Anonymous Review 1: Making references does not break cannon, and it should've already been made clear a LONG time ago that this doesn't follow cannon. The characters don't share the same backstory as cannon, including Zane.
You're also complaining about this fan fiction being in American English, then decided to make a typo "now and days," which should be "nowadays," even in your country. When you type a critique, be sure to spell AND grammar check.
Now, you did make a point about Japanese festivals, which I looked up and there are Japanese schools that do have Spirit Day in the fall. Granted it's in more Americanized Japanese schools, and is in October, while this one is at the end of November. I purposely placed it there for a reason, which I will get to very soon (not in this chapter obviously).
But seriously, are you so desperate to find something to complain about my story that you're pulling things out of your ass, or do you want me to say arse? The only criticism I found reasonable was the one about the festivals, and it's nitpicking at best. I'm sorry if I can't take your criticism seriously, but you're complaining about things that should've already been established. Hell, you're complaining about the fact this is written in American English, which is the language half of these fan fictions are written under. What interests me is that you're doing this under anonymous.
Let me play Simon Cowell for a moment, and say that you, sir, are the worst critic I have ever met in my life. Your critiquing is rubbish, and feels like I'm reading from a 10-year-old boy that didn't get his cookie for desert. If you can't take me seriously, click on the FanFiction button on the top left by "unleash your imagination." If you really are 10 or under 13 (the age limit to be a member of this site), GET OUT! I'm sure you can find more age appropriate stories for you on CartoonNetworkDOTcom. See ya! Or, as they say in Great Britain, "goodbye."
Anonymous Review 2: Oops. I fixed it. I forgot that I was going to dress up Zane in a Dark Magician outfit. I had alot of things going on like beta reading and so on. Don't worry, I won't stop. I hate discontinued stories. Even when I quite writing DP stories, I deleted my discontinued stories.
Anonymous Review 3: I did change it. The changes probably didn't apply yet. It should show the changes by now.
ALL ANONYMOUS: Please give me critiques that have class. I refuse to reply to any reviews that complain about what should've already been established. Be sure to spell and grammar check your critiques before sending them, and make sure they seem reasonable. I don't want another review that looks like is written by someone under the age of 16 (age limit for this story is 16 or older). If you are too young to be a member of this site, then you shouldn't even be reading this. For Anonymous 1, you can give me better reviews, or don't send any at all (better yet, don't read this story, if you hate it that much). I have all anonymous reviews moderated, so if I spot anything unreasonable, I won't post or read the rest of it. If you want me to read every single blabbering nonsense you're typing up, register on this site like everyone else. For Anonymous 2 and 3, don't worry, your reviews are great and give me good criticism that's actually IMPORTANT. Thank you.
Here's the next chapter, which will be around the beginning of December in this one. Time for more character development for Ronda! Review please!
Moaning, Ronda found herself lying upon something very rock-solid hard. On top of that, it was blazing hot. She tried rubbing her eyes, only to find her hands tied behind her back with rope. She gasped, backing herself up quickly against the stone wall of... a dark cave? It was obvious as daylight that Ronda had been kidnapped in her sleep.
"Hey, anyone here!?" Ronda called out, which sounded lame the more she thought about it.
"I was curious when you'd wake up," Ronda heard the sound of an older male.
From what Ronda could see, despite very little light, her kidnapper was young with thick blond hair, intense green eyes, wearing an Obelisk Blue buttoned uniform and pants. It seemed that this was Nightshroud possessing another student from the Abandoned Dorm. It was now that Ronda started feeling afraid. She knew what this guy was capable of, and his record.
"Where'd you take me?" Ronda asked nervously, trying to sound braver than she actually was.
"I like to find creative ways of gaining your friend's attention. I thought perhaps challenging her to a shadow game with your life at stake would do the trick. It should only be a matter of time before she realizes you're missing," Nightshroud replied.
"That doesn't answer my question. Where did you take me? Where am I?" Ronda asked, slightly irritated now.
