February 11th

There are times I wish that I was wrong more often than not. It would make life a lot less painful. Six months ago Harry was on the verge of asking me out to coffee and me agreeing when he was called to a last minute meeting. He never got the chance to hear my answer; that I'd love to have coffee with him. With the disappointment I saw in his eyes, I went to his house that evening to tell him that I wanted to have coffee with him; see him outside of work. Only to find him in a compromising position with his ex-mistress.

Oh who am I kidding; it wasn't just compromising; they were basically fucking against his front door. Mouths on mouths, hands slipping under clothing to find bare skin, erotic sounds as one or the other found a sensitive spot to suck on, to fondle. And glutton for punishment that I am, I sat there and watched; watched as he flipped her back against his door and shoved his hands up under the skirt she wore. Watched as her head fell back against wood as what I can only guess was the moment his long fingers slipped inside of her, fondling her sex. And I could only watch as he finally pulled himself free long enough to unlock the door and shove her inside, up against a wall with one hand as his other fumbled with the buckle of his belt and the fly of his trousers. And I watched as he pushed himself into her before he managed to slam the door shut, the sound of her moaning forever burned into my mind.

It should have been that moment; the second that my heart shattered with my realization that I was in love with him and he was with someone else; that I walked away. I tried; that's not the problem; but as emotionally devastated as I was, falling into a new relationship wasn't my best move. I know now that I should have declined Peter's advances. But at the time, all I wanted was to feel wanted and to forget the pain of falling in love. In hindsight I know things would never have lasted with Peter; even if he hadn't turned into the controlling, psycho man he ended up as. It couldn't have lasted; not when I was still in love with Harry.

So much has happened in those six months. I tried to have a relationship with Peter. But his idea of a relationship and my insecurities doomed that from the start. It was only after things ended and he destroyed my house that Harry and I really started to talk. And my heart told me that it still was in love with him. Staying with him those first few weeks were awkward but lovely. For the first time in my life, I was living with a man; even if we did have separate rooms. It was so...domestic. We ate breakfast together most mornings, did our washings together, cooked together, and relaxed together on the evenings that allowed. There were even times we did the shopping together. I loved it. And I fell in love with him even more during that time.

Even after the disaster that Peter reigned down upon us, I felt myself falling more in love with Harry. He was so different from the man on the Grid. And he demanded that we take things slow when I know from his history that slow is not in his everyday vocabulary. From tree hunting to ice skating and gift sharing, we took it slow. But my fear that he'd become bored pushed me to move things out of my comfort zone. Now I think I ruined it.

Almost a month ago, we slept together for the first time. I won't lie and say it was romantic, slow and sweet because it wasn't. Nor was it frantic, mind-blowing and hard. It just...was. Was the best sex I've ever had but I'm sure it was just average for him. It was the first time a man has brought me to orgasm while inside of me which was infinitely more surprising than anything else. The second time we made love that morning; that was slow, mind-blowing, and unbelievable. First of all, I'll never be able to look at a kitchen counter the same way again. I've always thought cooking and the kitchen were two arousing things but that morning changed everything I've ever thought with it.

It wasn't even in the way anything started. I think he was trying to prove a point; that he was a better lover than the first time showed him to be; and so he was a bit smug as he lifted me to the counter top. But that all changed as he lavished kisses all along my flesh; as he brought me to orgasm first with his fingers, than with his tongue and finally, the third time buried inside of me. Even after that hour in the kitchen, he continued to love me and take care of me. But something changed that day too. He asked me to marry him and while I tried to explain my answer of no, I don't think he fully understood my reasoning. And it broke us.

I want to marry him. Not because he's the best lover I've had or because he's got some money put away or any number of other reasons; but because I love him and I love the way he makes me feel. Never have I been so relaxed, so content, so myself with another human being. He knows when I need silence just as I know when he needs silence and he knows when I need cuddle. Nights when I have trouble sleeping; when the nightmares of everything that's happened come back to plague me; a simple touch of his hand on my waist calms me enough to fall back asleep. Days when I rarely see him due to meetings or cases or some other crazy reason, butterflies fill my stomach at the end of the day when he does the simple act of him putting on his coat and holding his hand out to me to take me home.

But that's all changed slowly the past month. It was gradual at first. A long meeting, an early morning meet, dinner with his daughter. But now it's gotten worse. More nights than not I find myself going to sleep alone; Harry not even in the house. I know he comes home at night; that he comes to our bed. He doesn't know I wake when he does it but as he climbs into the bed and settles on his side, he always presses a light kiss against the back of my hair, mutters that he loves me and slides his hand onto my hip as he falls asleep. But by morning he's gone, a note lying in front of the toaster that he's had to go in early. Aside from that gentle kiss and his hand on my hip, he hasn't touched me since that day in front of the fire.

I can see in his eyes the way he watches me that he's still hurt about my answer. Never mind that I told him it was too soon in our relationship and that it'd ruin it. Apparently my saying not now has ruined it anyway. Every day he pulls further away and I know sooner rather than later he's going to leave. Not physically because I know him and he'll never ask me to leave but emotionally. And I don't know how to fix this. Because I know now is not the time to say yes to him; we're not ready for marriage. But I don't think there's any way of drawing him back to me without giving him that kind of commitment. And so I think we're over before we actually began.

