Chapter 9: Equilibrium

Renji opened his eyes and found himself looking at the rare sight of Byakuya sleeping. While it had happened sometimes on the battlefield at night that Byakuya would fall asleep while looking up at the stars and Renji would pass close enough to see the contented, relaxed expression, there was something very different about finding that serene, and surprisingly soft face rested on his chest, the smoky, gray eyes hidden beneath closed eyelids and his sakura scented hair raining down around his shoulders and gently brushing against Renji's skin as he breathed. The redhead took a slow breath and let the thought settle in his mind.

Prior to being taken into the spirit dimension, he would have admitted readily that, for a man, Byakuya was as coldly beautiful as he was dangerous. But it would have had a different meaning then because he had never considered Byakuya, or any man in a sexual way. His interests had been in women…but, he realized, he had been of the mind all along that love could happen between people of the same gender. Love, he thought, was something discovered and made to grow, rather than something one decided. The decision was really, whether to let it grow…or to let it go. And now, letting go wasn't an option. But growing wasn't going to happen unless both of them worked at it. And as much as he felt the potential for love, he wasn't at all sure Byakuya would put forth the effort.

I don't know a lot about his relationship with Hisana…just what he told Rukia that day at the Sokyoku. She must have meant a lot to him for him to defy his elders and to marry her, then to honor her wishes and to bring Rukia into the family. But his defiance really ends there. All I've seen since then is the way he works quietly behind the scenes to protect Rukia…but that he still doesn't openly defy them. He is still committed to his promises, but does that mean that he is still too connected to her to be open to anyone else? The way he acted after we were together makes it seem that way. And yet…if Hisana was his only love and he has only given himself to someone he loves…maybe his reaction had more to do with the way things happened, the fact that it wasn't for love. If Hisana was his only sexual partner, then having sex as an obligation in a loveless marriage would hurt…yeah…it would hurt like hell…but…

He realized quite suddenly that Byakuya's eyes had opened and were observing him with curiosity. It also struck him that he had never seen Byakuya this relaxed…sleepy eyed and with his hair tumbled and loose around his shoulders like that. And he had never felt the warmth that was radiating between them as they rested in each other's arms, looking at one another, each wondering where to begin…and neither looking forward to unpleasantness.

"Are you feeling better?" Byakuya asked finally, "You look much improved."

"I feel like hell," Renji admitted, guessing that honesty was best, "but at least I don't feel like I'm dying anymore."

"And you are…warm enough?"

Renji nodded.

Byakuya took a breath and cleared his throat, then carefully disentangled himself from the redhead.

"Where are you going?" Renji asked, catching a pale hand as Byakuya rose.

"I am going to summon Michio…to give you a bath to remove the sweat from your fever, then he will bring you something to eat."

"And what will you be doing while I'm being bathed and fed? I mean…weren't we supposed to have things out?" Renji asked, frowning.

Byakuya let out an amused breath.

"Come now, Renji," he said quietly, "You've known me long enough to know that I would never take on a worthy opponent while he was only in possession of half his wits."

Renji sat up too quickly, his rising annoyance almost eclipsing the shock of dizziness.

"Whoa…hold on! Did you just call me weak…or just witless?"

"Neither," said the noble, blinking slowly, "I merely said that proper rules of engagement demand that you be at full strength before we address our issues."

He loosed his hand from Renji's and turned away.

"Don't married people bathe and eat together?" Renji asked, stopping Byakuya as he reached the doorway.

There was a long silence and Renji could feel the intense turning of the noble's thoughts.

"If both parties are amenable," Byakuya said, without looking back, "I have no objection if that is what you wish."

"What do you want?" Renji asked.

There was another long pause, then a soft sigh.

"Peace, Renji. We haven't any choice about being married. And that being so, I would like to be at peace with you. I don't wish to waste time arguing over every aspect of our union…the wrongness of it, the unfairness of it, or that it's one person's fault or the other. There is little use in anything that doesn't move us forward and I find it a waste of time to sit still arguing about useless matters while life passes by. There are better uses for our time."

"No, baka," Renji said, almost smiling, "Do you want to bathe and eat with me?"

The reiatsu around Byakuya darkened threateningly for a moment and the eye that looked back over one shoulder glared at Renji in an all too familiar fashion.

"I indicated that I had no objection to it," Byakuya said, still glaring, "Do I need to say it again?"

"No," said Renji, turning and sliding his legs over the edge of the bed, "because you still aren't answering the question I asked you. I didn't ask if you were open to the idea. I asked if you wanted to join me…"

Byakuya let out a puff of breath and narrowed his eyes.

"What is the difference?" he asked, turning to face the redhead, "It's the same question either way."

