Chapter 70: Family Matters
I don't expect you to write back, but it would be nice. It is rather exhausting trying to keep track of you, until next time, dear brother.
Your Loving Sister: Mia
P.S. See how easy that is, you might want to try it sometime.
Cullen sat down his sister's latest letter and chuckled. One day he would have to find just how Mia managed to follow his movements like she did. It always took her a couple of months to a year, but she always found him, and always sent him another letter.
He shook his head with amusement.
He had never really appreciated the value of these letters. After the circle tower he had simply fled to Kirkwall and never looked back. It had taken Mia almost a year to track him down then, a feat she might have performed sooner had the Blight not so ravaged Ferelden.
He had been so angry back then, so willing to toss aside the past. He blamed the mages for his pain and himself for not being able to stop them. When Mia's first letter had arrived at the Gallows he had not read it right away, he had feared that it would reopen old wounds, and it had to an extent, but that was not a bad thing.
It was through that letter that he had finally been able to face his anger.
It was through his sister's words that he was able to start healing.
Not that he realized it at the time. Back then he only wanted to serve Meredith, to help her keep the mages of Kirkwall under control. It was funny that it was a mage that first made him pick up that letter…
Cullen sighed. Garrett Hawke may have saved Kirkwall, but it was his younger sister who saved Cullen. Lady Bethany had never let the shadows of the Gallows darken her soul. She had no reason to help him, and yet she had been willing to try.
"Your sister clearly misses you," the young mage had said, "If Garrett had just disappeared. I would certainly want to know what happened to him. I would be worried sick if he didn't…"
The mage had smiled shyly at him then. She had always had a hard time speaking with Templars, likely from being on the run for so many years. Yet, with Cullen, she had felt it was worth the risk, or at least seemed to think so…
He was eternally grateful for that.
"Don't do that to someone who loves you," she had said.
It was good counsel, even if he had not realized it at the time.
It took a couple of weeks, but in the end he had taken her advice, it might even have saved his life, when Meredith had went mad, he had stood would Bethany and her brother. He was not ashamed of that. It had been the right thing to do.
Mia, his whole family, he hoped, would have approved.
He rose from his desk and stood before the tiny window in his quarters, drinking in the cold mountain air. He felt better than he had in weeks. The pain of lyrium withdrawal had once again retreated into the back of his mind, banished either by the Maker's grace, or perhaps Ana's soft touch and support.
Cullen's hand went to his lips, remembering Ana's sweet kiss, and the release it had brought. He had been so afraid that he was failing the Inquisition. That he was failing her. He had been so afraid that he could not do what he needed without lyrium burning its way through his blood. He had been terrified that he would lose Ana the way he had lost Solona…
The shadows of those possible failures had washed over him like a flood. Had the Inquisitor not intervened, they…they might have consumed him totally.
He let out a shuddering breath, with it went most of that fear and pain. Ana had been his sun, chasing away the darkness in his soul. Receiving Mia's letter so soon after, had given him what he needed to continue on, to keep doing his duty to the best of his ability.
He would do it for his family.
He would do it…for Ana.
He found the few quiet hours he had filled with thought of the Inquisitor. She had looked upon him with neither fear nor shame. She had seen him at his worst and still took him into her arms, burning away his fear with her sweet kiss, filling him up with hope when it seemed that he had none.
Cullen swallowed hard, his body stirring at the mere memory of their all too short…interlude.
It…it had been a long time, such a very long time since he had lost Solona. When she died, part of him had died too, what Uldred after was nothing by comparison. He had feared that part of him, the part that was capable of loving another was gone…long dead. He had been mistaken. It was fully awake now, awake and hungry…
He let out another shuddering breath, he suddenly felt far warmer than he should, given the situation.
He…he…
Oh Maker.
What would it be like? The two of them together, it…it was something that was filling up more and more of his thoughts.
What would his family think? What would Mia think of Ana? They were quite a bit alike actually; they both used humor to diffuse difficult situations, and were both far stronger than either of them realized.
Cullen pursed his lips, trying to imagine introducing the Inquisitor to Mia and the rest of his family.
Would they like her? Would they consider him wrong for choosing a woman almost ten years his junior, or would they see what he saw. That Ana was far more than any mere girl. She was far more than anything he ever could have expected. When he joined the Inquisition he had never thought that he…that he would want…
He wanted her; he wanted her in the worst way. If that soldier hadn't come with that report…he…she…they…?
Who knew what might have happened.
He had thought about it, many times since their first kiss. So many people needed Ana's help, so many counted on her. If she needed him to be there for her, he would.
He would help her find peace, a release…if that is what she wanted.
He knew without a doubt it was what he wanted.
He had thought about it. Wondered what it would be like. Ana was so sweet, and they had come so…
KNOCK!
KNOCK!
