He was going to go to his room, bury himself beneath his blankets and make himself fall asleep before the emotions could engulf him. It was a good plan. It would work. He'd probably feel more alone than ever, but whatever. He'd be fine in the morning, right? Sure, he'd be fine in the morning. She was just a girl, just a tease, just a destroyer of hope that was all.

He stopped halfway down the hall to his room and found himself staring at Raph's door. He couldn't recall telling himself to pause here. He couldn't recall telling himself to knock either. And he had no idea what was compelling him to wait as an irritated, sleep-filled groan answered from inside the room. It was followed by a crash of cymbals and a muffled curse, and the door flung open, mask-less Raph leaning all of his weight against the frame as though he'd stumbled into it.

He squinted, staring as though he wasn't processing what he was looking at. Then he scoffed when he realized it was Leo standing in his doorway. He rolled his eyes and leaned with his shoulder.

"You really are fearless," he said, rubbing his eyes. "There'd better be a good reason for this."

"I kissed Karai," Leo said before he could stop himself. Why this, why now, why to Raphael of all people, he had no earthly idea. Wasn't this the guy he could've sworn he was full-heartedly against ten minutes ago?

Raph stared at him, now looking considerably awake. He said nothing for the longest time as his bright green eyes adhered themselves quite strongly to the blue-banded turtle's face but with no emotion behind them whatsoever. After a breathless moment came and passed, he stood up straight, poked his head out into the hallway and glanced down both ends. He must've been satisfied with what he either did or didn't find because in the next second he snatched Leo by the ridge of his plastron and yanked him into the room, closing the door behind them to lock them in a box of darkness.

Leo stumbled as Raph brutally shoved him across the room, and the older turtle flinched when his brother marched up to him, pointed at the edge of the bed and said, "Sit."

Leonardo obeyed, though he couldn't explain to himself why.

"What was that you said?" Raph asked, leaning close with his ear angled just right.

Leo pulled in a breath. "I kissed Kar—"

He was cut off, not only by the deafening sound of a slap, but by the sting of one too. He gazed over his brother's shoulder with a grimace as pinpricks of pain burned like microscopic flames spreading across his cheek.

Even with the ringing in his ears he could hear Raph shouting, "Who in God's great and glorious name told you that was okay?"

Leo turned his eyes on his brother and said nothing. Not that Raph really gave him the chance to.

"Dammit. I knew that you were gonna be a little slow catching up, but I didn't think you'd be this stupid! I mean what—" He stopped, mouth open but without the accompaniment of sound. He clenched his teeth and growled, turning away to pace in a circle and drag his hand over his head. "Oh my god." He groaned, leaning his head back toward the ceiling before he snapped back at Leo. "Why did you do it?"

Leo's head shook on its own. "I don't know," he heard himself mumble.

"She didn't take it well did she?"

His head shook again as mortified chills rushed up his arms.

"Leo, you just …"

Raph crouched, burying his face in his hands, and then he stood again just as quickly and gestured dramatically toward the door. "What were you expecting to accomplish? Did you think she'd confess her love to you or something? This is Karai we're talking about. Karai. I'm surprised you're not bleeding out of your ears. Hell, I'm surprised she didn't break your ass in half!"

He paused, fuming even in his silence, hands on his hips. Then he lashed out with a second slap twice as forceful as the first. "What were you thinking!"

Leo bared his teeth, ignoring the sting. "I wasn't!" he said, fists now curled on his thighs. "I wasn't thinking okay? It just happened!" He shot up a hand just as Raph's flinched. "Slap me again. I dare you."

Raph's jaw rippled, but he stepped back, now crossing his arms over his chest, staring down his nose.

Leo looked away, squinting his eyes to keep the angry blur from spreading. His body shook but he refused to relax. He felt if he loosened his muscles, a bevy of very unwanted emotions would tumble out of him in an avalanche. He gripped the edge of the bed now, clenching the already rumpled sheets. He bunched his jaw and focused all of his energy on holding his tears back. And yet somewhere in his sense of awareness he could feel Raph softening, green eyes still watching him.

And then he heard his sigh. "What did she say to you?"

Leo sucked in a calming breath, forcing the knot back down in his throat, and let it out slowly before he answered. "She said …" He grimaced. "She said she's not the type of girl to bother with relationships, and that it's weird because I'm … a freak and she was only leading me on before when she needed to because that was the way she was raised, and I feel like an idiot!" He dropped his face in his hands and shuddered.

