The Misadventure's of the Akatsuki
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NarutoxKonanxHarem. (Yugito, Sakura, Hinata, Temari, Shion, Sasame, Hana, Tsume, and Isaribi) The Main focus will be Konan though. I will do one-shot lemons though with the other girls of Naruto but they won't play a major focus in the pairing.
ItachixOc Uchiha (Presumably the unnamed Girlfriend from the Manga.)
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Misadventures- A fanfiction portraying the Akatsuki in a humorous and crack fic like manner. The Akatsuki are the following.
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Deidara- The Bishounen foul mouth, art obsessed member. Like all the members he has a strong like for Alcohol and recently weed. (See chapter 1.) Often made fun of the other characters by his style of speech and looks he's known to often be involved in complicated schemes, usually the guy who blows shit up.
Sasori- One of the quieter and less insane members of the troupe. Been known to have a thing for blondes. From time to time he breaks his silence by either offering words of wisdom or making a completely random Suggestion.
Zetsu-The quietest and most mysterious of the Akatsuki. Goes along with anyone and is neutral. From time to time tries to eat the other members or there pets. (Stay tune for future chapters.)
Hidan-The foul mouthed immortal of the group. Known to be very religious and violent. Loves crack and is a Kleptomaniac. Known to cause children to cry and cause adults to commit suicide.
Kakuzu- The greediest member of Akatsuki. Normally serves as a counter balance to more of the insane behavior of the members. The Ironic thing about this guy is that his immortality is based off having a maximum of five hearts, yet most of his deaths are heart attack related.
Itachi-The Closet Pervert of the Akatsuki. Has been known to kill anyone who messes with his stash. Also tends to Tsukiyomi people a lot, specifically Kisame. Also one of the more insane members, though his bouts are more concentrated and deadly then spread out like the others.
Kisame- An Open pervert and cannibal. Kisame loves committing mass murder and weed. If there is anything involving drugs then he's most likely involved.
Tobi-The most cheerful and naive of the Akatsuki. Often the Catalyst for Mayhem and other plots that often result in one or more of the members being killed. The running joke is that Tobi is immortal as he usually miraculously survives or disappears.
Konan- The most intelligent of the Akatsuki members and by far sane. Though she has her quirks being a bit of a Nympho and Cosplayer. The Voice of Reason of the group not to mention the one who usually solves the problems. Also know to have a one of a kind jewel that lets her possess the body of others and allows them to feel what she feels.
Pein/Nagato- The leader of the group who is a lightweight when it comes to any type of abuse able substance. Often either Unconscious or somewhere else when things happen. When he is there he is usually panicking like the others. The only person who can keep control of him is Konan
Naruto-Temporary? Soon to be new guy and former target of the Akatsuki. Known as quite the playboy and worshiped by Kisame and Itachi. Is in need of a seal to suppress Kyuubi whose interfering with Naruto's ability to have some fun.
The Akatsuki-Despite their differences they have many things in common. One is they are often dying in embarrassing or unbelievable ways, only to be brought back to life later like nothing happened.
Also they all from time to time abuse substances like Alcohol or Beer. Above all else they have a treasured item that they would kill anyone over.
They also have a game call 'Clowin' when they start doing Yo Mama Jokes for extreme hilarity.
All and all…it's these traits and more that contribute to there Misadventures.
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Konoha 12
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Hinata-The Shy one of the Bunch and the most endowed of the girls. Has a secret Inner Pervert and desired to be 'tamed' by her love Naruto. Hinata is known to rarely get angry or drunk and when she does watch out. Has an alter-ego known as Evil Hinata who comes in great times of stress, anger, or drunkenness. She usually magically appears in an all black leather outfit and paddle that can send people flying several kilometers. She's also known to be invincible and immune to everything from poison to logic with her only weaknesses being Naruto and Holy Water. As a result Hinata is the only shinobi in history to get a special circumstantial SSS-rank label while being loyal to her village.
