Chapter 8: The Vigil

Torio watched in silent dismay as Byakuya turned his head aside and let the rain join the tears on his face. He lay in the wet grass on Hisana's grave, his hair and yukata hanging limply and his eyes frighteningly glazed over. The attendant moved forward cautiously, his eyes glued on the man ahead of him, who rested quietly, ignoring the rain that poured down on, and all around him.

"S-sir," he said, his voice trembling, "we m-must go inside. It's so cold…and it's raining, sir. Lord Kuchiki, please…"

The servant shifted uncomfortably, looking around at the dark cemetery and shivering, even in his warm clothes. He stepped forward, slipping the cloak from his shoulders and laying it over Byakuya. He dropped to his knees next to the noble and touched his shoulder lightly.

"Come back to the manor," he said softly, "I will make you some tea. You will feel better once you are warm and dry again. Sir?"

Byakuya only continued to rest on the rain soaked grass, breathing slowly and acting as though he hadn't heard.

"Is something wrong with Lord Byakuya, Torio?" asked a voice from somewhere behind Byakuya's attendant.

Torio turned to see Head Councilor Nori approaching. Instantly, the youth was on his feet again. He bowed briefly.

"My apologies, sir," he said, his voice shaking, "Lord Kuchiki was at work, but returned suddenly and came out here. Something has upset him greatly…I'm not sure what…"

The head councilor smiled bracingly and handed the boy his umbrella. Torio accepted it and held it over the two nobles as Nori knelt next to Byakuya and brushed the tangle of hair away from his face.

"Lord Byakuya," he said quietly, "Let me help you back to the manor."

He wrapped an arm around Byakuya and helped him into a seated position. Byakuya blinked several times and seemed to regain his senses somewhat. He responded more quickly as Nori stood and pulled him to his feet.

"I will be fine, now," he assured the elder.

He turned with Torio, walking alongside Nori and the attendant like a silent specter, looking down at the water that dripped from the flower petals and that ran down the long blades of grass.

How can it be that it took me so long to truly let the grief come out? I have become so good at holding it in that I have not, in the whole time since Hisana's death, shed a tear for her passing. Now, having forced them out, it opens a space inside me where she used to be…a place for another love to fill. Before, there was no room for anyone else…but finally facing the loss of her internally, it is possible for me to move on. It was something I thought I had done, but until now, I was simply submerging the emotion. It took Renji to open that tightly closed door.

But Renji still doesn't love me…

And Byakuya, though opened to the emotion had a long way to go to fully grow into the love that Renji had awakened inside him…

Thank you, Hisana. I didn't realize that after all of this time so much of me was still refusing to let go. I will always hold on to what was most beautiful between us. But now I can move forward. I hope you will remain with me and help me as you just did. I want to make my relationship with Renji work. But I just keep making him angry. It was anger that drove him to do as he did, but even in his anger, he didn't try to inflict pain. In fact, he went out of his way to spare me that. And even though there was no love in his touches, there was hope that began to be built there. I don't know how to bring that hope to life, to build it into love, but I know now that it's possible.

Yet, just that small feeling of possibility was such a profound thing…if only he could make Renji understand…

"Torio," Byakuya said softly, "Has Renji returned to the manor?"

The attendant looked up in surprise.

"You…you didn't see him, sir?" he asked.

Byakuya shook his head briefly.

"H-he came to the cemetery…but…something was wrong. He stood and looked at you, but he didn't say anything, then he…just turned and walked back to the mansion."

Nori gave Byakuya a sympathetic look.

"It seems that your new marriage is wearing on you," he said, lowering his eyes, "I am sorry to hear that. We had hoped that despite the fact that the two of you were forced together against all of our wishes, that you would come to some sort of equilibrium. And I think you will. It will just take time. You have that…time to grow into your life together. And remember too that the pressure of providing an heir has been lifted for the time being."

"I do not care what the council of elders demands," Byakuya said in a low voice, "I will not give up until Renji and I are accorded the freedom to decide our own future."

"Come now," said Nori, "Let us leave that unpleasantness for the next council meeting. Right now, it is most important to get you back home…and to see you made warm and dry again. I know I could use a cup of hot tea. We can talk when you have been made comfortable."

Byakuya didn't answer, but nodded and continued walking towards the manor. The rain poured down around them and the cold made their breath turn to mist. By the time they reached the gate into the gardens, Byakuya's skin was numb where tears and rain had soaked it.

"Torio," Byakuya said quietly, "I want you to check in with Michio and see that Renji has been seen to. If Renji is awake, I will speak with him, but if he is asleep, I will see him in the morning."

"Hai," the youth said, bowing, then flash stepping towards Renji's room.

"It must have been quite a disagreement between you," Nori said, carefully choosing his words, "I know you will not wish to share the details, given your current dislike for the elders' interference in your personal life, but perhaps it would relieve some of the pressure if you loosed some of your concerns…"

"I have nothing to say to you about Renji. You are the last person I would turn to for either wisdom or comfort, Nori."

"I understand," said the elder, inclining his head, "but seeing as Renji is not here to lend his support and there is no one else suitable, I…"

"I want you to leave," Byakuya said in a low voice, "I have enough to contend with without your false sympathy and manipulations."

