness won't let me lose my virginity until I'm like, super drunk and over twenty with a watermelon bust. Otherwise, I'm going to keep having a twelve year old body for the rest of my life.
AUGH.
Anyway, this is how it'll look like.
WELCOME TO TETO'S MIND THEATER.
PLEASE BEAR IN MIND THAT THE CONTENT BELOW TAKES PLACE IN THE FUTURE AND WILL INDEFINITELY HAPPEN.
FUTURE. WHICH MEANS IT HASN'T HAPPENED YET SO STOP ASKING AND LEARN TO READ.
IT WILL HAPPEN BECAUSE TETO-GOD SAYS SO.
OBEY TETO-GOD.
Whether you love them or loathe them, hanging out with happy couples is just another part of being single. The good news is: being the "Third Wheel" doesn't have to be terrible.
Instead of thinking of your coupled-off friends as a constant reminder of your bitter loneliness, think of all the good things that come with having a pair of friends who are much, much better at sustaining a relationship than you are.
Believe it or not, being the odd man or woman out can have its perks. For example...
Having two friends is always better than one.
Luka and Gakupo were sitting in that comfy little booth on the veranda of a fancy ice shoppe, looking deep into each others eyes as a sexy, naked man clad only in an apron served them a large milkshake for two.
"Oh, Luka… how I've always wanted to spend this moment with you. I've been dreaming about this for so long… I-"
Luka gasped, tears coming to her eyes. "Don't say it… I…"
"I love you."
"OH GAKUPO!"
"OH LUKA!"
They passionately lifted their straws and began to sip away, unaware that they were slowly getting closer unti-
"Aw, snap! I forgot my money today!" Teto-God laughed as she nudged Gakupo, making room for herself in the booth with an extra straw, joining in on their shake session. "Hope you freaks don't mind if I help myself. I forgot lunch today!"
Double the mooching. Double the fun.
Plus them paying for you in a tight spot is always a good thing!
If your couple friends have a kid together, you get to be the cool aunt/uncle figure!
"Oi, Rin. Look what Teto sent our son for our son's birthay." A much hotter and older version of Len stalked up to his pretty and petite wife, kissing her shoulder. With a giggle, she glanced over at him and nuzzled her head under his chin.
"What is it?"
Lenners frowned, "Um… it's a mug, but…"
"What does it say?"
Happy frist birthdaaaah from ur drnuk auntie teto… and meiko…and bakaito. And Akita-bittcccc**
"Oh, how very thoughtful, but…" Rin frowned, "O-our baby uses a bottle…"
Mwah hah hah he'll use it someday.
Point is. Who needs blood relations anyway?
If your couple friends live together, you now have an extra place to crash and burn! And watch their TV.
Kaito and Meiko were cuddling on the couch, watching the movie with big happy couple smiles. Then Teto-God oh so politely shoved at them and told them to move, piling popcorn and ice cream and soda all over their table.
Laughing obnoxiously at all the comedy-romantic scenes, including the punch lines, she never noticed their angry glares throughout the entire night.
If they didn't want you to come over every Saturday night, they wouldn't've bought such a huge, inviting couch.
The silver lining? All it takes is one more person for a double date~!
"…So, why did you bring me along again?" Sexy Ted asked with a bored sigh, picking at his untouched food, "You wanted to watch these two suck face?"
Cue Gakupo and Luka making out like animals in heat.
Teto cringed, suddenly alienated with the idea of attempting to kiss him after pretending to wipe a food stain from his beautiful face. She lost her appetite when Luka decided to insert her tongue in her teacher's mouth.
…yeah. Seeing your cousin make out with your teacher kind of kills something inside you.
This wasn't awkward at all.
Wait! Who am I kidding, being the third wheel is the WORST. But what's even worse than being the third wheel…?
Being the 9TH wheel.
It was Valentine's day.
Kaito and Meiko were having a playful snow ball fight.
Luka and Gakupo were on a sled ride, cuddling next to one another.
Teto and Ted were snogging in a secluded area near the lake.
Rin and Len were holding hands while shopping.
Miku was holed up in her darkly lit room, stuffing leeks into her mouth and watching re-ruins of Junjou Romanitca, pretending everything was going to be okay. She then ignored life for the rest of the week.
Oh yeah. That's rough.
…Sorry, Miku. I don't think I can even joke about me being in that situation…soooo I used you since I heard you're still single! :D Hope you don't mind!
OMARI. END.
So this one time. I decided it would be fun to become 'The Wind'. This happened after the first practice for my school play called the 'Story of Evil'.
So what is this 'Wind', you might ask? Wellll…
I ran up to Rin, Meiko, and Luka-pants this one time when they were chatting in the hallways. With the vigor and speed of a tiger, I screamed out:
"I AM THE WIIIIND!"
They all screamed, trying to cover their panties. They'd all flashed the boys walking past them, who stopped and gaped with red faces.
"EEEK! TETO! W-WHAT THE HELL! WHY-!"
