The Misadventure's of the Akatsuki
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NarutoxKonanxHarem. (Yugito, Sakura, Hinata, Temari, Shion, Sasame, Hana, Tsume, and Isaribi) The Main focus will be Konan though. I will do one-shot lemons though with the other girls of Naruto but they won't play a major focus in the pairing.
ItachixOc Uchiha (Presumably the unnamed Girlfriend from the Manga.)
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Misadventures- A fanfiction portraying the Akatsuki in a humorous and crack fic like manner. The Akatsuki are the following.
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Deidara- The Bishounen foul mouth, art obsessed member. Like all the members he has a strong like for Alcohol and recently weed. (See chapter 1.) Often made fun of the other characters by his style of speech and looks he's known to often be involved in complicated schemes, usually the guy who blows shit up.
Sasori- One of the quieter and less insane members of the troupe. Been known to have a thing for blondes. From time to time he breaks his silence by either offering words of wisdom or making a completely random Suggestion.
Zetsu-The quietest and most mysterious of the Akatsuki. Goes along with anyone and is neutral. From time to time tries to eat the other members or there pets. (Stay tune for future chapters.)
Hidan-The foul mouthed immortal of the group. Known to be very religious and violent. Loves crack and is a Kleptomaniac. Known to cause children to cry and cause adults to commit suicide.
Kakuzu- The greediest member of Akatsuki. Normally serves as a counter balance to more of the insane behavior of the members. The Ironic thing about this guy is that his immortality is based off having a maximum of five hearts, yet most of his deaths are heart attack related.
Itachi-The Closet Pervert of the Akatsuki. Has been known to kill anyone who messes with his stash. Also tends to Tsukiyomi people a lot, specifically Kisame. Also one of the more insane members, though his bouts are more concentrated and deadly then spread out like the others.
Kisame- An Open pervert and cannibal. Kisame loves committing mass murder and weed. If there is anything involving drugs then he's most likely involved.
Tobi-The most cheerful and naive of the Akatsuki. Often the Catalyst for Mayhem and other plots that often result in one or more of the members being killed. The running joke is that Tobi is immortal as he usually miraculously survives or disappears.
Konan- The most intelligent of the Akatsuki members and by far sane. Though she has her quirks being a bit of a Nympho and Cosplayer. The Voice of Reason of the group not to mention the one who usually solves the problems. Also know to have a one of a kind jewel that lets her possess the body of others and allows them to feel what she feels.
Pein/Nagato- The leader of the group who is a lightweight when it comes to any type of abuse able substance. Often either Unconscious or somewhere else when things happen. When he is there he is usually panicking like the others. The only person who can keep control of him is Konan
Naruto-Temporary? Soon to be new guy and former target of the Akatsuki. Known as quite the playboy and worshiped by Kisame and Itachi. Is in need of a seal to suppress Kyuubi whose interfering with Naruto's ability to have some fun.
The Akatsuki-Despite their differences they have many things in common. One is they are often dying in embarrassing or unbelievable ways, only to be brought back to life later like nothing happened.
Also they all from time to time abuse substances like Alcohol or Beer. Above all else they have a treasured item that they would kill anyone over.
They also have a game call 'Clowin' when they start doing Yo Mama Jokes for extreme hilarity.
All and all…it's these traits and more that contribute to there Misadventures.
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Konoha 12
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Hinata-The Shy one of the Bunch and the most endowed of the girls. Has a secret Inner Pervert and desired to be 'tamed' by her love Naruto. Hinata is known to rarely get angry or drunk and when she does watch out. Has an alter-ego known as Evil Hinata who comes in great times of stress, anger, or drunkenness. She usually magically appears in an all black leather outfit and paddle that can send people flying several kilometers. She's also known to be invincible and immune to everything from poison to logic with her only weaknesses being Naruto and Holy Water. As a result Hinata is the only shinobi in history to get a special circumstantial SSS-rank label while being loyal to her village.
Sakura-One of the crazier members also has a secret and perverted side. Has a desire to dominate a strong willed and feral Naruto in bed. The type girl that can whoop your ass with a punch and turn around and heal you. Rumors has it that she has a catgirl outfit and a Death Note.
Sasuke-The slightly psychotic one of the K12. He's calm down from his overwhelmingly life of darkness and hatred, but can't seem to function without having vengeance. As a result he's on a never ending quest of vengeance for anyone who tries to kill him to simply kicking his puppy Bosco 2. Bosco 2 is named after Bosco, Sasuke's original dog when he was young and the real reason why Sasuke swore vengeance upon Itachi.
Kiba-One of the more perverted members and along with Shino have been known to smoke and sale weed. He's the louder and more boisterous of the duo with his partner Akamaru who has a keen nose for weed as well. Kiba is also one of the few people who knows the identity of the infamous Panty Bandit.
Shino-One of the more intelligent and stoic members of the K12 who also peddles out weed along with Kiba. Also despite how much people try to coax emotion out of him he always talks in monotone. Also rumor has it, or mostly because Kiba states it that he might be the infamous Panty Bandit who is never dare when the Panty Bandit is in public sight.
Ino-The sexy and talkative blond is the heiress of the Yamanka clan. If anyone is to know about the latest gossip its her.
