Hey everyone. I am back. Sorry about no update yesterday. My child snatched my flash drive and hid it on me! ARG! I finally found it this morning. So, for the wait, I gave you an extra long one tonight.
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! I hope you all have had a day filled with love and happiness.
This is not beta'd, so all mistakes are on me.
Stephanie Meyers owns all that is Twilight.
EPOV
Son-of-a-bitch! I can't keep my leg from bouncing, or my hands from pulling at my hair as we drive back to mom and dads house. It's been a half an hour since Peter called and told me that something was wrong with Bella.
"Get home now, it's Bella!" I hear Peter say through the phone.
"Whats wrong with Bella?" I ask.
"It's like she has gone catatonic. She won't look at anyone. Won't focus on anything, just staring straight ahead."
"When did it start?"
"We were about fifteen minutes from your mom and dads house. She was talking to me. She was apologizing for loosing control in there. Then she started to have problems breathing again, but I talked to her, and calmed her down. Then all of a sudden, nothing. It's like she powered down Edward. There is nothing there. She won't even respond for your mom."
"We just left the warehouse. We will be there in about forty-five minutes. Keep her warm. She may have gone into shock. Try and get her to lay down. You and mom keep talking to her. Try and get her to come out of it."
"We will. Just...hurry. I know I jumped in when we were at the warehouse, but, I think this is something that only you can fix."
"I swear to God son, if you don't calm the fuck down I am going to cut that damn leg off!" Dad yells at me.
The fuck! I just stare at him.
"You think I am not freaking out too? She's my daughter. I'm the one that let her come in there and take care of what she needed. I knew it was a bad idea, but I went ahead and let her to it anyway." Dad says, putting his head in his hands, letting out a defeated sigh.
"She needed to do that. Whether we think it was right or wrong, confronting him and screaming at him like she did, fuck dad, she needed that. That shit has been pent up and stewing since before she came into our lives. I can't..." I stop myself, because I feel the lump in my throat forming. "Fuck! I can't even imagine you or mom treating me the way that Charlie and Rene treated Bella. Then to hold it all in for years and years. I can't even begin to imagine what that can do to a body; physically or emotionally. Then to just purge it all out like that." I said, running my hand over my face. "I know what my body feels like after I do an interrogation, emotionally and physically. Now add on ten to twelve years of pent up anger, frustration and sadness."
"The really fucked up thing," Dad says, "is that I still want to go back to that warehouse and beat the shit out of him some more."
"After how we left him, I think shit is all that is left!" I reply.
"I just...I keep kicking myself wondering why your mother and I let Bella keep going home. If I had just..."
"Don't!" I tell him. "Don't do that. You and I both know the things that Bella is capable of keeping to herself. And that was before she got all stealth from observing us after she learned our business."
"Yeah." Is all he says, though I know that he is still beating himself up over the things that we heard tonight.
I look up and see that we are finally pulling into our drive. Dad and I both jump out, not waiting for Eleazar or the driver, and rush into the house. As we push the door open, neither one of us were prepared for what we were walking into.
"Son-of-a-bitch Peter, where the hell did she run off to?" I hear mom yell. I see the staff running around the top floor looking in doors, yelling out Bella's name.
"I am covering the east corner of the garden." I hear Sam say over the house speaker.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?" Dad yells. Fuck! That was loud. I think my ear drum is broken.
Out of no where, mom skids to a stop in front of us. "Oh thank God you two are here. We had Bella laying down, covered up like you suggested Edward. Then all of a sudden, she jumps up from the couch screaming 'no, no, no' and took off running. She ran up stairs, and Peter and I took off after her. She locked herself in her room. You those door are oak doors, no one is getting through them. So when Peter couldn't break it down, he took out his gun and shot the lock off. When we got in there she wasn't in there, and the window was open." Mom said, bending at the waist, trying to catch her breath after having said all of that is almost one breath.
"I know where she is." I say, taking off running through the living room, dining room, and out the back door. As I make my way down the porch I hear, "Damn it Edward! Wait a minute!"
I turn to see Dad and mom running towards me. "Just wait for us to catch up to you!" He says to me.
"No. Just...I need you to stay here. This is our place. We would go there when she had a particularly bad day with Charlie or just a bad day in general. Just the two of us." I say to them. Looking at their faces they are not happy. "Look, just give me some time. Let me take care of this, then I will bring her into see you guys as soon as I calm her down." I say. Not giving them time to reply, I turn around and run down through the now winterized rose garden and through the back gate. Thank fuck I am wearing my trainers and sweat pants, so I don't have to deal with a constricting suit.