"Nonsense," said Nori, following Byakuya across the gardens and into his bedroom, "You can refuse to confide in me, of course, but at least allow me to make sure you are taken care of…"

"I have Torio to care for me…"

"Did you need me, sir?" Torio asked from the doorway.

"In a moment," Byakuya replied, "First tell me, is Renji seen to?"

"He is sleeping," Torio said, nodding, "but Michio says he is feverish and seems uncomfortable."

"Then go and bring Hanatarou at once," Byakuya said quickly, turning to leave the room.

Nori set a hand on his shoulder and Byakuya's eyes flicked towards him, flaring softly.

"What are you about?" he asked sharply.

"Just wait a moment," Nori answered, watching as Torio left the room, "Before you go to watch over him, because we both know that's what you are going to do, I insist on helping you out of these wet things and into something dry. Michio can manage Renji for that long."

"No, I…"

Byakuya caught his breath sharply as a shock of kido blazed through him and he started to fall. He realized angrily that nothing of that sort would have overcome him if he hadn't carelessly allowed himself to become so distracted by Renji's illness. The room went dark around him and the last thing he felt was Nori's hands catching him and lowering him onto the bed.

Nori sent Byakuya into a deep sleep, then removed his wet clothing. As he brought a fresh yukata and set it in place, his hands brushed against Byakuya's skin and he looked down in surprise.

"You were with him? Hmmm, I imagined there had to have been something to start such a fight, but…"

He paused, staring at the clan leader more carefully and bringing his hands to rest on Byakuya's abdomen.

"Ah…so careful not to take him yet…but quite careless to allow yourself to be taken. Then again, you didn't know I would lay hands on you and find out about this. Neither will you know anything has been done until it is too late. Your objections are about to become meaningless, Lord Byakuya. If you will not compel your spouse to bless the clan with an heir, then you, yourself will carry the heir…"

He bowed his head and focused deeply, keeping his hands resting on Byakuya's abdomen. Blue light flared around them, encircling the two as Nori breathed the ancient words to bind Byakuya's reiatsu to the reiatsu present in Renji's seed. He waited, still sending his power into the unconscious noble's body, carefully crafting the internal chamber to house the heir. He sent the bound reiatsu into the chamber, then thoroughly erased and masked the signs of his use of power. He let his power fall away and tied Byakuya's yukata back into place, then withdrew from him as footsteps sounded on the walkway outside. Nori flash stepped out the inner door as Torio and Hanatarou entered through the garden doors.

"Lord Kuchiki!" Torio said, flash stepping to the bed and leaning over the noble, "Hanatarou…he's unconscious!"

Hanatarou moved quickly to the noble's side.

"He's all right," the healer assured him, "He is only in a rather deep sleep. His reiatsu is somewhat disturbed, so it's probably good he is sleeping well."

"Are you sure?" the attendant asked worriedly, "He was very worried about Master Abarai. I didn't think he would sleep willingly. Do you think that perhaps Councilor Nori might have made him sleep?"

"Hmmm…" said Hanatarou, "I can't really tell because of the erratic nature of Captain Kuchiki's reiatsu. But as I said, he will be fine. I should go and see to Vice Captain Abarai."

Torio gazed unhappily at Byakuya, feeling something just wasn't right, but eventually gave a heavy sigh and followed the healer out of the room.

XXXXXXXXXX

Renji couldn't remember ever waking so early in the morning, and he had a sense that if he had to do so on a daily basis, he would quickly lose his mind. He was still so tired, he could barely open his eyes. And even if he hadn't made them ache by crying himself to sleep as he had, there was a chill behind them that seemed to permeate his whole body. He shook with inescapable cold…cold like he hadn't felt since his days on the streets of Inuzuri during the dead of winter. This, he thought, was cold akin to that. It seemed strange that he should feel so cold while wrapped in such warm blankets. And strangely, his skin seemed to burn painfully, despite the cold inside. It confused him.

The door opened and Michio stepped into the room. Renji wasn't sure what had brought him, but was inwardly thankful. He tried to raise his head to greet the dark haired youth, but couldn't manage it. His head swam and all that came out was an uncomfortable groan. Michio reached his side and leaned over him, looking concerned.

"Master Abarai," he said in a soft, worried tone, "Are you feeling worse?"

Renji managed a short nod, but even that took so much out of him that he started to lose awareness.

"I will summon Hanatarou," Michio said, but Renji was too far gone to answer.

He sensed others enter the room and felt the cold increase as the blankets were pulled away and he was quickly examined and wrapped up again. Healing energy poured into him, easing what pain there was, but his mind became fuzzy and dull, and he lost track of where he was, who was with him and what the hell was happening. Odd sensations flashed inside him, flares of heat and ice, pulses and stings of pain. He heard himself saying things, but he wasn't sure whether or not he made sense.

Somewhere in the midst of all of that confusion, he felt a familiar presence enter the room and settle at his side. As his awareness came and went, always that presence remained with him. There were gentle touches on his face and hands, a cool cloth brushed against his skin…and the light scent of sakura broke through the darkness, keeping him poised on the edge of blackness, but held just away.