Chouji-The Large kid of the bunch and one of the physically strongest. Chouji is quite kind and intelligent, even a decent cook. Watch out because if you call him fat he literally squashes you.
Shikamaru-The most intelligent of the K12 and one of the true geniuses of Konoha Shikamaru is known for thinking ten steps ahead of his opponents. He's also quite lazy so why the hell is that attractive brunette from wine country dating him?
Tenten-The weapon happy weapons master of Konoha. Tenten is the first Konoha shinobi of history banned from handling explosives even at the price of failing a mission. So she blew up twenty houses, six factories, three museums, two restaurants, and a golf course. It was an accident. She also has deadly pinpoint accuracy and can pull weapons out of the mythical hammer space.
Neji-Another Stoic member of the K12 and secret pervert. Neji has a fetish for long haired black haired girls. He's also known to go into a murderous rage against anyone who damages his hair.
Lee- The must exuberant member and most energetic excluding Naruto. The heir to the philosophy of Youth and the most extreme. Their is few people who can defeat a drunk Rock Lee in battle.
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Story Start-The third of my twenty chapters to be rewritten. Be warned I may throw in original chapters or combine them in the future.
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A kagebunshin of Itachi was currently driving the van to Magic Mountain. Whether it was a good idea or not considering that Itachi was partly blind never crossed anyone's minds. Until from time to time he drove on the curve running over puppies and old ladies.
''It was a good thing Pein had a big ass Van in the parking garage,'' Kisame said as the group was almost to magic mountain. Pein the lightweight was still passed out. Once they got on the Highway and got off the next exit they would be there. Considering the fucked up lives the Akatsuki members had they never got to enjoy their childhood and what better time then the present.
''Tobi has an idea!'' He exclaimed with childish glee.
''Does it involve Tanks?'' Deidara dead panned as for the life of him he didn't understand Tobi's obsession with Tanks.
''Ok…Tobi has another idea…let's play Clowin'.''
''What the hell is clowning?'' Naruto asked his girlfriend/sex slave Konan.
''Basically throwing your Mama Insults back in forth.'' She replied as she turned her page in her 'Kama-Sutra: Now That's Just Too Much! You so Nasty!' Book and marked the current page with a sticky note.
''Ok Tobi picks out first pair! Kisame-Sempai and Kakuzu-Sempai are first!''
''You sure you up for this Kakuzu? Don't want to give you a heart attack.''
''Fuck you fish face! You're going down…and when you're in despair I'll rip out your heart and eat.''
''Hey man what the fuck!''
''Tobi says…beeeeeeeeegiiiiiiin.''
Kisame starts first.
'' Yo mama so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."
'' Yo mama so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.''
'' Yo mama so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!''
'' Yo mama so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.''
''Oh yeah well…Yo mama so bald you can see what's on her mind.''
''Best you got Bitch? Yo mama so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed.''
''TOBI! Now says we pick a winner.''
''Kisame.''
''Kakuzu!'' Konan answered only because she felt that bus joke was an ok one.
''Kisame.''
''Same.''
''Here too.''
''Kisame.''
''Kisame.''
''Kisame!
''Well Tobi knows a winner when he sees one…Kisame is the winner.''
''Oh fuck all of you,'' Kakuzu grumbled.
''Why don't you go next Tobi?'' Konan suggested.
''Oooh! Oooh! Tobi likes that…want to play Deidara-Sempai?''
''Sure squirt…you go first.'' Confident he would school Tobi.
''Ok…Yo mama so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.''
''Damn!''
''That's right!''
''Get'em Tobi!''
''Oh yeah well un, Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
''Boo!''
''Get out of the Van!''
''You suck!"'
'' Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.'' Damn such maliciousness from Tobi.
'' Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" And her father said "Yeah, let's go bury it."
''Uh-oh.''
''He's coming back.''
''On on Tobi you can still beat'em.''
'' Yo mama so stupid that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
'' Yo mama teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!''
'' Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower!'' Everyone was cracking up a few people were chatting Tobi's name. He went again, ''So Mama so fat even the Tank was like 'I ain't going near that big bitch! She might eat me!'' Everyone was dying after that one. Even Pein was laughing his ass of as he awoken halfway through the contest.
Deidara's cheek burned in embarrassment. ''Oh yeah well…Well Yo Mama is so fat she's like a cow, but instead of four stomachs she has four hearts. All gave out one after another by the strain of your fat ass mom.''
It suddenly got quiet…Even Pein was in shock.
Sniffle. Tobi's eyes started to water. ''WAAAAAAAH HAAAAAAH!'' He started wailing like a child.
''Deidara you insensitive son of a bitch!'' Konan yelled at him.
''What I do?'' He asked in confusion.
''Do not cool. Did you forget today is the anniversary of Tobi's mom death. She died from being over weight you ass-hole,'' Kisame responded.
''I can't believe you would forget that Deidara…I'm ashamed,'' Naruto said shaking his head.
''What the hell are you going on about? You just joined us yesterday.''
''Deidara! You owe Tobi an apology now!'' Konan ordered.
Zetsu just sat back as he watched the havoc unfold. Just three more hours until they reached Magic Mountain. Then he could get away from this insanity.