Sakura-One of the crazier members also has a secret and perverted side. Has a desire to dominate a strong willed and feral Naruto in bed. The type girl that can whoop your ass with a punch and turn around and heal you. Rumors has it that she has a catgirl outfit and a Death Note.
Sasuke-The slightly psychotic one of the K12. He's calm down from his overwhelmingly life of darkness and hatred, but can't seem to function without having vengeance. As a result he's on a never ending quest of vengeance for anyone who tries to kill him to simply kicking his puppy Bosco 2. Bosco 2 is named after Bosco, Sasuke's original dog when he was young and the real reason why Sasuke swore vengeance upon Itachi.
Kiba-One of the more perverted members and along with Shino have been known to smoke and sale weed. He's the louder and more boisterous of the duo with his partner Akamaru who has a keen nose for weed as well. Kiba is also one of the few people who knows the identity of the infamous Panty Bandit.
Shino-One of the more intelligent and stoic members of the K12 who also peddles out weed along with Kiba. Also despite how much people try to coax emotion out of him he always talks in monotone. Also rumor has it, or mostly because Kiba states it that he might be the infamous Panty Bandit who is never dare when the Panty Bandit is in public sight.
Ino-The sexy and talkative blond is the heiress of the Yamanka clan. If anyone is to know about the latest gossip its her.
Chouji-The Large kid of the bunch and one of the physically strongest. Chouji is quite kind and intelligent, even a decent cook. Watch out because if you call him fat he literally squashes you.
Shikamaru-The most intelligent of the K12 and one of the true geniuses of Konoha Shikamaru is known for thinking ten steps ahead of his opponents. He's also quite lazy so why the hell is that attractive brunette from wine country dating him?
Tenten-The weapon happy weapons master of Konoha. Tenten is the first Konoha shinobi of history banned from handling explosives even at the price of failing a mission. So she blew up twenty houses, six factories, three museums, two restaurants, and a golf course. It was an accident. She also has deadly pinpoint accuracy and can pull weapons out of the mythical hammer space.
Neji-Another Stoic member of the K12 and secret pervert. Neji has a fetish for long haired black haired girls. He's also known to go into a murderous rage against anyone who damages his hair.
Lee- The must exuberant member and most energetic excluding Naruto. The heir to the philosophy of Youth and the most extreme. Their is few people who can defeat a drunk Rock Lee in battle.
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Story Start
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It was a hell of weekend last weekend. The Akatsuki members were all killed, but they came back to life so that didn't matter as that happened every once and awhile. Though now most of them were paranoid out of there minds as their deaths weren't usually back to back like that.
Iwa wanted to kill Akatsuki because Hidan and Kakuzu raids in there land halted all transfers of Alcoholic beverages. Deidara had blew up a shipment worth of porn, the most valued being Icha Icha which got him an ass kicking by closet fan Itachi and most of the other members.
Kumo because they lost two of their strongest shinobi and Konoha for the obvious. There were some minor villages in the attack that wanted retribution for all the destruction and mayhem that collecting bounties to build of Akatsuki's money reservoir caused…But why the hell did Mist join in?
''Hey everyone! Tobi is a good boy!'' He shouted running in with a bowl of pudding. ''Pudding!''
''Get'em!'' The shout surprisingly enough came from Itachi. Tobi was bum rushed and promptly beaten, while his evil pudding was destroyed. To celebrate drinks were being passed all around.
''Now…I have some bizness to'' Hic-cup '' to mention or something.'' The Great leader of Akatsuki…was a light weight. ''Our Newest member…Narusoto…or ever the fuck his name is.''
''Wow…just wow thank you.'' Naruto dead panned.
''Leader…I'm not the brightest guy…''
'Your definitely not,'' Deidara interrupted Kisame.
''As I was saying before He-she interrupted me.''
''Fuck you Shark Boy…At least my Bishonen looks can at least get me some pussy…all you can probably get is some donkey pussy.''
Snickers ''Donkey Pussy?'' – Naruto.
''You want to take this outside?'' Kisame roared standing up.
''Oh you don't want none of this.''
''Dude…you have fucking mouths in your hands!'' Naruto pointed out as most of them sweat dropped. ''If you were a chick…I bet you give the best hand jobs ever.''