I continue my run down the path that leads into the wooded area. Making the twists and turns that I haven't made since I was a teenager, I feel my heart pounding. Please let my instinct be right, please let her be here, I pray as I make my last turn and the trees part and our meadow comes into view. This is the one thing I love about where we live, while I love the city, I love the fact that we live in a more secluded area outside of the city.
My eyes scan our meadow, looking , searching. Finally, my eyes land on her. She is huddled into one of the corners, trying to make herself as small as possible, but I know her. "I can see you!" I yell out. A risky move, I know, but I know that she isn't going to run.
She doesn't look up at me, she just sit there, putting her hands behind her head, tucking it in between her knees that she has pulled up to her chest. I hear her mumble something, but I can't understand her. "I can't hear what you said." I say, walking over to her.
Once I am next to her, I sit down, pulling my knees up, resting my elbows on them. "I asked, how did you know where I was?"
"Seriously?" I ask, looking at her. "When I heard Peter shot the lock off the door to your room and you weren't there and the window was open, I knew you would be here." I say, moving closer to her, pulling her into my lap and winding my arms around her. "This is our spot."
"Peter shot the lock off the door?"
I throw my head back and laugh, and she joins me. It is the first time all night that I have a sense of calm wash over me. When our laughter dies down, I run my fingers through her hair. "Talk to me Bella."
"I pulled a gun Edward." She whispers to me. "I pulled a fucking gun with every intent to kill him."
"Yes you did. I can safely say that you shocked all of us when you did that."
"It was like I...I snapped. It wasn't me in my body anymore. I felt like I was standing on the sidelines with you watching my body pull a gun on him, and fire it at him." She says, taking a shaky breath in. "I couldn't control myself, and it scared me when I started to actually thinking about it. What would have happened if I had shot him Edward?"
Oh shit! How the fuck am I going to answer this? I lift her up so that she is straddling my lap. I take my hand and tilt her chin back so that she is looking at me. "I am going to tell you something, and I need you to be OK with it." She just nods her head. "We would have taken care of it. It would have been on us, not you. As far as anyone in that room knows, you and Peter were never there, should anyone find out. Charlie wasn't on the police force anymore, he hadn't been for some time. So, it isn't going to raise any flags if he suddenly doesn't show up anywhere anymore."
She stares back into my eyes. "He isn't going to show up anywhere, ever, is he?" I shake my head at her. She lets out a breath, her shoulders relax, the crease that was in her forehead disappears, and she lets out a small whimper, followed by tears. "Why...why am I happy? Relieved?"
"Because he was a monster to you Bella. No one, especially a little girl, should never have to live with the fear and worry that you did growing up. So fucking what if he all of a sudden had this huge epiphany and wanted to try and make things right with you. The bottom line. He. Fucked. Up. When it mattered the most, he wasn't there. I for one am happy with what you did and how you are reacting. Do you know how fucking proud I was of you in that room. Fuck baby! You finally let out all that you have been holding and keeping from me, from the family all of these years. You had to get it out. Now, you can move on. We can move on with nothing from the past holding us back. We can become husband and wife. We can become a mother and father, and you won't have all of that bullshit from the past fucking with your head. You're free baby. He has no hold over you anymore." I tell her, while wiping away her tears.
"So if you want to cry, cry. If you want to scream some more, scream. If you want to do a fucking jig, dance away baby!" I say, making her laugh. "Ecco il mio sorriso." [There's my smile.] I say, tracing her lips with my thumb. I lean forward and pressing my lips to her's. I pull her as close to me as I can get her. I just need to feel her, hold her, ground her.
"I love you so much Edward Anthony Cullen." She whispers against my lips.
"I love you too future Mrs. Isabella Marie Cullen." I whisper back against hers.
"You still want to marry my crazy, gun pulling ass?" She asks, with a smirk.
"Baby, you don't know how hot you looked pulling that gun!" I say, grabbing a handful of her ass. "Seriously, your form! Così fottutamente perfetta, e oh così cazzo di caldo!" [So fucking perfect, and oh so fucking hot!]
"Dad made me learn how to use one after you left for college. He said everyone in the family knew how to use one, even mom." I nod to her. She looks down, biting her lip. "You still want to have children with me?" She asks.
"Of course I do." I quickly reply.
"Your not worried about...about me being like Rene, or Charlie?"
"Fuck no!" I tell her. "Number one, you are the most loving, caring, sweetest person I know. Look at how you are with Lily. And number two, you have so many people around you that there is no way possible that would ever happen. One of us would catch you before you fall." I tell her.
"I know that, I just..." She points to her head, "sometimes things get jumbled and I keep thinking like that scared little girl who never ever saw herself as lovable, and certainly never wanted to have a family. But, then you happened. The Cullen's happened, and my whole view of everything changed."