"-ARE YOU FANNING OUR SKIRTS FROM BELOW WITH P-PROFESSOR'S HOMEWORK?!"
Rin blinked, tilting her at me.
"… Oh, Teto. That tickles… and it's very cold…"
With all the genius in me, I then started flapping directly under her skirt.
LOLI MOE POWER!
"Pink with…rabbits…" Utatane swallowed thickly, his face beet red while he accidentally eyed Rin in all her loli!bunny panty glory. He looked like he was about to faint. Len and Hatsune Miku arrived, their faces pure red. Especially Len's. He quickly yanked her skirt back down, shielding her from me.
"K-Kasane! What is wrong with you?!" Len yelled, startling everyone around us. I looked at him very, very seriously. Like dead in the eye.
"Everything." So then, I cackled, leaping away with my cousin and babysitter chasing after me, screaming like banshees.
"MWAHAHA! YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE!"
"OH NO YOU DON'T! NOBODY LIFTS MY SKIRT AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!"
"TeeetOOOOOOOOOO!"
But then, I tripped and fell on my face, exposing my underwear to Ted-kun in the process. Who just happened to be walking my way.
…. Then I got detention for sexual harassment.
"Young Kasane, with all due respect…" Headmaster stared at me sternly, crossing his arms, "What were you thinking?"
I shrugged languidly, fighting back a smile upon remembering the small… barely visible blush on Ted's face when he saw my pink thong.
"Just doing my job, sir."
LOVELUBLOOOOOVE
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58 new comments have been added!
10 new comments from your friends have been added!
Luka Megurine: Teto. TETO. WHY DO YOU KEEP WRITING THESE THINGS ESPECIALLY ABOUT ME AND THE PROFESSOR?! And oh my goodness, for crying out loud! Why did you show that footage to other people? They're twins!
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Meiko: Hey! Why did you write all about me and Kaito like that? It's not like it'll ever happen… but it was nice so thanks.
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Kaito: Oh. Meiko's on here too? Wow, I can't believe I never noticed. -reading third wheel section- Aw, c'mon Kasane! Me and Meiko will never be like that! :D The last time she cuddled me when she was scared during a thunderstorm! That was when we were in first grade, and it really sucked! Let me tell you, she cut off my air supply while crying in my ear the entire time. I will never let her touch me in such a manner again. I felt violated. :D Don't worry! You'll find a great guy someday!
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Meiko: VIOLATED? WHAT THE HELL KAITO! DON'T POST THINGS LIKE THAT!
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Len Kagamine: So this entire time… the reason why Rin was acting so weird that day is because of you? The way she kept touching me and stuff… was just a joke to you? You're… such a jerk, Kasane. I can't believe you did this. I don't like her that way! I like Miku!
Len Kagamine: And another thing! You can't just write things like this and post it! How dare you depict me and Rin like that! It's nothing like that! I got all worked up for nothing at the amusement park, and you wouldn't believe what I had to go through after what Rin-no, what you made Rin did! Don't ever come near us again!
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Rin Kagamine: Oh? Len just got off the laptop, and he looks rather upset. U-Um, Teto? He won't look me in the eye… is he mad at me? Oh! A third wheel on a car is very important, Teto! Do you not feel important…? I think you are very important though, so don't feel sad! Without you, I wouldn't know what to do! You teach me so many valuable things everyday! For instance, I am very happy that you taught me that sexual intercourse between men is very, very um. What was that word you used again? Oh, yes. 'Mind-blowing'.
Rin: What is a pornstar, Teto?
…
Kaito: Whoa. I just read the comments below mine. What's with Len? He's even snappier than usual today. Ew. You're teaching Rin about yaoi? You're so weird, Kasane. Whatever though, I guess it's fine if you're into that sort of stuff. Just don't put me in your works, okay?
…
Luka Megurine: Oh, Teto… I hope you don't think I don't accept you for who you are: I like you. Still, I'm very angry at your lack of thoughtlessness sometimes. You can come off as very insensitive sometimes… apologize in person. To Kagamine-kun.
From: Teto Kasane
To: Len Kagamine
Subject: look im really sorry
You've been avoiding me all day, Kagamine-kun? I already deleted that post ever since everyone's been talking crap about Rin! About that weird cyborg fight… and that Rin choked Luka! Ha! Stupid, isn't?
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From: Len Kagamine
To: Teto Kasane
Subject: re: look im really sorry'
Yeah, it's fine. I'm not mad anymore. Just don't write stuff up anymore, okay? I'm not the only one who's looking at your blog and stuff, y'know? You're funny, but I really have to draw the line here. Rin is looking up to you, you know.
And stop making deals with Tei Sukone! She's creepy stalk on a whole new level!
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From: Teto Kasane
To: Len Kagamine
Subject: re: look im really sorry
Haha! Yes, okay, and again, I'm really sorry. I'll watch my idiot self from now on.
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From: Len Kagamine
To: Teto Kasane
Subject: re: look im really sorry'
You're not.