Renji shook his head.

"No, it's not," he said, looking the noble square in the eyes, "Being open to something doesn't mean that you want it. I'm asking you if you want to go to the bathing room alone with me, undress and bathe each other, then share breakfast together after."

Renji stifled a laugh at the odd, confused expression that crossed Byakuya's face, then disappeared as swiftly as it had emerged.

"Why are you asking me this?" the noble said in an annoyed tone.

Now Renji loosed a soft laugh and watched in amusement as Byakuya's eyes flared.

"I'm asking because if you are just open to the idea, but don't actually want to, then it is an obligation, not a sincere thing. I don't want to obligate you. I offered an invitation. I'll ask again, do you want to join me for a bath and some breakfast, Captain?"

Byakuya's eyes widened slightly and his nostrils flared. His lips tightened for a moment and Renji held his breath. The noble's chest heaved softly with something between anger and escalating hope.

"One condition," he said firmly, "You are not to call me Captain unless we are at work. Otherwise it is Byakuya. I won't have my spouse calling me that! Hisana constantly called me Lord Byakuya and I found it nearly obscene…"

He trailed off and dropped his gaze. Renji forced down the discomfort that hearing about his former wife carried with it. Hisana was his former lover, but Renji had had other lovers too…and he wasn't going to get anywhere with Byakuya if he flinched at every mention of her name. It was a credit to Byakuya that he loved her enough to remember…and if they were successful in making their union work, then soon enough, his name would be the one on Byakuya's lips. And, he reminded himself, the idea wasn't to make him forget her, but to make his own place in the noble's heart. It wouldn't be easy. Byakuya was proving quite consistently that entrance into his heart was not easily gained, but suddenly, faced with no escape route and the intrigue of sliding beneath that impenetrable surface Byakuya projected, Renji found himself embracing the idea.

"Hey," he said, stepping forward, "don't look so upset. It doesn't bother me if you talk about her. She was married to you. That should mean something."

"But I don't wish to make you uncomfortable…"

Renji couldn't stop the bubble of laughter that escaped him.

"Y-you…you don't want to make me…uncomfortable?" he managed, "Byakuya, this whole thing going on here is as uncomfortable as hell for both of us! I don't think we have the luxury of worrying about comfort. How about we forget that and just focus on what to do next. I believe I've patiently asked you the same question several times and you still haven't answered me!"

"But I have," Byakuya said quietly, reaching out and slipping a hand into his, "you merely missed it repeatedly because you were expecting me to say the words."

Now it was Renji's turn to encounter a moment of speechlessness. He gazed into the dark, calm eyes and caught the small quirk of the noble's lips as the impact of his words hit Renji. The redhead sighed and shook his head in annoyance.

"You're impossible!" he muttered, accepting Byakuya's hand and following him out the door.

As they moved down the walkway together, Torio and Michio peeked out of a doorway, watching. Michio started to step out of concealment, but was met with a staying touch on his arm.

"Wait," the youth said softly, "I think they should be left alone."

"But how do you know?" asked Michio.

"They look like they are getting along now. We should stay close, but let them be. We can always go to them if we are called."

Michio looked as though he wanted to argue, but only shook his head and followed Torio down the hallway.

XXXXXXXXXX

Byakuya stepped into the bathing room and waited as Renji joined him, then closed the door behind them. They walked silently to the edge of the pool and stopped, both taking in the warmth of the room, the soft scent of flowers, the gentle blending of colors and everything else but the fact of what they were about to do. Byakuya dropped a hand to his waist, but found it captured by another. He looked up with inquisitive eyes and found Renji looking back at him with unexpected warmth. Biting his lip gently, he let his hand fall back to his side and allowed Renji to loose the tie at his waist and remove his yukata. He sensed then, the redhead's hesitation and tentatively reached for Renji's yukata, encountering no resistance as he removed it. They stepped out into the water side-by-side, wading in until they stood beneath the waterfall. They stared out at the grass and flowers, the sakura trees and the trail that led through them, taking in the beauty of the room and letting it wash over them in calm, peaceful waves.

Turning, they let the water run down their bodies. Byakuya looked around for the soap and flinched in surprise as Renji nudged him out from underneath the fall of water and began to work the soap into a lather on his skin. He held perfectly still, hardly breathing as the rough, calloused hands moved over shoulders and back, chest and abdomen, sliding down the curves of his body as though tracing them to seal them into his memory. It took Byakuya by surprise how good it felt being touched that way…a way wholly different than being bathed by Torio, and one that tread lightly on the edges of familiarity without falling over into blatant sexuality. He felt the tension in his body begin to retreat and actually settled into a more comfortable state as Renji turned him back under the waterfall and let his hands roam over the noble's skin, following the lather as it ran down his body and ran into the bathing pool. Byakuya sighed and leaned back against the redhead as he worked his fingers into the muscles of neck and shoulders.