Raph said nothing for a while, so Leo took this as a nod to continue speaking. "I feel like … I just … I feel used."

When he picked up his head and realized his palms were wet, he curled his fingers over them.

He looked up at his brother desperately, as though hoping he might understand, and yet still in the back of his mind he wondered why Raph.

Raphael's gaze was troubled but not yet soft.

"I mean, is that what we are, Raph?" Leo said, now ignoring the tears that rolled down his cheeks. "Just freaks to be used as pawns in other people's games?"

Raph's brow creased even further and it seemed he was back in front of Leo in one long stride, kneeling and taking Leo's wrists to pull his hands away from rubbing his face. They gazed at each other for a long time. Raph's eyes were strong—fiery.

"No," he said. Leo searched his gaze and found no waver to it. "I'm not a pawn. And neither are you. That's bullshit. And so what if we are freaks?" He shrugged. "You can't get any better, in my opinion. Freak is the highest honor. We're mutant turtles, man—ninja turtles. Own up to it!"

He gently scraped a knuckle under Leo's chin, tilting it up. The smallest of smiles broke out on Leo's cheeks. Raph grinned back.

"I'm so tired of you guys thinkin' that being mutants is a bad thing. Dude, it's the best thing we could possibly be! It's the best thing anyone could possibly be. And you know what, I feel sorry for everyone who isn't. So suck it up, Fearless. You're just gonna have to deal with people who can't measure up."

Leo's smile grew more prominent and he wiped the rest of his tears away. "Don't I already do that?"

"Jackass," Raph said over a chuckle, pounding a fist on Leo's knee. It didn't hurt like the slaps. There was a difference in the force behind it, just a Raphael-esque show of affection.

Raph stood and Leo followed his lead, allowing his brother to pat his shoulder. "And listen, Leo, I hate to have to be the one to tell you this and probably ruin an image, but I'll try to forgive myself for it later. Girls are devious. They're manipulative. They scheme. That's just what happens. Sometimes they can't even help it, and we certainly can't either. They're like cats." He made an act of shuddering and Leo grinned. "Give 'em an inch and they'll knock your knees out and cement you to the floor."

"That's very vivid."

"Well, they're masters at this stuff. You just gotta know it." He yawned and turned away, slapping Leo's shoulder one more time as he did so. "No more kissing girls alright?"

Leo's brow furrowed, but he said nothing about this as he watched his brother crawl under his sheets and hug his pillow to his face with a sigh.

"Now if we're all done bein' pansies here, it's the middle of the night and I'd like to get back to dreamin' about serving Fishface with a side of fries."

Leo's grin perked up just before it fell, and he simply stood there as Raph closed his eyes and feigned sleep.

He could've left - Leo. In fact he should have. He was now exhausted and felt entitled to at least a few hours of undisturbed dreams. But while Raph's blunt humor had dried his tears, there was still an aching throb in his chest where he knew he'd never be able to look at Karai the same again, never be able to look at himself the same again. It was as though he'd been sprinting forward for the past few weeks at incredible speeds and then without warning was stopped by a brick wall that nearly shattered his bones as he smacked into it, and it hurt. And he was pretty positive that hurt wouldn't go away for a good while. And amazingly, the only thing that frightened him more than being hurt was facing that hurt alone.

"Raph?"

"Mmm?"

Leo opened his mouth only to close it again, unable to form the words. Raphael opened one eye and peeked at him through the shadows. "What d'you want?"

Leo pursed his lips. "It's more what I don't want."

Raph sighed. "What don't you want then?"

Leo's eyes shifted a moment before landing back on his brother. "To be alone," he answered quietly.

Raph stared at him for a moment, expression unreadable. It felt like a good handful of heartbeats had gone by before he gave an exaggerated groan and rolled over, snuggling closer to the wall. "Fine," he said. "But if I get pushed up against the wall, I'm kicking your ass off the bed."

Leo didn't notice himself smiling or, what was more, that it was a smile of gratitude laced with a thread of affection. He pulled off his gear and climbed in bed next to his brother, yanking his mask off last before curling up under the blankets and lying with his shell against Raph's.

He closed his eyes, completely oblivious to the smile Raph hid beneath the hem of the sheets.