"Someone is a bit annoyed. You're a smart girl; I'm sure you'll figure it out soon," Nightshroud smirked, enjoying the torture he was giving Ronda.
Ronda just glared in response before Nightshroud lifted her up by the back of her long black shirt, which she just realized she had on. This was beyond embarrassing. Here Ronda was in her shirt that reached to the middle of her thighs, and underwear. A part of her was hoping Nightshroud didn't do anything worse than just use her as bait, like raping her or something. Now, the idea sent chills down Ronda's spine.
Being dragged inside the cave, Ronda began realizing that she was beginning to grow hotter and hotter. 'Oh no, I'm inside the Volcano!?' Ronda thought in her mind in panic. She had to think quickly. It was only a matter of time before she saw the gap in front of her, which showed a deep pit with a huge pool of lava at the bottom.
"OH MY GOD!" Ronda screamed before finding herself being pushed with a giant force over the pit, which made her scream. The ropes were instantly cut off and, before she knew it, she was hanging on for dear life at the edge of the cliff. "LET ME OUT!"
"I'm afraid I can't do that, seeing as you are the damsel in distress for the day," Nightshroud smirked.
Ronda felt her toes slipping, her body breaking in sweat, and her fingers growing buttery and slippery. Panic overcame her, and she was willing to grasp or pull at anything to get out. She began screaming and crying, putting her focus fearfully on Nightshroud before a cloud of darkness whipped around him, and he was pulled toward the lava. At the same time, Nightshroud seemed to be struggling against the pull.
"Wha... yah!" Nightshroud yelped, glaring irritatingly at Ronda. "You little shit! Let go of me!"
"NO!" Ronda screamed, not caring about her life any longer, and pulling Nightshroud as hard as she could with her powers.
"Very well, then let's make it a challenge," Nightshroud smirked, yanking Ronda off the cliff that supported her from falling into the lava.
Ronda felt herself falling, screaming while she was falling, then finding herself landing on some sort of invisible cloud of darkness. She realized she made this platform cloud, looking up and seeing Nightshroud appear on a dark platform of his own over the lava.
"Since you're going to be stubborn, I'll humor myself. How this game works is we must climb ourselves all the way to the top of this Volcano. The loser will be given a penalty game of the winner's request," Nightshroud smirked as Ronda found herself trembling. "Let the games begin."
The platform instantly disappeared, then Ronda felt a dark force push her against the side of the cliff again. She screamed once more, then found herself hanging on with good support. She panted, looking up to the top of the Volcano, which was WAY up. She began climbing herself up. She hated the position she was in, having to rock climb inside a volcano with a long shirt, underwear, and sweat building under her boobs. Ronda hoped she didn't end up with a rash after this. Rashes under her breasts are really painful.
Ronda climbed higher and higher, her adrenaline kicking in out of panic. She felt her feet hurting from climbing the pointy rocks, but she ignored them the best of her abilities. One slip could mean death. Sweat was building more and more, her hands growing more wet. Ronda didn't give up, and couldn't. She tried to focus more on getting out of this Volcano than Nightshroud.
"I hope you can move faster than that!" Nightshroud shouted, making Ronda more nervous and scared. She wanted to cry.
"Shut up!" Ronda screamed, trying to climb faster, then her foot slipped before finding herself screaming and hanging on with only her two hands.
"It'd be disappointing, if you lose this quickly on your first Shadow Game!"
Ronda panted, crying in great panic. She was afraid... shaking... how did Jaylin deal with this? At the same time, her arms were growing tired. She had to keep going. Jaylin would probably not know where Ronda was for a long time, and she'd be dead by the time she was found. She kept climbing, her arms killing her constantly with every pull she made.
"Oh God, please help me," Ronda prayed with weeping tears, turning to the only source of help she could find.
Ronda's arms began growing numb, no longer feeling the pain. She kept climbing higher and higher, never giving up. The top of the Volcano was growing closer from Ronda's view. More tears were pouring from Ronda's eyes, the girl trying to stay calm the best she could. She felt herself needing to hurry to the top, her climb growing faster. Hope was finally coming to her view.