"Relax," Renji breathed against the shell of an ear, sending a jolt through the noble's abdomen and making his heart quicken.

Byakuya drew a few slow, deep breaths and with each, settled more comfortably into Renji's arms, enjoying the feel of the hands that touched him. He was nearly asleep on his feet when Renji's fingers slipped into his hair and slowly worked the shampoo into a lather, then ran down the long strands as the water ran through them. He let the water wash over him until the last of the soap and shampoo was gone, then turned to Renji and fed the surprised redhead a light, gentle kiss of gratitude. He took the soap from his blushing spouse's hands began to return the favor.

Byakuya's hands brushed the wet strands of red hair away from Renji's eyes and he stood facing the redhead as he slowly worked his way down, rubbing the soap into a lather on the oddly unmarked skin and watching the emotions and reactions play over Renji's face. It was rare to see Renji in such a calm, quiet state and it wasn't lost on Byakuya that they had not spoken since they started bathing each other…except for Renji's admonition for him to relax. He continued to bathe Renji in silence, listening to the sound of the waterfall and breathing in the sweetness around them. He moved around the redhead and massaged his neck and shoulders, then set him beneath the water and watched the soap slide down his body and away. He worked shampoo into the thick red hair, then took a comb from the nearby stand and slowly sorted out the mess of tangles as Renji stood with the water running through the long strands. He surprised the redhead with very few pulls as he worked. Finally, both stood, fully clean and gazing quietly at each other. Renji bit his tongue lightly inside his mouth as he realized that both of them had become aroused from the intimate exchange. He paused for a moment, considering, then moved around behind Byakuya and pulled him back underneath the waterfall.

"What are you doing?" Byakuya asked softly.

"I want to touch you a bit, if that's okay," Renji breathed in his ear, resting his chin on the noble's shoulder.

Byakuya took a short breath and tensed slightly, but nodded.

Renji's hands slid down his abdomen again, but with a different feel to them this time. Where before, they had soothed and relaxed him, these touches made his breath shorten and his legs weaken. He rested his face against Renji's and closed his eyes as a finger found his navel and slipped inside for a moment, then Renji's hand continued downward. The fingers roamed further and gently teased him, earning a very soft, catching of breath and a light, barely audible sound of approval. Renji's other hand wrapped around him and moved slowly, increasing gradually in speed and pressure as Byakuya's breath shortened and he moaned more insistently.

"You like it when I touch you like this?" Renji asked softly.

The answer was obvious, but he wanted to hear the words…

"Mmhmm…" the noble sighed.

"So…tell me how you want me to finish you…" he breathed hotly into Byakuya's ear, "with my hands…my mouth…or do you want to take this all of the way?"

He felt the sudden return of tension and the sense that there was more to the noble's response than anxiety or even shyness. Something was wrong…something they would need to deal with, but he wondered if now was the time. But almost as quickly as he had reacted, the tension disappeared and Byakuya forced out a clipped response.

"Let's just use our hands for now," he said, his voice shaking slightly, "I like the way your hands feel…"

Renji's lips tightened, but he let his own tension out in a sigh and nodded. He continued the movement of his hand and felt a shiver of delight as the noble responded readily, rubbing his backside teasingly against Renji's swollen member and making him moan and pant hungrily as the deeply pleasant contact began to overtake both of them. The noble's breath hitched suddenly and his body quivered as spurts of warmth coated Renji's hand. Renji's hand released his length and took hold of his hip. The redhead thrust heatedly against the pleasantly soft skin of Byakuya's buttocks and lower back, moaning into his shoulder and hungrily seeking his mouth. The noble nipped at his lips, then met him open mouthed as Renji pressed his body against Byakuya's back and closed his eyes, hissing with pleasure as his release pulsed out and ran warmly down their bodies. Byakuya turned and pushed him back against the rocks beneath the waterfall, invading his mouth with an eager tongue and slowly exploring as their bodies relaxed and grew calm again. Several minutes passed before Byakuya released him and turned back to step under the waterfall again.

"Are you hungry?" Renji asked, joining him, "because I'm pretty much starving."

"That's because you've been sick and haven't eaten for about three days," Byakuya said dryly.

"Huh," Renji huffed, "You haven't eaten in all of that time, either."

"I was preoccupied."

"Yeah, well, that's over. I want something to eat before I collapse. So, are we finished here?"

Byakuya gave him an amused look.

"I imagine so," he replied, stepping out from underneath the waterfall and heading for the edge of the pool.