KNOCK!
Cullen's eyes narrowed.
"Damn it," he mouthed.
Could he not even have a chance to think about her without being interrupted?!
He turned to the door.
"Yes?"
"Reports coming in from are forces working with the Orlesian army, Commander."
Cullen sighed and shook his head.
He swore that before all of this was over he would find time to get Ana alone, no scouts, no reports, and no excuses. He thought she might need it, Maker knows…
…He certainly did.
He went to get the door; he took the report with the barest of nods and returned to work.
He tried to focus on what he was doing, but Ana's face still came to mind, that and the taste of her sweet lips…
He almost groaned. Every thought of her was the sweetest of distractions…
He tried not to let it affect him.
The Inquisition's work was never done.
IOI
An inquisitor's work was never done.
That was what Ana thought as she waded through the mountain of paperwork that had awaited her return to Skyhold. Much of it was reports from either Josephine or Leliana, detailing what their many contacts had found as the search for a way to stop Corypheus continued. The rest were requisition reports from Quartermaster Morris. Not everyone had approved of Ana's actions in the Winter Palace, the Inquisition had lost some supporters, but, according to Morris, with a few commendations, it was possible to reconnect those severed strings.
Ana snorted as she read those reports, Ser Morris had come highly recommended, but she was still not sure that he was right for the job. His family had many contacts, while he, as far as she could tell, had very little. He was doing the job, but he had still not proved himself to her as Threnn, the previous Quartermaster, had.
Morris was said to be more…respectable, nobles liked dealing with him and he had the necessary familial connections to make things happen. Still, she was not so sure, Threnn had served the Inquisition well, when they needed something, she had gotten it for them, Morris was…was…
The Inquisitor sighed, and put down her quill. Her eyes drifted to a certain coin sitting on her desk. It was the same one that Cullen had given her back at the lake near his old village.
The Inquisitor smiled. She could still remember that moment with crystal clarity, the smell of pine trees and lake water. The cool wind turning her cheeks rosy red, and then…then the kiss, as Cullen took her into his arms. The way it felt when he pressed her against his hard lean body. She…they…
Maker save me, she thought with a hint of a smile.
Woof!
Morris she realized wasn't the problem, not the real one anyway. She was…well…she was a little bit distracted, and had been since the moment she went to talk to a certain commander about his future here in the Inquisition. She had helped, but now she had a whole new problem to deal with.
Ana pursed her lips, all thoughts of Morris, the war, and the Inquisition forgotten. All she could think about was a certain Commander, and what they had been about to do when a certain interruption occurred.
She frowned severely.
It was starting to seem like they would never get a chance to be alone.
It was annoying, frustrating, and everything else in between. She…she wasn't sure how long she could keep herself in check. What he did to her, these feelings were…
She tried to lick her lips, but her mouth had suddenly gone dry. She rose from her desk and began to pace back and forth.
The Inquisitor shook her head.
Nothing she had ever done had prepared her for…well…this. Her few arranged relationships back in Ostwick had been nightmares, and when she had chosen a man on her own that never seemed to end well. Cullen was different, for the first time a man was looking at her, not just her title, just not Bann Aliza's daughter. It was scary, wonderful, refreshing, and…and…
Ana sighed.
She just had to face the grim reality of the situation. She was no longer in simple peasant girl crush territory.
She went to the window, suddenly need a bit of cold mountain air, it helped a bit, but it did not change things.
Ana sighed heavily.
She was in love with him.
A frightening thought, but a nice one as well. Now she just had to decide how best to act on it, where did they go from here. It would be easier if they had a chance to be alone once and a while, but with the war entering a new phase that was likely not about to happen anytime soon.
She pinched the bridge of her nose, fighting off a headache that was trying to spring up there.
What was she going to do? How could she do her job when the one thing she wanted most was so close and yet so far? It was not like the urges she was feeling would just go away…
Perhaps she needed to talk to someone. Cassandra was out, her business relationship with Cullen was complicated enough, Ana would not do that to either of them. Leliana likely already knew what was going on, but confirming it might give the spymaster enough information to do something that neither she nor Cullen would enjoy. Sera would likely just giggle, amused by her predicament. Vivienne would try to turn whatever they discussed to her advantage, Josephine possibly too. Varric, no not Varric, she did not wish her current issues ending up in the latest chapter of Swords and Shields, or whatever new book the dwarf might concoct, he was her friend but…
KNOCK!
KNOCK!
KNOCK!
Ana sighed.
Damn it.
She turned to the door.
"Yes," she said, just managing to keep the frustration out of her voice.
"Forgive me, Your Worship," one of the guards that stood watch outside the door of her chambers said, "But your brother has requested and audience. Should I tell him to come back later?"
Ana pursed her lips in thought.
