He held the phone in his hand starring at the picture. Tiny as it was on the screen, it was difficult to make anything out clearly but he knew that somewhere in the blur was their child. Thumb tracing the screen, he let the breath he'd been holding for nine days out.
They were pregnant.
They were staying pregnant.
Nestled securely in her uterus, Ruth was carrying a life that was a combination of them. And she wasn't planning on getting rid of it.
He had over reacted. Words could not describe the level unto which he had overreacted that morning in their bathroom. But her apparent dismay at being pregnant with his child had done something to him. It'd been like dumping salt into an open wound and he had lashed out to make her feel the same despair he was.
It'd taken him a few hours to realize she was scared more than anything. This was Ruth. His dear, sweet, irrational at times Ruth. She loved him. Of that he had no doubt. Even if he had said differently in the heat of the moment. And he loved her. But she was scared of that love at times. To the point that she let it cloud over the goodness. He couldn't figure out what it was that scared her or how to help her overcome it.
By the time he'd calmed down and returned home, she was gone. Which had only infuriated him again. Instead of staying to fight for what they had, she had fled. At the time it hadn't mattered that he'd done the same thing nor that he'd basically told her to leave. It just mattered that she was gone. And so with his wounded pride and inflated ego he pushed her away.
Would they never learn from past mistakes? Her running away and his distance never got them anywhere. Aside from heartache. They were both scared. Scared of screwing things up. Of losing the other. But if they continued to let their fear win out, they'd lose each other sooner.
She'd sent him the email on Friday that she had an appointment today. At first he'd felt a flash of hope that she wanted him there to share in the moment. But then the ugly head of doubt showed itself and he began to think it more like she wanted him there as she ended the pregnancy. So he had withheld his response and instead sent Adam.
The weekend had been hell.
Living without her after four months was hard enough. The house was too quiet. The animals too mopey. Dinner was a sorry affair as he tended to have toast and eggs with a healthy dose of Whiskey more than anything. He'd been unable to sleep in their bed. Not with things how they were between them. The first night he'd tried to sleep in the guest room but images of her in there had plagued him until he had given up. The next night he'd slept on the sofa bed in his office and every night since then. But this past weekend with the quietness of the house and the thoughts plaguing him that she was going to do something they'd both regret had pushed him onto the verge of madness.
The house was spotless. Every box in the basement, attic, and box room had been gone through. Things had found proper homes. Including all her things. When he'd run out of boxes he'd tormented himself with deciding which room would make the best nursery. By Sunday night he'd been ready to lock her in the house until she'd given birth; even if she'd resent him.
Monday morning hadn't come soon enough. Throughout his morning meeting he'd thought about her. About them. About the baby. More times than not Juliet had had to repeat herself which only lead to fueling her anger at him. But he'd been looking for a good fight and she gave it to him. By the time he had left her office at two, he had been ready to both strangle her and shove her up against the wall. As he'd made his way to the waiting car he'd contemplated going to the hospital. To Ruth.
But fear had won out and instead he'd found his way back to the Grid. And his office. Where a decanter of Whiskey had been beckoning him. With the muted sounds of work going on from his staff, he'd watched the clock. Each moment was harder than the last. And then the text had come.
Saw doctor. Need to talk to you.
The only thing going through his mind at the moment was finding out if they were still pregnant. With fingers shaking with emotion, he had typed his response.
Are you still pregnant?
Not a moment had passed before her response had come back.
Yes.
Without thinking he'd typed back, For how long?
It was the question he was dreading the answer to. Was she planning on keeping their child? Everything he knew about Ruth pointed towards her not doing anything to harm their baby; no matter her fears. But he was being irrational. He was scared. He had screwed up and pushed her away. She had gone back on wanting a baby with him and run.
As the phone had chirped he wondered what her answer would be. And could he live with her response if it was something other than nine months?
About seven more months.
Seven months. That was less than nine. But it was more than a day or a week or even a month. She was planning on being pregnant for seven months. Which once his brain started functioning again told him they were two months pregnant.
The night they'd gotten engaged.
They'd gotten pregnant the night they'd gotten engaged.
They weren't pregnant that morning they'd talked about having kids. When she'd curled in his lap and let him hold her. But not too long after. All this time he'd been trying to make her pregnant. And she already was.