Standing in the dining room, Ruth looked at the table and managed a small smile. Two days until Valentine's day; her least favorite 'holiday' of them all. She'd asked Harry to be home in time for dinner tonight; the first time in a month she'd asked anything of him and he'd agreed. A bit reluctantly but he'd agreed. Which gave her hope that maybe somehow they'd work through this. At ten of six she'd left the Grid with a final glance in his office. He'd been on the phone, the anger at whomever was on the other end evident in his posture and facial expressions but he'd nodded at her, his eyes softening for a moment before he'd thrown a file across the office and started yelling again.

Taking the bus, she'd made her way to the market closest to the house and gotten what she'd need to make the dinner she'd found online. She just hoped there'd be enough time to get everything prepared. The Veal Medallions with Apple-Thyme Sauce would only take twenty minutes to prepare or so; the sauce being the hardest and longest on that course. So she'd started with the Mashed Sweet Potatoes and Marsala knowing from the online recipe that it'd take almost two hours to prepare. Between that, the Artichokes with Roasted-Pepper Dip and Bitter Greens with a Tarragon Vinaigrette she'd been busy trying to prepare the ultimate Luxurious meal meant to bring two people back together. Or at least that's what the website claimed.

Now bordering on 9.30, she was waiting for Harry to come home. With how long dinner took, she hadn't expected to have time to shower but she'd been granted that luxury. Now she sat in the dining room waiting; four candles burning the only light in the room. Dinner was resting in the oven; keeping warm and on the verge of drying out. With a sigh, she looked up as the front door opened and the dog barked.

"Ruth?" he asked hesitantly.

"In here." she said softly.

Walking along the hall, he walked into the open door of the dining room and paused, his eyes settling on the woman sitting to one side of the table. In the candlelight he could make out the sparkling of her cerulean eyes, the hints of red mixed into the brunette curls framing her face. Her porcelain skin glowed in the flickering light, a canvas for the red of the dress currently hugging her curves. Stepping down the one step into the room, he crossed the room until he stood next to her. Lifting a hand, he ran a finger down the side of her face.

"What's all this?"

Smile faltering, she looked up at him.

"It's Valentine's Day."

"Not for another two days."

"Harry..."

Sitting down next to her, he sighed; knowing he had to do this now instead of later. "Ruth, we need to talk. This isn't working anymore."

And that was that. Stomach falling to the floor, Ruth realized what she'd been dreading was finally occurring. Damn the man. At least he'd done it now and not on Valentine's Day. Gripping the table tightly in her fingers, she pushed herself into a standing position.

"Right. I think that says it all. Nothing else we need to discuss. I. I'll sleep in the guest room tonight and be out of your way tomorrow."

"Ruth."

"It's alright Harry. I can't say I wasn't expecting this."

Reaching a hand out, Harry gripped her fingers tightly. Looking down at their joined hands, he traced a finger along the ring finger of her left hand. It was empty; something he longed to change. Sliding a hand in his pocket, he met her eyes.

"Ruth, I love you."

"But sometimes love isn't enough."

"And sometimes its everything."

Pulling his hand from his pocket, he fingered the ring he'd picked up on his way home before sliding it onto her finger. Tracing the twin bands with his thumb, he admired the white and rose gold as it rested against her skin. Deciding he'd made the right decision in avoiding the twin bands of solid gold, he smiled at the sight. Decidingly better than the naked finger of a few minutes before.

"Harry what?"

Lifting her hand, he pressed a kiss against the cool metal. "I want to marry you. Spend the rest of my life with you. Through the good times and the bad, in sickness and in health, and when the terrorist try to blow up the country or Adam just finds some other trouble to get into. This month has been agony; yes of my own doing; but agony none the less. A month ago when I asked you to marry me, you said you couldn't; not yet. That it would change everything between us. You used the failure of my marriage to Jane as your reasoning. This last month; that's what almost my entire marriage to Jane was like. Only she didn't attempt to make things better by creating a wonderful pre-Valentine's evening dinner. Instead she pushed me into the arms of other women while seeking comfort in the arms of someone else; my best friend." Sliding his fingers between hers, he gripped her hand tightly. "I know you feel it's too early for me to ask you to marry me. I understand that. But will you comprise in a way that we're entirely too old for?"

Looking down at the hand gripped tightly in his, she saw the ring he'd slipped onto her finger. Feeling the weight against her hand, she looked back up at him. "How do you know the meals wonderful; you've not even tried it."

"You made it. But that's not answering my question. Will you compromise with me and accept this promise ring on the terms that in five months I can ask you to marry me?"

AN: Sorry for the delay; I've had a bit of a bout of pre-birthday depression coupled with some writer's block interestingly enough. Hopefully this makes up for it as I was originally going to end it when Harry told her it wasn't working anymore only to have Ruth move out. Thankfully I decided against that for this story. =0) Reviews are welcome even if they're telling me you hated it. Thanks to all who've reviewed this so far. Oh and if you'd like to see the ring Harry decided on for Ruth, just visit Tiffany's website and look for the Paloma's Calife double band ring.