''Holy shit! He's right…the potential,'' Secret Pervert Itachi said in awe.
''Itachi shut up! Have your perverted fantasies another time. Am I the only one here that's not confused as to why A. We haven't vacated to a new less conspicious base and B. why he's joining us when were trying to kill him?'' Asked Sasori in a raspy tone.
''We're not trying to kill him per say. Just rip the demon out of his gut which will kill him.''
''Thank you Captain Obvious. Go play with your blow jobbing hands or something.''
''Fuck you Sasori-Dono…This is bullshit. I didn't even want to be here in the first place. Itachi's punk ass forced me.''
''He probably thought you were a chick.''
''Shut up Kisame!''-Itachi & Deidara.
''Hey Konan-chan,'' Naruto turned to his slave/lover. ''Is it always this fucked up?''
''Oh trust me…this is one of the saner days.''
''You know…I try so hard…why the fuck yall all rude to each other all the time. Do my prinsepells mean…''Pein fell forward passed out, slamming his head on the table.
''This guy is leader again why?'' Kisame dead panned.
''Besides having the legendary Rin'nengan and able to blow up an entire village in a single Jutsu,'' Konan replied.
''Right.''
''Tob…'' Tobi fell back, knocked unconscious by Itachi's back hand.
''Damn! The Pimp Hand is strong with that one,'' Naruto cracked.
''Thing that's strong…you should see my Bitch Slap!''
''Why are you here anyway Naruto-san?''
''Well Kyuubi's being a cock blocking player hater! I tried to get it on with Konan here,'' Jaws Drop. ''But the ass hole sent demonic chakra to my junk and nearly burned the shit beyond repair. I mean after I bagged Tsunade, Hana, Mei Terumi, that one chick from Iwa, those two sexy as students of Kirabi's Samui and Karui, Tsume Inuzuka, Anko, a Milf by the name of Tsunami, the Raikage's niece, and that one green hair chick with the crossed eyes you would have figured I had nothing to worry about.''
Itachi and Kisame runs over and starts bowing. ''We are yours to command. What is thy will Kami-sama.''
''huh………?''
''Apparently sense you bagged some of the hottest women, after me of course in the elemental nations apparently they idolize you?''
''Is that Jealousy I'm detecting in your voice Konan-chan?''
''I don't know…is that you sleeping on the couch tonight I'm seeing Naruto-kun?''
''Oooooooh!''
''Damn she told you!''
''I felt that from all the way the fuck over here!''
''Hell my wallet felt that!''
''Burn!''
''You know what…fuck yall…I came here for help. Figure you ass-holes had a seal that damper Demonic chakra or something.''
''We'll give you the seal but on one condition.''
''What's that?''
''You must take us…to Disney Land.'' Sasori answered as Naruto face faulted. ''Kidding of course…I mean Magic Mountain.''
''Oh Kami…my head hurts just thinking about it. ''
''Hey everyone! Tobi is a good boy! Look what he found!'' Holds up Giant Bomb.
''Holy crap my baby!'' Deidara shriek.
''Oh hell he's going to kill us all!''
''Hit the deck!''
''I don't want to die!''
''Oh fuck this I'm out!''
''Tobi's a good,'' Accidentally presses button and sets off bomb. The explosion results in killing yet again most of the members. ''Boy!'' A synced Tobi said as he fell back. Konan, being the only sensible member fled the moment she heard Tobi's Voice. Pein didn't even feel anything for some reason that could not be explained. Naruto, would live thanks to Kyuubi's healing and Hidan was immortal. Kakuzu who was also immortal didn't die from the attack, Ironic as a situation could be he suffered a heart attack upon seeing the size of the bomb and Tobi holding it. Yet another day in the life of the Akatsuki.
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I know I promised a Lemon but I thought about a mutli-chapter fic…with no definite end and mainly humor would be better. That and decided to expand a bit more on Konan's Cosplaying tendencies and her relationship with Naruto.
Feel free to suggest crazy ass ideas for me to use.