"Rest quietly now, Renji," Byakuya's voice told him, "You have endured too much all at once and you need to give your body time to restore itself. Hanatarou said that you will recover fully, but you must sleep."

He felt the soft touch of Byakuya's hand on his face and faded away. He drifted in and out of awareness, hearing voices that sounded quietly in his room or just outside…Byakuya's, Torio's, Michio's, Hanatarou's and Rukia's. He tried to hear what they said, both to each other and to him, but everything seemed too garbled and distant to make any kind of sense. He heard Byakuya make a sound of deep concern and issue orders for Michio to go for Captain Unohana. There was more deep silence and the feel of that soft, trembling hand holding his again, that familiar voice pulling him back out of the darkness again.

"I need you to stay here," Byakuya said, a soft insistence in his voice that was completely unfamiliar, "We may have had a difficult beginning, but if you will only let yourself get well, I will make things right between us. I know you're angry with me…and that you think I'm impossible to love…but don't be without hope. We'll make this work. We will. Just don't leave. We cannot resolve anything if you lose hope. I will only follow you into death…"

And then he remembered…

That's right. The soul bonding means that where one of us goes, the other follows. And as bad as things are, I don't want us to die…

He relaxed into Byakuya's voice and let it carry him back into sleep.

"He's looking better, I think, sir," he heard Michio say.

There was more silence, then as he spun in and out of hearing, Torio's voice sounded softly from somewhere nearby.

"Please, Lord Kuchiki, you haven't eaten or slept in days! Please sir, you must rest…or at least have something to restore yourself…"

"Silence," said Byakuya calmly, "go and see to your other responsibilities…"

"But sir…"

"Now, Torio."

He forced his eyes open and looked up into the noble's tired expression.

"C-captain," he managed in a whisper, "You should listen to Torio. I'm…f-fine. I'll be fine."

"Shh," Byakuya, "I don't need you telling me what to do. Sleep, Renji."

He gazed up at Byakuya and read the stubbornness…and the look of concern.

"You won't listen to anyone, will you? You won't let them help you at all. B-but…it isn't about me, is it?"

"What?" Byakuya asked softly.

"It's not about me. It brings back bad memories, I know. But don't worry, I'm not weak. I will be fine. I don't need you here, wasting your time and energy watching over me. Go with Torio. I want you to leave."

Byakuya stared for a moment.

"You don't know what you're saying," he managed finally.

"Yes…I do. You're just afraid, b-because it reminds you of her. It isn't about me at all, is it?"

"I don't know what you mean. Renji…I do remember, of course. But I am here because you are ill and I am your life partner. We are supposed to care for each other."

"I told you before. This marriage is not real. We are not together. We may have been soul bonded, but we are not in love, Captain…and you have to understand…we never will be. You still love her. I understand. But I can't love someone who can only love me with half a heart."

Byakuya went silent for several minutes.

"This isn't the time for this conversation," he said, when he found his voice again, "We can talk later…when you are well. For now, please stop saying such things and let me take care of you."

"N-no," Renji said, raising himself slightly and pushing Byakuya's hands away, "I said…I…want you to leave."

"Renji…"

"Go…please, just go…"

"Why do you keep doing this, Renji?" he asked in a wounded voice, "You tell me to leave, even though I know that's not what you want. I can feel it. And if I do leave, you will only be angry with me for doing so. It was that way in the spirit dimension also. You're pushing me away for a reason…and as much as you say that the reason is that you cannot love me, I feel that there is more to this. So…this time, I'm not listening to your words. I am staying here…and nothing you say will make me leave. If you want me out of here, then you have to get well and throw me out, because that is the only way I will go."

"St-stubborn ass!" Renji hissed.

He thought he must have been dreaming, because after hearing something like that, Byakuya couldn't actually be smiling…

"You call me stubborn, Abarai? Really…I think you invented the concept."

Renji frowned and sighed in frustration.

"Fine…stay then, if you want. But stop making your attendant so upset. Lie down with me…b-before you fall down…"

He almost smiled at the look of surprise on the noble's face.

"You…just told me to leave," Byakuya said slowly, "Now, you want me to lie down with you?"

"Well," said Renji, closing his eyes, "You won't leave…and you're scaring the hell out of Torio, letting yourself get so run down. You're not giving me much of a choice. So, lie down…"

"Don't be ridiculous," Byakuya muttered, "You don't want me there…and if I did join you, you would only accuse me of taking advantage of your illness. I am fine."

"Fuck that," Renji said, ire making some of his strength return, "Lie down with me before you make me kill myself grabbing you and pulling you down…"

"As though you could…"

Byakuya gazed down at his heaving chest and flushed face for a moment longer, then shook his head and moved to join him.

"Ah, kami," groaned Renji, "You're warm…ah…feels warmer now…"

"Well, at least there is something I can do without stoking your anger…"

"I didn't say I wasn't angry," Renji countered, trying not to let his teeth chatter, "It's just that I need the heat right now. Tomorrow, we have this out…"

Byakuya nodded and wrapped his body around Renji's.

"Tomorrow then," he whispered, closing his eyes.