"Baby, I can't wait to see you carrying our child. The day you tell me that you are, that will be one of the happiest days of my life."
"One of them?"
"Yes. I have had a few take place already."
"When?"
"The day I told you I loved you. I mean, you were in the hospital, but, still. When you told me you loved me back, oh baby! Io ero al settimo cielo." [I was over the moon.] Then the first time we made love. The day you said that you would be my wife."
"They all involve me."
"Yes. Bella, without you, I am just a shell of a man. Before your love, I was simply walking through life. I was content. I had my work, my family, my friends. I loved them all, but I didn't have you the way that I wanted you."
"Mi hai fatto meglio di una persona Edward." [You made me a better person Edward.] She tells me, before she leans in and kisses me. It isn't rushed, it isn't frantic. It's soft, and smooth, gently and relaxed. For the first time, in what seems like ages, we are simply enjoying together. As we pull apart a small white flake lands on her nose. We both look up to the sky and then around us, it's snowing. "The first snow of the year." She says.
I smile, remembering back to when she was missing and I prayed like hell that I would have her back in my arms for the holidays. She leans over and pulls out a blanket from where she was sitting. "Came prepared?" I ask her, laughing.
"I knew it was going to get cold." She shrugs, pulling the blanket around us.
"Hold on a minute." I tell her, digging out my iPhone. I scroll through my play list until I find what I am looking for. I push her off of me to stand up, then pull her up to me. I hit play, pushing the phone back into the breast pocket of my t-shirt, then pull the blanket around us, pulling her close to me. As the songs begins to play, I begin to sway with her. As the snow falls around us.
I'm not a perfect person
As the first lyrics sing out, and she smiles. "You are turning cheese on my mafia man!" She giggles.
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
"I prefer romantic! Look! I even ordered snow for you!" She giggles.
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
She lets out a soft sigh, "You are my everything." She whispers into my chest.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I tightened the hold on the blanket as the snow really begins to fall. The feel of her molding to me, us being our meadow, the one place we would escape to, the one place where we could be us...Edward and Bella. She is my reason.
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You
and the reason is You [x3]
"Tu mi dai la forza di essere l'uomo migliore che posso essere. L'uomo Voglio che essere orgogliosi, di essere onorato per chiamare il marito. È la mia ragazza tesoro, sono la mia ragione. Ti amo, più di parole che ogni trasmettere." [You give me the strength to be the best man that I can be. The man I want you to be proud of, to be honored to call your husband. You my darling girl, are my reason. I love you, more than words will every convey. ]
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
Through her tears, she looked up at me and smiled. "You Edward, are my reason for pushing forward, for making myself a better person that the examples that I had. You made me want to love again." With those words, our lips meet, and it is just the sweet sounds of our kisses twined together with the rest of the song.
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
BPOV
The song ended a few minutes ago, but we are still swaying together, kissing each other. I'm home. Edward is my home. When I am with him, my past doesn't matter, only our future together.
While still moving to the silence around us, I can't hold back the shiver that runs up my spine. "Come on baby, lets get back. We are both going to catch a cold out here." Edward says, pulling back, tucking me into him. We start to make out way back to the trail back to the house. "I am surprised mom and dad haven't sent out every guard we employ yet!" He says with a laugh.
As we are walking, I step on a stupid rock, "Ow, damn it!" I hiss out.
"Seriously, you're only wearing slippers?"
"Hey, I had on heeled boots on, there was no way I was going to climb down the damn tree in boots!"
"Good God!" He says, rolling his eyes. He stops, draping the blanket over my shoulders. Then, before I have time to blink he takes my arm and hoists me up onto him back. "Hold on spider monkey!" He says, as he starts on the trail back home.
"Edward put me down, I can walk just fine."
"I am sure you can. But, you have slippers on. It'll take forever for you to pussy foot around all the rocks and sticks." He laughs at me.
I smile, remembering that he used to do this all the time when we were younger too. I tuck my head into his neck, and breath him in, while enjoying the ride back home.
After a few moments we are making our way up the back porch. The minute Edward opens the door and sets me down on my feet, mom is slamming her body into mine. "I swear to God Isabella Marie! I just...I can't..." She lets out a deep sigh. "Are you OK now?" She asks me.
"Yes. I'm sorry. I just...ahh...it was a lot to process and I had to shut down for a while. I'm sorry mom." I tell her, hugging her back.
"Jesus-fucking-Christ Bella!" I hear. I look over mom's shoulder and see Peter standing there with his hands on his hips. "You gotta stop with the...fuck! Just stop scaring me to death! I am too young for the damn wrinkles that I'm gonna to have from tonight!" He says, as I walk over to him.
I giggle as I wrap my arms around him, hugging him tight. "I promise you a spa day for everything I put you through." I tell him. "Thank you for being there for me when I...I snapped." I whispered to him.