She hated to admit it, but with everything going on, she had almost forgotten about Andreas, an oversight that she felt a bit ashamed about now. She…she…
Slowly…Ana smiled.
She turned to the door.
"Please, send him up."
IOI
"Andreas Trevelyan, I'm here to see my sister."
He tried to put as much strength into his words as he could. He did not want to be intimidating exactly, but at the same time he did not want Anastasia's bodyguards dismissing him like he was nothing either.
One of the guards turned and went through the door that let up to her chambers; the second remained behind to keep an eye on him and the rest of the court. The young scholar fidgeted, not really like being up here behind the throne. He could practically feel the many eyes of the people on the court holding him in their regard, evaluating this arrogant young man who dared to interrupt the Inquisitor's privacy.
He probably could have framed his request better. He could have been more forceful of course. Announcing proudly that he knew he was the Inquisitor's brother and he required a word with her.
Of course, that might have prompted Anastasia to simply tell him to get lost; she had done that several times when they were children.
He did not feel like repeating that experience.
So…he waited, trying very hard not to whistle or tap his foot nervously. If she refused his request for an audience he is not sure what he would do next he…
The door opened and guard whispered to his partner, who quickly stepped aside.
Andreas took a step back nervously, not sure what was going to happen next.
The first guard left the door open, and gestured for him to go inside.
"Lady Ana will see you now, ser," he said.
Andreas straightened his vest and dusted off his pants. He hated to admit it, but part of him had expected that this would not have worked. So many people were clamoring for his sister's attention now, and technically he was just a hostage here, a bargaining chip.
So far it had worked to her advantage, he supposed, they had received no fearful words from home, no bad news, at least as far as he knew.
Sister Leliana was watching him, she had even sought him out several times to deliver what she had heard out of Ostwick herself, he might have been flattered, but suspected the spymaster had her own concerns, and they all had to do with one Maxwell Trevelyan, formerly of the Ostwick Circle.
Andreas frowned.
His mage cousin had been spending a great deal of time lately with Ambassador Montilyet, the spymaster was clearly concerned about that, and not that he blamed her. Andreas knew some of his cousin's history, especially the part involving sheltered and shy young women…
He promised Leliana to keep her informed. He had no desire to see his cousin mess up everything that Ana was building here over a simple dalliance.
He made his way up the staircase to Ana's quarters. He made his way past several workmen who were still reinforcing this part of the keep. Skyhold was pretty secure now, most of the scaffolding had been removed from the throne room, but there was still much to do to restore this place to full functionality.
Everyone was so intent on doing just that.
He came to the door at the top of the stairs. Suddenly, he felt nervous, and more than a little underdressed. It might only have been in sister, but it was still one of the most powerful women in Thedas.
That little fact was enough to make anyone rethink their moment of braggadocio.
He knocked on the door.
"Enter."
He took a deep breath.
It was just Anastasia, he reminded himself.
He opened the door and stepped into her quarters.
It was just Anastasia.
The Inquisitor's quarters were large, not surprising considering her station, though they still remained a bit Spartan. Everything here had a look of slight neglect, not surprising of course being that his sister had spent so much time on the move, or so the soldiers claimed.
Ana stood behind the desk, looking little different than the day she had left Ostwick all those months ago. Her clothes were not as fancy, but then again, Ana had never been one for noble extremes.
Somethings had changed though, the small scar on her cheek for one, a weapon of some kind he assumed, and then there were her eyes. They seemed tired, troubled, and a bit sad.
They stared at each other nervously. Like two people staring at each other across a chasm, both afraid to make the first move.
He decided to go first.
He smiled slightly.
"Um…Hello, sister," he managed trying to sound more authorative, but failing miserably at it, "thank you for…um…seeing me on such short notice… I um…"
She came around the desk and hugged him.
That…was not quite what he expected, yet, he was nothing if not adaptable.
He returned her embrace.
He could not remember the last time he had hugged his sister; he was not really used to physical displays of affection.
"Hi," he heard her murmur.
He fought the urge to chuckle.
Same old Anastasia.
"Hello, sister," he answered.
He pulled back slightly and noticed that she had tears in her eyes.
He felt a sudden surge of concern.
"Is everything all right?" he felt stupid the moment the question left his lips.
Ana laughed lightly.
"Yes…no…I don't know," she giggled, "Everything…well…it has been a bit strange lately."
He smiled slightly, but still felt that nervous knot in the pit of his stomach. He was not sure what she needed to hear right now. He did not want to risk making her feel worse, but still…nothing ventured, nothing gained.
"Would…um…you like to…ah… talk?"
She gave him that quirky nervous smile he remembered from when they were children, the one that practically screamed yes.
"I…um…I don't know where to start."
He shook his head with amusement.
"Let's start at the beginning," he suggested.
"We will work our way back from there."