But even more so the thought came to him that she wasn't planning on ending it. She was staying pregnant. Having his child. They were going to be parents. In seven months time. He'd not known what to say at that point. The chirping of his phone again had broken him out of his thoughts and he'd glanced down. Opening the message he'd found a photo waiting for him.
The one he was currently starring at.
Their child.
Everything would be okay.
They could fix things.
But before they could be together again they had to talk. She to him and him to her. They needed to work through these fears and past patterns of running away as well as pushing the other away. It wasn't just them anymore. It was them plus baby.
We'll talk tonight. After the Nellington dinner.
God of all nights to have to work.
Did you look at the picture?
Smiling, he nodded even if she couldn't see him.
I did. Our blur is the most beautiful thing in the world.
Download the blur to your computer.
How do I do that?
Take the black cord running from it and plug your phone in. Hit download.
Following her instructions, he waited as the picture slowly loaded on his computer screen. Damn technology. Could it go any slower?. Leaning back in his chair he watched as each line of pixels downloaded. Seeing the image covering his screen, he leaned forward and smiled. There before his eyes the blur had turned into a little peanut. Grinning, he lifted a hand and ran a finger along the screen.
He had a peanut for a child.
Picking up his phone, he started to type a message but stopped. Looking at the phone then the clock he decided that for once his personal life could come before the DG's afternoon briefing. Dialing the familiar number he waited for it to connect.
"Hi." she said, her voice soft and hesitant.
"Our blur's a peanut." He couldn't keep the smile and wonder out of his voice. He was happy. Even if they hadn't been on speaking terms twenty minutes ago.
"Did you look closely at the...err...our peanut?"
Looking at the computer screen, he smiled.
"Yes. Peanut looks good. Slightly bigger in the picture on the left side of the screen. Did the doctor take it from a different angle?"
"Not exactly. Read the title."
"Fetus 1."
"Mmhmm. What's the other side say?"
"Fetus 2." He paused. That didn't make sense. Why would the doctor be naming the images two different things? He made a note to check the credentials of this doctor before Ruth went back to them. His Ruth and their peanut would not be seeing any random old person who thought they'd play at being a Doctor. "I think the Doctor made a mistake. He labeled it fetus 2."
"I know she did. It wasn't a mistake."
"Wasn't a mistake..." looking at the picture again he paused. Fetus 1. Fetus 2. Fetus 1 was slightly bigger than Fetus 2. And it hadn't been taken from a different angle.
Fetus 1.
Fetus 2.
He was one.
Together with Ruth they were two.
Fetus 1. Fetus 2. Fetus 1 and 2.
Mouth dropping open he scrambled to catch the phone as he momentarily lost his grip. Holding it back to his ear he swallowed twice before speaking again; his voice a whisper.
"There's not just one?"
"No." Hearing the tremor in her voice and the slight hitch as she continued, he kicked himself for letting his pride keep him from going with her. She'd panicked at the thought of one child. What she must be thinking and feeling at the prospect of having two. "There's not just one."
"Where are you?"
"Sitting in my car outside home. Err. Outside Danny's."
"Stay there. Well no. Go inside. But stay at his house. I'll be there within the hour."
"You have your meeting with the DG."
"Bugger the DG. You need me."
"I'm okay."
"You're not. I can hear it in your voice. And if I'd pulled my head out of my ass anytime in the last nine days I'd have seen you were scared more than anything. I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too." she said softly, her hand momentarily resting against her abdomen. She was scared. Terrified even. But they'd get through it. "And I'm alright. Really. Go to your meeting."
"Ruth..."
"Harry can we please not fight anymore? I don't think I can take it."
"Me neither. But I'm still coming over there."
"Harry go to your meeting. You can't be getting yourself fired right now for insubordination. I'll still be pregnant tonight when I see you at the dinner."
He smiled at that. "You will be won't you? Pregnant with my twins."
"Our twins. But yes."
"Our twins. We're having twins. I love you."
"I love you too. Now go to your meeting."
"Alright. Take care of yourself and our peanut clusters."
AN: I couldn't actually leave it there. People were damning Harry when it wasn't just his fault. So I had to make them talk. Thanks to those who've already left me reviews and PM's on the last chapter. =0) Your thoughts and insight make me write faster.