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From: Teto Kasane
To: Len Kagamine
Subject: re: look im really sorry
Huh?
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From: Len Kagamine
To: Teto Kasane
Subject: you're a pretty cool person
You're not an idiot. Sometimes you really look down on yourself, and it's pretty dumb. You're you, and the people who matter like you for you, nothing else.
Plus, you're one of the only people who's friends with Rin, so it's not like I can pretend you don't exist. Uh. Not that I'm trying to, you know? But when you're making me or Luka or Meiko heck, even Kaito, uncomfortable, we're going to say something about it.
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From: Teto Kasane
To: Len Kagamine
Subject: no wonder girls love you
Yeah, and that's why I chose you guys as my friends! At least you listen to what I have to say!
But you're right. I feel major bad about what I did.
Um. Sorry.
Your sister really is an interesting person though.
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From: Len Kagamine
To: Teto Kasane
Subject: Haha!
Interesting? Rin?
You have no idea.
Don't worry about it now! :D It's all water under the bridge. Just promise you won't talk about others' privacy info unless we okay it!
By the way, don't be so shy around Ted. I bet he'll be happy if you guys actually talked more! You two would be great friends! You're way too self-conscious around him, which is pretty pointless because trust me: he's a really nice guy once you get him to talk.
Yes. Ted talks. Surprising right? JK.
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From: Teto Kasane
To: Len Kagamine
Subject: yeah no wonder girls LOVE you
I promise!
Haha… yeah. I-I'll try, I guess. It's just that when you like someone, you lose all nerve to even speak. Sometimes, you can't even think straight, you know? It keeps me up at night.
You know what I mean?
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From: Len Kagamine
To: Teto Kasane
Subject: re: yeah no wonder girls LOVE you
Well funny you mention it. :( I can relate.
Ahem, so anyway, how long do you think it'll take for Kaito to notice Meiko's feelings?
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From: Teto Kasane
To: Len Kagamine
Subject: are you kidding me
HAHAHAHAHA THERE IS NO WHEN SURELY YOU JEST.
This is Kaito we're talking about.
Since when does he ever remember important stuff, let alone notice you know what this is Meiko's problem. Time to find her a new man.
I've abandoned the ship!
Haha…. their ship if you catch my drift…
Hey, you wanna see a picture of this wallpaper of incredibly hot vampire twins making out? It's… steamy… steamier than your twincesty video with Rin.
No offense.
But yaoi owns my ass.
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From: Len Kagamine
To: Teto Kasane
Subject: re: are you kidding me
Um okay then I'll just be going now…
Wait what video.
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(TIME LEAP)
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From: Rin Kagamine
To: Len Kagamine
Subject: hello
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Um… Len?
From: Len Kagamine
To: Rin Kagamine
Subject: yo
Rin? What's wrong?
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From: Rin Kagamine
To: Len Kagamine
Subject: re: yo
I *heart* U.
*heart* *heart*
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From: Len Kagamine
To: Rin Kagamine
Subject: yo
HUH? WHAT?
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From: Rin Kagamine
To: Len Kagamine
Subject: re: yo
Teto says that's what I should send you when I get the chance on a computer, but what does it mean?
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15 Minutes Later…
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From: Rin Kagamine
To: Len Kagamine
Subject: re: yo
Len? Are you there?
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From: Len Kagamine
To: Rin Kagamine
Subject: yo
Uh, it means, um…
It means, "I love bananas".
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From: Rin Kagamine
To: Len Kagamine
Subject: re: yo
Oh? Well, I do like bananas, but I think oranges are better… I am sorry, Len. I understand how much you love bananas.
I *heart* U
I do like them though! I really do!
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From: Len Kagamine
To: Rin Kagamine
Subject: re: yo
Haha. It's okay. C'mon, the library's closing, so we should get off now and head home.
And, uh. Don't tell anyone this but.
I *heart* U mor.
From: Rin Kagamine
To: Len Kagamine
Subject: J
What does that mean?
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From: Len Kagamine
To: Rin Kagamine
Subject: re: J
It means I love oranges! Nothing special, okay!
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From: Rin Kagamine
To: Len Kagamine
Subject: re: J
Oh, yes.
Oh, Len? Your face is awfully red. I can see you from here. Are you okay?
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From: Len Kagamine
To: Rin Kagamine
Subject: re: J
It's nothing! Just don't tell anyone about this! Especially Kasane! Now, let's hurry up and leave!
…
(An hour later)
…
From: Teto Kasane
To: Kaito
Subject: hurpdurphurp
obliviouskaitotoameikosfeelingssayswhat
1 new message(s) received!
From: Kaito
To: Teto Kasane
Subject: uhhhh
What?
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From: Teto Kasane
To: Meiko
Subject: rofl
You and Kaito.
I cannot even.
Why. Meiko. Why do you suffer so much for his sake?
Teto-God is watching you.
A/N: There. Your Teto-God has returned just for you. Christ's second coming. Say your prayers and wishes up to her.
OM NOM NOM NOM BOREDOM.