"You're Grace to my Will. I always got you, and you always got me." He told me, kissing the top of my head.
"If you don't need me for anything else, I am going to get going. Erik's waiting for me." He announced to everyone.
"Let the driver take you man." Edwards tells him, coming over and tucking me into his side.
Peter nods, walking over to give mom a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
"Thanks for everything man." Edward says to him, as they slap hands and fist bump. "I got a sit down tomorrow afternoon. But, I need you to stop by the office before hand. Say around eleven?"
"No problem. Who is gonna to be on Bells while I'm with you?"
"She's going to be here with mom and dad. You can come to her after we meet."
Peter nods, leaning in to give me a swift kiss on the cheek before he walks out.
I take a deep breath, "Where is dad at?" I ask mom.
"He is up taking a shower, he should be out by now."
I look up to Edward, "I need to go and talk to him." He begins to pull me towards the stairs, but I stop him. "No baby, I need to go alone. I need to talk with him."
He nods, kissing my forehead before he joins mom in the kitchen. I slowly make my way up the stairs and down the west hallway that leads to mom and dads master bedroom. I knock on the door. "Come in." I hear dad say.
I slowly push the door open, he is sitting on the loveseat, watching TV. I just stand in the door way for a minute. He looks up at me and smiles, patting the seat next to him. I make my way over and sit down. He take my hand in his and traces patterns on it, something that Edward does when he is nervous. "So, I see that the gun lessons that I had you take stuck with you." He says, and we both start laughing.
"I can't believe I did that." I say softly, once our laughter dies down.
"It was a long time coming sweetheart. You had a lot built up inside of you. I am just glad it all came tumbling down when I was there to help you, guide you, keep you safe."
My lip begins to quiver, "But, what if Peter hadn't been able to talk me down?"
"Nothing. The world would still be one less asshole, deadbeat father. I would have preferred it be me that did it, but nothing would have happened to you."
"I just can't believe that I lost control like that. It was like I wasn't in my body anymore. It scared me."
He pulls me closer to him, and I Iean my head in the crook of his arm and chest. "Baby, I am not going to lie to you, I really had no idea what you lived through. You were always such a shy, self contained little girl. You kept everything to yourself, hell, you still do." He lets out a sigh. "Hearing you tonight, what he did to you, what you had to endure. I can't..." He stops as he chokes up. I move so that I am kneeling next to him, looking him in the eyes. Seeing his tears triggers my tears. "I can't believe that I let you go back to that house every night. I should never have given him the chance to try and be a better man. I. Should. Have. Stopped. It." He say, taking in a shaky breath. "For that, I can't forgive myself."
"Oh daddy, no!" I say, throwing my arms around his neck. We both sit there, holding each other, crying with each other. After a little while I feel my sobs subside, and I pull back to look at him. "You have to know, that no matter what, you saved me. You, mom, Edward...you gave me something to fight for, to fight through. Everyday I would wake up and think, I get to have dinner with the Cullens tonight, or Carlisle is taking Edward and I to see a movie today. Or I get to go shopping with Esme this afternoon. At ten years old I had all but given up on ever being loved. On ever thinking I could be happy. But then, these mean little boys pushed me off the swings and I got wood chips stuck in my palms, and this sweet, kind, handsome little boy came over and rescued me. He took me home to meet the most amazing parents ever. From that day on, I woke up with a sense of hope finally. You did that. Mom did that. Edward did that." I tell him.
"When I finally let you see, really let you see what he did to me, you took me out of that house. You gave me shelter, love, acceptance. You gave me a future. A future that now has more love that I know what to do with. Please dad, don't blame yourself. After tonight, it is done, it's over as far as I am concerned."
"Tesoro [Sweetheart], I should be comforting you." He says.
"You have, for many, many years. Now it's my turn to comfort you." I say, hugging him.
"You my sweet girl are so amazing, and so strong. Thank you, for accepting us, for letting us finally help you." He says, kissing my forehead.
"You're stuck with me now...forever." I say, laughing, trying to lighten the mood a little.
"Good! Sometime I think you and I are the only sane ones in this family."
After a few minutes, I pull back and lay down on the rest of the love seat, laying my head on his lap like I used to when I first moved in. I feel him run his hands through my hair, just like he used to when he was calming me down when I was scared. He is flicking through the channels, I don't know when I drift off, but I suddenly feel so relaxed as the dark engulfs me.
Was it worth the wait? I really hope you all like it. The last bit between Carlisle and Bella was really difficult to get out for some reason. Anywho, next up is Thanksgiving...we got a bomb that is being dropped on everyone. Any guesses? See you tomorrow or Saturday.