Suddenly, she felt some sort of instant strike right at the supporting rock she was grabbing onto, that support falling from her grasp, and herself slipping. Ronda's only grip from her left hand was the only thing keeping her hanging. Ronda began screaming in panic.
"STOP IT!" Ronda screamed, feeling the darkness surrounding her, and the whole volcano shaking. She heard rocks crumbling, and some sounds from Nightshroud.
"You little- OW! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Nightshroud screamed, while falling into the pit of the Volcano.
Ronda focused on Nightshroud's fall, no longer feeling the fear as darkness surrounded and clouded her mind. Her fear and anxiety disappeared. She felt vengeance taking over her, the bittersweet satisfaction of justice being served.
"Meet hell," Ronda said coldly as a dark light surrounded the body Nightshroud possessed before it hit the lava pit.
Ronda climbed herself back to the top fearlessly, being there was so much darkness surrounding her. She made it to the top, smiling bitterly before turning to the Slifer Red Campus. She then turned to the Abandoned Dorm, wanting to bring justice that tasted sweet at the tip of her tongue. She took her first step before feeling a greater energy of darkness coming her way.
"Ronda!" Ronda heard an echo from Jaylin, who appeared right in front of her in the blink of an eye. She felt her two cheeks being touched by Jaylin's hands, all the darkness feeling as if it was on a racetrack, and the breaks were being placed. It became increasingly overwhelming, and made Ronda dizzy.
"Ugh," Ronda moaned, closing her eyes, then slipped into Jaylin's arms. She began realizing how tired she was, and felt her stomach tighten. "I feel sick."
"It's okay, I got you," Jaylin assured, kneeling down, then turning, so Ronda would face her back. "Put your arms around me." Ronda tiredly wobbled her arms around Jaylin's neck. Then, she felt her legs being carried, herself being lifted on Jaylin's back. Her head rested against Jaylin's shoulder, her eyes closed. "Hang on. I'll take you back to your dorm without anyone seeing you like this."
"Hmm," Ronda moaned before feeling herself zooming, the wind making her hair fly along like a cape.
It was almost no time before Ronda felt Jaylin come to a stop, then walked across the room. She turned to gently place Ronda back on her bed. She slowly placed her hand against her forehead, while Jaylin placed a cold rag on her forehead.
"Are you alright? I felt a Shadow Game commencing, and realized you were fighting against Nightshroud by the time I called everyone. We were worried sick," Jaylin said.
"Bastard kidnapped me like I was Princess Peach," Ronda moaned.
Jaylin snorted, "at least you're well enough to make a joke. I wasn't sure how the frictioning of your powers would effect you. I didn't think it'd be as overwhelming as it is for me, being that it's not as strong."
"How do you do it? I was scared as shit. I practically cried, and I haven't done that since Gramama died."
"It takes practice. I was scared on my first try. Hell, many times I still am," Jaylin said, showing a bright smile, while patting Ronda's head. "You did great today."
"Thanks."
"You want me to get you anything?"
"I just want to sleep."
"Okay then. I'll let you rest... maybe help you get a shower afterward."
Ronda laughed sarcastically as Jaylin left the room. She moaned, while turning to her side to try to sleep. It had been a long morning for her, being kidnapped with only a shirt and underwear, being stranded on the side of the cliff of a volcano, having to climb up the cliff, and having to give Nightshroud a Penalty Game. A part of her felt guilty, being that the possessed body was now burned and dead. She wished there was some way of saving the man, but she didn't know how she could've saved that guy. Ronda could only focus on making sure she wasn't the one that was dead.
Deciding not to linger on it, Ronda began thinking of other things to keep her mind off of that event. She began thinking of her family. When was the last she ever called her parents, her sisters, her brother, her uncle, her family? Ronda was not exactly one to call her family every single day of the week. She would go months without calling them. She decided to make it her duty to call them when she got up.
It was after thinking on that, Ronda fell right to sleep.